Lauren: *waves* Hullo, luv! ;- )
Emma: Heeellllooo, beautiful! Just digging through the archives. :)
Mike: Still?
Lauren: Aw, don't look so down Mike ;- )
Emma: You're still annoyed about En merging you with Peter, aren't you?
Peter: I think it's groovy!
*Micky cackles evily.*
Mike: You would.
Lauren: *gives Micky a look* You still aren't completely cured of being evil, are you?
Emma: Ooooh, she read the "Davy's Secret" fics!
Lauren: *rubs hands together greedily* I just finished San Francisco Nights. *grins*
Davy: Secret?
Mike: Yeah, you and Mick are witches, I'm a witch lawyer, and Pete's a medium.
Peter: Medium what?
Mike: You can see the dead.
Micky: *laughs* I see the dead every morning when Mike gets out of bed.
Emma: Well, Mike, it does make sense, you being a Witchmaster. You DID save Peter from Zero.
Mike: Hey! At least I get out of bed sometime before noon! (Smacks Micky on the back of the head)
Micky: Ow! Hey, I need my beauty sleep!
Davy: You'd need to sleep a lot longer than noon to be beautiful, Mick! *Micky pouts.*
Emma: Some of us don't agree with that, Dave.
Lauren: Oh c'mon, Mick, I think you're beautiful! *smacks Davy in the back of his head*
Davy: Ow!
Emma: Ok, guys, no roughhousing. The entire Library will be able to hear you!
Lauren: Shh. We gotta keep it down to a dull roar.
Mike: Library? I feel like we're in the world's biggest girls' dormitory!
Davy: Yeah, isn't it groovy?
Micky: *gets wide eyed* Girls' dormitory? Where?
Emma: (Reading messages) You're standing in it.
Lauren: Oh no you don't, Micky! *chases him around the room*
Mike: (Sighs) Not again.
Lauren: *yelling* I'm gonna get you for that remark & it won't be pleasant!
Emma: (Shrugs) As long as they're not blowing up Coke machines.
Mike: Don't encourage them.
Micky: *giggles* Ooooh, you wanna roughhouse! *vaults over the couch*
Emma: Mick, enough! You'll shake the whole library!
Lauren: *calling over her shoulder* Would you prefer I take out my anger on a Pepsi machine?
Emma: That's up to you.
Mike: What if someone has a Mountain Dew fixation?
Lauren: Nah, I'll take it out on Curly if I can catch him!
Micky: Yeah! I love Mountain Dew!
Davy: Well, could you take the chase to another room, luvs? We're still reading here.
Mike: Davy, I wouldn't tell them that.
*Micky and Lauren pause mid-run.*
Lauren: You want us to tiptoe?
Mike: That would be nice.
Emma: You'll wake up the Pokemon.
Micky: Or we could just find another room. *waggles his eyebrows*
Lauren: We did that last time. Remember, you had to clean up the mess. *winks at him*
Emma: Hey, why don't you come down and read some nice, quiet fanfics with us?
Mike: Yeah, Emma's reading this "Secrets and Lies" series.
Lauren: Ooooooh, I wanna read "Controlling the Wind"!
Mike: Good idea. Why don't you get him to settle down while you're at it?
Davy: (Shivers) I wonder who this "Mistress" lady is? She certainly seems to have it in for us!
Peter: Mistress of what?
Micky: And she's got it bad. *looks around cautiously*
Mike: She's apparently the "Secret and Lies" series' equivalent of the head bad guy. She tells all the other bad people what to do. (Raises his eyebrows) And she really doesn't like Davy.
Micky: *smirks* Poor Dave.
Davy: Now, who could not like a charming, handsome lit'le fellow like me? Besides Micky, I mean.
Micky: Hey?! It ain't that I don't like you, man, you're just...umm...
Davy: Charming, sweet, and popular with all the girls?
Lauren: You're jealous, Mick.
Micky: No.
Mike: Egotistical, vain, and spoiled rotten.
Davy: Eh, that's not entirely true!
Micky: Can I second what Mike said?
Davy: 'EY!!!
Mike: (Cringes at 'Dirty Little Secrets') Man, what IS it with this Mistress chick?
Peter: I don't get it. What did we ever do to her?
Lauren: I don't know, but she's making me really nervous.
Peter: (Turns two shades of pale) Do you think she'd ever really hurt one of us?
Mike: Besides Davy, offhand, I'd say yes.
Micky: I kinda doubt it, Big Peter. Besides, I'll protect you! *glares at Mike; Lauren stifles her laugh with her hand*
Emma: (Quietly, without taking her eyes off the screen) Guys, I think I have a good idea of who the Mistress might be. Lauren, too. Mind you, it's just a guess. (Stands at a board covered with large pictures, while Lauren and the guys, dressed in millitary gear, stand at the ready.) Now, men and ladies, these are pictures of every major female villian who ever appeared on your show. This does not count the fanfics and 800 alternate universes out there.
*Micky raises his hand. Lauren pulls his arm down.*
Emma: (Points to her first one, Madame from "Spy Who Came In from the Cool," with a pointer) I think we can safely eliminate Madame Orinsky. Revenge does not seem to fit the cool Russian style, and...yes, Private Dolenz?
Micky: Private, do we get handouts of these pictures?
Lauren: Micky!
Emma: Thank you, Corporal Miller. No, Private Dolenz, handouts will NOT be necessary.
Micky: How come she's a higher rank than me? *jabs his thumb at Lauren* I was in charge last time!
Mike: 'Cause she's superior.
Emma: (Grins) Thank you, Corporal Nesmith. It's a wonder they kicked you out of the Air Force.
Lauren: Pardon me. *disappears out of the room, then returns with a gag & some rope* One moment... *ties up Micky to his chair* You may continue. *smiles*
Emma: Ahem, as I was saying, revenge does not seem to fit the cool Russian style, and I suspect that the Chinese very likely made short work of her. (Mike blushes and grumbles curses as Emma goes on) Thank you, both of you. (Points to the second picture - Maria the Gypsy and her boys) We can also safely eliminate Maria and her brood. As far as I can recall, they were sent to jail, and such revenge schemes don't seem to fit the passionate Latin blood.
