When You Leave That Way...
By Lauren
Disclaimer: I don't own, wish I did, but don't. Don't sue me, I'm just a lowly college student having some fun attempting writing... blah blah blah...
"So? How is he?" Mike asked.
Don sat next to Mike on the couch with a *plop*. "Getting worse. I'd thought the warmer weather would help..."
"Instead he's getting worse because of it," Leo finished, coming in from the dojo.
"Maybe the train station wasn't the best pick of real estate," Don said.
"But it's so roomy!" Mike argued. He paused, then called out, "And it's good for echoes!"
"Mike, keep it down," Leo said.
"Just tryin' to lighten the mood a little," Mike said.
"Hm." Leo paced around the living room.
"We're all worried about him, Leo," Don said, then stood. "It's just, we have different ways of dealing..."
"Like Raph getting fall-down drunk every night for the last few weeks" Leo snapped.
Don backed off. "Sorry I said anything."
"No, Donnie,," Leo said, then sighed loudly. "I'm just... so..."
"Pissed at Raph?" Mike offered.
"Exactly," Leo agreed, then *plopped* himself on the couch on the other side of Mike.
"Where is the ol' cynical one, anyway?" Mike asked. "Little early for him to hit the bars, ain't it?"
"If Casey didn't have April holding him back now, I'd say the two were out 'busting heads'," Don said. "So, I'm not sure where he is."
He walked silently through the tunnels, making the trip in darkness. Easily, he could've made it with his eyes closed. He came upon the busted-in door. He stepped over the wooden shards and stepped into the semi-lit clearing that used to pass for a living room. Their living room. He scanned the room, his eyes flickering over what was left of their old home. He was slightly amazed the Foot hadn't come back and burned what was left... or atleast done something to that effect.
He cut through the living room and headed towards where they had slept. First, he stopped in his brothers' room. There wasn't much to be found, but some scrap metal. He turned and left for what had been his shared room. There were still a few empty pizza boxes scattered around, certainly they would've been under the bed, had it still been there. He looked to his side, walked over, and took down a dart board. He smirked at the drawing of Tatsu his brother had done that he'd stuck to the board, now with atleast a good 100 holes in it. He tucked the board and darts into the backpack he carried. Seeing nothing else, he turned and left. He stopped before entering their Master's room.
He let his eyes wander the small room, taking in every detail that was left. Very little actually remained in the room, but it had been the brick walls that their Sensei had liked, a pattern that--truthfully--he never could figure out. He stared at one wall, trying to find the pattern. He squinted, then closed one eye, then tried the other. He still couldn't see the pattern.
He folded his arms over his plastron in a huff. 'Gotta ask what the hell the pattern was.' He shook his head, took one more look around the nearly empty room, then turned away from it. He crossed back through what had been the living room. He stopped just before the broken door and turned back to do a once-over of the area for the last time. Memories flooded his mind--mostly good memories, some bad, few just plain awful, and two... nearly changed their lives forever because of the near "loss of but one" both times. He snorted, realizing the line would be true soon, despite their best efforts.
Raphael kept a neutral gaze as his eyes combed the room, but inside, he felt like he was on fire. his family's current situation and memories combined tore him up inside. He wanted to run away from it all... but something wouldn't let him go. He closed his eyes and took an audible breath, the first sound he'd made since entering his old home. He slung the backpack on and opened his eyes. He turned, silently, and stepped over the shards, and left the old home for the very last time.
"Where have you been?" Leo asked as Raph descended the ladder. He didn't answer. "Ignoring me now? That's real mature."
The backpack was slung off in less than a second. "Leave me alone, Leo," Raph growled, determined to reach his subway car without any problems.
"Why should I? Raph, this is ridiculous," Leo said. "Why can't you just lower those prtective walls of yours and show some emotion..."
The pack was dropped, Raph spun on his heels, and in an instant was flying at Leo. Leo tried side-stepping, but was still caught by one arm, and the two turtles hit the floor. The noise caused their brothers to come and pull them apart.
"Dammit, Raph! What are you, drunk again, or just proving your stupidity?" Leo taunted.
Don tried to cover Leo's mouth with his hand. "Shut up, Leo."
Meanwhile, Mike had his own problems in dealing with an enraged Raph. "Lemme go, Mike!" Raph shouted. "Obviously, he wants me to beat the shit outta him!"
