Is everyone ready to head over to the TV studio?
Sure! :)
Mike: Yeah, darlin'.
Micky: Yeah! :)
Peter: I'm ready! I want to be on TV! :)
Davy: I ain't evah appeared on American TV. It might be fun. :)
Micky: It's great, it's terrific... *Lauren elbows him*
Mike: What IS that?
Micky: Theme song from an old TV show. *grins* ;)
*Lauren rolls her eyes.*
(We begin outside the MonkeeCave. Lauren and Micky stand next to Lauren's car and hold the twins. Emma, Mike, Peter, and Valerie are next to the MonkeeMobile. Davy and Daphne are already in the jeep.)
Mike: Hey, before we leave, maybe we'd better give the girls their early Christmas present. (Closes his eyes - four packages appear.)
Davy: (Grins as the girls take the packages) I know wot 'e means. Aftah everythin' that's 'appened in the last yeah or so, we thought it would be best if we ALL kept in touch wit' each othah.
Micky: That's right!
(Each girl takes a package. Emma's is wrapped in coppery brown paper. She opens it to reveal a small, round object.)
Emma: Great. What is it?
Mike: (Grins and opens the object to reveal a few buttons and a mouthpiece) A communicator. It attaches to your watch.
Emma: Groovy!
Valerie: (Also opens a watch communicator) Great!
Lauren: *opens the same thing* Cool! *grins*
Daphne: (Hers is rectangular - her pink package reveals a small, calculator-like object with buttons and a mouthpiece) Huh?
Davy: Daph, you don't wear a watch. Micky and Petah don't, eithah. You 'ave wallet and purse-sized communicatahs.
Valerie: (Hugs Peter) Thanks, guys!
Mike: Just don't use them unless absolutely necessary.
Emma: Naturally.
Lauren: Of course.
Mike: Ok, I'm gonna get these four to the studio. The rest of you, meet us at the Ocean Cafe across the street from KLAC's studio on Orange Grove Avenue.
Daphne: Davy's gonna drop me off in Culver City. The girls and I have a gig in Los Angelas at the H2O.
Peter: (To Lauren and Micky as they start to load the babies into the car) And you're going to drop the babies off with their nana, right? :)
Lauren: You bet. She'll be so happy to see these two again.
Micky: The problem comes when we go back to get them.
Davy: Janelle really likes bein' a grandma, don't she? ;)
Micky: That's an understatement. *grins*
Peter: I think it's so sweet, how she takes care of those kids. :D
Lauren: Yeah. You should see the way Mick falls apart every time we leave them with her. *grins*
Davy: (Grins wickedly) Awwww!
Micky: Babe! C'mon, lets go drop the kiddos off.
Mike: Lay off Mick, man. Those are good kids. It's no wonder he adores them.
Emma: See you guys later! :)
(Peter, Valerie, Emma, and Mike climb into the MonkeeMobile.)
Micky: *waves as Lauren does, too* See you later! *gets in behind the wheel*
(All three vehicles take off across the desert. We fade out on them and follow the MonkeeMobile as it drives into Malibu Beach and pulls into the parking lot next to a smallish, old theater. The obviously newer neon sign outside of the building says "KLAC.")
Mike: (Pulls out) Well, here we are. Don't see the others yet.
Emma: Micky should be here any minute. He'll probably smell the food from a mile away. ;)
(The quartet cross over to the Ocean Cafe.)
Valerie: I don't see them.
Peter: (Points to the street) There they are!
*Lauren's car pulls up. Micky gets out, complaining about not driving.*
Lauren: *shakes her head* You could smell the food five blocks away! You'd be driving over sidewalks! I wanted to make sure we got here in one piece! *Micky sticks his tongue out, then grins*
(Everyone just bursts out laughing.)
Micky: I wouldn't drive on the sidewalks.
Emma: (Doubled over) Yup, that's our Micky!
Mike: I wouldn't be surprised.
Lauren: *shrugs* He's done it before!
Peter: That's what WE said, Lauren, that he'd smell the food and know where to go!
Micky: And she wanted to use a map! *scoffs*
(The jeep pulls up next to Lauren's car. Davy pops out, grinning.)
Davy: Got Daphne 'ome all right. We're gonna see each othah again aftah this show on Satahday.
Peter: You're really serious about Daph, aren't you, Davy? (Puts his hand gently on his friend's shoulder) You're so in love with her, and really happy.
Davy: (Nods) Yeah, I am in love wit' 'er. I nevah thought it were in me to fall in love wit' just one girl, but...
Micky: *grins* You did! :D
Emma: She showed you differently.
Mike: It's safer this way. Every time you chase a chick, you get us into trouble.
Davy: Now, that ain't true...
Mike: Need I mention Fern?
Peter: Or the hillbilly?
Micky: Need we mentioned the rest of the list?
Davy: SHE chased ME first...and ALL of us, when you really get down to it!
Emma: (Glares at Mike) How ALL of us?
Mike: Em, she looked at me for one minute, started gettin' ideas, and I told her I had a family and I'd go after Davy with Mick! Nothing happened!
Peter: She chased Micky, too!