Peter: (Shivers at the mention of Maria) I sure hope so. I don't feel like being the one who gets kidnapped again!
*Micky mumbles something into his gag.*
Lauren: Shhh!
Emma: (Smiles reassuringly) We'll make sure that you don't, Corporal Thorkelson. (Continues, points at another picture - Lorelei from "Monkee Monster Mash") I think we can quite safely eliminate Lorelei as well. Such schemes, while outlandish, do not smack of the occult, and I seem to remember the four of you gentlemen sent her back a 1,000 years, or something. (Points to the next picture - the medium from "Monkee See, Monkee Die") Now, I don't recall this woman's name at the moment, but I do remember that she was of little consequence, (points to the next picture - Bessie Kowawski), nor was Ms. Kowawski.
*Lauren goes online to find her name.*
Emma: Both were sent to jail quickly and neatly for their crimes, and as I recall, Ms. Kowawski even vowed to reform. (Nods at Davy's raised hand.) Yes, Royal Army Private Jones?
Davy: Is this going somewhere, luv?
Emma: Yes, Private, it is going somewhere. I'm just eliminating suspects. (Clears her throat and turns to the next two pictures - Madame Quaglemyer from "Monkees A La Mode" and Mrs. Badderly from "Too Many Girls") This leaves us with two final, and far more likely, suspects for the mysterious "Mistress."
*Lauren returns with a note reading "Madame Roselle" which she hands to Emma before taking her seat.*
Emma: (Reads note and hands it to Lauren) (Whisper) Thanks, Lauren! (Louder, to the assembled group - quite a few Pokemon have joined as well) Corporal Miller has informed me that the sham medium was, indeed, a Madame Roselle.
*Lauren smiles proudly, then sticks her tongue out at Private Dolenz.*
Mike: (Rolls his eyes) Yeah, she was a sham, all right. She wrote things on her palm, read the future from a snow globe, and somehow managed to channel the Ghost of Christmas Past.
Peter: I wanted to ask her to channel the Ghosts of Christmas Present and Future!
Emma: I will allow Corporal Miller to continue to explain our reasoning for these final two choices (glares at Lauren, who is fondling the still-bound Micky) if she can leave Private Dolenz's side for a few minutes.
Lauren: Huh? I was, uh...checkling to make sure the ropes were still in place. *blushes*
Mike: Sure.
Peter: (Pulls at the ropes) I'll keep a good eye on him, Captain!
Emma: (Grins) See that you do, Corporal Thorkelson. (Nods at Lauren) You're up, Corporal Miller! (Settles between Mike and Peter, leaning noticable against the former)
Mike: Ok, Lauren...uh, Corporal. So, why would one of these two ladies have it in for us?
Lauren: *still red from being caught* Umm... *clears her throat* Okay, first we have Madame Quagmeyer. Let's see... *shuffles through her note cards*
Micky: *loosens his gag* She made us dress funny!
Lauren: *glares at him* And you fought with a stuffed tiger.
Emma: (Sticks Micky's gag back on) All of you made her lose her posistion at Chic magazine, as I recall.
Mike: And she and that dopey Rob Roy Fingerhead cost US a few good friends and a lot of pride.
Lauren: *mouthing* Rob Roy Fingerhead? (Continues) You four gentlemen helped show Quag's true colors, and that she was falsifying the article and others too, I'm sure.
Davy: She couldn't have been happy to lose her position to someone not much older than us, and far less experienced than herself.
Lauren: She deserved it. And Quag deserved what she got. *grins*
Mike: Yeah, Toby did deserve the position, even if it did turn her into something of a bitch.
Emma: Corporal, watch your language.
Lauren: True. It's like the attitude comes with the position.
Emma: Quag probably knows many people in Malibu Beach and elsewhere who would be willing to carry out...favors...for her. And she does have pull with Rob Roy.
Lauren: Then again, her deal with Rob Roy kinda fell through when he kidnapped Dave.
Davy: (Shudders) Don't mention that. I'm going to have nightmares for weeks!
Lauren: *offers a sympathetic look* Sorry, Davy.
Emma: She has an air of sophistication about her, she's a snob, and she would probably own a riding crop.
Mike: Yeah, I can see her now, ridin' her high horse and givin' orders like a queen in an ugly hat.
*Micky's eyes widen. Lauren kicks his shin.*
Emma: (Hands Lauren the pointer) And now, the final and most possible subject...
Lauren: Mrs. Badderly, otherwise known as Fern's mother.
Peter: She tried to break us up!
Lauren: And the woman who tried to break up The Monkees. (Smiles) Thanks, Pete.
Peter: (City-lighting smile) You're welcome!
Mike: Tea-reading, my foot! That woman was just plain eeeevil!
Davy: Don't forget, she made us listen to Micky's Cagney impersonation several times.
Emma: I happen to like Private Dolenz's Cagney impression. ;)
*Micky growls through his gag at Davy*
Lauren: *leans on Micky* I love your Cagney. ;-)
Mike: Yeah, she wasn't thrilled when we more or less humiliated her and her daughter on live television, but if she wanted Davy to sing with Fern so badly, she could have just asked him.
Lauren: Would've made things simpler.
Davy: The woman is completely and totally crackers!
Lauren: We figured that out, Dave.
*Micky nods wildly in agreement.*
Emma: I eliminate Fern, unless her mother is still controlling her.
Davy: I talked to Fern before the Amateur Hour, and she seemed like a nice girl, if scared to death of her mum.
Lauren: I'll agree with that. Fern isn't the type. Her mother, however...
Emma:...is, as Private Jones put it, crackers. Simply crackers. She will do ANYTHING for her daugher.
Mike: And that would include taking revenge on her daughter's humiliators.
Peter: *gulps* And that's us.
Emma: (Nods) I'm afraid so, Corporal Thorkelson.
Micky: *nods again*
Lauren: *raises an eyebrow at him*
Mike: But where would she meet people like Ellen Farnsby and Rob Roy?
Emma: Through others, or her tea room.
Lauren: Or both.
Emma: Corporal Nesmith, as you pointed out, Miss Farnsby was very poor. She'd do it for the money, or to promote her career.
Lauren: Since I'm kind of doubting she'd get an acting job.