"Raph!" Mike said, trying to keep some hold on his pissed off brother.
"Guys!" Don tried again. "Come on, knock it off! You probably woke up Sensei..."
Three brothers were amazed when Raph's struggle came to a screeching halt. With no more struggle, Mike let him go. Raph simply picked up his pack and went to his subway car.
Mike's brow went up in surprise. "Whoa."
Leo shook his head. "Fool."
"Leo, would you stop it, okay?" Don asked, frustrated.
"I'll stop when he stops," Leo returned.
The next morning, three brothers left their subway cars, headed for the kitchen. Mike picked up two mugs and rinsed them, frowning.
"Hey, Mikey, why the long face?" Don asked, wondering if maybe he already knew why.
Mike looked like he was going to answer, but stopped himself. He paused, then said, uneasily, "Couldn't really sleep last night."
Leo sat at the table and glared at Mike. "Didn't have anything to do with Raph's tantrum at about 2am, did it?"
Don sat down. "I was hoping we could avoid mentioning that."
"How could we? We all heard him, obviously. And Sensei..." Leo said, then sighed. "Of course, he took it calmly, as usual."
Mike joined them at the table. "I wonder where he took off to."
"Raph's not here?" Don asked.
Mike shook his head. "He took off again after about fifteen minutes. He was tossin' stuff around the whole time." He paused, "I wasn't sure if pretending to be asleep had been enough... I was worried he'd start smackin' me around."
"I don't think Raph would've done that, Mikey," Don said.
"I wouldn't be so sure," Leo mumbled.
Don sighed. "Thank you, Mr. Cynical. What is wrong with you?"
Leo didn't answer at first. He took a moment, then said, calmly, "Our father is dying, that is what is wrong with me. Am I the only one who cares about him around here?"
"No, Leo," Mike said, quickly.
"I care, Leo. I just wish we could all co-exist and make Splinter's last days as pleasant as possible," Don said.
"Dammit, can't you guys wait till I'm around before ya talk shit about me?" Raph said, standing in the kitchen doorway.
"I would if you stopped disappearing so much," Leo said.
Don rolled his eyes and looked at Mike, who mouthed, 'Not again.'
"Do you boys need a referee or somethin'?" Casey called out from the living room.
A small smirk crossed Leo's face. "Couldn't make it back here on your own?"
Raph shifted against the doorway, while continuing his glare. "He wanted ta come."
"Sure he did," Leo said.
"Boys, boys," Casey said, moving next to Raph, "don't make me call a penalty." He grinned.
"I'm going to practice," Leo said, stood, and brushed in between Casey and Raph, whose stare never wavered.
"Hope you boys got coffee," Casey said. "Man, no one should have to get up this early."
"Wanna join us, Raph?" Mike asked.
Raph shook his head. "As tempting as bashin' on Leo is, I'll do it later." He turned and headed for his shared subway car.
"Damn," Casey commented. "Ya know, he came knockin' on our door at about 3am? I'd figured the least he'd do would be tell me why he was there, but couldn't get anythin' outta him."
"None of us are really too sure of what happened," Don said, with a sigh.
Raph paused at the door to his subway car. He looked towards Splinter's. "Damn," he said, then went into his car, closing the door loudly after him.
He dropped onto his bed and stared at the ceiling. "Dammit." he cursed--again. The scene from the middle of the night kept replaying in his mind. He had be so drunk, yet he remembered every detail of it. He closed his eyes against the memories and tried to will them away. It kept coming back, though.
He opened his eyes again and rolled over with a noisy *plop*. He stared ahead of him, at the wall. The scene wouldn't leave him. He had a brief thought of going to the do to beat up on Leo, but he preferred to be alone, at the moment, moreso than abusing his brother.
He thought it too bad that the Foot had become so sloppy since Shredder had been killed. He narrowed his eyes at that memory. Of course, Leo had been the one to do it, but he'd come close. Instead, Leo practically saved his sorry ass.
He rolled over again with another noisy *plop*. "Dammit," he repeated. His memories were not being kind to his already extremely foul mood. He stared at the ceiling once again, still reliving the scene with Splinter. He closed his eyes against the thoughtsonce more and muttered, "Fuck."
Leo entered the darkened room. "Sensei?"
"My son..." Splinter said, his voice weakened incredibly, "...come."
