I walked outside. It was a slightly cooler day, but it felt good. I headed towards the barn and paused at the door, leaning against it to listen. I couldn't hear anything so I knocked.
"It's open," Shadow called out.
I eased the door open and stepped in. "You two ain't talkin' about me here, are ya?"
Shadow and Addy exchanged glances. I could tell they were hiding smirks. Yep, they were talking about me.
"I'll take that as a yes," I said.
"Just can't keep anything from him," Shadow said, then stood. "I've gotta get something to eat." She left, giving me a pat on the arm on her way out.
"Nothing bad, since I'm sure you were wondering," Addy said.
I gave her a skeptical look. "So, what exactly were you talkin' about?"
"I asked Shadow about how you ended up here," Adalida said, then paused, "and I found out alot more about what you told me."
I sighed. "Not only did she blab, but she prob'ly also said she basically dragged me here."
"Actually, she said she 'coerced' you," she corrected.
"Same difference," I said, shrugging... well, to me it was the same.
"And I realized something," Addy began again. I gave her a questioning look when she wouldn't continue. She smirked. "I'd already met Shadow at college."
"You did?" I said, surprised. "So..."
"We both went to Southern University and we spoke several times outside of classes. We had similar interests. Then I asked about her family. Of course, she was fine talking about April and Casey, but when it came to her four Italian uncles, all she gave me were names," she paused, then smiled, "Leo, Mike, Don, and Raph. I didn't ask her anything more about you guys, mainly because I wasn't sure if should've even told her I knew you or you'd wanted her to know you were there. Matter of fact, I'd wished I hadn't even asked her. Made it harder knowing," she paused again. "But atleast since she'd told me about all that, when Leo called looking for me, I had a way of making sure he was who he said and that I'd actually found you again." She smirked.
"Wow," I breathed. Damn.
"It was kind of funny, actually, when she mentioned you guys. I mean, "Leo, Mike, and Don' are pretty popular names. If she hadn't mentioned you I wouldn't have thought twice," she paused, "after all, how many guys out there could be named 'Raph'?"
I smirked and shook my head. "You really amaze me, Addy."
Addy shrugged. "I never thought I'd run into someone who knew you. Of course, you hadn't mentioned anyone else, but your brothers and your Sensei, so it wasn't like I was looking for someone to question about you. It was just a big coincidence."
"Nice coincidence," I said, sitting next to her with a soft *thud*.
"Well, I'd remembered you had said you'd left on bad terms and didn't really want to see your brothers again, but I'd had this nagging thought. No matter what I go through, I'd want to see my family again. I figured you were the same way. I'd almost told her I had an idea of where you were, but like I said before, I didn't know if you'd wanted her to know."
I leaned my head back and looked at the barn's ceiling. "I still can't get over that you still thought about me after I hurt ya and left."
"A bump to the head," she said, sounding like it was nothing.
I gave her a skeptical look. "Concussion?"
She nodded. "Yeah... I know you didn't mean it..."
"I know, ya keep tellin' me that," I interrupted.
"But you still don't believe me, Raphael."
I dropped my head and sighed. "Fuck," I whispered, then looked at her again. "For all I knew, I'd prob'ly killer ya. I know it wasn't that bad and no I didn't mean it, but... God..."
"What's wrong?" she asked, concern washing over her face.
"Dammit," I muttered. "I did the same to you that I did to Splinter... almost the same thing. You, I can apologize to face to face for being so stupid. That's why since Leo brought you here I haven't had any dreams about when I left you there... I'm just left with the ones about mouthin' off to Splinter while I was drunk."
"But you said..."
"It wasn't the apology I really owed him. It should have been while he was still alive, not in some dream or to his grave," I said, feeling the anger building.
"You still apologized..."
"I wanted his acceptance of it... not in a damn dream!" I spat. "I've felt so damn guilty about both these things for the longest fuckin' time and now I can't get myself to realize that everythin's okay!" I paused, finishing in a whisper, "I just can't make myself remember that... shit." I paused, then warily looked at her again.
The look she gave me was sympathetic. It was actually conforting. She didn't take my outburst as against her. The problem was, she didn't reply.
So, we sat in silence. Eventually, she did put an arm around my shoulders. I heaved a mental sigh. She wasn't pissed at me.