Emma: She had April Conquest brain washed, rinsed, and dried.
Davy: Shame about April. She seemed like a nice girl.
Micky: *nods again*
Lauren: April reminded me of someone...
Mike: Yeah, me too.
*Micky leans his head onto Lauren's shoulder. Lauren: *tries to ignore him*
Emma: Miss Conquest was, unfortunately, an innocent victim of circumstance. This "Mistress" has the power to seduce otherwise innocent people into doing what she wishes of them.
Mike: The way Mrs. Badderly did with her daughter.
Lauren: Exactly.
Davy: What about Shah-Ku, or Black Bart?
Lauren: Those two were just their own wackos.
Emma: I don't believe all of your adventures were the direct result of her insatiable desire for revenge.
Mike: Em, where the heck do you pick up all those big words like "insatiable?"
Lauren: Don't ask.
Emma: (Grins) You'd be surprised what a girl learns reading mysteries for ten years. (Sighs and continues) I'm afraid I agree with Corporal Miller. Shah-Ku and Black Bart were merely two enterprising villains out for their own gain, with no ties to Mistress or her organization.
Micky: *leans his head on Lauren's shoulder. Lauren shrugs him off again.*
Davy: How about Frankie Catalina?
Lauren: Not likely.
Emma: (Shakes her head) Merely an egotistical movie star. The people who attacked Millie Rudnick were also unconnected to "The Mistress."
Mike: I figured that. They were just small-time hoods.
Lauren: *gives Micky a sympathetic look* Same with The Tanks.
*Micky groans into the gag and slumps a little.*
Emma: (Nods) I'm afraid that was the result of Private Dolenz's attempts at blowing off steam.
Davy: Don't feel bad, mate. My "blowing off steam" crossed us with the Mistress AND almost got me killed.
*Micky mumbles into the gag again.*
Emma: Corporal Miller, you may untie Private Dolenz, if he promises to behave.
Lauren: I kinda like him like this.
Mike: Yeah, before Lauren's drooling ruins the carpet.
Lauren: Actually, I think he's been trying to get my attention. *removes his gag*
Peter: Is that why the floor's wet?
Davy: (Picks up his feet) Eeewww!
Micky: *lets out his breath in a whoosh* It's about time, man! *runs to the bathroom*
Lauren: Oops.
Emma: Oh, dear. (Guys burst out laughing.) I guess I should have asked. (Salutes, and hits her head too hard.) Ow. Dismissed, men and women!
Lauren: Clean up, aisle two!
Emma: Squirtle and Tododile, clean that mess up!
(Squirtle, a blue turtle with large eyes, and Tododile, a very excitable pale-blue crocodile, squirt water onto the carpet.)
Lauren: If I'd known he'd make a mess...
Emma: That was my fault. I should have given everyone a bathroom break.
Lauren: I shouldn't have let him finish my Coke.
Mike: Don't mind him. He isn't housebroken.
Peter: He sure broke the house running for the bathroom!
Davy: (as Micky trudges back from the bathroom, grumbling) Good, my turn! (Runs into the bathroom)
Mike: Great, he'll spend the rest of the night primpin'.
Lauren: It's an epidemic. *sighs*
Micky: Dave, be careful in there! *grins evilly*
Lauren: *shakes her head* I'm not even gonna ask, Mick.
Mike: No, he just has a very serious disease called "I-must-look-at-my-gorgeous-self-itis."
Davy: (From the bathroom) I 'eard that!
Emma: So, to put it in general, we think Old Lady Badderly is after you guys big-time.
Peter: I knew I didn't like that lady. She wasn't nice to her daughter.
Lauren: I'd place a good amount of money on that, with or without Magic Fingers *looks at Micky*
(Charms crawls into Peter's lap, and Laverne the Vulpix claims Micky's.)
Mike: Hey, Micky, seems Lauren has some competition.
Peter: Aw, what a cute kitty-cat!
Lauren: *glares at the cat* Hey, that's my...urm...nevermind. *blushes*
Emma: (Takes Shirley the Eevee) Her name is Charms. Vernie's a fox. Shirley's an Eevee pup, aren't you, baby?
Micky: *pets Laverne* Aw, she's adorable!
(Laverne licks Micky on the cheek and looks into his eyes.)
Emma: Vernie, don't practice your Confusion Ray on him. He's confused enough.
Lauren: I'm being replaced by a Vulpix! *grumps*
Mike: Confusion Ray? And why is a duck running in circles around my leg?
Emma: Ducky, leave Mike alone.
Micky: Uhhhhh...
Emma: (Shrugs) Don't mind Ducky. Psyducks tend to be a bit on the dopey side.
Lauren: As long as it isn't the AFLAC duck. *rolls her eyes*
Mike: A bit? The thing is holding the side of its head and is making the most god-awful noise!
Emma: Uh oh! (Grabs Ducky and takes him into the next room) Sorry, fellows, but Ducky's powers ignite when he gets really bad headaches, and you DON'T want to be around when his powers ignite.
Lauren: We keep Mick around. (Micky sticks his tongue out at Lauren.)
Peter: (Still stroking Charms, who is purring contentedly) Powers? Can Ducky make things move with his mind, too?
Emma: No, he's psychic, and he's been known to blow out walls the size of China when he has migranes.
Lauren: Kinda like him. *jabs thumb at Micky*
Emma: Mick, watch where you rub Vernie. She can blow a wall of flame that can stretch clear across the Library.
Micky: I don't blow things up when I have migranes!
Lauren: You'd better watch where you rub her! Same goes for you, Vernie!
Mike: No, only when you have small headaches. When you have migranes, you turn yourself into large animals.
Peter: We're still cleaning up from the time you thought it would be funny to turn Mike into a rabbit.
Mike: I had to hide in the house for a week because I looked like Bugs Bunny in a wool hat! We had to cancel two gigs because of that little gag!
Micky: *laughs* Aw, c'mon, Mike! *puts on a Bugs imitation* Ehh, what's up, Doc?
Mike: Yeah, well, you didn't spend the summer craving carrots and getting nervous whenever you saw hunters on TV.
Peter: Micky once turned himself into a lion! I wish I could have kept him! He was a great pet.
