Displaced
"Laverne, what is taking you so long?" Shirley asked, impatiently tapping her foot.
Laverne momentarily came out of the bedroom, suitcase in hand. "Shirl, we're goin' to Chicago. It's a trip, a vacation. I had to find our Lenny and Squiggy repellent." She put down the suitcase.
"And did you find it?" Shirley asked, crossing her arms over her chest.
"No," Laverne said. "I looked everywhere! Oh, Shirl, I know they're gonna ruin this trip. Remember when..."
Shirley slapped a hand over Laverne's mouth. "I remember all of those times, Vernie, but they'll just follow us, anyway, no matter what. The best thing to do when we get to Chicago is--"
"Find us some men?" Laverne interrupted.
Shirley held up an index finger and opened her mouth, but stopped and seemed to be thinking over the suggestion. She shook her head. "You can. I've been thinking about inviting Carmine to come along--"
Laverne grabbed Shirley's shoulders. "Shirl, for once, just give me a chance. And if anything weird happens, we'll blame Squiggy."
"Okay," Shirley agreed.
"That was the worst train ride I have ever taken," Shirley said, as Laverne moved her aside to close the hotel room door. "And... and... how did Lenny and Squiggy manage to get to the Conductor?"
"I dunno, Shirl," Laverne said, glancing at the tv. "Uh, Shirl, what's that little box on top-a the tv, there?" She pointed at it.
Shirley moved over next to her. "I don't know. And this--" She held up a smaller item with buttons. "What is this?"
Laverne shrugged. "Call the lobby an' ask 'em."
"Right," Shirley said, then went over to the phone. "Laverne! Look at this!"
Laverne joined her. "Is this a phone? It ain't got a rotary dial."
"Buttons, kind of like that thing by the tv that I picked up," Shirley said.
"Weird. Very weird. It's Squiggy's fault. Has to be," Laverne said, sounding like she was trying to convince herself. She paused. "How about... we go somewhere, get some fresh air, do a little shopping. When we get back, everything will be normal. Whaddaya say, Shirl?"
"Let's go," Shirley agreed, then dragged Laverne after her, without any argument.
"Oooh, Vernie, a discount store!" Shirley said, pointing at the small store to their right. "Let's go in." She didn't wait for a reply and dragged Laverne in causing her to stumble down the sunken floor of the store.
"Shirl, you even think of doin' that again an' I'll give BooBooKitty to Squiggy," Laverne threatened.
Shirley smiled. "I'll be good."
"Then let's..." Laverne began, as something caught her eye, "...start... lookin'..."
"Vernie?" Shirley asked, then waved a hand in front of Laverne's face. "She's gone."
Laverne grabbed Shirley's hand. "Look." She pointed at two guys on the opposite side of the store.
"Laverne, he's dusting. Some men actually do that, you know," Shirley said, turning back to her friend.
"Not him, Shirl, the other one. The one with the vest, makin' faces in the mirror."
The girls watched as the guy with the duster went over to the other guy in front of the mirror. He stopped next to him and watched him make a few more faces before sticking the duster in his face.
"Could you please be a little serious? I know it's slow today, but that doesn't mean you can stand here all day, making faces in the mirror." He paused. "You could help me clean if you need something to do."
"But, Cousin, you already cleaned everything here... twice."
The first guy shook his head and sighed. He looked away and spotted the girls watching them. "Customers." The second guy kept making faces. The first guy turned his friend around and pointed at the girls. "Customers!"
"Ohh!" The second guy grabbed his friend's arm and dragged him over, tossing the duster behind the counter.
The first guy detached himself and straightened up, offering a glare to his friend, then a smile for the girls. "Sorry about that, ladies, but my, ahem, cousin was testing the mirrors." He extended a hand. "I'm Larry. How can we help?"
The girls exchanged glances, then looked back in time to see the second guy shake Larry's hand. "I'm Balki. Cousin Larry forgets I'm here sometimes."
