(We open in black-and-white, with a stage and curtain not unlike KLAC's. A man walks out...the real Ed Sullivan, of the Ed Sullivan variety show.)
Ed Sullivan: And now, a treat for the kids. Here they are, the boys you've been waiting for, The Monkees!
(And the curtain opens to reveal the Monkees on a lighted stage, in their 50s segment costumes and hairstyles from "33 1/3 Revolutions Per Monkee." Micky sings "Shake 'Em Up" as we hear female screams from the audience.)
(Peter dances, beaming. Mike just stands and rolls his eyes.)
*Lauren turns to Micky, frowning. She doesn't like the screaming. All Micky can do is shrug. He can't help it if the girls in the audience want to scream for them.*
(Emma and Valerie join them next, both in their polka-dot outfits from "Nightmare Revolutions." Val gives Peter a kiss and takes the keyboard, while Emma joins Lauren with a tambourine, dancing happily, much to the delight of several men in the audience and the annoyance of Mike.)
(Mike pulls Emma closer to him. Emma sticks her tongue out at him and goes right back to dancing in front.)
(Peter joins Valerie at the keyboard, and they play together.)
*Lauren takes Micky's drumsticks as he heads to front & center stage. Lauren just shakes her head as Micky plays to the crowd.*
(The crowd eats it up, screaming even louder.)
(We end with a last flourish from Micky as the song concludes and Sullivan joins them onstage.)
Sullivan: That was some music there, kids.
Mike: Thanks, Mr. Sullivan.
Sullivan: (Turns to Micky) You really have the crowd going. You have natural personality there, son.
Mike: (Mutters) Yeah, naturally annoy...ow! (Emma kicks him lightly in the shin)
Micky: *siles* Thank you, sir!
Valerie: (Glares quickly at Mike; then, to Sullivan) Headquarters Records thanks you, too.
Mike: Our next album is in stores, and it's a honey.
Peter: It has some of the best music we've ever done!
Sullivan: Yes, and I'm sure the kids will crowd the stores for it, the way they ate up your performance here.
Peter: They're gonna eat us?
Valerie: No, dear.
Sullivan: Thank you, Monkees. We really enjoyed having you (screams from the audience) and it looks like the kids did, too.
Mike: You're welcome, sir.
Sullivan: (Turns to the audience) And that was the Monkees! Let's give them a hand! (The kids give their bows.)
*Micky goes rather overboard with bowing. Lauren makes him stop.*
Sullivan: What a great bunch. (He continues introducing the next act as the curtains close. Maxine and Kimberly, also in polka-dot costumes, run up to them)
Maxine: Now THIS is my kind of TV! We landed in the real Ed Sullivan show!
Kimberly: I don't know who transported us out of Fruit World, but they sure know how to travel!
Mike: I wonder who the next act is?
Emma: I don't know...
Kimberly: (Pokes her head out of the curtain) Guys, you're not gonna believe this!
Lauren: Who is it?
(Kim pulls aside a little of the curtain...to reveal the Angellettes stopping the show cold with a girl-group version of "I'm A Believer," all three dolled to the nines in red sequins and big hair.)
Kimberly: Man, if this is the devils' idea of us being on TV, they have better taste than I thought.
Mike: Talk about giving away the top prize.
Maxine: Is this the devils' idea of torture?
Peter: If it is, they should do this torture more often!
Lauren: There has to be more to this. This is too good to be true.
Micky: *frowns* Just wait, we'll be bounced to the next show shortly, I'll bet.
Sullivan: (As the Angellettes finish) And that was our last act for this Sunday night, folks. (The Angellettes head backstage, chattering and beaming. Audrey is dragging Lillian.)
Lillian: Aud, did you hear that? We KILLED out there!
Audrey: I don't think Mr. Sullivan would like it if you jumped off the stage, Lil.
Winnie: (Grins) Guys, we found you!
Audrey: Or you found us.
Lillian: And what a place to be found! Man, when that camera flashed, I thought we were all gonna die or somethin', but then we find ourselves in some dressin' room and some guy's tellin' us we're on Ed Sullivan!
Audrey: In black-and-white!
Maxine: You guys got lucky. We ended up in a cop show!
Lillian: Ended up in a cop show? How?
Audrey: Since when were you guys Angie Dickenson?
Winnie: You're lucky! You think we could get into "Cleopatra Jones?"
