After being interrogated by the hotel security, everyone is in the ballroom for an extra punishment dance class. The punishment: splits. For those who take pointe, around the room 20 times without falling. Those lucky ducks, Carmine, Lenny, Squiggy, and Derek are in their rooms since neither of them can do splits.
(in the ballroom)
Laverne: Shirl, I do another split and I'll split
in half.
Christine (#1): You're telling me.
Teacher: This will teach you not to get in
trouble with hotel security anymore. Now whoever is
in the swing contest, go get your partner and we'll
practice your routines.
(Christine #1, Shirley, Laverne, and Christine #2 leave the room to go get the guys, where ever the dance teacher has kept them hostage.)
(three long and painful hours later, everyone is exhausted and backstage waiting for one of their routines to go on. What else do you when you're stressed and have about 20 minutes to kill and are in slippery ballet slippers? Chicken relay races behind the curtain, duh. [Chicken relay races are when you're on someone's shoulders and relay racing behind the curtain. Very exciting. And there's a very good chance of spraining / breaking your ankle.])
Laverne: C'mon Len! Come back here! Run faster!
(Lenny is racing with Haley on his shoulders, he lets her off and runs with Laverne to the other side)
Christine(2): C'mon Squiggums!! Move it! Drop Ashley and come and get me! C'mon!
(Squiggy puts Christine[2] on his shoulders and is very close to the ground so if she falls it's not a long fall.)
Christine(1): Derek! Run like you've never run
before! Move it! Come on!
Stephanie: Christine, it's only a game. (to
Carmine, who's on their team) Move it Carmine! Get
over here! C'mon! Who cares if you drop her?! Move
it!
Christine(1): Only a game, huh Steph? (raises
eyebrow)
(after about 20 minutes of this, a hotel security guard comes to the group and says)
Guard: They're gonna take points of this group if you don't quiet down.
(after that, everyone is jumping up and down since they can't scream at the guys.)
(on Carmine's team, Shirley's on his shoulders when the judges announce very loudly their dance is next. All the girls run across the backstage and Shirley falls off and rolls under the curtain to.... you guessed it, an empty stage. In the middle of the stage there's a girl in a white ballet costume just lying there. Jessica runs out there, bows and drags her out by the ankle)
Haley: Are you stupid or something? You don't bow
and drag her out!
Jessica: Well what would you have done?
Haley: Probably the same thing.
Christine(1) : Wake up Shirl! Wake up!
Ashley: C'mon, wake up. This don't look good for
us.
Teacher: The routine is up, we can't do anything,
the show must go on.
Stephanie: But part of the show is unconscious!
Teacher: Who's Shirley's understudy?
Christine(2): Me! Me! That's me, the new star of
this dance.
Carmine: I hope I can lift you, Christine.
Christine(2): I'm light as a feather!
(the guest stars and 20 of the other girls cough and snicker 'yeah right')
Haley: Shirl, you gotta wake up! If you don't,
Christine is gonna be the lead. The Squiggy
Christine, not the other one. She'll be the lead,
what you worked so hard for.
Shirley: (opens her eyes and glares at
Christine[2]) Over my dead body. (stands up) Star
coming through. Star has come back from the great
beyond.
Derek: (to Carmine) Thank god, or you would have
broken your arms.
(after the routine [which went perfectly, no one met the stage face to face] everyone runs through the hallways to their rooms for the next routine which is in an hour. [They really do this, space a stressful and hectic hour between each routine])
(in the ballroom, Laverne and Lenny are watching Carmine, Derek, and Shirley, and Christine[1] practice the routine on their tap shoes)
Laverne: We're lucky, one dance and we're done.
You have, how many?
Carmine: 9.
Derek: Is that counting the swing dance?
Carmine: Okay, then, 10.
Christine[1]: Us too, 10 dances.
Lenny: What a load to lift.
Shirley: You're telling us.
(over the loudspeaker convieniently placed in the hallways and ballrooms)
Loudspeaker: Routine #569 is now up. #569, please come to the backstage area.
Shirley: That's us! Come on!
(she runs out while everyone else is walking slowly)
Shirley: What's wrong? Run!
Derek: I wouldn't do that if I were you, Shirl.
Shirley: Why not?
(she then slips and falls on the tiled part of the floor)
Three of them: That's why.
(later that night, everyone [all 85 of them] has crowded into Ashley's room. How they fit, I don't have a clue. They're telling ghost stories, hoping that maybe one will come true.)
Jessica: Anyway, I heard someone died on the 13th floor.
Haley: How convienient, right on the 13th floor.
40 floors here, and he had to pick the 13th.
Christine[1]: At least we're not on that floor.
(a wave of relief passes over them when there's a
loud bang on the door)
Ashley: Who is it?
Stephanie: Maybe the ghost decided to move to
this floor.
Teacher: (walks in) Everybody, guess what?
Christine[2]: The judges dropped dead?
Teacher: (rolls her eyes) We've been moved to
another floor, with a beautiful scenic view of
Chicago.
(the room starts talking with excitement)
Haley: Which floor is it?
Teacher: The 13th.
(the room is silent, with 85 jaws open and everyone glaring at Christine[1] who had said that nice "at least we're not there" remark.)
Teacher: So pack up your bags, because tomorrow morning we're moving!
(the door closes and about a 100 pillows clobber Christine[1] on the head)
(the next morning, everyone trudges the 10 flights of stars. Why not the elevator? Their teacher said they need some exercise)
(Laverne and Shirley are roommates this time)
Laverne: Well this room does have a nice view of
Chicago.
Shirley: Hello? Do you hear nothing? A person
died up here. With any luck it was our room.
(there's a loud thud on the door and Laverne opens the door. There's no one there)
Laverne: (into the hallway) Real funny guys! Ding
dong ditch in a hotel! Real classy.
Shirley: Laverne......
Laverne: I'll get ya all later!
Shirley: Laverne!
Laverne: What?
Shirley: There's no one on this floor. They all
went down to lunch.
(they run screaming hysterically down the stairs, sliding down the banisters towards the 2nd floor where everyone's having lunch)
(at the table with our guest stars)
Ashley: Where could Laverne and Shirley be?
Jessica: They always disappear at meal time.
Stephanie: No, there they are. In their pajamas?
(Laverne and Shirley sit at the table very out of breath.)
Shirley: Room. (gasping) Haunted. Ghost. Die. Us.
Everyone: What?
Laverne: (gasping) We. Die. Ghost. Kill. Haunted.
Haley: Oh! Their room is haunted and they're
gonna die 'cause the ghost is gonna kill them.
(everyone goes back to their lunch and look at them)
Everyone: Your room is haunted and you're gonna
die 'cause the ghost is gonna kill ya?