*We open in a fairly familiar living room. Most of it is in neat array, while one armchair & table next to it are in complete disarray. We see Mike enter the room, a spray bottle in hand. He goes over & sprays the coffee table, cleaning it.*
Mike: Man, why's this place look like shit? (Looks around) And where AM I?
*Micky enters. He's got a newspaper that's already been torn into. He carries a fast food bag... & has a cigar hanging from the side of his mouth. He plops down in the messy armchair, tosses the fast food bag, crumpled, onto the floor. He drops all but one section of the newspaper onto the floor & takes the cigar out & holds it between his fingers. He goes about reading the newspaper.*
Mike: Micky? (He pulls the newspaper down) What in the HELL is goin' on? Could you not drop things all over the place? And what's with the cigar? You don't even smoke!
Micky: *looks up tilting his head to one side, then looks at the cigar; grins* It ain't lit, Mike, sheesh. It just seemed... right... for here. *pauses* Oh, & I was here, first, so I can do whatever I want. And if I wanna drop my stuff all over the place, then I will. So there. *sticks his tongue out*
Mike: Mick, where ARE we? Why are we here? And you DO know where the trash is, right? (Grabs the fast food bag and the newspaper; throws the bag in the trash and puts the newspaper, now neatly folded, on the table.)
Micky: *glances at the straightened up newspaper* Yeah, I know where the trash is. *shrugs* And as far as where we are... *glances around the room* I'd say we're literally IN the TV. Doesn't this room look familiar to you?
Mike: IN the TV? How can we be IN the TV? (Looks around) Hmmm. Maybe it's a little familiar...
Micky: That's what I've been trying to figure out. It was Alex's camera. It put us in here. *sighs*
Mike: Yeah, well, I don't plan on stayin' here.
Micky: And you think I do? *shakes his head* I just have no idea of how to get OUT of here.
Micky: *makes a face* I wonder if we're actually supposed to be doing something...
Micky: I mean, there has to be SOME reason we're here, right?
Mike: Yeah, there's a reason. Alex wants to annoy us. He likes that. (He starts cleaning the table again)
Micky: *watches Mike clean for a moment* Annoy us... like you cleaning a table that doesn't need to be cleaned? *raises his eyebrows*
Mike: I saw some spots!
Micky: If you rub that table anymore, you're gonna rub the finish right off it!
Mike: It's a mess!
Micky: WHERE is the mess? This room is spotless, Mike!
Mike: (Frowns at his chair) When was the last time someone cleaned that chair?
Micky: *narrows his eyes* You are NOT touching my chair, Mike.
Mike: Could I at least clean your table, if I can find it under that mess?
Micky: You touch my stuff & you'll be missing atleast a hand.
Mike: (Groans) I gotta clean SOMETHIN'!
Micky: I'd ask why you're so hung up on cleaning, but something tells me that's a stupid question.
Micky: Why don't you go clean one of the other rooms?
Mike: ARE there any other rooms?
Micky: There's a kitchen out that way. *points at one door* There's a bedroom that way. *points at a second door, then makes a face* And there's what looks like a photography studio out the third door.
Mike: A PHOTOGRAPHY STUDIO? What in the heck do we need THAT for?
Micky: I have no idea! This isn't MY messed up world!
Mike: Yeah, but it's Alex's messed up world, which means it IS sorta yours, too. (He flops on the couch in annoyance)
Micky: Sure, throw that back in my face again, thanks. *rolls his eyes*
Mike: Mick, look, we gotta get outta here. No matter how we may act, I ain't Felix and you ain't Oscar. (Half-grins) Besides, I don't think Tony Randall and Jack Klugman will be too happy if we steal their jobs.
Micky: *smirks* Though you can be uptight enough to be Felix. *waggles his eyebrows*
Mike: And you really ARE a slob. How can Lauren stand your mess?
Micky: She's almost as messy as I am... Besides, most of this mess was already here when I showed up!
Mike: I'm referrin' to your actual house, not to mention your side of the room when we shared one.
Micky: And your side was so clean, that you could eat off the floor.
Mike: At least I could occasionally find my stuff.
Micky: I could find my stuff! *makes a face* It might've looked like a mess, but it was an organized mess.
Mike: Sure you could. How many times did we have to wait for you to find your drumsticks in that "organized mess?"
Micky: I found them! How many times did we have to wait for you because you wanted five more minutes to work on a song that already sounded fine!?
Mike: It didn't sound fine to me!
Micky: And you were the only one it didn't sound fine to! That's why you were always sitting on the bandstand picking at your guitar while Dave was out on a date & Pete would hang out with some of his songwriting buddies & I-- *cuts off abruptly*
Micky: *clears his throat* And I started working odd jobs so I wouldn't have to listen to you picking that guitar all day long.
Mike: Micky...I thought we went over this. It's over.
Micky: It slipped, okay?
Mike: Let's settle somethin' right here and now, before Alex tries to use this again. You're my friend. You're practically my brother. I understand you felt that way once, but it's over now, and we've both moved on. Ok? (He puts out a hand)
Micky: *looks at Mike's extended hand, then up at Mike; nods & gives a half grin* Okay. *clasps hands with Mike & they shake*
Mike: (Sighs as they let go) Let's get outta here. Maybe we could try the easy way and just imagine our way outta here.