Audrey: Whoa, Win! I just wanna know how we're flyin' from pop culture to pop culture in the freakin' first place!
Peter: It's kind of a long story...
Audrey: Skip to the most recent parts.
Mike: We're in a TV.
Audrey: Oh really?
Mike: (They're starting to fade) Girls, we don't really have the time to explain. We're movin' on to the next show.
*Our next channel-change takes us out west. We open in a western barroom, filled with men drinking & gambling & loose women. There's a piano sitting in the corner, playing a music roll as no one sits at it. The bartender wipes off the bar's counter after one particular drinker staggers out.*
*The swinging doors open minutes later to reveal Micky, Lauren, Valerie, Peter, & the Angellettes, all in western garb. Micky & Lauren wear badges.*
Audrey: (Looks at herself - she wears a fancy, frilly gown with feathers in her hair) Hey, not bad!
Lillian: (Whistles) This almost beats Ed Sullivan!
Winnie: (Waves her arm around the room full of cowboys) And just look at all those bored men! They need women!
Lauren: *chuckles* I'm sure you ladies will entertain them immencely.
Micky: *sighs, glancing over their group* Well, half of us made it here. I wonder where the others ended up...?
Lauren: Good question.
Winnie: Yeah! We're missin' people!
Audrey: (Counts heads) We're missin' Mike, Em, Kim, and Maxine.
Peter: I hope they aren't hurt! The devils like to mess with Michael.
Micky: I'm willing to bet they just went to a different... um... channel.
Lauren: Well, since we're here, why don't we relax a bit?
Micky: Good idea, babe.
Winnie: I was hoping you'd say that.
Peter: Me too! (He goes to the piano, which has stopped) Any requests?
Micky: Something uptempo, Pete.
*Micky & Lauren sit at the bar & order drinks, gin & tonic & club soda, respectively. They both turn around to survey the barroom.*
Valerie: (As Peter plays "Tear The Top Off My Head" and the Angellettes get onstage, much to the delight of the crowd) This doesn't seem so bad. Not Ed Sullivan, but...
*The bartender gives Lauren & Micky their drinks.*
Lauren: *nods* Doesn't look bad in here. The poker players haven't gotten too sloppy yet. And the drunks are just howling for the ladies. No ogling yet. *chuckles*
Micky: Everyone's behaving so far. *makes a face* What's wrong with these people? *laughs*
Lauren: *shakes her head* Funny, Mick. Just remember what happened the last time we were out west.
Micky: *subconsciously rolls the shoulder that'd been shot* I was trying to NOT remember that, thank you.
Valerie: (As the Angellettes begin the vocals of "Tear the Top") What DID happen out west last time? I came in after that.
Lauren: We ran into a bad goon & his cronies. I forget exactly what they wanted, but they'd kidnapped Em at one point, kidnapped me briefly, shot Mick in the shoulder, shot a couple other people not in our group... *shakes her head, making a face* It wasn't fun.
Valerie: Ouch. No wonder you don't discuss that adventure often. Glad I missed that one.
(The drunks whistle and hoot at the Angellettes, who lap it up and generally have a whale of a time.))
Micky: *ignoring the girls' conversation; chuckles* Man, the Angellettes are having a blast... & so are the howlers in the audience!
Lauren: You didn't miss much, Val, as you can tell from Mick not wanting to talk about it.
Micky: *frowns* Yeah, well, if that bullet had hit practically any other spot on my shoulder, I never woulda been able to play the drums again. I think that's good enough reason to wanna forget it ever happened.
(The Angellettes come down off the stage as the song ends. Every man wants to dance with them or shake their hands.)
Winnie: We're a hit!
Audrey: Those bad guys of yours sure have weird ways of punishing people.
Micky: *shrugs* They must be slipping or something...
Lauren: Yeah, "or something."
Valerie: Micky, weren't you working on the camera during commercials?
Micky: Yeah... I wonder if I actually did something to it to cause it to put us in halfway decent situations instead of whatever the devils originally had in mind...? I just kinda poked at it because I didn't really see anything different about it.
Audrey: Well, whatever you poked sure seems to be working. This is the best audience we've ever played (wrinkles her nose) if not the best-smelling.
Micky: *grins* Well, you're welcome, at any rate.
