He walked back into the subway car, water bottle in hand. He closed the door quietly, then took a drink of water. He placed the bottle on the table/desk and laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He thought about finding their sensei... that he had to be the one to find him dead. He thought about the emptiness he felt. It had only happened the previous day. He had done his crying then and had nothing left in him to keep going, unlike Mike.

'Poor, Mike...' Neither of them had gotten much sleep that night; Raph had actually let Mike lean on him--literally--crying for most of the night, while he just sat there, staring off, expressionless.

Just like now. Not only was the emptiness stemming from the loss, but also that there simply were no emotions left. He could not cry. He couldn't be angry. He closed his eyes and tried concentrating on his breathing.

Soon enough, thoughts of the previous week flooded back and his eyes popped open, a new fire burning in them. Yet, all that he wanted to do: curse, yell, cry, scream... he just couldn't.

The next night, Mike went into his and Raph's subway car, still sniffling. He glanced at his brother, who kept a neutral look on his face, staring up at the ceiling.

"Raph?" Mike asked, his voice cracking. His brother closed his eyes and didn't answer. Mike took a few cautious steps closer. "Leo called Casey. He's gonna bring the truck around tomorrow. We're going to the farmhouse." He paused. "Raph?" Still no answer. "Tomorrow morning, about eleven, we're gonna take him up there, make the... site... and maybe stay a while." He sniffled again, and still got no answer. Mike gave his brother a defeated look that he never saw and crawled into his bed.

Raph opened his eyes finally and continued staring at the ceiling, letting what Mike said sink in.

The next time Raph looked at the clock, it was 2:43am. He got up quietly and pulled a bag out from under his bed and dropped a few things into it, then zipped it. He went to the door, but turned one last glace at Mike. He turned quickly and left the subway car. He walked quietly through the once subway station and stopped at the bottom of the ladder. After placing a hand on one of the rungs, he took a look around, then stepped away, retrieving his trench coat and hat. He put them on and returned to the ladder. He started climbing and never looked back.

Just his luck, it was raining. He kept to the underground, heading for the train station, hoping a freighter was there. He realized he didn't know where he would go or even what he would do when he got... where ever. What Raphael did know was he had to get out of there and not come back this time.

He reached the station and crouched by one wall of the building. His eyes scanned the length of the station. There was a freighter stopped and no one in sight. He started running towards it, but half way, it began moving.

"Shit," he breathed, running faster. The train began to pick up speed, but so did he. Running along side now, he looked for a ladder, picking up speed, and launching himself at the first ladder he saw. He latched onto it and climbed up enough to look for any way to get inside one of the cars. The next car back had a door, so he swung himself in between the cars, landing on the edge of his current car. Holding onto the car latch, he leaned across and hopped on the landing of the next car, then opened the door easily, quietly, and peeked inside. Seeing that it was just another regular freight car, he went in, closing the door after him. Finally inside, he sat against the wall of the car heavily. He closed his eyes to steady his heavy breathing and soon had it under control. He reopened his eyes and looked around, but there wasn't much in the car.

"Dammit," Raph cursed, "prob'ly fill this car at the next stop. Shit." He opened his bag and rummaged through it. He pulled out one of several water bottles and took a drink.

About an hour later, the train began to slow. Raphael packed up everything and moved to the door, which he opened slightly, to watch for the nearing station platform. When it came into sight, he noticed one lone light in the otherwise dark station. He considered jumping here, then running ahead once the train stopped to move to a car farther up, but scrapped the idea, unsure if there would be anyone at the platform to load or unload cargo. He watched and waited for the train to stop, looking for people. The platform was empty and he jumped out just before reaching it. He ran ahead and opened a sliding door on the third car up from his previous car and found it full of crates. He figured he could hide himself behind enough crates so he could get some sleep.

The train began moving again as Raph oriented himself behind a pile of crates that had "Cleveland" stamped on them. He hoped the stamps meant that was where the crates were going to and not coming from. He laid himself out on the floor of the car, closed his eyes, and waited for sleep to take over

"I can't believe him. I just can't believe that stubborn..." Leo fumed.

"Leo, come on. This is hard enough on us already with Raph gone missing again. We don't need you getting pissed at him and leaving Mike, Casey, and I to do this ourselves," Don reasoened.

Leo let out an irritated sigh. "Alright, fine, I'm sorry. I'll help, but just give me a few minutes first." He walked over to, then into the dojo. He went over to the punching bag and gave it a blinding flurry of punches, chops, and various kicks, ending with a roundhouse that would've made a live opponent fly through the air.