(Valerie elbows Peter.)
Micky: *grins* Makes me glad Lauren already dragged all this outta me.
Lauren: *nods* Didn't want any surprises.
Mike: Come on, Pete. I seem to remember that hillbilly even had her arms around you for a while.
Peter: (As Valerie glares at him) Only because you and Micky left me there!
Micky: *holds his hands up* Hey, I was actually being sent after Davy!
Mike: Enough, guys. It happened years ago. The only one of you chicks we knew was Valerie. (Checks his watch) Maybe we'd better go on ahead. We're meetin' Junior soon.
Davy: Is it my imagination, or does that studio look like a theatah?
Valerie: It is, or was. It used to be the Hunter Shore Theater, before old Simon Hunter died and his family sold off most of his assets. KLAC leases it from the current owners for now. (Sighs) It's a shame most of the Hunter theaters were let go even before Mr. Hunter died. I never went in this theater, but Dad used to take me to the old Hunter Royale Theater when I was very little.
Mike: (Frowns) I heard of that place. It's on the other end of Malibu Beach, right?
Davy: Thought that place were condemmned?
Valerie: Apparently not. I heard someone actually bought it a few months ago. I hope they intend to restore it. I remember it being truly beautiful as a little girl. There were stars on the ceiling of the main theater that lit up, and it was all done like a beautiful fairy-tale castle, with murals of knights and damsels in distress and kings and queens and dragons.
Lauren: Wow...
Emma: I envy you guys, getting to see all these gorgeous theaters! None of the movie theaters in South Jersey were ever close to that fancy, and all of the big ones in Atlantic are being torn down or converted into something else.
Mike: (As they walk through the swinging, Art Deco-style doors) And I never had the money to go to the movies, period. Sometimes, if I were real good, Aunt Kate would take me to a theater in Dallas with my cousins, and I snuck in a couple of the neighborhood houses, but never those huge palaces!
Micky: I guess I always took them for granted. I've been in a bunch of them, but never really looked at them.
(The lobby is small and old but clean, with reletively new carpeting. An older woman sits at a desk, listening to Bing Crosby sing "White Christmas" on the radio as she types.)
Mike: Um, hello, ma'am?
Receptionist: Yes, young man?
Mike: We're the Monkees. We were supposed to meet Junior Pinter here.
Receptionist: (Smiles) Oh, I remember all of you! My, how you've grown! I heard you play when you appeared on "Menagerie Time."
Davy: Nice to know SOMEONE 'eard us.
Micky: And don't just remember us for getting pies and seltzer in the face.
Receptionist: (Makes a face) I always suspected Mr. Jenkins was never really all that fond of his job. The things he used to say about his fans would make every parent in Los Angelas protest this station until they were blue in the face!
Mike: Yeah, we heard some of them when he got mad at us for swayin' his fans.
Receptionist: (Smiles and shakes Valerie's hand) Why, Miss Cartwright, how are you? Just checking up on the Christmas Spectacular for your father? Junior told me Cartwright Grocery was sponsoring it again this year.
Valerie: I'm fine, Bertha. I'm not really checking up. (Takes Peter's arm) My boyfriend and his bandmates are going to be appearing on your station again soon.
Bertha: (Grins) You made a very nice choice there, Miss Cartwright. He's a real looker, and a fine guitarist, too. :D
(Peter turns as red as his paisley shirt.)
Valerie: He's one of the true loves of my life, Bertha. :D
(Peter now looks like he's on fire.)
Micky: Man, someone get the fire exstinguisher! *grins*
Mike: (As Bertha leads them down a hallway with slightly cracked plaster walls) Bertha, what's all this about? Did Junior tell you anything?
Bertha: Only that he has a very special job for you...and it DOESN'T involve pies or seltzer. (Sighs) "Menagerie Time" didn't last very long, anyway. "Captain Crocodile" was faltering in the ratings, and "Menagerie Time" was a warmed-over version of the same old silly man in a clown suit. That's why Theodore Jenkins was so upset. (Sighs) We would have found another show for him, though, if we hadn't found out what he did to all of you. He really stepped over the line.
(Bertha stops at a door that says "Christopher Pinter, Jr - Specials and Spectaculars" on a plate in front. Bertha sticks her head in.)
Bertha: Mr. Pinter, the Monkees and Miss Cartwright are here about the Christmas Spectacular. (She turns to the others with a smile) You may go in now.
Mike: (With a slight smile) Thanks, Bertha.
(They enter the office. It's largely unchanged since the visit in "Captain Crocodile," with the exception of the furniture being somewhat larger.)
Davy: (Smiles as he looks around) It's still quite a nice spot.
Lauren: I'll say, Dave. *grins* ;)
Mike: Yeah, for you.
Peter: Our legs are longer!
(Junior stands, smiling. He now appears to be about 12 years old, and as such is somewhat taller than he was before. Other than that, he, too, is largely unchanged.)
Junior: Hello, men (nods at the girls) and women. It's nice to see all of you again.
Mike: What was all of that with the seltzer? We never DID get to play!
