(The three cars come to a screeching halt in front of the Headquarters Bar. The guys tumble out of their car first.)
Mike: (He has the bag of jewels) Did we lose anybody back there?
Micky: *grins* We still have all of us.
John: (As he and the Martians climb out) Man, that was some ride!
Chris: Better than when we all went around on the roller coaster six times in a row!
Emma: (As she and the girls tumble out) I'd be careful, guys. Not only are the Sherrif and his men still following us, but I think I saw Howard Needleman stumbling around, too.
Audrey: (As the Angellettes emerge) And we saw some guy in a suit. He was at the special...
Lillian: Yeah, that guy!
Davy: Wondahful. *makes a face*
Winnie: We need to get inside. We have a safe to stash the loot in back in the office.
Mike: Yeah. Come on, gang.
(Mike starts for the door...but is met by the barrel of a shotgun.)
Emma: What the...
(The camera travels down the barrel to reveal Howard, still in his hunter's costume, on the other end. He looks quite disheveled and ready to kill.)
Emma: Mr. Nessleman!
Howard: Where is he?
Mike: He who?
Howard: The Captain! Where is he?
Mike: How the hell should we know? (Glares at the gun) And would you mind moving that thing? It might go off.
Howard: That's the idea.
John: (As the group moves into the bar and Howard moves into the center of the room) Who's the Captain?
Howard: Captain Crocodile! Theodore Jenkins! (He grips the trigger) I want to have a word with him.
Mike: Could you have it outside? There's too much violence on television these days as it is.
Howard: Where IS he?
John: Last we saw, he was roamin' around the side of the highway, lookin' for a ride.
Howard: I'll give him a ride!
Micky: *mutters* That's kinda obvious...
Mike: Now, Howie, let's talk this over...
*Suddenly, Alex & his deputies barge in, all grinning.*
Alex: Well, well, well.
Mike: (Groans) Oh great.
John: Ain't it gettin' a little crowded in here?
Micky: Get outta here, you creep!
Audrey: (She goes behind the bars) Ok, do you boys want a drink...
Lillian: We're takin' orders! (She whips out a pad and goes to Alex) And you'll have...
(Mike discreetly hands the bag to John, who hands it to Chris, who hands it to Danny...)
Alex: I'm not having anything but those jewels! Now, where are they?
Mike: What jewels?
Alex: Don't play dumb, Knight, because I know you're smarter than that. Where are the jewels?!
Mike: (Holds out his hands) I ain't got your stupid jewels!
Lillian: Do you want a drink, or don't you?
Audrey: And if you don't want a drink, do you want something to eat? I make this great sweet potato pie...
Alex: *yells* NO! I don't want anything but the damn jewels! Now, where the hell ARE THEY?!
Mike: (Yells louder) I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOUR GOD DAMN JEWELS ARE!
Audrey: Now, officer, could you leave? You're spookin' our customers.
Lillian: Lauren, bounce 'em out.
Alex: *smirks at Lauren* Yes, please bounce me, babe. *waggles his eyebrows*
Micky: *waves a fist in Alex's face* I'LL bounce you outta here if you don't can it!
Mike: I'm warnin' ya, Alex. Either you leave, or we'll MAKE you leave.
John: 'Cause we ain't got your stupid jewels anymore!
Chris: Yeah, they're gone! They're not here!
Alex: *to his deputies* Turn this place upsidedown! Those jewels are here & I want them FOUND!
Audrey: Hey! Now wait a minute! This is OUR place! Do you have a legal right to do this?
Alex: *scoffs* Like I need a legal right!
Audrey: Don't you need some kind of papers or somethin'?
Alex: Does it look like I care?
Voice: No, he doesn't. (The woman in the fur wrap stands in the doorway, surrounded by smoke wafting out of her golden cigarrette holder. She still wears her purple gown and wrap.) He'll do what I tell him to. After all, they all my jewels.
Marcus: And who're you, lady, the Grand Marshall?