Micky: I just hope we don't end up in a test pattern. *chuckles*
Mike: At least we'll be colorful.
(There's a dark blue light, and both men disappear. They reappear on a street in what looks like LA. A big green 70s muscle car is behind them. Mike wears his brown suit and glasses. Micky wears a jean jacket, bright T-shirt, jeans, and ratty sneakers.)
Mike: Well, this looks a LITTLE bit more normal. (Pats his jacket) Wait a minute. (Opens it...and pulls out a gun) Why Micky, I didn't know you cared.
Micky: *checks his own jacket & finds a gun as well* I didn't know YOU cared! *looks around* NOW where are we?
(Suddenly, there's a burst of gunfire. Mike and Micky dive behind the car as "Star Collector" begins. Mike starts shooting at the other car.)
Mike: (Over the music) Mick, who are we shootin' at?
Micky: *shrugs; over the music* I have no idea. It just seems like the thing to do.
(Two guys in suits duck the gunfire and come behind the car, both attacking the boys. Mike fistfights with his.)
*Micky also fist fights with his, & briefly gets a headlock on the suit.*
(Mike is knocked to the ground by another man, this one in jeans and a jacket like Micky's. They take his gun and point it at him.)
Man: (Over the music) Who's gotcha now, pig?
Mike: Who you callin' a pig, jerkoff?
*Suddenly, the man Micky was fighting is slammed into the man in denim holding the gun on Mike, sending both sprawling to the ground. The man in denim drops Mike's gun.*
(Another hand whacks Micky over the head with his gun, smirking as Micky hits the ground next to Mike.)
Man 2: Seems things have changed, cop.
*Micky groans, rubbing his head.*
Mike: Cop? (Looks at Micky) We're freakin' Kojack now?
Micky: *wincing* No idea...
Female Voice: *behind the men hovering over the guys* Ahem. Can I help you boys?
Mike: What in the...first "Kojack," now "Police Woman!"
*All three men--the others back on their feet--all turn, also allowing Micky & Mike to see Lauren standing behind them, hands on her hips, in a pair of hip-hugger jeans, a skin-tight bright orange t-shirt & jean jacket. The look on her face is that of someone clearly not amused.*
Micky: *eyes widen* Lauren...!
Man 1: Hey guys, check out the chick!
Man 2: Hey there sweetie, shouldn't you be hangin' around the disco with your man?
Lauren: I would... if my man wasn't on the ground behind you dorks.
Man 3: You date a cop? (Makes a face) You have no taste, honey.
Man 4: Who's up for a little fun, man?
Lauren: *smirks* Bring it on, boys.
*One of the men advances on Lauren. She flips him over, landing him with a resounding "smack" on the ground.*
Lauren: *smirks* Next?
*Another advances on her. Before he even gets close, Lauren spins around, the heel of her foot connecting perfectly with the man's jaw. He crumples to the ground, unconscious.*
Lauren: What about you two? Think you can do any better than these two did?
Man 1: Why, that little (He makes a jump for Lauren)
*Lauren side-steps the man & as he starts past her, she slams both fists, clasped together, down onto his back, between the shoulder blades, knocking him to the ground & knocking the wind out of him.*
Lauren: *to the last man* You've seen what I can do. So, the question is, are you as dumb as your friends?
Man 4: (Puts up his hands in a martial arts stance) Don't try it on me, kiddo. I know that stuff, too. (He grabs Lauren and twists her arms behind her back)
Mike: Hey, let her go!
Micky: Yeah, you ugly mug!
*Lauren struggles, but to no avail...*
(Until the man's feet are knocked out from under him! Handcuffs are thrown over his wrists as the camera finally looks up...and shows Peter, in his usual bright shirt-beads-and-jeans look, also carrying a gun and a badge.)
Peter: (As the music winds down) Ok, you're under arrest, pal! (Looks at Mike and Micky) Cuff the other guys before they come to!
(Mike does the one nearest to him.)
*Micky does the same & so does Lauren.*
Peter: (Runs to Mike and Micky and hugs them) I'm sooo glad we finally found you guys!
Lauren: *rubbing at her arm a bit* Felt like we were wandering around for forever looking for you!
Mike: (Gasps) Pete, let me go!
Micky: *coughs* Pete...
Peter: Sorry! (He drops both) Where WERE you?
Mike: "The Odd Couple."
Peter: I know you are, but...where WERE you?
Lauren: You're kidding.
Micky: We really were The Odd Couple... or atleast on the set.
Mike: No, Pete, the show. Felix, Oscar, livin' room...I even had cleanin' urges!
Peter: Ohhh. (Grins) Did you get Tony Randall and Jack Klugman's autograph?
Micky: They weren't there, sorry.
Peter: All I know is, we landed in a car in what sorta looks like LA, but isn't. We seemed to be on those guys' tail, but we lost them!
Lauren: Until we saw them ganging up on what turned out to be you two.