Junior: (Makes a face) That was not MY idea. (Plays with a Tinker Toy house on his desk) I really wanted to hear you play, too. I overheard your "Valleri" when I was in the studio and it was really groovy. (Sighs) I heard Bertha tell you that "Monkee Menagerie Time" never caught on. Yes, Mr. Nesmith, I DID take your group's name off the show after you quit.
Peter: Are we going to get to play this time?
Mike: And please tell me it's not on a kid's show!
Junior: (Frowns) What do you have against kids?
Davy: Yeah, Mike! Wot do you 'ave against kids' shows?
Mike: A pie in the face.
Micky: Can't argue with that.
Junior: (Smiles) Don't worry, boys. Daddy promoted me after "Menagerie Time" went off the air. He approved of how I handled the incident with Theordore Jenkins, whom you knew as Captain Crocodile, and put me in charge of KLAC's specials and spectaculars.
Peter: What's that?
Junior: Basically, anything that ISN'T regular programming, such as musicals, theatrical productions, and live, non-sport events.
Micky: Groovy!
Junior: Daddy and I both agreed that what happened with "Monkee Menagerie Time" was the station's fault, not yours. We're willing to give you another chance with KLAC. You will appear on our annual Christmas Spectacular.
Mike: What do you want us to do?
Junior: Play Christmas music, and perhaps appear in skit or two with our regular crew.
Peter: Groovy, a regular Christmas "Laugh-In!"
Micky: Sounds safe enough.
Valerie: (Shakes her head) Not exactly...
Junior: (Holds up his hand) I swear on my entire Erector set collection and my panda bear Herbie that you WILL get to play, and there will be no pies in the face, seltzer, malicious practical jokes, OR nasty fans chasing after you. You will be working with trained professionals. The only children will be the ones in the audience with their families and the members of the Los Angelas Children's Choir who will be performing a few numbers.
Davy: Must be pretty important, then. Erector sets ain't cheap.
Micky: You're tellin' me! *Lauren rolls her eyes*
Junior: What Christmas songs do all of you know?
Mike: (Makes a face) I'm not a big Christmas person, but the guys all have stuff they know.
Davy: I know TONS of Christmas songs!
Micky: I know "O Little Town Of Bethlehem" *grins* and a bunch of others.
Peter: I know a few. Micky and Davy and I have been working on one of our own.
Junior: I'll be honest, I'm hoping you will attract a younger audience. The ratings on our Christmas spectacular have gone down in the past few years. I decided it was time for a new, hipper image.
Mike: (Crosses his arms) And we fit the bill.
Junior: (Nods with a grin) I heard you play, and Daddy says you're all the rage in the clubs in Los Angelas and the surrounding suburbs.
Mike: When IS this show, Junior?
Junior: The show itself is still on Saturday, as I mentioned when I called you. We always do it about two weeks before Christmas, so our staff can have the holiday itself free. (Sighs) We're a very small independent station. Most of our late morning and afternoon programming except for the news and soap operas are syndicated packages or re-runs, but we film all of our own evening and night shows and most of our commercials are for profitable San Fernando Valley businesses. (Grins) How would you like to meet the staff? You'll get some rehersal time in before the show, and Liza will tell you more about the skits and the numbers you'll be playing in. (Grin widens) There's a big plate of Bertha's Christmas sugar cookies in the Green Room, too. We can eat and watch rehearsal for the Spectacular.
Micky: Cookies? :D
Davy: (Grins himself) I always did like the way you think, Juniah!
Lauren: He said the magic word.
Mike: Feed this crowd, and they'll follow you anywhere.
Junior: She or Arnie probably bought some milk, too. My mum hasn't made cookies yet, but Bertha's are almost as good, anyway. Come on. (Stands. The guys pry themselves out of the chairs and follow Junior down the hall) I know where she hides her candy stash, too.
Davy: (Puts his arms around Junior) That's what I like about you, kid. Under that suit, you're a true child.
Micky: Candy! I'm in Heaven!
Junior: Mum insists that playing is a good way to learn about business and keep me from getting too stressed. (Smiles) And it's just rather fun. (Leads the crowd into a large, green room that's set up like a small kitchen, complete with a hot pot, coffee pot, and small refrigerator. A large plate of sugar cookies in Christmas shapes and frosted with colored icing and candies sits in the middle of the large, green table. The room is decorated for the holidays, with garland, tinsel, and a small Christmas tree decked with ribbons.)
Valerie: (As Junior tries to reach for a cabinet) Here, let me get that. (Opens the cabinet and starts pulling out glasses.)
Junior: Thank you, Miss Cartwright. (Sighs) One of these days, I'm going to be tall enough to reach the cabinet on my own without help. (Pulls open the refrigerator and brings out a carton of milk)
Micky: Davy's STILL saying that!
(Davy makes a face at Micky.)
*Lauren just shakes her head and sighs.* :P
Micky: What?
Davy: At least I ain't a klutz who drops the glass the minute 'e gets it out!
Mike: Knock it off, you two. DON'T start here!
*Lauren snickers. Micky sticks his tongue out.*
Junior: (Smiles) At least I know there are adults who get told they're short, too.
Davy: My entire life, mate.
