Present...

I looked at the floor, a tear pricking my eye. A quiet, choked sob escaped my lips. Before I knew it, a tissue appeared in front of me. I looked at Shadow, giving me somewhat of a forced smile and I did what I could to return it.

God, the walls I'd spent so many years building just about came crashing down (again?). I finally ventured a glance around at everyone... sadness evident in their faces, even Leo's.

"I killed 'er," I choked out again. "Jus' an accident." I put a hand over my eyes. "I hate remembering this."

"Hey, Raph, I'm sorry about buggin' ya with it earlier," Mike said, slowly.

I waved him off. "S'a'right. Knew I'd have to tell ya this some time."

"So... what happened after that?" Leo asked.

"Heh?" I looked up at him.

"What happened? What did you do?" Leo asked again.

What the hell's he gettin' at? I shrugged. "Went back to the swamp and stayed there. Took me the longest damn time to go back to the city."

"So you left her there," Leo stated.

I glared at him. "'Scuse me?"

"Was she really dead? Did you check for a pulse?" Leo asked. Now he decided to become 'Fearless Leader' again? Finally thought he'd mellowed out...

"Leo, knock it off," Don said.

...But it was all I needed at that moment. "The fuck?" What the hell're ya doin', Leo? Here I am actually pourin' my heart out, bawlin' in front of all of you and you..." I spat, quickly passing pissed.

"Obviously, she'd helped you survive. You didn't help her. You ran away," Leo said, still calm.

I must've had that 'ready-to-explode' look on my face cuz everyone else got up and left the room.

"Shit! Leo! I was half dead when I woke up! I had no fuckin' clue of what the hell I was doin'!" I yelled. I paused, then added, quietly, "I didn't push her that hard." It sounded more like I was trying to convince myself instead of Leo.

Leo looked at the floor, then me again. He sighed, running a hand over his face. "Raph, I... I didn't mean to... I mean..."

"Dammit, jus' say it!" I cried out. He's killin' me.

"I'm sorry," he said, quietly.

I heard a knock at my door. "Raph?" Mikey.

I didn't answer, figuring if he really wanted to talk, he'd try again.

"Raph, it's Mike..."

"It's open," I said, more or less to the ceiling.

The door opened and Mike came in, closing it after him. "Hey."

"Hey," I returned. I watched him look around the room. He had no idea how to start whatever he wanted to say.

He started roaming around, looking at what few new items I'd added to the room. He stopped at the dresser and picked up a small frame. "Is this...?" He looked at me. I nodded. "Doesn't it... hurt... to look at?" he asked.

"Sometimes," I said. I lied. It hurt all the time. It hurt when I didn't look at the picture.

"She's pretty," he said, absently, replacing the frame.

"Mm," I agreed.

Next, he picked up the discarded bandanna and stared at it. "What's it like?"

I smirked. "Wanna see it?"

Mike's eyes practically fell out of his head. "Not really." He replaced the bandanna.

"Imagine my surprise," I began, not really surprised at how Mike had gotten me talking, "a year later, when I finally went back to the city and found a discarded mirror, as if the reflection the water gave off hadn't been enough. Took me long enough to finally yank off the bandage." I sighed. "So I found a patch, I'll spare ya the story of that, it's kinda borin' anyway." Beat. "I don't know how Addy did it..." I closed my eye. 'She's dead,' I thought, again. 'I killed her... But it was an accident! I wasn't thinking straight.' As a result of my internal struggle, a tear escaped and rolled down the side of my face.

Mike noticed. "I shouldn't've brought it up..."

I opened my eye and looked at him. "It ain't yer fault, Mikey. It's mine."

He shook his head. "She must've been somethin' cuz... uh--well... er..."

"Spit it out," I said, smirking, watching him get flustered. He was nervous. Must've been my outburst out Leo. They didn't hear how it ended.

"Well, aside from that little bout with Leo, you seem a little more... uh..." Mike said, then paused, looking for the right word.

"Emotional?" I supplied him.

He debated it a moment. "It was one of my choices."

I sat up. "Calm? Level-headed?" Beat. "Nah, those don't sound right." I grinned.

"I'm sorry, Raph," Mike said, after another brief pause.

That apology, I knew, was for the loss of my friend. "Thanks, Mikey," I accepted.