Emma: You boys ready to be dolled up?
Mike: (Very grumpy) No, but I'll do it anyway. :p
Micky: Not really, no.
Peter: Emma says I don't have to do it! I'm gonna play the piano! :D
Davy: Now, all we're going to do is wear a dress. It won't kill ya.
Micky: How did Pete luck out?
Emma: (Shrugs) We need someone to play the piano...and he really doesn't like it.
Micky: I don't really like it!
Lauren: *puts a hand over Micky's mouth* Shut up so we can start, would you?
*Micky mumbles something into her hand.*
(Mike is about to complain again, but Emma elbows him.)
(We start in Patsy's room next to the boys'. Lauren sits on a large, leather-upholstered chair in one corner. Emma is passed out on the bed, still in her ripped gold-and-brown gown, her curls now rather mussed. The sun streams through the faded cotton curtains, which are blown by a light breeze. Lauren has a book in her hand and is reading intently.)
Emma: (Eyes flutter; she slowly rises from the bed) Wha...where am I? (Holds her head and groans)
Lauren: *looks up; smiles* Hey, Em. We're in Patsy's room.
Emma: I feel really weird.
Lauren: Um, yeah. You were kinda...drugged.
Emma: Drugged? That would explain a lot. (Looks at Lauren) What happened yesterday? I remember...(thoughtful)...I was taken to a huge train by Freddy and his boys. That blonde bandit chick was pawin' all over Peter. They left me there...said the boss wanted to talk to me...
Lauren: *nods* Well we don't know everything, but let's just say Lord was trying to get information out of you, and he was using less than nice means to get said info. Nothing happened.
Emma: (Looks at the torn front of her dress) That would explain why this lady is dressed like a tramp. :p
Lauren: *small smile* Yeah, it would explain that.
Emma: (Frowns) Lord? But it was Ed Andrews...or was his name Lord? He took my other clothes and invited me to eat with him. I hadn't eaten since the social and I was scared to death. I didn't know what happened to you guys, and I was afraid for Peter. He said he'd have the blonde kill Peter if I didn't join him...not to mention send his boys after the rest of you. We had tea and cakes together, and he started asking questions, and that's all I can really remember clearly. (Pulls at the draped brown-velvet ruffle on her gown) The tea was drugged, wasn't it?
Lauren: Andrews and Lord are one in the same. The tea was indeed drugged. *pauses* Peter's okay. He escaped & tipped us off. Everyone else is okay... well, I think Mick reinjured his shoulder, but other than a few bruises from jumping off the train, we're okay.
Emma: (Looks at a very nice purple bruise on her own elbow) That would explain this.
Lauren: *shows off a bruise on her forearm and one on her shin* Wouldn't it, though? *smirks*
Emma: What about Mike? Did he see me...
Lauren: Mike saved you. He duked it out with Lord.
Emma: (Blushes) He did? (Shifts on the bed) I don't know what to say to that. God, I'm proud of him, but I hate that he had to see me like that.
Lauren: *sighs* Em, I know how you feel about this, but we're all vulnerable at some points in our lives. He doesn't think any differently of you because of that.
Emma: (Lowers her head) I'm just not used to it. (Mutters) Now I know how he must have felt after he got drunk; embarrassed, angry, frightened...and happy that people cared enough to come after him. (Sighs, half-smiles) I love him, but I can't be a damsel in distress all the time.
Lauren: And you aren't. No one ever said you were. It just happened that Mike is Lord's main advesary, and that kinda makes you the target. *shrugs* I hate to put it like that, but it's true.
Emma: Lord...Andrews...whomever. What's he got against poor Mike? I'll bet he's the one who drove Mike to the whisky.
Lauren: *nods slowly* You win the $64,000 question. He is the one that drove Mike to the whiskey and whatever else he may have consumed.
Emma: (Slowly understands) He's the one who's trying to buy all the land?
Lauren: Exactly. He's looking to build a casino of sorts.
Emma: And drive all these people out of town, including Davy, Granny, the Sexto family, the Drake family, and the Quilans.
Lauren: The town would have "tourist trap" written all over it, and these wonderful people would lose their homes.
Emma: (Narrows her eyes) I know all about tourist traps. I grew up around them.
Lauren: *nods* Hits a little too close to home.
Emma: I'll bet whatever Lord's got in mind would be five times worse than even what Zeckenbush had planned for Wildwood.
Lauren: I forget what all was mentioned, but the main thing was the casino. It'd encompass the entire town, though.
Emma: Like a western Atlantic City. Emphasize the sleaze and glitter and get rid of everything else. :p
Lauren: Through in some Vegas and you got it.
Emma: Where does Mike come in? I know Lord's holding something over him.
Lauren: Let's see if I can get this straight. Mike was hired to kill Georgian, but he refused, so Lord went after him. That's where Rosita comes in. Rosita was Mike's...girlfriend. Lord hired Freddy and his people to kill her. That's the main reason Mike's so protective of you. He's afraid to lose you, too.
