Last time we left everyone, Derek had lost at strip poker in Shirley's room, there was a postponment of one of the routines, Squiggy and Christine were in some room on some floor, Haley and Lenny were god-knows-where, and the rest of our guest stars were promptly lost. Do you not learn anything?

(on one of the floors and Christine has come back)

Ashley: Alright, we're here.
Christine: Ashley, we don't have a map, you idiot. We're in the middle of a hallway somewhere in a hotel with no guide or map.
Lisa: Then let's go on the elevator.
Samantha: Good idea. Where is it?
Lisa: Gee, umm, around one of the corners?
Christine: (in a sarcastic voice) Gee, duh. Okay, let's go.
Ashley: At least there's not a.... (Samantha covers her mouth)
Samantha: I know what you're doing. You want there to be a b-l-a-c-k-o-u-t.
Ashley: You don't have to spell in front of me.
Samantha: But when you say something it always happens. So, shut up.

(they trudge towards the stairs)

(back to Shirley's room where she had dragged Carmine in two hours earlier. They were each lying on a bed watching a movie that Shirley loves. Carmine is bored out of his skull.)

Carmine: Shirl, is this over yet?
Shirley: Almost, almost done. Oh Angelo, why did you break her heart like that? Why?! ::grabs another tissue and blows her nose::
Carmine: I'm gonna go to the ballroom and practice my part of the swing routine. The competition is tomorrow night.
Shirley: Alright, let's go practice it. I can't stand to see what Angelo does next.

(At around that time, the girls had all found their way back to the third floor, vowing never to go back to a floor they don't know. You know they'll be back there. You know it! Anyway, Christine and Squiggy are practicing their swing routine when Carmine and Shirley walk in.)
Christine: Squiggy! Andrew! You have to pick me up and twirl me around in the air! Do that!

(For some strange reason, there are gymnastic mats all over the floor.)

(Squiggy picks up Christine and tries to twirl and drops her )

(Now you know why there are gymnastic mats. He could kill her on a bare wood floor)

Christine: (from the floor, where she landed face down) Shirley, Carmine, can you help me up?

(They peel her off the mat where there's a permanent imprint of her body)
Shirley: He keeps dropping you in the same place, huh?
Christine: Oh no, that was the first time...... or the 5th....... actually more like the 15th, or 20th. But what's the difference? We're getting better!
Squiggy: Yeah, she don't sink into the floor no more and she don't make that big noise when she falls either.
Christine: Guys, can you help us? What are we doing wrong?
Carmine: First of all these mats....
Shirley: You want her to smash her face into the wood this time?
Carmine: The mats stay.
Shirley: Then, you have to trust Squiggy. He's not always gonna drop you.
Carmine: You're asking for too much here, Shirl.
Christine: I can do that.

(Squiggy lifts her in the air, she relaxes and falls flat on her face again.)

Shirley: The problem isn't you Christine.
Christine: Then who is it?
Carmine: Squiggy's made of rubber.
Squiggy: Hey, I stopped eatin' erasers last year, I ain't got no more rubber. That's what the doctor said!
Carmine: I mean you have no strength. Christine's probably the same weight as Shirley.....
Shirley: Don't hold your breath.
Carmine: (ignores her while Christine glares at her) So you need to go to the weight room and lift so you can get stronger and lift her in the air like a feather.
Shirley: You go do that, and I'll go to my room with Laverne, who can beat anyone up.

(Shirley's talking like an idiot because Christine has now started rolling up her sleeves and walking towards Shirley)

Shirley: Or I'll stay with Carmine, golden gloves champ in his age group three years in a row.
Carmine: Four.
Shirley: Even better!

(She now proceeds to run for her life in the hotel to her room because Christine has also started running)

(Laverne is walking around looking for Lenny)

Laverne: Lenny! Len, where are ya? We gotta practice for the dance contest! Len!

(Lenny walks out of room 3G with his clothes all rumpled up)

Lenny: Okay, let's go.
Laverne: Who's in room 3G? Oh, okay. It's only Haley. Len, we gotta practice, c'mon.

(they walk towards the ballroom and are mowed down by Shirley, then by Carmine, then by Squiggy and then by Christine)

Laverne: Hey, let me get outta this reunion!

(she shoves them off and Shirley is racing down the hall in her white ballet costume. Christine in her red tap costume is running full speed, with Carmine and Squiggy right behind them)

Carmine: Don't hit her face! Not the face!
Squiggy: Hit the face Chrissy, my bull dog of love!!!
Carmine: Don't encourage her!

(turns around ready to punch Squiggy, which makes Squiggy run for his life. In the opposite direction. You know what will happen in just a few minutes.)

(Lenny and Laverne are outside the ballroom talking when Lenny sees Christine and Shirley over Laverne's shoulder. And Laverne sees Carmine and Squiggy over Lenny's shoulder.)

Lenny & Laverne: DUCK!!!

(they jump into the ballroom and you hear a thunderous BOOM outside from the collide of..... 2 people.)

Carmine: Very smart move angelface.
Shirley: Thank you very much.
Laverne: What were you guys doin'?
Shirley: Tag. What are you guys doing here?
Lenny: We're gonna practice our dance routine.

(Carmine locks all the doors to the ballroom)

Shirley: Why'd you do that for?

(there's pounding on the door)

Christine: Shirley Feeney! Get out here and fight like a man!

(Carmine raises an eyebrow, opens the door and is clobbered by Christine who thought it was Shirley)

Christine: Oh, Carmine, I'm so sorry! I saw brillo hair and thought it was Shirley.
Shirley: ::looks at the door:: It must be reflective.

(about an hour later, the 6 of them are in the hotel security office. What a weird sight that is. Shirley in a white ballet dress, Squiggy in a sparkly disco-esqe suit, Christine in a red tap costume, Carmine in a white ballet costume [think 1960's "romeo and juliet"], and Lenny and Laverne in street clothes.)

Cop: So, you rammed into them because.....
Shirley: Because she was chasing me.
Cop: And you were chasing her because.....
Christine: She called me fat.
Shirley: I did not!
Christine: Yes you did. (mocking Carmine's voice) Christine's probably the same weight as Shirley..... (now mocking Shirley's voice) Don't hold your breath.
Cop: Is that true?
Shirley: Yeah, but then she punched him (points to Carmine) in the eye.
Christine: I told you, I saw brillo hair and thought it was you. Doesn't she have brillo hair?
Cop#2: A little actually.
Cop: ::rolls eyes:: So you two guys were chasing after the girls....
Squiggy: 'Cause we wanted to see the action.
Carmine: Actually, 'cause Christine could probably beat the stuff outta her.
Cop: So where do you two come in? (looks at Lenny and Laverne)
Laverne: We were walking to the ballroom to practice our dance routine. Then they rammed into us. All 4 of 'em.
Cop: Yeah, and what happened after that?
Shirley: I started running, and she started running after me.
Cop: So how did the guys ram into you in different directions?
Carmine: The guy with the dead worm on his head was telling her (points to Christine) to punch Shirley in the face.
Squiggy: Hey, it ain't a dead worm brillo head!
Shirley: Yeah, you're right, it's a worm that fell in a grease pot. ::Christine runs over to strangle Shirley and the cops start prying everyone off each other::

Part 5!