Voice: No. (Finally turns so we can see that yes, it's Sheila in tons of makeup under all that fur and wrapping) I'm Sheila Saunders, and I own this county.
Mike: Like HELL you own this county! It belongs to the United States and to the people!
Sheila: I own the newspaper, the hotels, the amusement park, more than half the shops and restarants, the TV and radio station...in short, I own the county.
Mike: You don't own US!
Sheila: Now, I also give the police officers a little...ahem...money every now and then...
Mike: (Glares at Alex) You mean you BRIBE them.
Alex: *shrugs* Of course.
Sheila: And they're all quite fond of me and will do what I ask them to. You DID steal those jewels.
John: Yeah, but you steal from US!
Audrey: You treat us like we're dirt!
Valerie: We have businesses to run, too!
Chris: You drive away hot women!
Peter: You don't own our souls, Sheila.
Sheila: Yet, but I will.
Howard: (His eyes widen when he sees Sheila) YOU! YOU BITCH! Where's the Captain?
Sheila: (Frowns) Mr. Nesselman? What are you doing here?
Howard: Looking for the people who turned me into an animal! (He pulls the gun back out) I've had enough of being pushed around. You're going to PAY for what you've done to me and all these people!
Sheila: Have you gone MAD?
Valerie: The way his eyes look, yes, I'd say that's a possibility.
Howard: ENOUGH! WHERE'S THE CAPTAIN? (He shoots...and "Papa Gene's Blues" begins as everyone hits the floor, including Sheila. The bullet shatters a picture on the wall)
(John and Chris try to wrestle the gun from Howard with little success. Mike gets up as Alex stands. He hits Alex hard in the chin.)
*Alex staggers, bumping into several deputies, sending all of them sprawling.*
*Micky grabs one deputy & puts them in a headlock. Micky gives him a noogie, then shoves him into the bar.*
*Davy & Daphne trip up a few deputies.*
(Sheila is knocked around by a few more deputies. She finally kicks Chris in the rear to get him to move.)
(Mike grins and breaks out his sword, then does what he hopes looks like a few intricate ninja moves on Alex.)
(An angel goes around blessing the people in the room. She gets bounced around a bit before wandering out, glaring at Davy on her way out as he mixes up a potion in a witches' hat.)
(Davy gives Alex the potion in a glass, calling it lemonade.)
*Alex drinks the "lemonade." When he finishes, he blinks, then puts his arms out, feeling around. He starts wandering about, bumping into things & people.*
(He bumps into Sheila and starts trying to feel who it is.)
*Alex feels around a bit too much... completely angering Sheila.*
(Sheila clonks him on the head and knocks him out, then storms off in a huff!)
(The Martians swing off the lighting fixtures over the bar and into four deputies!)
(Kimberly knocks another deputy into the jukebox!)
(Sheila sees Emma hand Valerie the jewels and goes after them, but both women duck out of her reach. She ends up falling over the bar. Audrey soaks her with a water sprayer!)
*Lauren drops a bucket of ice onto Sheila next.*
(Sheila screams and lunges for Lauren. She chases her out from behind the bar and finally jumps on her near the busted jukebox.)
(Maxine and Jenny share a drink with a far more amiable Howard.)
*Lauren grabs Sheila's arm & twists it around & holds tight.*
(Sheila screams and tries to kick out with her sharp high heels. Emma goes to help her friend, but Valerie shakes her head. Lauren knows what she's doing!)
*Lauren pulls Sheila's arm behind her back & holds tight, bringing Sheila to her knees.*
(Sheila screams again, trying to break free.)
(Mike grins at Micky. He holds a squirming Alex by the collar. Would he like to have a go at Alex?)
(Valerie tosses the jewels to Peter, who tosses them quickly to Winnie, then blows on his fingers! Hot rocks, hot rocks!)