Emma: (Eyes widen) God, the poor dear! (Sighs) He's a lot more sensitive than he'd ever let on. I think that's why he and Peter get along so well, only Peter actually shows his gentle side. Mike hides it, or likes to think he does. That must have killed him.
Lauren: Mike's trying so hard to move on. It still hurts him, so much, though...
Emma: God, I want to hold him so badly and tell him everything will be all right. I'll wait until my head clears a bit, though. I want to have a nice, long talk with that man and set some things straight.
Lauren: *nods* That sounds like a good idea.
Emma: And what are we doing now? Are the others ok? You said Micky reinjured his shoulder. (Sniffs) And why do I smell smoke? Did someone let Mike or Micky make breakfast? ;)
Lauren: I think the others are having breakfast. Yeah, Mick's wound reopened. He was hurting pretty bad. I hope Davy let him go to Drake to get it rewrapped by now. That Englishman does not know when to shut up. *sighs*
Emma: (Laughs a little) No, he doesn't. ;)
Lauren: Freddy and his folks burned part of the stables. That could be part of the smokey smell.
Emma: (Gasps) WHAT?
Lauren: Freddy's men showed up while we were fighting Lord.
Emma: (More to herself) God, poor Davy...
Lauren: Dave's not too happy, but most of the horses are still here. I don't think they lost too much.
Emma: Well, that's something, at least. Is everyone else accounted for?
Lauren: Yes, thank God. Everyone seems to be doing well. Jim's breathing is still ragged, though. I hope Drake's checking up on him, too.
Emma: (Grins) We've got a lot of foolish men around here. You and I and Granny and Odilia Sexto have got to keep a better eye on them! ;)
Lauren: We need leashes, or something to that effect.
Emma: (Laughs and slowly turns her legs so she's sitting on the bed) We need whips and chains. ;) (Sighs) Well, what now? Did you catch Freddy last night? What happened to Lord and the train?
Lauren: Freddy ran, along with his goons. Granny and Granpa chased them off. Lord hightailed it away when we jumped from the train. He'll more than likely reappear. We jumped from the train because it ran off the unfinished track into a gorge. *smiles* And I think I heard something about the guys dressing as women to watch for Freddy & his men. *quirks an eyebrow*
Emma: (Nearly falls off the bed laughing, then holds her head...but she's smiling) Ow. (sighs) Let me get this straight. The guys are going to dress as women to watch for Freddy? (Giggles) Did something fall and hit them on the head?
Lauren: I think so. I don't know, I didn't hear the whole thing. I only caught part of it from Mike. I could hear him talking out in the hall.
Emma: (More serious) And Lord's still out there...and is probably looking to kick all of our hides to hell and gone for beating the crap out of him and his train, if what you say is true. (Eyes widen in mirth) Mike's in on this, too? (Nearly falls off the bed laughing) Must have been Davy's idea. He's the only one of the guys who doesn't mind drag. ;)
Lauren: I think it was Davy's. Mick made some comment that got Mike into it. I didn't hear it, though.
Emma: (Sly wink) Davy doesn't mind drag...when he's not being chased by love-crazed DJs. Mike told me the whole story. ;)
Lauren: I swear, sometimes that Brit is crazier than Micky.
(There's a timid knock on the door.)
Peter: Um, girls, we need your help. The guys just got back from getting Micky's shoulder rewrapped at Drake's, and...well, they don't know much about being girls, even Davy! That book we used when we were teaching Davy how to be a girl doesn't work, it just makes noise!
Lauren: Oh, dear God.
Emma: (Just falls over laughing) Oh this, I've got to see...especially on Mike, Mr. Macho himself! ;)
Lauren: Should be good for a laugh.
Emma: (Winks) If nothing else. (Stands, still a tad shaky but able to walk, and heads downstairs with Lauren.)
Lauren: Okay, guys...
(Emma stops at the doorway and nearly falls over laughing. Peter almost trips over her. Mike, Micky, and Davy all wear heavy make-up - eye liner, lipstick, blush, eye shadow, fake eyelashes. They're wearing undergarmets trimmed with lace and rosettes and thick cotton stockings. Mike still wears his cowboy boots. Micky and Davy wear heels. All three have heavy books on their heads that constantly fall off and keep running into each other.)
Mike: And one, two, three and one, two...(runs into Micky)...hey, Mick, pay attention to where you're goin'! That book is big enough to pass for a registered weapon!
Micky: Well, you watch where you're goin', Mike!
Lauren: *sits heavily on the floor, laughing like crazy* You guys... *sputters* ...ladies...!
(Peter is on the floor in laughter.)
Emma: (Between giggles) Mike, what's with the boots? They look ridiculous.
Davy: (Smirks, staring upwards at his book) We couldn't find 'eels big enough to fit those bloody boats of 'is! ;)
Micky: Trust me, we tried.