Lauren: Ditto that. :P
Junior: You're very small, too, aren't you, Miss... (As Valerie hands out the milk)
Lauren: MRS. Dolenz, actually. Call me Lauren. :)
*Micky grins and gives her a noogie. She makes a face, then rolls her eyes again.*
Junior: (Eyes widen; shakes hers and Micky's hands) Congratulations! That's groovy!
Lauren and Micky: Thanks! *glare at each other*
Junior: (Laughs) You ARE married! My parents do that sometimes! They drive each other CRAZY when they both talk at once!
Micky: We're crazy to start with.
Lauren: Speak for yourself, Mick.
Junior: I wish I could have gone to your weddings! I went to my cousin's wedding. It was quite nice. We had to dress up, but we got to eat a lot of cake and dance to live music. (Indicates the cookies) Please, have as many as you want. Bertha is an old widow. She no longer has a large family to cook for, so she cooks for us. (Joins them at the table) In fact, let me in first.
Mike: (Takes a tree-shaped cookie) Hey, they're pretty good!
Emma: They're not like my mom's, but they're nice.
*Micky shoves a ginger bread man shaped cookie in his mouth, followed by a tree, then a candy cane.*
Davy: You shouldn't 'ave told Mick 'e could 'ave so many. 'E'll eat them all!
Junior: Maybe we'd better move on. I want to leave a few for the rest of the staff, and Miss Cartwright will want to see how the rehearsal is going.
Davy: (Takes a reindeer) Just a few.
Micky: *mouth full* Jus' one more!
Valerie: (Nods) Dad's worried about those slipping ratings.
(The group walks out to the hall again, this time back to the main lobby. Junior stops at the swinging door next to the now-empty receptionist's desk.)
Junior: Bertha must have gone out to lunch. (Nods at the door) Our main soundstage is here. This is where we film our soap operas, live events, and specials. Other shows are filmed in the back, behind the main theater, in small soundstages that were once dressing rooms and rehearsal space when this was a movie theater.
(Junior opens the doors, and the group follows him in, munching on cookies. He leads them to the front row of a medium-sized theater. People bustle around the stage, arranging props and cameras and scenery. A backdrop of what looks like a home decorated for Christmas, complete with overstuffed sofa, fireplace with roaring (and fake) fire and hung with stockings, and huge Christmas tree with fancy ornaments and tinsel and presents underneith, is being worked on by three men and a woman. Another woman works on the makeup of an older, handsome man in a silk lounging robe and fine gray pajamas. He has thick, dark hair peppered with gray at the temples, a good-natured looking face, and large, twinkling eyes.)
Junior: (In a whisper to the group) He's Arthur Rupert, the host of the "Angels' Cake Hour" and the emcee of our Christmas Spectacular for twenty years now, since the very first Christmas show in KLAC's very first year, 1949.
Peter: (Makes a face) I've seen that show. It's nice and everything, but it's kind of...square.
Micky: Cake? *Lauren elbows him again*
Davy: 'Ey, I LIKE that show! They play a lot of vaudeville music and oldah songs.
Junior: The Angels' Cake Bakery in downtown Los Angelas has been one of our major sponsors since the beginnings of the station.
Valerie: And we've sponsored the Christmas Spectacular at least since I was little.
Junior: Daddy says Linnel Toyland originally sponsored the show in 1949. Cartwright Groceries apparently took over the year before I was born.
(A man runs out onto the stage. He's balding and wears glasses and a suit with leather patches on the jacket.)
Junior: That's the director of all of our shows, John Libby. (A smaller woman carrying a clipboard follows quickly behind him) And she's Liza Martin, the writer of the taped specials and soap operas.
John Libby: Ok, people, we've only got a few days to rehearse this, so let's make it good, and make it fast.
Arthur Rupert: (Stands) John, I don't like this script. Why don't you let me say the same thing I said in the opening sequence last year?
John Libby: And the year before that, and the year before THAT! Arthur, you've said the same opening speech for twenty years. We need to update it, make it revelant for today's audience.
Arthur Rupert: I don't see what's wrong with the old speech. It's comforting.
John Libby: It's OUT!
Arthur: Fine! (Rolls his eyes and plops down on the couch) Next thing you know, you'll have me sing the Beatles while babbling on about the war!
John: Just stick to the speech as written for now, Art.
Liza: You know what the ratings have been like for the past few years, Arthur! We need to bring back young audiences.
Arthur: They can change the channel for all I care, those ungracious little...
John: (Drowns him out) Ok, Art, remember to smile, and deliver the speech as written. You're a man at home, hosting a few of his closest friends for a big holiday to-do at his lovely little home in Connecticut.
Peter: (Whispers) I don't remember ever seeing a house in Conneticut that looked like THAT inside!
Emma: (Mutters, to Lauren) I have a bad feeling about this special.
Lauren: *nods slowly* I do, too.
Mike: They seem kinda hostile to any kid who ain't their boss.
Valerie: (Softly, as Art flashes a toothpaste smile to the camera) Now you understand the problem...and why I'm worried. Yes, these people are professionals, but most of them don't seem to have the slightest idea of what "relevancy" means. Liza Martin and John Libby are the only people on that stage who's seen thirty in a long time.