Mike: He shed all over our room.
Lauren: A lion, huh? So does this mean I'm technically a lion tamer?
Micky: (Puts Vernie down and flings himself into Lauren's arms) I'm ready and willing to be tamed, baby! (Mike rolls his eyes as Micky growls and licks Lauren's face)
Lauren: *laughs* 'Bout time you put Vernie down!
Peter: Hey, guys, where's Davy?
Emma: (Frowns) It doesn't take anyone that long to use the bathroom, including him.
Micky: *stops licking and grins* I tried to warn him.
Emma: I hope he's ok.
Peter: Why wouldn't he be?
Lauren: Mick, what's in there?
Micky: *shrugs* I said I had to use the bathroom.
Emma: You guys have more enemies of both sexes than I have stuffed animals.
Mike: Can we help it if we have really bad luck?
Emma: Some bad luck! Spies, gypsies, monsters, mad scientists, angry fathers, motorcycle gangs, magicians, hypnotists, two alien invasions...
Mike: TWO?
Lauren: And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Peter: Oh, yeah, you were having your tonsils out the time Micky was cloned.
Mike: There's two of him running around? (Juts a finger at Micky) God help us all.
Micky: Except his feet were backwards.
Emma: Micky, can I see you for a minute? (Checks Micky all over) Good, your feet are on right.
Micky: Care to check anything else?
Lauren: MICKY!!!
Mike: (Peter gets up and inspects his friend) Peter, what ARE you doing?
Peter: I'm making sure you're human. After all, you might be another alien clone. You did sound funny after you came back from the hospital.
Mike: I had my tonsils out! Of COURSE I sounded funny!
Lauren: Petah, Petah, Petah. Sorry, it just comes out accented for some reason.
Emma: (Grins) I'll check that.
Lauren: Yeah, don't take Emma's job away, Pete. ;-)
Mike: Guys, I'm getting worried about Davy. He HAS been in there a while.
Micky: I told you guys I warned him. *smirks*
Emma: (She and Mike turn bright red) LAUREN!!!
Peter: Someone ought to go in after him.
*Lauren hides behind Micky. Micky whistles and looks everywhere except at anyone else.*
Emma: (All five and the Pokemon appear dressed as "Survivor" contestants) We must vote for someone to go and find our friend Davy Jones.
Lauren: I vote for Micky!
Micky: Me? I vote for you!
Mike: I vote for Mick, too. If he hadn't taken so long, Davy wouldn't have needed to go in there.
Emma: Sorry, Mick, but I agree with Mike. You do keep saying something's in there.
Micky: Aw, c'mon! I warned him...
Lauren: Why did you warn him? What's in there?
*Micky tries to sneak away*
Mike: (Groans as the scene returns to the girls' pad in the Library and grabs Micky) Oh no, Mr. Dolenz, he's YOUR best friend, and YOU are going after him.
Peter: (Shivers) Guys, I have a really weird feeling about this.
Micky: *whining* But Miiiiike...
Mike: No "but Mike." (Shoves him) Go!
Peter: We're all behind you, Micky!
*Micky staggers toward the bathroom and sticks his tongue out at everyone.*
Emma: Yeah. (Steps to the other side of the room with Lauren and Peter.) Waaaaaaaayyyyy behind you!
Micky: Thanks heaps, guys. *moves to the doorway* Is it too late to apologize?
Peter: Aw, Mike, he wants to apologize. (Steps up) I'll go with him. I'm ready.
Emma: (Dressed as Obi-Wan Kenobi) Are you ready to accept your final challenge, Mickan Solo and Peter Thorkelwalker?
Micky: Oh, brother. (Rolls his eyes)
Peter: Yes, oh master. We will rescue Princess Davita from...whatever's in there!
Lauren: May the Force be with you! *snickers*
Emma: (Pushes the guys toward the door) Now, go, before we start doing "The Matrix!"
Micky: Wait, I think we oughtta get some galoshes first!
Lauren: What do you mean?
Emma: Galoshes?
Micky: *looks at the floor* I hope Dave took to the high ground in there.
Emma: Mickster, you didn't...
Mike: (Narrows his eyes) Didn't WHAT?
Micky: *shrugs* I can't help it if the toilet won't flush!
Lauren: *slaps her forehead* Ewwww.
Mike: Excuses, excuses! You didn't take nearly this long when you were in there!
Peter: (Steps back) Maybe we shouldn't.
Emma: Davy's in there!
Lauren: That's it! You're at fault, Mick!
Micky: *tries to keep Lauren from pushing him through the door*
Mike: Oooh, she's mad at Mick. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity here, folks, to witness something you'll never see again.
Emma: He'll be needing help. (Shoves Peter along with Micky)
Peter: Why do we always have to do the icky stuff?
Lauren: Now, you're gonna go in there and save Davy, or I... *whispers something in his ear*
(Emma and Mike listen with super-sensitive equipment.)
Micky: *looks downtrodden* You wouldn't!
Emma: Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh!
Mike: Yes, Mick, I think she would.
Peter: What about me?
Emma: Oh, just go!
Lauren: Let Mick handle it.
Peter: (Runs behind Mike) You'll save me from whatever's in there, right, Mike?
Micky: *growls* You. Are. Evil.
Lauren: Who, me?
Mike: As long as whatever's in there doesn't make me pregnant, blind, deaf, superheroic, a witch, or female.
Micky: No, it'll just get your boots messy.
Emma: (Impatient) Micky, NOW!'
Micky: *nearly falls over* Okay, okay! *braces himself at the door* Oh man... *takes in a deep breath and flings himself inside, disappearing behind the door*
Peter: There goes a brave man. (Looks at Mike.) Can I have his room?
Mike: Only if I get his surfboard.
Emma: Lauren, what do you think is in there?
Peter: (From behind Mike) I hope it's nice.
Lauren: All I know is that I hope there's a plunger in there.
Emma: (Mutters) Should have given HIM the lightsaber.
*The door flings open. Micky comes barrelling out with Davy on his back. Micky falls face-first on the floor*
Davy: *kicks Micky* It took long enough, mate!
Emma: Oh, my LORD! What happened?!
Mike: You guys ok?