Mike: (Looks ahead at Davy and Micky - his book falls onto the floor with a thud) My feet are NOT that big!
Micky: Oh, yeah? *smirks*
Emma: (Steps over Peter, who is laughing so hard, he's clutching the floor and crying) Ok, guys, this is NOT going to work. (Takes the books off of all three of their heads) You aren't acting female, just silly.
Lauren: *manages to regain her feet, walks over to Micky, and fingers some of the lace* It's really cute, though. *tries desperately not to burst out laughing again*
Micky: *frowns and swats Lauren's hand* Watch where you're touching!
Emma: (Pulls at the lace on Mike's chest - he slaps her hand) First of all, we're going to have to figure out a way to give you guys...well, figures. ;)
Lauren: Which oughtta be fun. *still trying not to laugh*
Mike: What's wrong with my figure?
Emma: Normally, I'd say nothing, but Mike, even the thinnest twenty-something woman has more curves that the three of you put together!
Lauren: *nods* There's not a curve to be seen.
Peter: (Finally gets up) She's right, you know. You guys need to be round, and you're flat.
Emma: And the make-up is just too much. This isn't Peter's fairy-tale dream.
Lauren: Way too much. Come on! Just enough for cover. I don't use any myself!
Emma: And I only wear the lightest make-up on very special occasions.
Mike: (Crosses his arms) Well, ok, you're the real women here. Tell us what we're doin' wrong.
Lauren: It'd be easier to tell you what you're doing right.
Emma: (Sighs) Three of the four of you have sisters, and you can't figure this out. (Closes her eyes and murmurs something - a book appears in her hand) I borrowed this from my sister who took beautician classes and wants to be a makeup artist for movies. (Shows them the book, a coffee-table tomb called "Making Faces") This tells all about the art of prettying yourself up. ;)
(We get a romp montage to "She Hangs Out." Emma and Lauren do their best to try to get Micky, Mike, and Davy to look and act "feminine." The two girls and Peter sit the trio before a large, Hollywood-style make-up dressing table and wipe off what the guys have already put on, then re-does it so it looks more natural. Emma gives Mike a thick red wig that hides his sideburns. He's not thrilled about it, but plops it on his head anyway.)
*Lauren eyes a long brunette wig and plops it on Micky's head.*
(Davy has long, flowing blonde hair in a 60s style flip, which he places delicately on his head and primps and plays with throughout the number.)
*Micky glares at Davy, while Lauren straightens his wig. She moves his head to face her & wags a finger in his face.*
(We finally move upstairs to Patsy's closet. She, Emma, and Lauren pull out dress after dress and try to fit the guys in them. Emma holds up a blue calico print in front of Mike, but he makes a face. She then selects a slinky red number, but he glares and mouths what's probably Spanish obscenities. He finally drags out a white dress drimmed with black lace and beads and grumbles and mutters while Emma helps him into it.)
(Davy selects his own dress, a simple light pink gown that shows off his diminutive and dainty figure.)
*Lauren pulls out a purple dress and Micky shakes his head. Lauren nods and Micky continues shaking his head, now mouthing "no" over and over. Lauren shoves the dress at him, still nodding.*
(Emma and Peter watch the fracas between Mick and Lauren laughing, while Mike continues to grumble, Davy continues to primp, and the romp ends.)
Micky: I don't wanna be a girl...I don't wanna be a girl...
Mike: (As the song fades away) I ain't any happier about it than you are, Mick, but if it'll let us get the drop on Freddy and Lord...
Micky: Couldn't we be disguised as other guys?
Emma: (Grins and walks up and down the line of "girls") I didn't know I moved in with such an attractive little family. (Shakes her head) Micky, you guys are just too well known in this town now. They'll be expecting four guys and two tough girls, not five saloon singers and one pianist.
*Micky jumps suddenly as Lauren emerges from behind the line of "ladies". She's smirking.*
Micky: *glaring at Lauren* What the heck was that for?!
Lauren: *to Micky* Your butt is too cute in that skirt! *chuckles*
Emma: (Looks behind Mike) Yours ain't nothing to complain about, either. ;)
Mike: (Makes a face) Could we get moving and face the humilia...the music hall?
Micky: As fast as possible?
Emma: (Shakes her head) No, one more thing. (Opens Patsy's drawer and starts rummaging through it) We've got to give you guys reasonable busts.
Mike: My bust is reasonable enough, thank you! :p
Micky: And I don't want one!
Emma: No, it isn't. You're skinny as rail, and so's Mick.
*Lauren turns, quirking an eyebrow. She smirks.*
Emma: Guys, look at me and Lauren. Well (looks at her own outsized chest as Mike, Davy, and Micky smirk), look at Lauren. She has a normal female bust. You guys are skin and bones.
Lauren: Em! Announce it to the world! *folds her arms*
Micky: *smirks* Yeah, like I haven't looked already. *blushes*
Emma: (Smirks) Want mine? I'd rather have a normal one than Mae West's, thank you!