Junior: (Looks down at his cookies) Most of them haven't been very...open...to the suggestions Liza, John, and I have made regarding the special.
Arthur: (Strikes a relaxed pose as he picks up a pipe) Hello out there, all of you in Los Angelas, City of Angels, and do our cats and chicks have a surprise for all the good little boys and girls! I'm Arthur Rupert, the voice of the San Fernando Valley, and I'll be your host for this nifty little get-together my friends and I have been planning. So, cuddle up by the fire with your closest love for our little Christmas-in! It'll be really, really groovy. (Makes a face; to the house) Do you you know how DUMB I feel saying those words?
John: (From offstage) Could you just announce the Angelina Druddard Dancers and get on with it?
Arthur: (Grumbles, then smiles) My first guests should be arriving any minute now! (Silence.) Any minute now. (Still silence; Arthur grits his perfect teeth) ANY MINUTE NOW!
(A group of leggy young women in short, red velvet outfits trimmed with white fir, Santa hats perched on their heads, stumble in.)
Arthur: What took you so damn long?
Dancer: The door to our dressing room got stuck! (To the camera) Hi there, everyone! I'm Angelina Druddard, and we're here to do a little number to that all-time favorite classic, "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town!" Hit it, girls!
(Which begins our first "romp," of sorts, as the group watches the dancers go through a somewhat clumsy precision dance routine, joined by Arthur himself at the end. The kids just shake their heads while Junior hangs his.)
Junior: (Turns his head to the group as the number comes to an end) You see our problem.
Micky: Oh, brother.
Valerie: It's worse than I thought. You told me you were dropping the Angelina Druddard Troupe!
Lauren: Well, they were almost dropping themselves a few moments ago. *shrugs*
Junior: Apparently, our contract with them is good until next year. We legally CAN'T get rid of them.
Davy: I can dance bettah than that! :p
Mike: I'm about ready to go up on that stage and tell them how to do this special RIGHT.
Micky: We might let you.
Junior: (Sighs) That's why you're here. I've heard your music. I know you have talent. I need you to add some spice to this special. Make it look and sound as good as Bertha's Gingerbread Spice cookies taste.
Mike: How are we supposed to do that? We're musicians, not miracle-workers.
Micky: Yeah, cuz those cookies were REALLY good! ;)
Junior: I saw how you enchanted the Captain's fans with the story you made up off the top of your heads. I need you to more or less do the same with this special. They've done the same kind of corny numbers for 20 years.
Davy: Well, the music ain't so bad. It's just the way it's performed that 'as to be worked on.
(The dancers are now working on another number while Arthur argues with John and Liza Martin looks on, pained.)
Valerie: (Plays with her remaining cookie) Dad...Dad says that if the ratings don't go up this year, he's contemplating dropping the special.
Junior: Oh, no! This special alone pulls in enough advertising to pay for the rest of the year! I don't know how we'll get another sponsor so quickly...
Mike: Look, we're here to play, right?
Peter: Let's play! (Pulls Valerie off her seat and onstage.)
Davy: Why not? (Shrugs and joins them)
Junior: Men... (runs after them)
Micky: Let's show them a thing or three! *grabs Lauren's hand, and drags her along*
Mike: Why do I have the feeling this is NOT going to go well? (He and Emma join the others.)
Emma: Because you don't know "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" and I doubt Arthur Rupert knows "Jingle Bell Rock."
Arthur: (Frowns as the kids come up on stage) What's this, Johnny? I thought this was a closed rehearsal.
John: It is. (Nods at Junior) Hello, Junior. I'm glad you got them here. Liza's written them some great skits.
Mike: I hope they're less corny than the opening number!
Arthur: (Makes a face) EXCUSE me, young man?
Valerie: The number needs rehearsing, Mr. Rupert.
Mike: If it got any cornier, my wife Emma here could bake it into corn muffins and spoonbread. :p
Arthur: And how are YOU an expert on how to run a Christmas special, young man?
Junior: This is the band I hired, Arthur, the Monkees. I thought they'd add a little something different to the Spectacular this year. (To the Monkees) The instruments are backstage, on the bandstand set. You'll be rehearsing there.
Arthur: Monkees? Odd name for a band, I must say.
Peter: This is nice, homey and everything, but it's just not right.
Liza: That's what I've been saying. Most homes don't look like this anymore.
Micky: Needs something... *glances around the set*
Emma: The furniture is comfy, but it's all so...plastic. It doesn't look lived in.
Arthur: It's the same set design we've used...
Liza: For 20 years, Arthur, we know.
Junior: The same old thing doesn't work these days, Arthur. Changes must be made.
Peter: Everything's so...white. The only color is the Christmas tree.
Davy: And the dancahs!
Angelina: (Makes a face as the girls trot offstage) What's WRONG with the dancers, shrimp?
Mike: (Mutters) Other than you're awful?
Davy: Your routine is rathah uncoordinated, luv...and like the set, a bit cheesy.
Mike: You call a bunch of chicks in Santa outfits suddenly popping out of nowhere and doing a Broadway routine homey?