*Micky grins widely, nodding.*
*Micky jumps at awide-eyed Alex & the two go tumbling away in animated dust.*
(Mike shrugs and smashes a chair over one of the deputies heads. He sees cartoon stars before passing out.)
(Winnie serves Maxine, Howard, and Jenny sweet potato pie. She hits one of the deputies in the face with the last of it.)
*Lauren now has Sheila pressed to the floor, sitting on her back, still holding her arm. Sheila slaps at the floor with her free arm, tears streaming from the pain.*
(The Martians cheer and clap for Micky! Mike takes bets from the crowd.)
*When the dust clears, Micky holds Alex in a move rsembling a Boston Crab... where Micky holds Alex's legs & has one of his knees pressed to Alex's back, torquing his neck. Alex slaps at the floor, yelling for Micky to let go.*
Mike: (Holds up Micky's hand as the music ends) And we have a winner here, folks!
Micky: *pumps both fists into the air; grinning* Yeah!
*Alex groans on the floor, holding his lower back.*
Emma: (Holds up Lauren's hand) And another winner over here!
Sheila: Damn it! Get OFF of me!
Lauren: *mushes Sheila's face into the floor* No way!
(The jewels go sailing by again as Alex gets gingerly to his feet. Micky gets them.)
Mike: Mick, I'm over here! Go long!
Micky: Going! Catch! *heaves the bag of jewels*
*A pair of hands shoot up & snag the bag before it gets to Mike. The camera pans down to a smirking Alex.*
Alex: Well, looky what I got.
Mike: Alex, give them back! (He goes after Alex)
Alex: No chance, Knight! These are ours!
Mike: (He pulls out his sword) Alex, you are going to give me those jewels, or you won't have your OWN jewels.
*Alex blows a razz at Mike.*
Mike: (Eyes widen) Ok, that does it, you little pervert. You're goin' DOWN! (But Alex's deputies surround Mike with guns even as he lunges for him) Aw, come on, guys!
Peter: (As the other deputies surround them) Uh oh.
(We fade out on the surrounded group and fade back in on KLAC. Steve, John, Arnie the Technician, Marian, and Junior all surround the cameras now.)
Junior: Did you see how they vanished?
John: No! By the time we came back, they were gone!
Junior: Do you see anything, Arnie?
Arnie: All I saw was this really bright flash. That's it.
Marian: The cops are gonna be here any minute! We have to have SOMETHIN' to tell them!
John: And somehow, I don't think "We saw a bright flash and they disappeared" is going to cut it!
(Junior ignores the adults and walks around to the other side of the cameras, where the wires are.)
John: Arnie, can you see ANYTHING unusual in the camera wiring? Maybe there's something wrong with the lens.
Marian: The lens wouldn't do that!
(Junior begins to pick around the wires. He waves Steve over.)
Arnie: I don't kow... the whole thing looks fine to me.
Steve: What is it, Junior?
Junior: It would probably be easier to check if it didn't have power, right?
Steve: Yeah, it would, actually.
Junior: Well, then, let's just cut off the power source. (He unplugs the camera.)
(Suddenly, there's a huge flash...and Alex, Sheila, Howard, and all four bands suddenly appear! Everyone is back in their regular clothes, and the jewels and weapons are gone...but Lauren still sits on Sheila.)
Mike: (Looks around) Oh my god! How...how did...
John: That was one HELL of a trip!
Junior: (He grins) Cool! I don't know what I did, but it worked!
John: Where in the HELL did you guys come from?
Maxine: The TV.
Sheila: (Glares at Alex) How DID this happen?
Alex: I don't know!
Marian: This is really, really weird. I'm talkin' "Twilight Zone" weird.
Junior: All I did was pull the plug!
Maxine: And when the kid killed the power...
Kimberly: He must have killed whatever was holding us in there!
Sheila: ALEX! DAMN IT, THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!
Alex: *makes a face* HOW THE HELL WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW? I TOLD YOU IT WASN'T WORKING RIGHT!
Micky: *grins; mutters* The devils are having a tiff.