Micky: We weren't doing that bad until that one goon pistol-whipped me in the back of the head. *rubs at the back of his head again, making a face*
Mike: I thought I had that one goon licked!
Peter: Obviously, you didn't.
Lauren: *folds her arms over her chest* I ended up taking out three of them.
Mike: I ain't up for arguin', so...why don't we just get the hell outta here, before we have to explain things to the real cops?
Peter: Mike, I think in this world, we ARE the real cops.
Mike: I ain't a cop!
*Micky pulls out his wallet out of curiosity & flips it open... to reveal a badge. he holds it in front of Mike's face.*
Micky: What do you call this, then?
Mike: (Pulls out his wallet and also finds a badge; he groans) Oh man!
Lauren: I think it's cool! *grins*
Peter: Mike, it's like your "Odd Couple" bit. We're IN the shows. Even I can figure that out!
Micky: You just don't want to believe it, Mike.
Mike: Lauren, where DID you learn moves like that?
Lauren: *shrugs* I didn't. They just sorta... came to me.
Micky: Must be the character you're supposed to be.
Lauren: Whoever she is... I like her!
Mike: (Pulls a lollypop out of his pocket; makes a face) Man, I ain't even bald!
Micky: *snorts* We could fix that for you, if you want.
Peter: I think Mike's right. Let's get out of here. (Looks at Mike) How did you guys GET here, anyway?
Mike: (Shrugged) Blue-lighted it. Even if it can't get us outta the camera right now, it can get us outta this show.
Peter: Do you think we could do it again?
Mike: It's worth a try, I guess...
Micky: Do we have to so soon? Other than getting hit in the head, I kinda like this.
Mike: Maybe we can find the others here, or Sheila and Alex.
Micky: Would Alex put himself & Sheila in here, though? I'm not sure whether he'd want to control what's going on or just watch everything. Both are pretty tempting.
Mike: Yeah, but I know most, if not all, of the members of the other groups were onstage with us when this happened.
Peter: Valerie won't be too happy if she loses some of Headquarters' most popular bands!
Lauren: I'm willing to bet we'll find the others, atleast. Lets look around & see if anyone's here.
(Suddenly, more cars, these marked police cars, show up. Two men, one younger, one older with a craggy face, jump out of one car.)
Cop 1: Hey Jerry, they got 'em!
Cop 2: Nice work, Officers. (Nods at Lauren) Miss.
Cop 1: But they didn't get all of them! We're missing the ring leader and two of his boys!
Micky: They were the only ones we saw.
Cop 2: (To the uniformed men jumping out of their squad cars) Take these boys to the precinct house and book 'em for murder, robbery, and extortion. (Looks at the kids) We last saw Nate Hosteller and his other two boys rocketing down third and Maine. There was another car after them. (Turns to Lauren) Where's your squad, girl?
Lauren: Uh, my squad? Umm...
Cop 2: Yeah, the other two women in your squad!
Lauren: Haven't seen them lately...?
Cop 2: You were just with them a little over two hours ago!
Micky: *jumping in to help Lauren's discomfort* They split up to try & find these goons quicker. She isn't sure what direction the others went in.
Mike: Yeah, we sorta got spit up.
Cop 2: (Sighs) Well, see if you can catch up with them. If we don't bring this guy down, the boss will be breathin' down my neck. He's been wantin' to catch this nut for months now.
Mike: Uh, will do, Sarge.
Cop 2: Captain, kid. You always did have a big mouth, Nesmith.
Mike: Uh, yeah, Captain. (Ignores Micky and Peter's sniggering as they head for the cars) Well, what now?
Micky: Try to find the rest of Lauren's squad? They're probably part of our crew.
Mike: Must be some of the Abbies or Angellettes, the way he was talkin'.
Lauren: Hey, I wonder if I'm one of Charlie's Angels! *grins*
Micky: *smiles* You're my angel, babe.
Lauren: I know, Mick. *smiles, then smirks* But Charlie's Angels get to kick major butt & look damn good doing it!
Micky: Oh-kay... *puts an arm around Lauren's shoulders*
Lauren: Did you see how I flipped that guy so easily? Like this...! *she grabs Micky's arm... & flips him!*
Micky: *on his back on the ground; groans* Babe... if you need someone to practice on... don't pick me if landing on pavement is involved.
Lauren: *frowns* Sorry, Mick. *offers a hand & helps him up*
Mike: (Grins; Peter laughs) Come on, guys. Let's grab a car and do some serious bad-guy smashin'.
Micky: *rubbing at his rear now* I'm getting more sore by the moment...
Mike: I know a way to make you feel better. (Opens the car door for him) You drive.
Micky: *grins* Feelin' better already!
(They all hit the car, which then hits the streets. Mike looks around, puzzled.)
Mike: This looks like the normal LA to me.
Micky: Yeah, man, I know exactly where I'm driving despite not really knowing where we're actually going.
Mike: Hey, there's a couple of cars up ahead! (Points to two cars, one a non-descript black, the other a sporty red coupe, speeding across downtown LA)
Micky: Those could possibly be both who we're looking for.
Mike: Either that, or they're late for a funeral.
Micky: At any rate, I'm following them.