Displaced
Chapter Two
Two hours later, at the guys' apartment...
"Lettuce?" Lenny guessed.
Squiggy slugged his arm. "Don't say that!"
"But, Squig--"
"It isn't lettuce!" Laverne said, pausing in her charade.
"Not supposed to talk," Balki reminded.
"Look at them. Just look at them," Larry said, taking up a stool at the counter, white bottle in hand. "Look at the time."
Shirley glanced behind her, towards the group, then turned back. "It's a normal night for me and Laverne... or about as normal as possible with Lenny and Squiggy around."
"They're very... uh... different," Larry said.
"Weird?" Shirley supplied.
Larry glanced around and saw Balki standing on the couch, looking like Godzilla. "They aren't the only ones. How would you like to take Balki with you when you leave?"
"If we leave," Shirley corrected. "It was something the boys did and we don't know what it was." She paused. "They don't know what it was."
"It just doesn't seem possible," Larry said, shaking his head.
"I don't exactly believe it myself, but it was 1957, and you say it's 1987, so something happened," Shirley said, then clanged a spoon around in her tea.
"Shirl!" Laverne called out, annoyed.
Shirley smirked and clanged the spoon again. "She hates it when I do that."
"And I hate it when Balki makes Myposian food," Larry said. "So, you two must know each other very well. You aren't related?"
"No, we've only been best friends for forever. We share an apartment." Shirley shrugged. "Bottle cappers don't make much. The boys live in the same building, unfortunately." She paused. "You and Balki are cousins?"
"Distant. Kind of like by rumor: his side is more than several times removed," Larry explained. "And I've really only known him for about a year, but somehow he knew who to look for." He paused, then gave a small smile. "Now, if only I could find out who that is."
Shirley smiled. "So, he just dropped in unannounced?" Larry nodded. "Sounds like Squiggy."
"How so?"
"For one, he knows not how to knock, and he always says 'hello!' when he comes through a door."
"As opposed to Balki who dropped in and never left," Larry said, then paused. "Someone mentioned a Carmine earlier...?"
Shirley smiled. "We go out alot." She paused. "And, sometimes, when the boys don't leave, we get Carmine to throw them out--"
"A bodyguard and a boyfriend, interesting combination," Larry commented.
"Well, it's usually on-again, off-again," Shirley said, then paused and turned around. "Where...?"
"They left," Larry said, standing. He went to the door. "Balki?" No answer. He turned back and shrugged. "He had to have taken them somewhere. I just... don't know where."
"Without us?" Shirley asked.
Larry sighed and closed the door. "You wouldn't happen to be known for 'ruining' the fun or not really know how to have fun, are you?"
"Vernie does tell me Im not very fun sometimes," Shirley admitted.
"Then that's why we're here and they're out, probably at an arcade," Larry said, walking back to the counter.
"It's because I like to plan things," Shirley admitted. "I just know it."
"Whereas my plans tend to blow up in my face," Larry said, sitting back down.
"The boys usually mess up mine," Shirley said.
Larry took a gulp of 'the white stuff.' "What's your family like? Any weird foreign cousins?"
A little while later, at the train station...
"It's so quiet in here," Laverne commented.
"There it is!" Lenny yelled out, pointing in fromt of Laverne.
The group went over to the gate and stopped, while Squiggy kept going. He latched onto the railing and leaned over, looking up and down the tracks.
"See 'nything, Squig?" Lenny asked.
"Nah, nutin'," he replied.
"Maybe there was a tornado--" Balki began, then imitated the wind.
"Wizard Of Oz?" Laverne asked, and Balki nodded. "Possible." She went over to the railing as Squiggy turned back. "How the heck are we gonna get home if we dunno how we got here?"
"Hope this is all a bad dream?" Lenny suggested.
"Sure, Len, and I'm a Lone Wolfette," Laverne commented, sarcastically, then watched his face light up. "Lenny..." He gave her a sulking look. She turned away and took her own look up and down the tracks. "Nothin'."
"We could try again tomorrow when it's light out," Balki suggested.
"Good idea. We probably oughtta go back to the hotel... 'cept we left Shirl behind with your cousin," Laverne said, then shot the boys a glare as Lenny bit his palm and Squiggy puckered up. "When we get back to Milwaukee, I'm gonna have Carmine throw ya down the stairs." She turned back to Balki.
"I can get bring Shirley over," Balki offered.
"Thanks, Balki," Laverne said, as they began to leave.
The apartment door opened and Balki came in. The room was dark and quiet. He began for the kitchen, but stopped when he noticed the light in the space between the floor and Larry's door. He walked over slowly and pressed an ear to the door. He couldn't hear anything at first, but then heard a muffled laugh, then a muffled voice, followed by the muffled voice of the owner of the laugh.
Unphazed, Balki stepped back and knocked on the door. Within seconds, it was pulled open.