Peter: (Grabs Micky and shakes him) Speak to me, Micky! (Cries) I shouldn't have let him go in alone!
Lauren: *waves a hand* Careful, Big Peter.
Davy: This madman overflowed the toilet. I was stuck sitting on the sink!
Emma: (Grumbles) Oh, swell. Good thing we're on the first floor.
Mike: (Sees the water seeping out of the bathroom) Oh, man, Emma, I think we have a slight problem.
Lauren: Uh oh...
Micky: *gasping dramatically* Feeling...lightheaded...
Emma: (Goes to check the bathroom and screams) GEORGE MICHAEL DOLENZ, YOU'RE GOING TO BE FEELING A LOT WORSE THAN THAT WHEN I GET THROUGH WITH YOU!!!!
Lauren: Full name. That's not good.
Mike: Yelling loud enough to be heard in Third World countries isn't good, either.
Peter: (Drops Micky on the floor) I'll get him a Pepsi from the machine. (Runs out the door)
Micky: Ow...
Emma: (Storms out with a mop) THE BATHROOM IS FILLED WITH WATER AND GOD-ONLY-KNOWS-WHAT-ELSE! (Glares at Micky) AND DO YOU KNOW WHO IS GOING TO CLEAN IT UP?
Micky: *lifts his head off the floor and speaks in a small voice* Me?
Mike: Who am I to disagree with a woman who's so angry she sounds like King Kong just gave her a one-way-ticket to the top of the Empire State Building?
Emma: (Hands Micky the mop and bucket) Yes, Mick, you.
Lauren: I'll get you a floatie, Mick.
Peter: *returns with a soda* It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it.
Emma: Better yet (hands him a life raft and life preserver), take these. You'll need them after I get through with you~
Mike: Well, been nice knowin' ya, buddy.
Micky: *pouts* Couldn't you leave that to Lauren?
Emma: Get your mind out of the gutter and into the bathroom.
Peter: How'd his mind end up in the gutter? I thought it was in his body!
Lauren: *points at the bathroom* Not until that room is clean and you take a shower!
Mike: Without Lauren.
Lauren: *nods* Just you, Micky.
Emma: You can be content with dirty thoughts and clean floors.
Micky: I can?
Mike: I don't think he knows HOW to think any other way.
Micky: Hey?!
Emma: (Turns Micky toward the bathroom) You, get in there, or...I'll sic Zero on you!
(Peter shudders at the mention of Zero, Mike's face gets stony, and Davy squeaks.)
Micky: All right, I'll go back in. *goes into the bathroom, mop in hand*
Emma: Um, oops, maybe I shouldn't have brought up the Devil around you guys.
Peter: (Still shivering) He tried to make me his slave!
Lauren: *breathes out* Wow.
Emma: I'm sorry, I didn't realize he effected you guys that way.
Mike: (Still unreadable) Yeah, well, of all the nasty, weird, and just plain crazy people we've had to face, he's the only one who really and truly ever scared me.
Davy: We really thought we were going to lose Petah there for a while.
Peter: He lured me with a harp!
Mike: Thank god you figured out how to play that thing.
Lauren: *puts on a Micky face, fuming* How dare he!?
Emma: (Gently puts her arm around Peter) Peter can play almost anything you put in front of him!
Peter: But I never played the harp before I saw that one in Zero's music shop. It was like it just...called to me, you know?
Mike: (Makes a face) Zero probably put some kind of spell on it.
Davy: What I never understood is, out of everyone in Malibu Beach, why you, Petah? Why did he try to reach you? Why not one of us?
Emma: (Quiet) Simple. Peter is pure, unadulterated, unfiltered innocence.
Lauren: *nods in agreement* Zero thought Big Peter was an easy target. He didn't know Peter had such great friends.
Emma: Right. He underestimated the force that the four of you are when you're together. So did Mrs. B.
Peter: I...I'm sorry I'm an easy target. I'll try to be better. I don't want to sell my soul again!
Lauren: Aw Pete!
Emma: (Puts her arm around Peter before he cries) That's ok, Big Peter! You can't help the way you are, any more than I can help getting emotional, or Mike can help not being emotional, or Micky can help being insane.
Lauren: Speaking of Micky, it's awfully quiet in there.
Davy: I 'ope 'e didn't drown.
Mike: (Rolls his eyes) Wouldn't surprise me.
Lauren: *squeals* Micky!!! *dives for the door*
Emma: Lauren! What are you doing?
Lauren: Checking on Curly! *throws the door open to reveal Micky lying on his back on the floor* Mick!
Mike: Oh god!
Emma: Good lord allmighty!
Lauren: *rushes over* Micky, say something!
Davy: You ok, mate?
Micky: *opens his eyes* Gotcha! *pulls Lauren to the floor*
Emma: (Lets breath out in one big whoosh) Don't ever do that again!
Peter: Mick, you scared us! We thought something happened!
Davy: Don't do that.
Mike: It did happen. He played another practical joke on us.
*Micky cackles and mercilessly tickles Lauren*
Emma: Ok, you two, take it out of the bathroom. I don't want you hitting your heads on something and breaking it.
Mike: Micky, if you want to take her clothes off, don't do it around us.
Micky: *picks up a still-laughing Lauren and carries her out of the bathroom* Aw Mike, you're no fun!
Emma: We have people here who don't need to be seeing this.
Lauren: *composes enough to manage* Put me down, Micky!
Davy: (Sticks his head in the bathroom) Well, at least it seems to be reletively clean.
Micky: Hey, when I do a job, I do it well. *grins smugly*
Lauren: We'll see about that.
Peter: (Shivers) Do you think Zero will ever try to come after us again? Like he did in the stories when Davy was a witch?
Emma: (Resolutely) He'd better not.
Mike: We'll just have to save you again if he does, buddy.
Micky: *drops Lauren on the couch and sits besides her* If he does, I got something for him. *raises a fist*
Emma: As do I. (Ducks into a closet and emerges with a field hockey stick) I never told you guys - Lauren knows - but I played a mean game of field hockey in high school. I haven't played in years, but I kept the stick to defend myself and my apartment against unwanted intruders.
Mike: And I'd say Zero would count as an unwanted intruder.