Lauren: *puts her empty glass on the bar* Since everything seems okay here, maybe you & I should head to the sheriff's office, Mick. We can get caught up on anything we might need to know while we're here.
Micky: Good idea. *finishes his drink & puts the empty glass on the bar as well* Half of these guys look about ready to fall off their chairs snoring, anyway. *grins*
Lauren: What about the rest of you?
Audrey: The girls and I are gonna stay here and entertain what's left.
Valerie: I'll keep an eye on Peter and the crowd. Peter won't want to leave that piano now that he has a hold of it.
Lauren: *chuckles* Very true.
Micky: *as he & Lauren stand* So we'll see you later, then.
Audrey: We'll join you in a bit. This is a TV show! Somethin's gotta happen soon!
Valerie: She's right.
Lauren: That's what I'm afraid of.
Micky: *rolls his eyes, but he's grinning; puts an arm around Lauren* Then be afraid at my side, babe.
Lauren: I have no choice. *waves to the others as they head for the door*
Micky: See ya later! *waves over his shoulder*
*Micky & Lauren leave the barroom & head down the dirt road, Micky still with an arm around Lauren's shoulders.*
(The others don't notice as the man in the brown suade and his buddies follow Micky and Lauren out the door.)
Micky: Seems kinda nice here. *pauses* That sunset's pretty nice, too.
Lauren: *rests her head on his shoulder* Yeah, it is. *sighs*
Micky: This whole situation is weird, even for us.
Lauren: No kidding.
*They turns a corner & head down a narrower street that's currently vacant of people.*
Lauren: Everyone must be at the saloon.
Micky: Or the gambling house.
Gruff Voice: (From behind Micky) Hey there, boy.
Micky: *as he & Lauren both turn* Who're you calling, "boy?"
Man: (It's the man in brown suade from the bar) Yeah, you, boy. What you doin' bein' Sherrif? They shoulda given me that job! Some little Indian who ain't got no experience...
Micky: *raises an eyebrow* No experience? I've got experience. I've been a sheriff before. *pauses & steps closer to the man; eyes narrow* And what's it to you if I'm part Indian, hm?
Lauren: *grabs his arm* Mick...
Man 2: Our boss was gonna get that job, 'till the Mayor called you two up! Some female and an Indian!
Man: I got more experience in chasin' down criminals than you will in a million years, Indian boy.
Lauren: *tugs on Micky's arm* Mick...!
Micky: Oh really? You think you're so great just because you look like a walking brick wall?
*Lauren groans at Micky's comment... & because she knows there's several men now surrounding them.*
Man: You tryin' to get yourself killed, Indian boy?
Micky: No, I'm not. *gets in the man's face* And stop calling me "Indian boy!"
*Lauren slaps a hand over her eyes, frowning. She shakes her head.*
Micky: *still in the man's face* So what're you gonna do about it, huh? I'm the sheriff & there's nothing you can do about that!
Man: We're gonna make you leave. (Looks at Lauren) You two are kinda close, ain'tcha, baby cakes?
Micky: *starting to fume* That's my wife, Lauren. She ain't no "baby cakes," you jerk!
Micky: And just how do you plan on making us leave?
Man: (Grins, showing gap teeth) Boys, let's have some fun.
(One of the men knocks Lauren out, while two more take hold of Micky.)
Micky: Lauren! *turns an angry glare on the men* Let me go NOW! *struggles*
Man: (Smirks) No way, Indian boy. I wanna take care'a you in private. (He hits Micky across the face...knocking him out, too. Another man brings several horses.)
Man 3: Here's them horses you wanted, Jeb. Ready to ride out to the shack?
Jeb: Yeah. We're gonna teach this litle Indian a great big lesson. (They sling Micky over one horse, laughing as they climb onto the others and ride away)
*Lauren groans as she comes to. She raises her head, blinking her eyes.*
Lauren: Oh, great. *sighs* Mr. Big Mouth has to go & get himself kidnapped. *groans as she gets to her feet* Man, there better be someone at the office that can help... *starts in the direction they were head, moving a bit more slowly*
*We cut to Lauren entering the sheriff's office... where she finds two familiar guys. One's napping with his feet on the desk. The other is playing Jacks.*
Lauren: Marcus? You & Chris are deputies?
Marcus: Is that why we're here? (Looks around and grins) Cool!