He grabbed the bag to steady it and stared a hole through it. "Dammit, Raphael, why do you have to do this to us? Why?" He gave the bag a swat and turned for the door. He left the dojo and joined the others. "Okay, let's get this done." He walked ahead, while Mike, Don, and Casey shared questioning looks.

The train came to an abrupt stop, jolting Raph awake. "Gah... damn... ugh." He continued grumbling while sitting up and looking around the car. Everything looked to be in the same places... then he noticed the door beginning to open. He piled his things bag into the bag and dove into a corner behind numerous crates. He heard muffled voices and the sounds of crates being moved, then the door being closed. He leaned back, resting his head against the wall, and let out the breath he'd been holding. Slowly, he slid down the wall and ended sitting against it as the train began moving once more.

"No, you guys just stay here. I'll go back and see if Raph's shown up yet. If not, I'll look around for 'im," Casey said, snatching the keys from Leo's hand.

"Fine, but you bring him here as soon as you find him," Leo said, his brow lowered.

Casey started for the farmhouse door. "I'll be back tomorrow, with or without him, but I'll find 'im, so keep yer shells on!" He slammed the door after him.

Leo crossed his arms over his plastron and turned from glaring at the door. He walked into the kitchen and found Mike sitting at the table. "Hey, Mikey."

Mike gave him a forced, half smile. "Hey."

"Looks like we're going to be here a while," Leo commented, disgust seeping into his voice.

"Where do you think Raph went?" Mike asked.

Leo closed his eyes and attempted to regain some control. "I have no idea. I don't even know how he could just take off like that... at this time. I just don't..."

Don walked in. "Not again."

Leo stopped mid-sentence and glared at Don. "Don, don't tell me you're defending him..."

"Leo, shut up!" Don snapped, causing Mike to give him a surprised look. Don sighed. "I'm sorry, Leo, but would you listen to yourself? This should be a time of remembering Splinter. Naturally, we're all going to have our own ways and maybe that's why Raph disappeared. I remember a little while back that he had mentioned something about trying to go back to the old den. Maybe he went there. I don't know. He has been gone longer than this and come back like he was gone two minutes. Now, you, Leo, have not spent your time on anything but Raph. Stop it and take some time for remembrance. You'll feel better... and so will we." He sat and kept a steady gaze on Leo.

"Alright," Leo conceded, "I'll stop. I didn't mean to get so out of hand. It's just that he gets me so crazed sometimes and... No, I'm just not even going think about him until he comes here with or without Casey dragging him along."

That night, the train came to another stop, which Raph had scouted. He'd been watching it since about a half mile away. He saw his chance and jumped out of the freighter. Sticking to the shadows, he watched as the train left, then let his eyes scour the around around the station and spotted a parking lot of 18-wheelers.

He went into the lot and found a flatbed truck with cement cylinder supports. A smirk crossed his face and he jumped up onto the flatbed, then jumped again, looked inside the support, then dropped inside. He landed in a crouched and estimated the diameter at about five feet. He sighed, knowing it wouldn't be oo comfortable.

"The hell." He shrugged, stretched himself out the best he could, and hoped it wouldn't rain.

Unfortunately, around 6am, it began raining, waking Raphael. He grumbled, cursing the weather, and sat up. He stood and jumped, latching onto the lip of the support. He hauled himself up to get a better look around...

"You there!"

Raph's head whipped around and he saw three security guards runnings towards the truck. "Fuck." He dropped back inside, grabbed his bag, and jumped up and out of the support. He landed on the ground and broke into a run.

From behind, he heard the guards yellings warnings. He pushed himself to move faster, not to get away from them so much, but so they won't find out what he is. Other than more trucks, there was nothing to provide any real cover, so he attempted to lose them. After a few turns, cutting through some cabs, flipping over an empty flatbed...

"Holy shit."

...Raphael came nearly face to face with one of the guards, who immediately froze with shock. Raph smirked, then vaulted over the guard and continued on his way.

"Dammit," he breathed, practically berating himself for letting that guard actually see him.

He ran towards the metal fencing around the lot. reaching it, he launched himself up onto it and climbed over, jumping down to the other side. He looked around and spotted a pick-up with its flatbed covered by a tarp. He went over to it, found the bed empty, and decided to make it his new "hiding" spot. Climbing in under the tarp, he hoped the owner wouldn't be needing the eight-foot bed.