Lauren: She's also known as Casey Jones's long lost sister. *smirks*
Emma: (Sticks her tongue out at Lauren) Very funny.
Lauren: *shrugs* All you need is the goalie mask.
Emma: (Grins) I couldn't get Lower Cape May Regional to let me keep mine. ;)
Lauren: *snaps fingers* Darn.
Peter: She's the long-lost sister of a train engineer?
Mike: Cartoon, Peter.
Lauren: *points thumb at Mike* He's good.
Mike: Yeah, well, when they watch Saturday morning junk, I listen.
Micky: That is not junk!
Emma: Yeah!
Lauren: *nods off*
Emma: (Waves the stick. Mike gets out of her way, Micky jumps on the bed, Peter hides behind a chair, and Davy ducks) We need to defend ourselves here, just in case the Library ever gets invaded or the clones get unruly, like they did a couple of years ago.
Mike: Does this involve superpowers or any kind of mauling, maiming, or permanant damage?
Micky: (Slams his fist into his palm) Not if we do the maiming and the damaging first!
Peter: Why would the Library be invaded? I thought it was protected by the Frodis Femme girls!
Emma: They can't do everything, and they're spread kind of thin.
Davy: I almost wish I could do magic, like in that one story.
Micky: I wouldn't mind it myself. Think of all the great potions I could concoct...
Lauren: *wakes up* Wow. Mick, I just had a dream. It was 1997, you had your hair pulled back in a pony tail, you were wearing a tight white t-shirt, &... *blushes*
Micky: Do tell!
Davy: 1997? What did I look like?
Peter: You look like you!
Emma: Must have been some dream, huh?
Lauren: *scratches her head* I only saw Mick, sorry.
Mike: If she blushes any harder, they'll see her halfway down the Library.
Lauren: *forces a glare in Mike's direction, then sighs* It was a beautiful dream.
Emma: Ummm, the best kind. ;)
Peter: I dreamed I was a knight in shining armor once, and I got to save the Princess, only she turned out to be Mike in a dress.
Mike: Why would I wear a dress?
Micky: What the heck are ya dreaming for when you've got the real thing? (Emma snickers.)
Lauren: Why would you wear a dress?
Peter: And she said she was married!
Mike: I ain't married!
Emma: (Under her breath) To his music, maybe.
Peter: I guess she didn't want to marry me. And Davy and Micky, I saw you guys, too. You were the tailor and the Innkeeper, and you were Little Red Riding Hood and Goldilocks and Hansel and Gretel.
Davy: Petah, I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it. *pauses* Little Red Riding Hood?
Micky: Goldilocks?
Emma: And I thought my dreams were weird...
Lauren: Micky in a dress? With blond hair? Sounds like a nightmare!
Emma: I'll bet he was cute. (Emma grins at Davy.) And Davy, you would make the most ADORABLE Little Red Riding Hood!
Peter: And a pretty fairy gave me a locket.
Mike: That's it. No more letting you watch "The Wizard of Oz" before you go to bed.
Micky: *pouts* I dreamt I was in the circus when I was little and had blond hair...
Lauren: And freckles?
Micky: How'd you know?
Emma: I shall return!
Lauren: I'll hold down the fort! All right, guys. *turns into a real lion tamer, with a whip and chair*
Micky: *grins* What're ya planning on doing with that?
Lauren: Mick...
Emma: I'm back. Lauren, if you want to tame the wild animal, do it in the bedroom.
Lauren: *returns to normal* I can wait. I'll be good, if he can. *jerks thumb at Micky, who looks innocent.*
Davy: Yeah, that look is believable. *rolls his eyes*
Mike: You? Innocent? Did you merge with Peter?
Peter: (Checks himself) Nope, I'm all here.
Emma: (Takes her stick) I'm serious, guys. This place is nuts. Some of these clones have killed people and other clones! And that's not counting the visitors from all 8,000 fanfic universes!
Lauren: I need a weapon. *looks around*
Mike: Aren't the bad guys in the basement?
Micky: I thought they were in the attic. *scratches his head*
Emma: Last I checked, most of them were. (Looks at Peter, who cuddles Charms again) And Peter, a lot of them were clones of you, so be careful.
Peter: Why would there be bad clones of me?
Lauren: How could there be bad clones of Peter?
Emma: I don't know, but there are. I think one clone comes from a story where Peter did get taken over by Zero, and he encouraged the others, and...(slams her fist into her palm)..BANG!
*Micky jumps and falls off the couch.*
Micky: Don't do that!
Lauren: Then again, I suppose there's good clones of Micky.
Emma: There are listers who are MARRIED to good Micky clones. ;)
Lauren: *brightens* Married?
Davy: You're giving her ideas, luv. *shakes his head*
Emma: Haven't you read the stories? The clones and listers rut like rabbits...and some of them are!
Mike: That would explain the guy who looked like Peter with rabbit ears I saw carrying a toddler around earlier.
Lauren: I've read some, but not too many of the clone fics. They confuse me.
Emma: I've figured most of them out.
Lauren: I'm still trying to figure him out *nudges Micky*
Mike: No one can figure him out.
Emma: And we wouldn't have him any other way.
*Micky grins broadly.*
Emma: Mich, the "Secrets and Lies" writer, for instance, is married to a very nice Mike clone. (Eyes Mike) And I think she has the right idea. (Mike blushes and scoots away from Emma.)
Peter: (Whimpers) What if Zero tries to take me back?
Emma: He won't do that. Not with all of us to defend you, not to mention the whole library.
Micky: Pete, you got practically a whole army here to protect you. Zero ain't gonna even get close to you, man.
Mike: And that ain't counting the dogs, cats, and horses of us.
Lauren: And the lurkers!
Emma: Yeah, only a few people respond to almost anything, Lauren and I being two. There's a heck of a lot more out there.
Peter: (City-lighting smile) That's a relief.
Mike: (Nods) So don't worry about it, Pete. We're all here for you.
Lauren: Anything to defend my man! *jumps up to stand on the couch in a defensive pose*
Emma: (Clutches her stick) I may not have a sword or powers or ninja skills, but I've got a HECK of a temper when I'm mad. I'm like a mother bear. I look cute and cuddly, but woe to those who try to harm those I love! (Grins) Just ask my customers at the grocery store.