"Back already?" Larry asked, binder in hand.
"Yes, I am and I'm here to save Shirley from you photo album!" Balki said.
"Save me? Why? I've finally found someone with a bigger family than I have," Shirley said, moving between them. "I guess Vernie's looking for me, though."
"I offered to get you back to the hotel," Balki said.
"I can do that, Balki. Besides, you've been out a second time already," Larry offered, then snatched the keys from him. 'After all, it is my car."
At the hotel, the Mustang pulled up and stopped in a parking spot. Both doors opened, but Shirley got out first.
"Are you sure you don't mind helping us out, Larry? I mean, it is kind of silly," Shirley said.
Larry got out, closed the door, and went around to Shirley. "I don't mind at all." He smiled. "Just... try not to let on when you don't know what something is."
"Sorry about screaming when you put that, uh, cassette in the car radio."
"That's okay, I don't mind such a high pitch right in my ear while driving," Larry said, giving a half smile.
In Laverne and Shirley's room, Laverne is sitting on the edge of one bed, looking over the remote control.
A knock to the tune of 'shave and a hair cut' sounded at the door.
Laverne tossed the remote on the bed and went over to the door. "Shirl, ya nearly had me thinkin' ya were Carmine," she said as she opened the door fully.
Shirley came in, leaving Larry in the doorway. "Well, what other knock would I use?"
Laverne gave Larry a questioning look, the turned to Shirley, still holding the door. "Hey, Shirl, I know old habits are hard to break, but ya gonna ask the poor guy in or what?" She motioned to Larry, who took on a bit of a surprised look.
"Oh!" Shirley spun around. "I'm so sorry! I remembered about the tv and the phone and thought he could help us."
Larry frowned. "Unfortunately, she keeps forgetting to keep that quiet. Most people, if they heard about--" He quickly came in and closed the door after, "--time travel would think you're nuts." He gave a somewhat patronizing smile.
"Well, then we don't hafta worry about Lenny and Squiggy," Laverne commented, then went over to retrieve the remote. She came back and held it out to Larry. "This one first."
"Remote control," Larry stated. "Rather than having to get up and walk over to the tv..." He paused, then took the proffered remote, and sat way back on the nearest bed. "Like this." He hit the power button and watched surprised looks cross the girls' faces.
Laverne broke into a grin. "I like that!" She plopped herself down next to him, leaning over to look at the remote. "What else can it do?"
"Well, um... most anything: change channels, volume control, picture brightness... that's all this one does. There's others with more options," Larry explained.
"Lemme try," Laverne said, grabbing the remote from his hand. She flipped around some channels, turned the volume down, then up, hit the mute, hit mute again, turned the volume back down, and flipped a few more channels.
"Vernie, play with it later, we're not done yet," Shirley said, crossing her arms, still standing by the foot of the bed.
Laverne glared at her. "Kill joy." She jerked her thumb at the phone. "An' the phone...?"
Larry glanced around her to look at the phone. He offered her a dull glare, but Laverne returned a confused look.
"Laverne," Shirley broke in, "whaddya want him to do? Climb over you to see the phone?"
Laverne shrugged. "Only if he wants to."
Larry's face flushed a bit. "I think..." He stood. "I'll just move around to the other side." He went around and sat on the edge of the opposite bed, near the night stand.
Shirley sat next to Laverne and slapped the back of her head. Laverne glared at her.
"Ladies?" Larry said, clearing his throat.
"Sorry," they said in unison.
"Touch tone phone," he said. "No real difference between this and a rotary, well, as long as you don't make a call that requires the pound sign." The girls looked at each other, then at him, and nodded. "Anything else?"
Laverne tapped the clock radio. "The clock...?"
"Alarm clock. You can set the wake time and the clock will automatically turn on the radio station it's set on or a buzzer. Radio is less obnoxious for the two rooms on either side."
"So," Laverne began as she slid off the bed and knelt in front of the night stand looking at the clock, "how d'ya set it?"
Larry sighed. "When do you want to get up in the morning?"
"I dunno," Laverne said, then turned to Shirley.
Shirley shrugged. "I don't know, depends on what we wanna do tomorrow."
The girls began running off ideas of things they could do. Larry placed one arm over his chest, held up his head in the other, and glanced up at the ceiling, shaking his head. He could feel the headache beginning...
The next morning the radio came on in the girls' room, causing Laverne to roll out of her bed and onto the floor. She sat up from her spot between the beds and nearly came face to face with Shirley, who was curled up in one corner of the bed, nearest to the night stand. Laverne reached blindly for the clock. She found it, then realized she couldn't remember how to turn it off. She looked at Shirley again to find she was sleeping right through it. Laverne reached over and began shaking her.
Shirley groaned, opened her eyes, looked at Laverne, reach over to shut off the radio, then sat up, swinging her legs off the side of the bed, and stretching them.