Arthur: We ALWAYS start with a dance routine!
Davy: Well, why not try something a little smoothah, less campy? Like this... (goes into one of his hoofing routines)
Arthur: Junior, why are these kids here?
Junior: I hired them. They're going to play in the special.
John: Why don't we see what you can do? You're supposed to go in after the dancers, anyway. (Calls offstage) Hey Arnie, Del, move the house set!
(Two guys - one tall and fat, one short and thin, both dressed in worn overalls, boots, and shirts - move the painted set flat out of the way. The Christmas tree and furniture are moved off-set, revealing a small bandstand and instruments set against a fake-looking painted backdrop of snow behind a huge picture window.)
John: Ok, you guys are on after the Angelina Druddard Dancers. Arthur brings you into the "house," introduces you, does a little comedy routine with you, and you launch into your song.
(The boys go on the bandstand, gathering their instruments.)
Mike: Hey, what should we play?
John: Just something simple to start with. Maybe with a winter theme.
Micky: Let It Snow, Winter Wonderland...
Davy: 'Ow 'bout "Wintah Wonderland?"
Mike: (Shrugs) Fits the mood.
Micky: Works for me!
Peter: (Takes a bass guitar) Oh boy! :D
John: Ok, Arthur introduces you...
Arthur: (Enters) And for all of you young music lovers out there, here comes those wild, wacky, zany young people, the darlings of the Los Angelas club set and the favorite of many a cat and chick, the Monkees, with their unique rendition of "Winter Wonderland."
(The boys launch into "Winter Wonderland." Davy dances with several of the Angelina Druddard girls. Valerie, Lauren, and Emma watch with grins. Junior beams. Liza Martin is impressed; John Libby is intrigued. Arthur makes a face. Other people walk out onstage and join them, some with curious smiles, others with looks of disgust that match Arthur's.)
Junior: (Claps) Groovy, boys!
Lauren: *cheers* All right!
Woman: (A woman in a fur stole grumbles) What on Earth was THAT racket? Junior, darling, what is this all about?
Arthur: It doesn't sound quite right.
Junior: (Sighs) Hello, Prissy. (To the Monkees and the girls) This is Prissy Green, the star of our soap operas "The Light of Your Love" and "Secret Passions."
Prissy: Don't forget star of stage, screen, and many a Broadway triumph! Surely you children have heard of me?
Mike: No, ma'am, I'm afraid I haven't.
Peter: I don't like soap operas. So many nasty things happen in them!
Emma: I think they're just stupid.
Micky: Never heard of ya. *shrugs*
Lauren: I don't like soaps, either.
Liza: Prissy, please. You KNOW you don't come on until later.
Woman in Gown: (Shrugs) I don't see what the fuss was. That's the best act I've heard in this studio since at least 1955.
Junior: (Grins) Hi, Marian! How are you?
Marian: (She's an older, plumpish, dark-skinned woman with big brown eyes and a warm voice) Hi, kiddo. Come here and give your old Aunt Mar a hug. (Junior hugs her)
Junior: (Grins at the kids) Marian's not really my aunt, but she's one of my favorite people here. Daddy likes her, too.
Marian: Only because I've been here longer than anyone else except for Arthur. I knew your Daddy when he was workin' for that independent radio network in Chicago and I was still playin' nothin' but maids.
Liza: Hi, Mar. Ready for your comedy skit with Arthur and Prissy?
Marian: Always, Liz. I look forward to doing the Christmas special every year.
John: I want you to do something with the kids, too. (nods at her) Boys, this is Marian Donovan. She's played everything from tarts to maids at KLAC for more than 20 years and put in her time on radio before that.
Mike: What is it that you people usually DO on this special, besides really bad dance routines and sappy speeches in fake houses?
Arthur: We give our viewing audience a taste of typical Christmas in a Los Angelas home.
Prissy: We try to connect with our audience, give them warmth, comfort, and a bit of home away from home, while still appealing to their children and our sponsors.
Mike: Don't seem to me that you're appealin' to nobody.
Liza: That's what I've told them, but...
Prissy: That's the way we've done it since 1949!
Micky: So?
Arthur: We sing a few songs, do a few comedy routines, make a few pretty speeches about our family and how wonderful we think our audience is.
Peter: (Shyly) But this ISN'T 1949, Mrs. Green.
Prissy: That's MISS Green, young man. I am currently...
Marian: (Mutters) Between divorces. (Prissy discreetly elbows her.)
Mike: That's fine, for 1949, but a lot of things have changed in twenty years.
Peter: Nobody I know has a home like the set Mr. Rupert sang in!
Davy: And I 'ate to point out the obvious, but it don't snow in LA.
Junior: What's the kind of thing that would draw in young people, men (the girls give him a Look)...and women?
Marian: You should know better than any of us.
Micky: Young people ON the show, for starters.
Liza: (Mutters) Speak for yourself.
Mike: Yeah, I'm sure you're all good at what you do, but the only one of you who are under thirty are some of the dancers and Miss Martin.
Junior: That's why I hired all of you.