Peter: What's wrong with your busts?
Lauren: *still hiding* I like mine just fine, just don't make it the spotlight!
Mike: (Winks) Em, I don't see what's wrong with your bust. You've both got good curves, that's all. :)
Emma: And that's what we've got to give you guys. (Emerges with an armfull of stockings and socks)
Lauren: I hope there's enough.
Davy: (Smirks) Maybe the girls could loan some of theirs. (As Mike kicks him in the shins) Ow!
Mike: (Grumbled whisper) Drool over your own girl, shotgun! 8-|
*Micky whacks Dave in the back of his head with his good arm.*
Emma: Ok, ok, guys, cut it out. (Hands Lauren some socks and stockings) You do Mick and I'll do Mike.
Lauren: *grins* Em, that's a loaded phrase.
Peter: (Blushes and takes a stocking) Um, can Davy do his own?
Davy: (Takes the stocking and shoves it into his breast) I'll do it, thank you!
Peter: But it's all crooked!
Mike: (Moves away from Emma) Now, Em, come on...
Lauren: *steps up to Micky & starts laughing again* Hold still!
Micky: *holds up his good arm* Come on, babe...
Emma: Oh, stop acting like a baby! (Pushes some of the socks into the chest area of his dress to fill it out but not make it too big.)
(Davy has been adding socks and stockings to his bust. Peter watches him, appauled and fascinated at the same time.)
*Lauren latches onto Micky's good arm and shoves some socks into his bustline.*
Micky: Babe, I only got one good arm. Don't hurt it, too!
Mike: Oh, this has got to be the craziest thing we've ever done!
Peter: (Grins) And that's saying a lot! ;)
*Lauren just grins evilly and shoves in another roll of socks.*
(The boys...ahem, 'girls,' stand in line again so Emma and Lauren can approve of their new chests.)
Lauren: *obviously staring at her handiwork* Not bad.
Emma: Davy, yours is still crooked.
Micky: No staring!
Emma: (Grins at Mike as Davy fixes his "bust") I always knew you'd look good if you added a few inches to that chest, Nesmith.
Mike: (Rolls his eyes) Yeah, but this isn't the way I aimed to do it! :p
(Patsy comes in at that point in a simple pink gingham dress. She grins and whistles appreciatively at the 'girls.')
Patsy: Well, don't y'all look just adorable? (Laughs) Where you off to, the Halloween Ball? ;)
Mike: (Turns the same shade of red as his wig) I feel like a freak right now.
Micky: You feel like a freak...
Davy: We're going to get the goods on Freddy and his boys, before anyone else gets hurt or killed.
Peter: (City-lighting grin) I'm going to play the piano and they're going to sing at the saloon! :D
Lauren: And look pretty. *a loud smack is heard and Micky jumps again*
Mike: (Saw the whole thing and grins) Damn, someone's feeling amorous!
Emma: Mind if I feel amorous?
Mike: (Grumbles) Yes.
*Lauren grins evilly.*
Micky: I just wanna wear my own clothes. Then I'll be amorous.
Emma: That reminds me, we need names for you guys. Girls' names. (Grins) And Mrs. Arcadian, Little Red Riding Hood, and Princess Gwen ain't gonna cut it. ;)
*Lauren's grin widens, if that's possible.*
Micky: *groans* I don't like that look one bit.
Mike: She looks like a shark about to attack its prey.
Peter: (Hides behind Patsy) She's scaring me! :o
Lauren: *rubs her hands together* I dub Micky..."Georgia"!
Micky: *sighs* Of course...
Emma: (Grins) Then Mike's Roberta. ;)
Mike: (Rolls his eyes) Naturally.
Davy: 'Ow about me?
Peter: How about Thomasina?
Davy: That's the name of a bloody cat!
Micky: Would you rather be named after a state?
Mike: (Crosses his arms, which he now finds hard to do with his new "chest") Oh, come on, Dave...I mean, Tommie. ;)
Davy: Oh, all right. This WAS my idea. (Sighs) I'm Thomasina.
Patsy: The saloon will be open to anyone who wants to take the floor this afternoon. The show always attracts all kinds of people from miles around...including some unsavory characters, so be on your guards.
Mike: Well, by this point, Pat, we're quite accustomed to unsavory characters.
Patsy: Just be careful. Dad's at Drake's. He's ok, but he'll be out of commission for weeks. Granpa brought over some of the townspeople and local ranchers to help watch the stables and rebuild what was destroyed. (Leans over and kisses Davy on the cheek) Good luck! (Winks at him) And did I tell you how cute you look like that? ;) (Leaves, grinning widely as Davy goes red under his pink blusher)
Lauren: I think she approves of your look, Dave. *winks*
Mike: (Chuckles) Oooh, I do believe she likes you, boy! ;)
Davy: I don't know 'ow I should take that...
Micky: *shakes his head* Don't take it any way. These girls are crazy!
Peter: (Is already following Patsy out the door) Come on! I'm supposed to be working at the saloon in an hour!