Casey pulled his pick-up into the drive of the farmhouse around 7am. Being the night owl he was, he hadn't slept yet and that had been his only realy reason for even going back that early. One foot in the door and he was already met by Leonardo.

"Didn't find him," he stated.

"Nada. No trace. He's gone, Leo. For all we know, he's long gone," Casey said.

Leo turned sharply and went back to his room, closing the door loudly after him.

Casey sighed and thought he'd pick up a quick snack before getting some sleep. He went into the kitchen and found Don and Mike at the able. "Hey, guys."

"Hey, Casey," Mike greeted.

"No Raph, huh?" Don said, practically simultaneous with Mike's greeting.

"Nothin'," Casey replied. "Looked everywhere I could think of... and some I didn't. He's just gone."

"Probably won't come back, either," Mike said.

Don sighed. "I think we should atleast try to keep looking for him. I mean, he could be in trouble and need us for all we know."

"You guys look, I need sleep," Casey said, yawning through the second half of his sentence. Forgoing his snack, he left the kitchen.

"We'll have to tell Leo if we're gonna look," Mike said.

"I think he'll come with us, Mikey. Telling him won't be the problem," Don said, then paused. "The problem will be if we if we don't find Raphael... or maybe even if we do."

Raph woke to a jolt. He blinked and realized that the pick-up had been moving. He waited several minutes, and, in the meantime, thoughts of Casey's pick-up came surfaced. He shook his head and supressed the memories, finding he'd been getting good at that recently--supressing unwanted memories and feelings.

He waited a while longer, letting his thoughts clear completely, then ventured a peek from under the tarp. He saw no one around from his vantage point, but frowned at the daylight... something he, truthfully, hadn't really considered. "Dumbass," he muttered, then decided to take the chance. Grabbing his bag, he opened the tailgate, climbed out, and after considering it all clear, he took off for a wooded area about a quarter mile away

"Vermont?" Leo questioned, disdain marring his usually calm voice.

"Weeell..." Mike began, then shrugged.

"Face it, guys, none of us really know where Raph could've gone, but it's a start atleast," Don said.

Leo sighed. "Fine, we'll go to Vermont."

"Now that that's been decided on, what, praytell, do we do when we find Raph? Tie him up and drag him back here?" Don said, a small smirk playing across his mouth.

Mike looked at him, surprised. "Geez, Donnie, don't give Leo ideas!" Leo tossed him a withering look in return. "What?"

"Can we just go?" Leo said, heading towards his room.

The rain came down heavier. He was nearing the woods, following a route along a steep enbankment. Raphael didn't even know where he was going, nor did he know exactly where he was, and he didn't care. He did know he wasn't where he wanted to be, yet. He looked up and caught a glimpse of lightning in the sky. He thought wryly that the woods was not exactly the best place to be during a thunder storm. A loud clap of thunder sounded and Raph stopped, brushing the back of one hand over his eyes. The rain really wasn't helping in that it was allowing him to think too much and it began to seem like a release of emotions for him. The problem was, he didn't want to release the emotions, he simply didn't want them at all.

Cursing himself for letting his thoughts turn to emotions, he neared the edge, now with trees on the opposite side. Another flash of lightning and a clap of thunder jolted Raph from his thoughts and cursing and he tripped. he tried desperately to fall forward, but instead fell to his right and ended up rolling down the enbankment, which just happened to end in a drop off. He saw the drop and tried to slow himself, but only managed to nearly dislocate a shoulder. Finding nothing else, he reached for both sai and, in a total of less than one second, stabbed both weapons into the ground. The ground gave way and he began rolling again, but slower this time. He tried again and managed to swing himself around to stop rolling. Unfortunately, he was alot closer to the drop than he thought and the abrupt turn caused himto go over. He stopped, hands gripping the sai tightly, arms extended straight, with only his head and shoulders still above the drop.

Slowly, Raph eased himself back up, so as to not put too much stress on the pair of sai or the wet ground. He pulled up one leg, just as one said became loose. With a rush of adrenaline, he flipped himself up the rest of the way and landed flat on his shell, both sai held tightly in his hands. He closed his eyes and tried to calm his heavy breathing, but couldn't quite do it. He finally let go of the sai, leaving them laying on either side of him.

Then the thought struck him: 'Why the hell did I go through all that trouble to save myself?' Silently, he told the voice to shut the hell up, leaving only the sound of the rain pattering off him and the thunder.

Chapter Three to come...