Star Collector

Disclaimer: This is my shot at a "Live Drew Carey Show". Granted, I didn't manage to get any games in (except Change, but that's a given). Just think of it this way, though, the only lines that are scripted are the first lines, okay? And, I'm sorry about the opening.


      The camera pans the audience. Drew is standing in an aisle with a mic.
      "Welcome to another live Drew Carey Show. Tonight, we'll be performing live, and to help us out, we have most of the Whose Line gang here..." Drew said.
      "Ten seconds, Drew!" Brad called out.
      "Then, I guess I'll turn this over to our host, Brad, while I get into my costume," Drew said, then left the aisle.
      The camera moves to Brad.
      "Costume? All he does is put on a pair of horn-rimmed glasses," Brad siad, making a face. He realized the camera was on him. "Oh, right, so tonight, whenever you hear this..." *ding* "the actor has to come up with a new line." *ding* "...Has to dance with a monkey." *ding* "...Has to be kissed by Colin or Ryan..." He made a weird face and shrugged.

      Oswald, Lewis, and I are sitting at the usual table at the Warsaw. Drew came in and over to the table.
      "Another long day, Drew?" I asked.
      "Very long. I swear, some days, I could use another me," Drew said.
      "It's funny you should mention that, Drew. DrugCo is working on that exact thing right now," Lewis said.
      "They know how to clone people?" Oswald asked.
      "Remember when we had to go looking for Speedy?" Drew asked Oswald.
      "Yeah, but now they don't explode," Lewis interupted. "So, if you see someone who looks like me, but isn't me, his name's Ryan. Just so you know."
      "Geez, I wish I hadn't said anything now," Drew said.
      Eugene came in and went over to the table. "Hi, everyone!"
      "Hey, Eugene. How's the job hunt going?" Drew asked.
      "It's over. I started my own business," Eugene said.
      "Really? That's great!" Drew said. "What's your business?"
      "Well, we pretty much go from business to business looking for odd jobs," Eugene replied.
      "Can you actually make a living that way?" I asked.
      "No, not really," Eugene replied. *ding* "No, but it's fun!" *ding* "Yes, but we hate it."
      "How about tomorrow, you and the rest of your friends come down to Winfred-Louder. I'll see if I can get you your job back and gives the others jobs, too."
      "Awe, gee, Drew, that's great! I could just kiss you!" Eugene said.
      "You don't mean that," Drew said, backing off a little.

      The next day at Winfred-Louder, Drew is at his desk. Eugene came over.
      "Hey Eugene. Where're your friends?" Drew asked.
      "They're coming," Eugene answered.
      The camera pans down the "hall". Wayne, Chip, Greg, and Ryan come in all talking at once.
      Drew covered his ears. "Geez, Eugene, couldn't ya find quieter friends?"
      "Guys!" Eugene said to the four.
      They all stopped and turned towards Eugene and Drew.
      "So, uh, heh, why don't you guys fill out the employment forms and I'll see what I can do," Drew said.
      "Drew?" I said, coming down the other "hall".
      "now, what?" Drew said, then turned in is chair. "Yes, Lauren?"
      "You mind if I study here? It's too noisy in the dorm," I said.
      "Well, it's been kinda noisy here, too," Drew said, then motioned to the other five in the cubicle.
      "Oh," I said, scanning over them. "Oh! You know what, maybe I'll go find Lewis and Oswald... yeah..." I turned and quickly went back down the "hall".
      "What's the matter with her?" Ryan asked.
      Drew thought for a moment. "I... don't know."
      "Drew, there's one other thing..." Eugene started.
      Drew sighed. "Lemme guess, you guys need a place to stay, too, right?"
      "Damn, he's good," Greg commented.