(The group follows Peter downstairs, out the door, and into a small carriage Patsy loans them - the MonkeeCarriage would be too noticeable. The girls remain behind so they can get dressed themselves.)
Mike: (Rolls his eyes) Figures the real women would be the ones who are late. (Yells) Are you girls comin' or what?
Lauren: No!
Emma: Oh, come on, Lauren. I think that dress looks cute on you!
Lauren: I take back my laughing at the guys!
(The girls do finally emerge. Emma wears a red dress with dark brown lace trim. It's made of silk and rustles when she walks. Her recurled hair is pulled back with long brown feathers and beads in the shape of roses.)
Emma: (Over her shoulder in annoyance as she climbs in beside Mike) Lauren, TODAY!!!
Lauren: *whines* I hate dresses!
Emma: I know you do, but pants aren't believeable on a saloon singer.
*Lauren finally moves towards the carriage, frowning. She wears a fairly simple lavender, silk dress that comes to the floor. She looks very uncomfortable.*
*Micky lets out a loud whistle of appreciation.*
Mike: (Grins) My god, Em, you look stunning like that, so, so...
Emma: (Grins) Womanly? ;)
Mike: (Dazed) Yeah...
Lauren: *her hair is down; she brushes it out of her face after she gets in the carriage, next to Micky* I'm sweatin' already.
Peter: I think you're both pretty! :D
(Davy sits on the driver's side and Peter gets beside him.)
Davy: Ok, everbody ready?
Emma: Yes!
Mike: No!
Lauren: No.
Davy: Good. (Cracks the reins and the horses take off for town.)
Micky: *drapes his good arm around Lauren's shoulders* Awe, c'mon, babe! Cheer up! You look gorgeous!
Lauren: *quirks an eyebrow* Yeah?
Micky: Yeah!
Lauren: Then take a picture. You're never gonna see me like this again!
Emma: (Elbows Mike) Aw, come on, Mike. Seriously, that's not such a bad look for you. You make a much better redhead than you do a blonde! ;)
Mike: (Eyes Emma's chest, now added to thanks to a girdle) And you should emphasize what God gave you more often.
Emma: (Blushes) Hey, who's the one who wouldn't take off his shirt?
(They ride into town, to the appreciative stares, catcalls, and whistles of many of the local men. Micky and Lauren just duck down in embarrassment.)
Mike: (Yells at some of the men in the closest he can get to a female voice without going into Princess Gwen-screech) Yeah, well, pal, same to you!
Micky: Good one, Mike.
Peter: Here's the saloon! (Davy stops the carriage in front of the saloon, to the delight of the men watching them from the street.)
Lauren: Do we have to have an audience?
Davy: (Tries to wiggle his hips and look girlish) Now, why don't you fellas come back later to catch our act?
Mike: (Whispers to him) Don't over do it, boy. I'm hip, but you look like an idiot.
Davy: (Whispers) Just gettin' their attention.
Emma: I think we already did that.
Micky: *whispers* Trust me, Dave, we don't need to do anything to get attention.
(Peter leads the "ladies" into the saloon, where the men are booing the act currently on the stage, a man juggling five eggs, three books, and a chicken - badly. Nick stands at the bar, looking exasperated.)
Peter: (Grins) Hi, Nick! I brought a new act for you!
Nick: (Groans) If they can do anything, including move, they're hired. All I've had today is dog acts and circus leftovers.
Mike: (Pulls up his "bust" and says in the most feminine voice he can dredge up) We're here to rescue you, big boy!
*Micky rolls his eyes.*
Nick: (Leans over, squints, and frowns) Nesmith? What the hell is with the drag act?
Emma: (Leans over and waves her hand) Shhhh! We're undercover. We know Freddy comes in here all the time. We're hoping to get the drop on him.
Davy: Before he drops in uninvited anywhere else.
Lauren: And does any more damage.
Nick: (Some of the men have seen them and are already watching them with far more interest than the hapless juggler - some even have stars in their eyes) Fine, I don't care if you are a drag act. If you can sing or play an instrument better than what I've heard this afternoon, get up there!
(A man finally drags the juggler offstage, to the accompaniment of noisy boos. The 'girls' climb onto the stage, the guys tripping in their heavy dresses. Peter sits at the piano by the stage.)
Micky: *whispers* How the heck are we supposed to sing with these phony voices?
Emma: (Winks) I'll do the singing today, boys. My voice is real. ;)
Micky: Then what'll I do?
Lauren: Sing harmony, stupid.
Mike: (Throws tambourines at Micky and Lauren) Play the tambourine with her, dance, look pretty, and keep an eye out for Freddy.
Davy: (Takes maracas) That's my calling, Mike. ;)
Micky: *glares at his tambourine* Man, I am gonna have one sore thigh after this.