"Thanks, Shirl," Laverne said.
"No problem, Vernie," Shirley said, then paused. "Wait a minute, where's BooBooKitty?"
Laverne shrugged. "I dunno, in the mess of pillows and blankets you decided not to use while you slept?" She motioned to the mess on the bed, then stood up. "Here, lemme help clean up." She tugged on one blanket. "Are they tucked in somewhere?"
"No," she replied.
Laverne tugged again. "What the...?" She moved to the other side.
"Uh, Vernie..." Shirley began, as she watched her poke the mess... and it shifted slightly. She pointed at the pillows at the head of the bed.
"In a minute, Shirl..."
Shirley shrugged, got up, and sat on Laverne's bed. "All yours."
"Thank you." Laverne tugged again, pulling the blankets of few inches, then watched as they moved back to where they'd been. She frowned. "I hearda bed bugs, but this is just ridiculous!"
Suddenly, the mess of blankets sat up...
"Vernie, can I speak now?"
"Uh oh..." Laverne yanked the blankets completely off the bed...
...And Larry prompty fell back over, then muttered, eyes still closed, "Ten more minutes, Balki..." and tightened his hug on BooBooKitty.
"Well..." Laverne began.
"Laverne," Shirley said, sternly, "don't even."
"I wonder if Balki's lookin' for 'im," Laverne said.
"I wonder..." Shirley moved closer. "Is he alive?"
Laverne shook him. "Larry, c'mon, time ta get up. Let go-a the cat." She glanced at Shirley. "An' I thought you were tough ta wake up. He just ain't movin'." She paused, a grin crossing her face. "I think I got an idea to wake 'im up..."
"Oh no! Vernie, I don't want to hear it."
"Then help me with my other idea." They both tried shaking him again, to no avail. "This is interestin'."
Shirley sighed. "All right Laverne, what was you first idea?" Laverne grinned. "So help me, Vernie... you don't mention any of this to anyone, got it?" She leaned over and kissed him. She moved back quickly and frowned at Laverne's Cheshire Cat grin.
Finally, Larry's eyes opened, and he glanced dully around the room, until he saw BooBooKitty... and he bolted upright, tossing the cat at Shirley. "Oh, my Lord..."
Laverne began laughing. "Wish I had a camera!"
"Laverne, really."
"Sorry, Shirley." She calmed herself. "Well, hey, now we can get a start on figurin' out how ta get back to our own time."
Despite the embarrassing situation, Larry managed to compose himself, somewhat. "Just... how do you plan on doing that? Could be a little tough since you said you don't really know how you got here to start with."
"Find the train we came in on," Laverne said.
"And just like that." Larry snapped his fingers, then gave her a disbelieving look. He stood. "I have to tell you that, even though I believe that you're from 1957, I'm find this whole time travel thing hard to believe. I just don't see any real solution."
"Yeah? Well, as much as I'm kinda likin' this time, I wanna go home where I belong. Ya know, where I have a home, a job, and friends," Laverne argued, moving closer to him.
"All I'm saying is that what happened to the four of you was some mistake... a one in a million mistake and those aren't very good odds."
Laverne moved closer until she was face to face with Larry... and realized she had to look down a little to look him in the eye.
Shirley slapped her free hand to her forehead. "Vernie, he's only trying to rationalize our problem. That's no reason to pound him into the floor."
Laverne paused, watching his eyes widen. "All right, Shirl. Besides, ya know, he's kinda cute when he makes that face." She turned to face Shirley and slung an arm around his shoulders.
He sighed. "Are you two always like this, or is there just something about me that wants to make you torture me like this?"
"Could be worse," Laverne began, "Shirl has a tendency to make Carmine take lotsa cold showers.
"Laverne!" Shirley hid her face in BooBooKitty.
A knock sounded at the door. Laverne went over and opened it.
Lenny and Squiggy came in. "Hello!" Squiggy said. "I hate hotels! I can't just--"
Lenny tapped his shoulder and pointed. "Squig, the girls got company."
Squiggy walked over to Shirley, who was now looking up from her cat. "Why wasn't we invited ta spend the night?"
"I'm gonna..." Laverne began, clenching her fists.
Shirley latched onto Squiggy's hair worm. "You never saw any of this, you hear me?"
"Excuse me," Larry attempted.
"Let go-a my good curl!" Squiggy said. "You'll straighten it out!"
Larry turned and caught Laverne as she was about to join the fray. "Can you stop this?"
"Sure." She shrugged.
"Then please do. I'd like to get this over with and go home."
Laverne grinned and patted his face. "No problem." She did a two-finger whistle that caused Larry to cover his ears. "Everybody shuddup!" She was met with silence. "Ya wanna get home or what?"
"Wait," Larry caught her arm, "can we go get Balki first?" He glanced around at each of them. "I'm feeling a bit outnumbered."