Leo took in a silent breath and sat by their Master's bedside. "Sensei, I've done all I can. We've done all we can. I'm sorry."
Splinter sighed. It was moments before he spoke again. "Leonardo, I must... speak with Raphael..."
Leo looked to the floor. "He won't do anything, except yell at me and go bust some heads with Casey. He won't listen..."
"Leonardo..." Splinter said, interrupting Leo's rambling, with as much force as he cold muster, "...we must speak." He paused, taking in a ragged breath. "I fear the future... depends too greatly on it..."
"Great. I'll tell him that and we'll get into another fight with him laying blame on me," Leo said, absently.
Splintered ignored the rambling again. "The future... can be altered... must be... I must speak... with Raphael..."
Leo shook his head. "All right. I'll try, but since when does Raph listen to anthing I say." He stood and left. He spotted Mike on the couch. "Hey, Mikey. Raph around?"
Mike looked up from his comic. "Why? You got a death wish, Leo?" He grinned, then watched Leo roll his eyes. "I'm joking! He left already. Went to meet up with Casey again. Why're you asking?"
"Sensei wants to talk to him."
"Oh."
Leo shook his head and sat next to Mike. "He said something about how it could change the future."
"Wait... so, Splinter talking to Raph, or not, could really affect us?" Mike said, then added, "It's when Sensei's gone that's really gonna affect us."
"I know," Leo said, solemnly.
He'd finally gotten up the nerve. He wasn't exactly sure how long it had been since that night, but the memory was becoming unbearable. He knocked on the door, but received no answer. He eased the door open and found the room bathed in candle light. He stopped just in front of the now closed door, unable to remove his eyes. He really wasn't sure of how to go about what he was about to do.
"Sensei," Raph began, but still he received no reply. He moved to the bedside and watched the stilled form. His eyes narrowed and he rested a hand on his Master's... which he found was cold. 'It's June, how can he be cold?' he asked himself, obliviously to what could be wrong. He placed a hand on their Sensei's forehead. 'Cold, too...'
Suddenly, an overwhelming emptiness came over him as the realization dawned on him. He sucked in a noisy gasp and breathed, "God, no..." Slowly, he placed a hand over their Sensei's heart and held it there. Every second the emptiness grew. "No..." He grabbed a small mirror and held it to his nose. It didn't fog up.
Raph nearly dropped the mirror. He felt like the walls were closing in on him and was nearly hyperventalating. He sucked in another noisy breath and, with everything he had left, let out the loudest, longest, and most pained, "No!" he could manage.
The other three turtles soon ran into the room and stopped cold in the doorway. Raph remained sitting in the bedside chair, head in his hands, rocking slightly back and forth, breathing in noisy, ragged breaths.
Leo lowered his head and looked at the floor. Mike lowered himself to the floor, tears running down his face. Don moved slowly to Raph, never removing his eyes from the stilled form, and placed a trembling hand on Raph's shoulder, as he looked down to the floor.
The family and future were forever changed.
Three turtles sat around the kitchen table.
"So, now what happens?" Don asked, quietly, as Mike sniffed.
Leo sighed. "We give him a burial."
"The farmhouse?" Don suggested.
Leo nodded, handing Mike another tissue. "Mike..." He put an arm around his brother's shoulders.
"Maybe we should ask Casey to bring the truck around?" Don asked. Leo nodded again. Don paused, gauging his next question. "What, exactly, do we do with him?"
"Donnie!" Mike cried out, finally finding his voice.
"I'm sorry!" Don said, giving Mike a sympathetic look. "I'm just trying... I only wanted to... I can't..." He sighed, then shook his head. "I can't even think straight." He rested his elbows on the table and his head in his hands.
"You're not alone," Leo said. "And, I am wondering the same as you, Donnie." He paused. "We'll figure something out."
The three slipped into a silence that was becoming all too familiar. Then, they watched Raph enter in a dazed state, headed for the fridge.
"Raph?" Leo asked, cautiously.
Raph pulled a water bottle from the fridge, then closed the door. He didn't acknowledge Leo's question or Mike and Don. He just left the room again, headed back towards his subway car.
Leo closed his eyes. "I think I understand now."
"What?" Don asked, carefully.
"We're falling apart. We don't have Splinter to hold us together anymore," Leo replied, then sighed. "This is the future, the one that wasn't altered because he never got to speak with Raph..."
"...And Raph hasn't said one word since," Don said.