Davy: The dress should cushion the blow. ;)
*Lauren elbows him, then winks.*
Emma: (Stands at the crowd, which is already whistling and catcalling and waving arms and throwing flowers) Why, thank you for your appreciation, boys! (Winks) Now, us girls are just here to play a little number for all of you, compliments of the Shamrock Saloon, and accompianied, of course, by our own house pianist, Peter Tork! (The spotlight briefly switches to Peter, who stands and bows, then takes a little wooden house and puts it on top of the piano before cracking his knuckles and settling down to play.)
(The group launches into "You Just May Be the One." As Emma and Mick sing and the others play, we cut to Freddy and the men walking in, followed by a mysterious man in a long coat that covers his face and a hat that hides his hair. The other people in the saloon keep their distance from Freddy, and even the saloon hostesses look wary.)
Emma: (Leans over and whispers to Mike) Mike...Roberta...that's Lord! I think I can vaguely make out the face behind that collar!
Mike: (Whispered growl) What's he doin' here?
Micky: *mutters* Other than checking out the scenery.
(Indeed, Freddy does seem to have a rather obvious interest in Lauren, whom he watches throughout the number.)
Lauren: *whispers* That jerk is still staring at me!
(Lord is only interested in Freddy and his men, whom he joins in a smoky little back table.)
Emma: (Whispers) Don't stare back!
Lauren: Do you actually think I would?
(The song ends, and Emma comes forward again as the crowd goes wild, to the point where some of them try to get on the stage and Nick has to bring a couple of waiter to pull them back.)
Emma: (Blushes and clears her throat) We're glad you all...um, appreciate...our humble music. We'd like to do another number, but we've just plain parched our throats with all that singing and playing. We'll be back in a while, but you boys just wait for us and stay as sweet as you are! (More wild applause as the group beats a hasty retreat to the main floor)
Mike: (Disengages a man from him) I don't think our music is all they appreciated. :p
Peter: (Grins) Hey, we're a hit! :D
Micky: And we're getting hit on!
Mike: Pete, play music to cover our exit. We've got to find out what Freddy and Lord are up to!
Peter: (Nods) Sure! (Goes to the piano and covers the top with a paisley print top, except for the keys, on which he plays an instrumental version of his own "For Pete's Sake")
Mike: Spread out and make your way over to Freddy and Lord's table. Just don't make it too obvious.
Emma: Right. (One man comes over to Emma)
Man: (Obviously drunk) Hey, cutie, what you doin' after the show?
Emma: (Takes Mike's arm) Roberta and I are getting our hair done.
Mike: (Glares, in his female voice) In the next state. (Drags Emma away from the man and toward Lord and Freddy's table)
*Lauren and Micky make their way around to Lord and Freddy's table from the opposite side of Emma and Mike.*
Man: (confronts Davy; he's two steps from falling over) Hey, little Blondie, how 'bout havin' drinks with me?
Davy: (Shakes his head and puts up a fan in front of his face) Oh, no, I couldn't do that. I never drink on a full jackarse...stomach. (Smiles coquettishly as he can manage) So sorry! (Runs off in the direction of Lord and Freddy's table. He catches up with Mike and Emma) Mike, that man tried to get fresh with me!
Mike: Dave...Tommie...I've had my rear pinched three times since we've been here, and some guy tried to grab my breast.
Emma: (Giggles) I almost wish he had! Would he have gotten a surprise! ;)
(The group finally settles down at the table behind Freddy and Lord. They hold up menus, trying to look like they're ordering drinks, not listening to conversation.)
Waiter: (Grins wickedly) What'll you girls have? Coffee, tea, me? ;)
Emma: (Makes a face at the mention of tea) We'll all have sodas, please. (Winks) But no Coca-Cola for our friend Georgia here! ;)
Micky: *pained grin, uses his Mrs. Arcadian voice* Thanks.
Mike: (Rolls his eyes as the waiter departs) How do we keep gettin' the comedians who serve food on the side?
Davy: (Leans over so hard, he almost falls off his chair.) I wish they would turn the noise down in here. I can't bloody 'ear a word!
Lauren: *loudly* What?
Emma: (Leans over to the people behind them who are watching coverage of a baseball game on ABC) Hey, could you guys possibly keep it down? We're trying to hear an important conversation!
Man: (Nods and turns the TV down) Oh, sorry, miss. (Men return to the TV; Em returns to the table)
Emma: (Grins at the startled faces around the table) Nuthin' to it. ;)
Micky: Good job. *applauds by slapping his good hand on his thigh*
Emma: (Nods) Thank you, thank you, (winks) Georgia! ;)
*Micky groans and props his chin in his hand.*
Davy: Shhh! They're talking!
Mike: (Rolls his eyes) Well, they ain't usin' sign language.
Lord: (Angry) How could you let them slip out of your fingers?
Freddy: We were surrounded by the damn townspeople! That old lady and the blacksmith brought down half the damn burg!
Lord: I don't care! I told you, I wanted Jones and Dolenz dead, by any means necessary!