Larry separated his hand from Balki's and smiled at the girls again. "Oh, I didn't forget." He paused. "Are you ladies looking for anything in particular?"
"Actually..." Shirley began.
"We're just lookin'. We're in from Milwaukee for a little vacation. My friend, here, wanted to do some window shopping, but they're too expensive."
Shirley nudged her. "Vernie."
"Okay, just let us know if you find something," Larry said, then went over to the counter to retrieve his duster.
Balki pointed at Laverne. "Why are you wearing a letter?"
Larry rushed back over, duster in hand, and pushed Balki away. "You'll have to forgive him. He has a tendency to blurt out anything that comes to mind, sometimes even before that." He dragged him away, back to the other side of the store.
"Shirl?"
"Yeah, Vernie?"
"I like Balki."
"Laverne," Shirley said, then groaned, turning to her.
"Shirl, ya gonna loosen up, or what? There's two-a them and two-a us."
"But..."
Laverne patted her shoulder. "Great, that's all I need." She started over to the guys.
Shirley turned away, pretending to look at some t-shirts. Laverne came back over. "What did you just do?"
"Asked 'em out," Laverne answered. "What else?"
"And?" Shirley prompted.
Laverne smiled. "I'm gonna see a movie with Balki. You'll have to ask... uh, the curly-haired guy--"
"Larry," Shirley supplied, sounding annoyed.
"You gotta ask him yourself."
Shirley sighed. "Why do you do these things to me?"
"Hey, what're best friends for?"
"I don't know."
Across the store...
"And you said yes?" Larry asked, taking on a usual pained expression. "Balki, you don't know anything about her."
Balki smiled. "Good way to find out." He paused. "Cousin, come with us. She's got a friend--"
"No, Balki, remember our last double date. I don't feel like being embarrassed again. Thank you," Larry said.
"Awe, Cousin, you worry!" Balki commented.
Larry shot a glare at him, which went unnoticed. "You know, I never had to worry before you dropped in."
"Thank you, Cousin."
Laverne dragged Shirley over to the guys. "I had an idea, why don't the four-a us all go see a movie?" She moved Shirley in front of her to her other side, putting Shirley next to Larry. "Whaddya say?"
Shirley glared at Laverne, then offered Larry a defeated smile, which he mirrored after glaring at Balki.
"I pick the movie!" Balki announced, then he and Laverne began for the door.
"I'm... uh, sorry about my friend Laverne. She has a habit of being like that: instantly latching herself onto a guy she just met." Shirley extended her hand. "I'm Shirley and this is certain to be an interesting night."
Larry watched Laverne and Balki leave. "Interesting I can handle. Embarrassing I can't." He paused, frowning. "I wonder if it's too late to say I don't feel well. No offense."
"Hey, Shirl, ya comin' or what?" Laverne called from outside.
Shirley looked at Larry. "None taken. I say try anyway." He nodded.
At the hotel...
The door of the girls' room opened. "Hello!" Squiggy called out, coming into the room, Lenny behind him.
"Squig, the girls ain't here," Lenny said, double checking behind the door.
"Lenny, they gotta be here. If they ain't, it's gonna be a real pain gettin' back ta 30 years ago wit'out 'em," Squiggy said.
"How'd we do that, anyway?" Lenny asked.
"I was talkin' ta the conductor," Squiggy began, then paused. "How the hell should I know?" He paused again. "They ain't here, let's go to a movie."
"I should've gone right over to those two jerks in the theater," Larry said.
"Cousin, now what would you have done? Ask them to please stop throwing JuJuBees at you?" Balki said.
"Ya know, I coulda sworn that was Ebb Tide one of 'em was playin' on their candy box," Laverne commented.
"I still think all we had to do was ask politely for them to lower their voices," Shirley said.
Laverne stopped walking, which made the others stop. "Shirl, I really couldn't see 'em too well, but I know they looked pretty scuzzy. I kinda doubt they'd listen to you."