Emma: The music. You've got to update the sound. Yeah, you can let the choir sing their medleys for the older folks and keep the standards...but give them a new spin.
Peter: Arrange the old stuff so it's new!
Lauren: Make it upbeat!
Mike: And add some new sounds, like this. (Looks at the guys) How about we give them a taste of something new, fellas? You boys up for "Jingle Bell Rock?"
Peter: Groovy! :D
Micky: *grins* Always!
Davy: Definitely.
(The boys launch into song again. The girls and the dancers move to the music. Marian dances with Junior; Arthur and Prissy just grumble.)
Mike: Rock's a whole new sound, something different.
Arthur: That's not what we usually play.
Mike: Well, maybe it's time you played something that was written in the last twenty years.
Emma: (Warningly) Miiiikkkkeeeeee...
Micky: No, let him go with this. *smirks* ;)
Arthur: Now see here, young man, I'll have you know I was singing in clubs in Los Angelas before your parents were born!
Mike: That's probably true.
*Micky snickers.*
Marian: (To Junior) He was singing in clubs in LA before MY parents were born. (Junior snickers.)
Peter: We don't mean to intrude, but Valerie says your special isn't making people happy anymore.
Valerie: And isn't that what we're here to do, make people happy?
Mike: Come on, it's the holidays. What do they mean to YOU?
Micky: Other than dollar signs, preferably.
Marian: My eight kids and I like to listen to the radio on Christmas morning while we open presents.
Junior: Daddy and Mum take me to my grandparents' house for Christmas. That's the only time I get to see them.
Arthur: (Sighs) I remember doing the Christmas shows when I was in the USO...
Prissy: I recite "The Night Before Christmas" every Christmas Eve on the air.
John: My wife and I open presents on Christmas Eve, since I usually have to work in the morning.
Liza: I go home to Portland for the holidays whenever we can. My parents have a big Christmas dinner with the entire family, grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins, too.
Peter: People have so many ideas of what the holidays SHOULD be, that they sometimes forget what they ARE.
Liza: I wonder how much of this I should re-write...
Mike: At least that opening speech. That's tryin' too hard.
Peter: You have to relax, be natural.
Davy: And someone's got to find somethin' bettah for the dancahs to do.
Angelina: What's wrong with what we're doing now?
Davy: It's just too...much. I like the Rockettes as much as the next person, but you looked rathah silly out there.
Angelina: Give us a chance to perfect our act!
John: Look, why don't we take a break. Liza, Junior, and I will talk to the kids. We'll meet you back here in about fifteen minutes to continue the rehearsal.
(Everyone leaves but the girls, the Monkees, John Libby, Liza, and Junior.)
John: (Sighs) It's been nearly impossible to change this special. Our staff's been driving us crazy. Some of them are willing to do the new numbers, like Marian, but most of them are like Arthur and Prissy. They've been with KLAC since it became a television station. They've done the same things for years and are having difficulty changing.
Peter: I don't think they mean any harm. They're just a little scared. They don't know anything about what younger people like, and they love doing the old skits.
Micky: There's gotta be a way to compromise between the new and the "old."
John: We won't throw out all the old skits. They're like old friends. But we need to start attracting a newer audience, too. We get the parents but lose their children.
Peter: Have any of your lighting men or cameramen ever tried doing some of those psychadelic special effects, like in a concert?
John: (Shakes his head) Not really.
Liza: You've got to remember, we're a small, independent station. We don't have much money. Enough's been put into this special as it is.
Emma: We could at least make the set look more like a real home. Maybe dig out some props or something.
Mike: We've gotta update the music, too.
Davy: And the overall feel.
Micky: And liven it up, too!
Junior: I seem to remember you have a lot of your own material.
Mike: I don't really do holiday music, but the other guys know stuff, and the girls probably do, too.
Peter: Emma sings, and Valerie can play piano.
Emma: (Blushes) I'm not very good.
Valerie: Oh, Peter...
Lauren: I can try to harmonize.
Micky: Emphasis on "try." *gets elbowed again* ;)
(Emma gives Micky a look.)
Micky: What?
John: Well...can any of you do comedy?
Davy: I was on Broadway. I think I can do a skit or two.
Lauren: Whadaya think he's been doing? *jerks her thumb at Micky*
(Everyone chuckles.)
Liza: It's going to be a bit of a squeeze, re-writing the skits, AND we still have to persuade the rest of the staff to go along with this.
Mike: Maybe we don't have to.
Junior: What do you mean?
Mike: Maybe it's not so much re-WRITING that's needed. Maybe we just need to reWORD a few skits and redo some of the musical numbers.
Davy: Micky and I could do a numbah.
Micky: Yeah!
Peter: Mike and I could play guitar.
Emma: (Rolls her eyes) Oh, god help us, the hams take over.
*Lauren chuckles, grinning.*
John: Right now, we have a skit on holiday shopping, a parody of "A Christmas Carol," Marian's skit with Prissy, and a long skit involving a comic version of a typical family Christmas get-together.
Mike: Why don't we just get rid of the script?
Peter: Or use it as suggestions.
Junior: Improv. I've heard of that.