*Micky's eyebrows arch.*
Freddy: You promised me the Miller girl and a cut of the profits. (Pause) What's this casino thing all about, anyway?
*Lauren sticks her tongue out, disgusted.*
Lorld: (Audible smirk) It'll be revolutionary, Freddy. (Starts waving his arms animatedly) Think about it. Railroads attract big buisness. Those businesspeople need a place to stop for the night, a place to eat, and some excitement. So, we'll provide those things...for a price, of course.
Mike: (Mutters) For a price, naturally.
Lord: We'll build the biggest, best casino-resort ever seen in the entire United States! The highest of the high will flock here to play among the rich and famous. There will be restaraunts, hotels, and a few (another smirk) other services. You and your crew will be my first security guards and council, of course.
Freddy: But the townspeople won't sell! Most of them are still being stuborn!
Lord: We'll force them off. We'll destroy the whole town, if we have to!
Freddy: (Concerned) Isn't that a bit much?
Lord: Freddy, they're standing in the way of progress. Nesmith and the townspeople and their ilk, they represent the past. This is the future. This is travel for the 20th century, luxury living.
(Mike growls, but a glare from Emma silences him.)
*Lauren rolls her eyes.*
(At that moment, Peter launches into another one of his songs, "Long Title...", and the waiter comes back with the sodas as Rufus and some of the men surround the table. The waiter takes one look at the big men and beat a hasty retreat.)
Rufus: (Grins at Mike) Hey, girlie, you're pretty. Why don't we take a spin on the dance floor?
Mike: (Shakes his head) Um, why don't you take a spin yourself and tell me how it is?
Rufus: (Grabs Mike by the arm) Because I want some female company. (Starts fondling Mike's chest and hair) And you're gonna make me nice company.
Mike: (Coughs and tries to pull away as Emma stands in anger and horror) What did you do, big boy, ingest an entire box of Cuban cigars?
Rufus: No, spittin' tobacca.
Lonny: (Eyes Micky) Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
Micky: *shakes his head* No, don't think so.
Lonny: (Squints at Micky and pulls him up) I KNOW I've seen you somewhere before! (Grins) Were you at the social last night?
Micky: *smiles* Maybe I was. Maybe I wasn't. But I don't think I want to tell you.
Lonny: Awe, why not? You seem like a nice girlie.
Micky: I can't. My boyfriend gets jealous easily.
*Lauren groans.*
Mike: (Is struggling in Rufus' grasp) Now, come on, big boy, I might step on your feet!
Rufus: (Pulls Mike close to him) I could enjoy it. (Grabs his breast...and is shocked to come up with a handful of sock.) What the...
Big Man: (Grabs Davy - it's the same guy as before) Now why won't you dance with me, little princess?
Davy: (Flutters his eyelashes) You're awfully sweet, but I don't dance on the first date.
Rufus: (Squints at Mike) You been paddin' your bra, girl?
Mike: Uh, yeah. (Leans over and mutters to Emma) Now I know why you hate bein' called that!
Big Man: (Reaches over to grab Davy's breast and ends up with a stocking and Davy retreating behind his fan, embarrassed) Hey, she's got paddin', too!
Davy: (Shrugs) Well, you know, girl's got to keep up her figure these days.
Lonny: (Makes a grab for Emma's breast - he does touch it, but Emma slaps his hand) Hey, her's ain't paddin'! She's fer real!
Emma: (Indicates her chest) You think I could fake this?
Freddy: (Stands and walks over the group, who haven't noticed Lord's exit) What's all the commotion?
Nick: (Also hurries over to the group) What are you boys doing? These girls are the biggest hits I've had the entire afternoon!
Freddy: (Hitches up his belt) There's somethin' mighty familiar about these 'girls,' Nick.
Rufus: (Frowns and points at Emma) That's the reporter lady! She's wearin' more paint and more dress, but I'd recognize her anywhere!
Lauren: *mutters* Uh oh...
Freddy: (Glares at Emma, who gulps - Mike finally pulls away and joins her side) I told you to stop nosin' around, girl. Look at all the trouble it's already gotten you into.
Mike: Now, Freddy, why don't you leave my friend here alone (puts up his fists) before I show you how a lady can get rough?
Emma: That won't be necessary, (winks) Roberta. (Pulls her umbrella - a matching red, of course - from under the folds of her dress and whacks Freddy on the head with it) It's my turn to save you. ;)
Freddy: (Ignores Mike's fists and rubs his head) What have you found out?
Emma: (Puts her hands on her hips) Plenty.
Lonny: (Frowns at Micky) I still think you're familiar...
Micky: Really? Maybe you've met my brother. *smiles*
Freddy: (Rubs his head) Brother, my ass. There's somethin' funny goin' on here.
(The big man has Davy, who struggles furiously. He pulls all the stockings out of Davy's dress.)
Big Man: Hey, Boss, this one's really got paddin'!