Mike: (Eyes Emma quietly) Well, I'll believe the cute part.
Emma: (Grins) Why, Nesmith, I didn't know you cared. (Mike turns away, red again)
Micky: My babe's a fighter, too!
Lauren: *raises an eyebrow* Babe?
Mike: Yeah, well, what about us? We ain't armed, and we don't know ninja skills or have powers.
Emma: (Still holds her stick) They'll have to get past Lauren and me first.
Davy: And the whole Library, mate.
*Lauren poses again*
Emma: (Laughs) So, don't you worry your handsome heads, we know what we're doing. I haven't watched James Bond and Indiana Jones movies all my life for nothing! ;)
Lauren: And I've watched Ninja Turtles cartoons and movies! *a sai magically appears in her hand* Ooooh, someone out there likes me!
Emma: (Laughs) Well, there you go.
Micky: *does a double take* How...
Peter: Cool! Can I do that?
Mike: The last thing you need to be handling is a sharp, pointy object.
Lauren: *jumps up and down* Hope for nunchakus!
Mike: We're musicians, not Ninja Turtles or spies or whatever!
Micky: *latches onto Lauren's leg* Stop jumping! You're making me sea sick!
Mike: Well, shotgun, now you know how it feels when you do it to us!
Micky: I couldn't be this bad. *looks up at Lauren* What got into you, babe?
Lauren: *leans down* Call me "babe" one more time...
Mike: It's being around you, Mick. You're contageous.
Peter: (Puts his hand over his mouth and climbs on the bed) I hope not! I don't want to be sea sick!
Davy: Petah!
Emma: Careful near the window, Peter. We don't know what's out there.
Peter: (Looks out the window) All I see are trees and other buildings.
Emma: (Joins him) And some guy who looks like Micky in a scuba mask.
Micky: Lions, tigers, and bears, oh my! *realizes* Hey?!
Mike: Peter, Em, get back in here!
Emma: Must be that crazy Explorer Micky clone.
Lauren: Explorer Micky!? *runs to the window* Where?
Emma: Well, there's someone out there. (Under her breath) If I see a black cape and hear raspy breathing, I'm leaving. (Thoughtful) Wait, you guys DO have a line of defense. You can be Monkeemen!
Mike: Only when we're near a phone booth!
Davy: And Petah still can't fly.
Peter: Hey, I'm working on it!
Mike: I could have sworn I saw him flying after I gave the old man the money Bernard Class swindled.
Peter: (Proudly) I flew three feet that day!
Davy: (Snickers) And crash-landed in the bushes next to the pad.
Micky: *shakes his head* Took forever to clean up after that.
Peter: I was trying to land on the front stoop! The bushes jumped out in front of me!
Emma: *whispers* Be right back. Keep an eye on the boys, will ya, Lauren? ;)
Lauren: Sure thing! (Smirks) All right, my fine Monkees...
Micky: She called us fine! *faux-swoons*
Lauren: *gives him a dirty look* Don't do that.
Emma: Don't worry, I'm back. Nature called.
Peter: (Leans an ear against the window) I don't hear nature saying anything.
Lauren: Good thing we got Mick to clean up his mess. *Micky rolls his eyes.*
Mike: Micky, you are a really disgusting person, you know that.
Micky: Love me for what I am. *smirks*
Emma: I still think there's someone out there.
Peter: Maybe it's a ghost.
Mike: If it was a ghost, we wouldn't be able to see or hear it.
Micky: Maybe it's some crazed fan girl who wants to tear our clothes off!
Emma: Hey, that's our jobs! ;)
Lauren: *waves hand in front of Micky's face* What am I? Chopped liver?
Davy: No mattah who it is, Emma, you and Petah have got to come inside. It's getting cold in here!
(Emma finally pulls Peter back in and comes in herself.)
Mike: Have you two written any really nasty villains into your fanfics who might want to come after us?
Emma: (Fiddles with one of the bears on her bed) Well, there is Pruitt and Paula Nelson from my "Remember WENN" stories, but they wouldn't come to this fandom...or would they?
Peter: Pruitt? Paula?
Lauren: Eriki from my Vice King series? Nahh...
Emma: Characters from the show "Remember WENN," about a radio station in the late 30s. Paula was my British double-spy version of Pavla Nemcova, a Czeckslovackian spy, and Pruitt was a Nazi who almost killed three of the lead characters but was ultimately shot and arrested for his crimes. There's no bad guys in "Dreamland," and I haven't gotten that far in "The Little MerBrit" yet.
Lauren: Sam Gorpley...
Emma: (Groans) King Sam from "The Crimson Eagle." I arrested him!
Mike: Whoa, slow down, ladies! Who's Sam Gorpley?
Davy: And what would he have against the two of you?
Micky: Not to mention us?
Lauren: There's Selena in Vice King 2...no, you guys already encountered her and Eriki...
Emma: Sam Gorpley is Balki and Larry's nasty boss in "Perfect Strangers." Normally, he's more of an annoyance than anything else, but I did this really complicated fanfic a while back called "The Crimson Eagle" where he was the tyrant who took over Balki's Meditterainian kingdom.
(Emma goes to her computer and checks her "Remember WENN" page for possible villians.)
Lauren: *sighs* Panther Man...
(Micky growls and pants on Lauren's neck.)
Emma: (Sighs) Most of the villians in my WENN spoofs were variations on Pruitt and his cronies.
Peter: (Whimpers) Mike, I see a shadow out there!
Mike: Well, that really narrows it down, Peter. Does it look like the big shadow over there, or that little shadow by the pine tree?
Micky: Not again!
Emma: Wait, there was Abernathy and Nurse Brumpton, from "And If I Die Before I Sleep," the WENN episode where the cast had to stay up for 54 hours straight. I used them as a witch and warlock in a fantasy spoof I did, but I turned them into a rock and dust, respectively...
Mike: Swell. We could possibly have a witch, a warlock, someone's angry boss, and a psychotic Nazi accountant on our hands.
Emma: (Shudders) Pruitt reminds me a LOT of Zero. The WENN staff used to call him "The Satanic Santa" because he once scared all the kids on their Meet Santa Christmas show.