Shirley folded her arms defiantly over her chest. "Oh, really, Laverne? And why is that?"
"Ladies--" Larry began, trying to get in between them.
Laverne took a step closer to Shirley. "They were scuzzy. Ya need more than one reason, Shirl?"
"No, I need a better reason, Vernie," Shirley said, also taking a step closer.
"Now, ladies, really--" Larry said, now right between them.
"I do'n think that's such a good idea, Cousin," Balki said, watching now from a safe distance.
"All right, Shirl. No one listen to a goodie-goodie. Besides, you've been down on this whole vacation!" Laverne said, now close enough to Shirley that Larry became stuck between them.
"Balki? Little problem," Larry said, his voice raising an octave.
"Hey, Squig, look."
Laverne groaned. "No, tell me it wasn't them all along."
"It wasn't them," Shirley said.
Laverne sighed. "Thanks."
Lenny and Squiggy walked over to the group. "Well, we found 'em," Lenny said.
"An' my target," Squiggy said, pointing at Larry.
"You? You...? You girls know these jerks?" Larry asked.
"Unfortunately," Shirley said.
Squiggy went over and wrapped an arm around Shirley's shoulders. "C'mon, Shirl, ya don't gotta sound so disgusted when ya say that."
Shirley turned a glare at him and removed his arm.
"Hey, Squig, I think we been replaced," Lenny said, walking over next to Balki.
Squiggy looked at them. "Well, Len, he does have better hair than you."
Lenny made a face. "Yeah, well..." He stopped, a blank look on his face. He snapped his fingers and pointed at Larry. "Squig, ya may be short, but Shirl'd only go out wit' you if ya had curly hair."
"Yeah--?" Squiggy began a retort, but paused, moved Shirley aside, and tapped Larry on the shoulder. "You related ta Carmine?"
"Wait just a minute, here," Larry began, then paused. "Who's Carmine?"
"That why you were flingin' JuJuBees at 'im, Squig?" Lenny asked.
"A'right, so I thought he was Carmine! It was dark in 'ere," Squiggy admitted.
Laverne whistled, causing everyone to cover their ears. She looked at Lenny and Squiggy. "Boys, shut up a minute, will ya? Least ya could do for followin' us."
"Followin' ya? If it wasn't fer us, ya wouldn't see 1957 again," Squiggy said.
Laverne grabbed hold of Squiggy's hair worm. "What're ya talkin' about?"
"We ain't in 1957 no more," Lenny said, then turned to Balki. "Tell 'em what year it is."
"Is that a trick question?" Balki asked.
"1957? What are you talking about? It's 1987," Larry interjected.
"For once, I wish we brought Carmine with us," Laverne commented. "He could've beat you two up and we'd still be in the right decade."
"How could this happen?" Shirley asked, then grabbed a handful of Squiggy's jacket. "What did you do?!"
"Women, get aholda yourself! I dunno! I was talkin' ta the conductor--" Squiggy said.
"An' that's all he knows," Lenny finished.
Laverne groaned. "Ya got that right, Len."
"Excuse me," Larry said. "Do you mean that the four of you did some 'time traveling' and somehow ended up here? I find that incredibly unlikely." He crossed his arms over his chest, as a look of pure disbelief crossed his face.
"Cousin, it happens," Balki corrected. Larry turned a look at him. "Really. Back on Mypos, I have an uncle who visited the year 2525--"
"Balki," Larry interrupted, "please don't continue."
Squiggy broke free from Shirley's grip. "Ya know, I'm really startin' ta not like you. I wanna hear about his uncle!"
"But..." Larry began.
Laverne moved next to him. "Don't bother. He don't like anybody."
"That ain't true," Squiggy said, then paused. "Well, yeah, that is true."
"But since we're here..." Laverne said, attempting to change the subject, "why don't we try an' enjoy ourselves."