Emma: Wait, we're missing someone.
Sheila: That's right. (Looks at Alex) Alex, where's Theodore Jenkins?
Alex: I don't know. It wasn't my turn to watch him.
John: Um, I think we left him wandering around in the backroads...
Howard: And I know how to get rid of him, once and for all! (Howard lunges for the camera)
Mike: Holy shit! That guy's gone nuts! Stop him!
(But Howard jumps for the camera before anyone can stop him! He shoves it over and lets it smash into a billion pieces, then beats at the rest with a chair as the cops arrive, headed by Seargent Nielson.)
Sheila: NO! THE CAMERA! THAT COST THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS!
Seargent Nielson: (He and his men reach for Howard) Whoa, buddy, what's the trouble?
Howard: I'm destroying a menace to society! Let me go!
Maxine: Looks like the poor guy's lost it to me.
Kimberly: He really has a grudge against his former boss.
Junior: I guess we'll never REALLY find out what happened. We can't turn the camera back on now.
Nielson: Is there or isn't there someone missing?
Sheila: (Growls as Lauren finally lets her get up) Officer, we'd like to place this man under arrest for wanton destruction of several thousand dollar's worth of private property!
*Alex is openly weeping like a baby.*
Sheila: See what he did to my colleague? He worked for MONTHS on that camera!
Valerie: (Crosses her arms) We'd also like to press charges on Howard Needleman, Alex London, and Sheila Saunders for kidnapping, assault, and unlicenced use of several illegal drugs.
Howard: ME? I'm an accessory here!
Valerie: But you ARE an accessory.
Sheila: What did WE do?
Mike: Would you like a short list?
Sheila: Alex, get us out of this!
*Alex is still blubbering.*
Danny: What about Jenkins?
Howard: (Laughs) He won't be seen anymore! I turned off his channel permanently!
Winnie: That boy's scarin' me.
Audrey: That ain't a natural laugh.
Alex: *through his blubbering* Jenkins got trapped in the camera! There's no way to get him out now that it's destroyed.
Daphne: You mean he's stuck in there?
Marcus: Trapped in TV Land forever!
Nielson: (Hands Alex a tissue as his men handcuff him) Look, son, why don't we go down to the station and get this all sorted out, and you can have a nice meal?
Alex: *perks up a little; sniffling* Meal?
Nielson: (Nods) Yeah. We'll take you, Saunders, and the nut down to the station for questioning. My men will question the others here. There's too many of you to haul ALL of you there.
Sheila: ALEX! I don't want to spend the next twenty years with a nut!
Alex: *ignores Sheila* I'd really appreicate a nice meal.
Nielson: (Puts an arm around Alex) That's a nice boy. We'll get you a good meal and ask you a few questions, ok?
Sheila: Alex! (But they lead her, Alex, and Howard out. The Monkees and the ladies gather in a circle on one side of the room)
Mike: What the HECK just happened?
Peter: Just what they said. Junior got us out of the camera when he cut off the power.
Micky: *hint of a grin* I think Alex may have finally snapped...
Valerie: No wonder. I'm surprised we ALL haven't.
Junior: (Joins them) Where have you been?
Mike: Where no man has gone before, kiddo.
Junior: Were you really IN the camera?
Emma: Yes, but it's a long story.
Junior: We would still love to have you back on KLAC. With Jenkins gone, Dad won't have to worry about his takeover bid.
Mike: Junior, I think we can all safely say that we're not going to be making ANY TV appearances for a very, VERY long time.
Peter: (Sighs) Or any other appearances, at the rate things are going.
Emma: Let us sort some things out, Junior. Then we'll appear on KLAC again.
Junior: (Sighs) Very well. (But he grins when he turns to Micky) After we're questioned, can I finally have that drum lesson?
Micky: You bet, Junior!
Junior: Awesome! (He gives Micky a big hug as the others laugh and we fade out on the last shot of the remains of the destroyed camera...)