Peter: Pruitt has to be a bad guy! I mean, he scares little kids on a Christmas show. What else could he be?
Davy: Micky's done that.
Micky: Hey!
Mike: Yeah, that YMCA still won't have us back after Micky's little performance as Santa few years ago. Did you have to pretend to be a werewolf while you were still wearing the red suit?
Micky: *shrugs* Well, yes.
Davy: Micky, you sent half the kids running for the door, and the others wouldn't come in at all!
Micky: That kid didn't believe me that Santa had werewolves instead of reindeer now!
Lauren: What?
Emma: Micky, you didn't tell him that!
Mike: Is that why the owner of the YMCA still won't speak to us?
Micky: Well, no, the kid kinda brought it up.
Emma: (Groans) Could we return to the matter at hand? And where's Peter?
Mike: Peter? Oh, man, I hope he didn't go wandering off somewhere. If he encounters himself, he'll pass out.
Lauren: Peter?!
Davy: We've got to start keeping Petah on a leash or something.
Micky: I'll find one.
Emma: Guys, don't panic. He's in here somewhere.
Mike: (Jumps on the bed) The window's open!
Lauren: Let me know when we can panic.
Micky: The window's open? How about now?
Davy: (Joins Mike at the window. Tugs something from a piece of broken glass) I found a piece of cloth...and it's got blood on it.
Emma: (Looks queasy) Blood?
Lauren: No!
Mike: Oh, man, girl, don't go on us now. (Emma's knees buckle, and she and Mike sink to the bed.)
Micky: *hugs Lauren*
Emma: (Gulps) Um, you all have my full approval to panic now.
(Everyone runs around, screaming and freaking out.)
Lauren: *pauses* Okay. *starts screaming again*
Davy: What are we going to DO?
Mike: Maybe we ought to go get Mich or Cin.
Emma: There's no time. They're both on the other sides of the building.
Davy: Besides, from what I've read, Mich would go completely crackers.
Lauren: Mick, don't you have a Peter call?
Micky: Hey, yeah, you're right. I'll use it, and we'll know if he's close by.
Mike: Where would he go at this time of night?
Emma: Especially as he isn't familiar with the area.
Mike: We aren't, either.
Micky: *shrugs, then leans out the window* Who knows? *sucks in a breath* PETER!!!
Emma: (Rubs her left ear) I don't know about Peter, but I think I'm deaf now.
Lauren: *groans* That wasn't quite what I had in mind.
Mike: (Leans out the window) Man, he isn't out there.
Lauren: We gotta find him!
Mike: (Climbs out the window) Come on.
(Everyone else joins him, Emma with her hockey stick.)
Micky: Cowabunga!
Lauren: *groans* Micky...
Mike: Uh, yeah, what he said.
Davy: This is great and all, but what are we looking for?
Emma: (Points to a trail of blood and love beads that glitter softly in the moonlight) How about that?
Lauren: This better be some sick joke to get back at Micky for the bathroom thing earlier.
Emma: I only wish. If anything, Davy would have more reason to want to get him back for that.
Micky: Unless they're in on it together.
Davy: And I WILL get you back, Micky, but not until after we've found Peter.
Mike: (Picks up the beads) Man, I told him to get shorter strands.
Emma: (Grins weakly) Well, at least they aren't bread crumbs.
Davy: This is more twisted than anything Peter could come up with. Micky maybe, but not Peter.
Lauren: *yells* Peter!!!
Mike: That used to be my ear!
Emma: PETER TORK!
Micky: *gets kicked* Hey, watch it, short stuff.
Davy: Sorry, I thought that was Lauren's rear.
Lauren: Davy, you don't have permission to be near my rear.
Emma: Dave, please keep your hormones... (stops dead in a clearing - the others run into her) Good Lord Allmighty!
Micky: What? What happened?
Mike: Peter! (Peter is bloody, bruised, and tied to a tree.)
Emma: PETER! (She and Mike run to him.)
Lauren: I hate cliffhangers!
Davy: Me too! You're left in suspense all bloody week!
*Micky and Lauren follow.*
Peter: (Whimpers) Guys, don't come here! He...they...
Voice that isn't familiar to anyone but Emma: Very good, Mr. Tork.
Emma: You!
Lauren: Oh my Lord...
(A portly, well-dressed man with a face like a bulldog steps out of the shadows, followed by another well-dressed man, somewhat thinner, carrying several pieces of paper.)
Pruitt: Nice to see you again, Miss Redmer.
Micky: *whispers* What's with the dramatic music?
Emma: (Whispers to Micky) Dramatic emphasis, Dolenz.
Micky: Sorry.
Mike: (Face tight and angry, making fists) Look, buddy, I don't know who you are or why you've hurt my friend, but if you take one step closer, so help me God, I won't be responsible for what I do!
Zero: I told you he was a feisty one, Pruitt.
Micky: And I won't be responsible for what he does, either!
Emma: Yeah, you would align yourself with the Devil.
Pruitt: Simple mathematics, Miss Redmer. Zero can give me what I want, and he'll get what he wants.
Mike: Which is?
Zero: For one thing, revenge on the four of you would be nice. You DID humiliate me rather badly in the courtroom, and Tork does have an absolutely lucsious soul.
Peter: I don't want my soul to be lucsious!
Lauren: They're both crackers!
Emma: Pruitt, what the hell are you after? This isn't even your show!
Pruitt: You, Miss Redmer.
Mike: Emma?
Davy: (Points at Emma) 'er?
Emma: Me?
Pruitt: (Glares daggers) You spent three years writing fanfiction after fanfiction where I'm constantly humiliated by that sham of a con artist Scott Sherwood and that simpering little Betty Roberts of his. I want you to know what it's like to taste defeat, to bask in the glow of lost glory.
Micky: You do, and I'll be sorry!
Mike: Scott Sherwood? Betty Roberts? Sorry, pal, but I think you have the wrong number.
Emma: Th...They're characters on "Remember WENN." My favorite characters, in fact.
Lauren: *groans* Oh, man...
Mike: Why couldn't we have simply stuck to sitcom stuff?
Go Back to "How It All Began!"
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