Lauren: *groans as she sits* I'd explain, but I've got a pounding headache & Micky was just kidnapped so I'm not in the mood.
Marcus: Micky was just KIDNAPPED? (Frowns) The hot chick and the guy who looks like Micky again?
Lauren: No, a goon who thinks he should've been sheriff & some cronies of his. One of them knocked me out & when I came to, they were gone & wso was Mick.
Marcus: I believe that's what they call "not good." (Looks around) You haven't seen John or Danny around, have you...not to mention anyone else from any of the other bands?
Lauren: Haven't seen John or Danny. The Angellettes are at the saloon, along with Peter & Valerie. We had Mike, Emma, Kim, & Max with us, but they must've ended up somewhere else.
Marcus: More to the point - why are we in a western jail?
Lauren: Apparently, we got sucked into a camera made by the... *rolls her eyes* hot chick & guy who looks like Micky. We've been bouncing between TV shows & now we're here. Mick & I are sheriffs & I'm guessing you two are our deputies. *pauses & makes a face, motioning to Chris* He snores worse than Micky!
Marcus: (Makes a face) Tell me about it. I'm so glad Til and I found a place together, because when we all shared one apartment, I shared his room! His feet stink, too!
Lauren: Hm. *pauses* Um, Marcus, we kinda need to figure out how to find micky & get him back before those goons do something to him. *makes a face*
Marcus: We're gonna need help, then. (Smacks Chris over the head) Hey Sleeping Ugly, wanna grace us with your presence?
Chris: (Startled) Ow...huh? (Looks around) We're still here? I thought I was havin' a dream or somethin.
Lauren: It isn't quite that simple.
Marcus: I'm going to guess that we're all deputies of some kind. (Looks at his badge) I hope I'm not the sherrif. They're always the ones people shoot at first.
Lauren: Thanks alot, Marcus. Mick & I are the sheriffs.
Marcus: (As Chris snickers and he turns red) Uh...let's get going.
(Cut to the hide-out. Micky is tied to a chair, while the other men play cards and drink whiskey.)
Micky: You're not gonna get away with this!
Jeb: Pair of aces. (Rolls his eyes at Micky) Can'tcha say anythin' else, boy?
Micky: *makes a face* Stop calling me "boy!"
Man 2: Boss, he's gettin' real borin'. Can we kill him now?
Jeb: No, we need the little redman alive.
Man 3: So's yous can get the job?
Micky: *struggles* What's your deal, anyway, Jeb? I didn't do anything to you!
Jeb: That sherrif job was promised to me, Indian boy! Then you and your little filly came along and snatched it right from under my nose!
Micky: It isn't MY fault the mayor liked us better!
Jeb: You and your lady are going to leave town tonight, all nice and quiet...if your lady plans on seein' ya again.
Micky: *eyes narrow* I don't take kindly to threats, you know.
Jeb: I'd like to see you do somethin' about it, kid.
*The door to the shack suddenly swings open. Lauren, Marcus, & Chris enter.*
Lauren: Okay, you creeps! Let him go!
Marcus: Reach for the sky, you varmits!
Chris: What's a varmit?
Marcus: That's what they always say in these shows!
Lauren: *motions* These guys.
Micky: About time you showed up!
Lauren: Had to retrieve back up & then FIND this place. *makes a face* Not easy.
Marcus: And some of us get lost.
Chris: (Shrugs) All those rocks look alike!
Lauren: Not to mention my back up are not the brightest bulbs in the chandelier. *smiles at the two guys*
Jeb: Glad you're here, sweetheart. We're gonna give you the redman back...
Lauren: GIVE him back? *eyes narrow* What's the trick?
Jeb: I'll give him back...if you two leave town.
Marcus: No way!
Lauren: We just got here!
Micky: No deal, Jeb!
Chris: Who would be Sherrif if they leave?
Jeb: I WOULD! (Stands) I should have gotten the job in the first place, but these little sidewinders had to come here from some podunk town in Oklahoma and swipe it out from under me!
Micky: *mutters* Is that where we came from...
Lauren: From what I've seen, you don't deserve to be a sheriff!
Marcus: You're a jerk!
Chris: And you aren't even nice!
Jeb: (Aims his gun at Micky) Want to see how nice I can be, baby cakes?
*Micky's eyes widen.*
Lauren: *puts her hands out in front of her* Now, I'm sure there's some kind of compromise we can come to...