      I'm sitting at Drew's kitchen table, studying. A few minutes later, Eugene and his friends came in. I kept trying to concentrate on mtext book, but ended up thinking about what Lewis had said. I closed the book, crossed my arms, and tilted my head back.
      Ryan came into the kitchen and went to the fridge for a beer. He came up behind me and looked down. "So, how many tiles are up there?"
      I tilted my head back down and looked straight ahead. "I don't know. I was trying to study, but I can't concentrate."
      "Why not?" he asked, sitting next to me.
      "Becuase I've got stuff on my mind," I said. *ding* I grinned. "Heh, because you guys are making too much noise!" *ding* I gave him a kiss. "Shh, don't tell Lewis! I gotta go." I got up and left with my stuff.
      "Lewis..." Ryan said to himself.

      I ran into the Warsaw and over to the guys' table.
      "What's the matter with you?" Lewis asked.
      "Yeah, you look like you just saw a ghost!" Oswald added.
      "Close," I said. "I found Ryan."
      "Really? Where?" Lewis asked.
      "Drew's house. He's a friend of Eugene's. They're all staying at Drew's," I said.
      "I gotta see this!" Oswald said, jumped up and left.
      Lewis took a drink of his beer. "I knew he'd do that."
      "I knew about him and I still got freaked out," I said.
      Kate came over to the table. "What's with all those guys at Drew's house?"
      'They're Eugene's friends and they're all staying at Drew's until they get their own places... or atleast that's what I got from eavesdropping," I replied.
      "OH, that explains alot," Kate said, "sort of."
      There's a muffled sound of a phone ringing.
      "I better go get that," Lewis said, then headed upstairs.
      A minute later, Drew came in followed by Eugene and his friends... and Oswald following all of them.
      'That's them," I said to Kate.
      "This is the Warsaw and that's my usual table where those two lovely ladies are sitting," Drew said.
      Kate smiled.
      "Drew, Lewis'll hang you upsidedown," I said, "but, thanks anyway."
      The guys came over, pulling up chairs... and Ryan took Lewis's, right next to me.
      "Showing the guys around, huh, Drew?" Kate said. "What've you seen so far?"
      "Winfred-Louder," Chip said.
      "Drew's house," Wayne said.
      "And this lovely watering hole," Greg said.
      "Ah, the usual. That's about it for the tour, guys," Kate said.
      "You could show them around some more," Drew hinted to Kate.
      "That's not a bad idea," Kate said, then stood. "Come on..."
      "I'll stay here, thanks," I said.
      "Who's coming?" Kate asked.
      Greg, Chip, and Wayne got up and followed her out.
      "I already know my way around," Eugene said.
      "Anyone wanna bowl?" Drew asked.
      "Sure," Eugene said.
      "Me, too," Oswald said.
      They left, leaving me and Ryan. Oh, how lucky.
      "You okay?" he asked.
      "Huh? Who? Me?" I said. "I'm fine."
      "Oh, well, you just sorta went a little pale," he said. "Am I making you nervous or something?"
      Damn. I kept staring at the table. "A little."
      "Okay, well, if anyone's looking for me, I'll be at Drew's," Ryan said, standing.
      "Uh huh," I said, without looking.
      Ryan left.
      A few minutes later, Lewis came back down. He came over and sat next to me.
      "The others didn't show up yet?" he asked.
      "They all just left. You missed Ryan by that much!" I said, then held out my hand with my thumb and pointer finger about an inch apart.
      "Geez, calm down, Lauren! You're acting like you've seen the living dead or something." Lewis said.
      I paused momentarily. "You have a stinkin' twin!"
      "So?" he asked. "Am I missing something here?" *ding* "Are you not telling me something?" *ding* "Did you kiss him?"
      How'd you know?" I asked. "It was that stupid bell!"
      Lewis started to grin. "PRetty damn annoying, isn't it?"
      "Anyeay, it didn't mean anything, but I think I 'll go talk to him. Probably thinks I crazy," I said.
      "And I'll be here since I don't know where anyone else is," he said.
      I patted his shoulder and left.
      "I guess that was too subtle. I really wanted to know where everyone else is," he said.


Part 2