Freddy: (Frowns) Yeah, it's paddin', all right. It's all paddin'...and lyin'. (Goes to Davy and whips off his wig) You've been had, Cooper. This one is that British stable brat Jones.
Davy: (Wiggles his fingers) Um, hullo, luv. (Turns to the others and blanches) I think we're in a lot of trouble, guys.
Mike: (Rolls his eyes) No, Dave, ya think?
Lonny: (Pulls Micky's wig off) Hey, you're the Sheriff!
Micky: *waves, wiggling his fingers* Hiya!
Freddy: (Whips Mike's wig off) And you're Mr. Big-Mouth Nesmith!
Another man: (Tries to pull off Lauren's hair) Hey, this one's real, too!
Lauren: Ow!
Freddy: (Smiles) Ahh, the lovely Deputy Miller.
Emma: Hey! (Starts to her, but Mike takes her arm) What do you guys want?
Freddy: (Points his gun at Micky) To finish the job we were hired to do.
Micky: Yipe!
Nick: (Gets in the middle as the crowd gasps and Peter stops playing and runs to his friends) No, not here! I had enough problems cleaning up from the last time! If you're gonna have a brawl, take it outside!
Freddy: Yeah, I'll take this outside. (Nods at the door) Why don't you and I finish this, Dolenz? Find out who the real law in this town is.
Davy: What do you want him to do, just stand there and let you kill him?
Freddy: (Shakes his head) No, Jones, it's time for the shoot-out. I want your friend to meet me in the front of the saloon at sundown.
Peter: At least he didn't say high noon!
Mike: And what if he doesn't?
Micky: *gulps* Could I get a rain check?
(Freddy nods at Rufus and Cooper, who take Lauren roughly from her chair. Emma shrieks and starts after her, followed by Mike and Micky as the saloongoers gasp and shout and place bets. Freddy shoves his gun in Lauren's side.)
Lauren: Watch it with that thing!
Freddy: Here's the raincheck, Dolenz. You don't come to the shoot-out, you lose your partner.
Micky: That isn't fair! *pauses, gulps again* All right. I'll come to the shoot-out.
Cooper: (Smirks) Life ain't always fair, Dolenz.
Emma: You son-of-a-bitch! Let her go! She's one of my closest friends!
Mike: (Clenches his fists) Don't you hurt her, dickhead!
Micky: I'll do the shoot-out, just let her go!
Freddy: Nothin' doin', boy. She's comin' with us until sundown. (Pushes Lauren into Rufus' arms, and he drags her out) Not that you'll ever see her again, anyway. I'm one of the finest shots in this entire area. You'll be sorry you ever messed with Dead-Eye Freddy, boy!
Emma: No! Don't! (Goes after them, followed by Mike and the others.)
Micky: Like hell! *runs after*
(Rufus holds Lauren on his horse, his hand over her mouth, and rides off with her and Freddy as the others arrive outside. Micky pulls his gun out from under the folds of his skirts and takes shots at Freddy. He hits the bandit's shoulder as he skirts the side of the saloon. The bandit appears to list to one side slightly as he and the others ride out of sight.)
Micky: Dammit!
Mike: (Catches up with a panting Micky) Good shootin', Mick. At least you evened up the score.
Micky: Yeah. *frowns* But at what cost?
Emma: (She's still running) That bastard! When I get my hands on him...
Davy: (Puts his arms around Mick) Micky, they won't hurt her. Not now. Freddy likes her, and they're using her as bait.
Mike: Em, come back! (Goes after her, followed by Peter)
Micky: They'd better not do anything to her, or...
Davy: Freddy wants you to come to that showdown. He's counting on you to get killed. (Grins) It won't happen, of course. Your shooting arm is just fine. You're younger and faster than 'e is.
(Mike and Peter come back with Emma, who's shuddering and sobbing.)
Micky: *sighs* I just wish I could have the same confidence you do, Dave.
Mike: I have confidence in you, Mick. Haven't you been readin' that book on gunfighting?
Micky: Well, yes...
Peter: I do, too!
Emma: (Looks up, her spectacled gray eyes full of anger and fear) Micky, if you don't kill that man, I will!
Micky: *shakes his head* There's no way he's gonna survive.
Peter: (City-lighting grin) Not caught between a gun and a hard parasol! ;)
Mike: (Pulls his own gun) And don't forget a former gunfighter with a cool aim and a very nasty trigger finger.
Micky: *gives a half smile* Yeah. I'm just...worried.
Davy: We all are, Micky, but we're going to 'elp you and Em through this, just like we 'elped Mike.
Micky: *quietly, stares ahead* I know.
Mike: Yeah, you guys kept me from doing something stupid when they got Em and Pete! I never really repaid you for that...not to mention for sobering me up.
Emma: Something stupid?
(Emma squawks at Mike as Peter blushes, Davy rolls his eyes, Mike squawks back, and Micky stares sadly ahead into the distance, where horse hoofbeats can be heard...not knowning that one tall man watches the group unseen from the alley between the hotel and the saloon...)