Micky: Yeah. It's fun, too!
John: That was largely what they had to do on radio.
Liza: I don't know. A lot of the staff isn't used to not working from or adding to the original script.
Mike: Maybe they should GET used to it.
Peter: They could learn!
Junior: Anything to save this show.
John: I'm willing. It's just a matter of finding out if they are.
(The rest of the staff has been slowly filing back in and onto the stage. Prissy, Marian, and Arthur are joined by others.)
Junior: (To the crowd) Ladies and gentlemen, we have an announcement to make.
Prissy: You've finally figured out my talent and are going to give me that solo reciting Shakespeare!
*Micky snorts, trying not to laugh out loud.*
Marian: You fired her. (Jabs a finger at Prissy, who sticks her tongue out.)
Arthur: You're going to put my opening speech back the way it was.
John: Not quite.
Peter: You won't NEED an opening speech! We're going to do improv!
Prissy: US?
Arthur: But...
(A ripple of surprise and shock floats around the stage.)
Prissy: Improv? But what about the camera set-ups? The skits? The numbers?
Mike: Oh, we'll still have them, but they'll be more spontaneous.
Peter: You'll do it like a bunch of girls really DID just burst into the living room and started singing "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town!"
Emma: You'll never know what to expect. It'll keep your audience on their toes, and your performances, too.
Lauren: That's right!
Mike: You've been doin' the same special for twenty years, right?
Arthur: It's tradition!
Stagehand: That's right!
Valerie: Maybe it is, but this seems to be a time for traditions to change.
Peter: Change isn't always a bad thing. Traditions change when they aren't fun anymore.
Micky: And we're trying to make this more fun.
Valerie: And if your ratings the last two or three years have been any indication, your special is no longer fun for your audiences.
Davy: Wot are you going to do when all of your present audience dies off? You're all sayin' your problem is that your special ain't attractin' a wide enough audience anymore.
Peter: We don't have to change everything. Some traditions really are groovy.
Arthur: I always get a big solo number, and I close the show with the kids.
Mike: You can still do that. We just want to add a bit of flair.
Liza: Why don't we take a breather for today, then come back tomorrow? I'll make some changes to the scripts, then see what you say.
Mike: Why don't we show them now? (Goes back on the stage) Maybe another number from us will help you decide. (Looks at the others) Somethin' traditional, done OUR way.
Micky: *whoops* Yeah!
Mike: (As the others return to the bandstand) Any requests from the crowd? Ladies?
Lauren: Any suggestions?
Junior: My favorite Christmas song is "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." (Blushes)
Emma: (Grins) He's the boss, guys.
(Mike makes a face. Peter jabs him lightly with the bass.)
Micky: *twirls his sticks* No problem! :D
(We see an animated rendition of "Rudolph" that looks a bit like the limited "Peanuts special"-style. "Rudolph" is small and brown, "Santa" has brown curls under his white hair, and his wife is tiny and blue-eyed. They re-enact the story 60s style. Rudolph wears love beads, Santa presents him with a guitar, and the entire group ends up rocking as the animation fades back into live-action.)
Peter: See, Mike? That was fun!
(Mike just grumbles.)
Marian: Hey, you guys are damn good!
Prissy: Not bad for young men with long hair.
*Micky makes a face.*
Marian: Long hair, short hair, what does it matter? They're all obviously performers, and damn good ones, too. (Grins) I'm in right now. It couldn't hurt to try something different, even at Christmas.
Angelina: And they're lookers, too, the whole lot. We'd at least get young women, if nothing else.
Junior: So, you'll all do it? :D
(There's nods from around the room, some of them uncertain. Arthur sighs.)
Arthur: We've never tried anything like this before, though! Psychadelic lights! Improv! Noisy music! It's not our style.
Liza: It COULD be.
Mike: Maybe it's time you put the VARIETY back in VARIETY show.
Micky: Never know until you TRY.
Junior: I'm in charge, Mr. Rupert. I say it's worth a shot to get our viewing audience back.
Valerie: I'll talk to my dad. Maybe he'd be able to find a place to get some of the cameras for the special effects.
Micky: *eyes the sets* And we could alter the sets a bit, too...
Mike: Yeah.
Arnie: Now, wait a minute...
Peter: This isn't what LA looks like in the winter.
Davy: And that 'ome set don't look like any bloomin' 'ome I've evah seen.
Valerie: Certainly not like one now!
Micky: Need something modern...
Peter: (Beams) Bubble lights?
Mike: I think we're going to need a LITTLE bit more than bubble lights to make this work, buddy.
Micky: Maybe a whole new set.
Arnie: But that would take DAYS!
Liza: We have a few days. We could rehearse without a set for a while.
Micky: *rolls his eyes* Doesn't take ME days. *pulls out a measuring tape*
Lauren: Yes, he really does happen to just carry one of those around with him. (The Monkees and the girls chuckle.)
Mike: It's really up to you, Junior. It's your show.
Micky: Just say the word, Junior.
Junior: (Grins) Yes! I promised I'd let you play! :)
Arthur: But Junior...
Prissy: Surely...
Junior: Just give it a chance. If it doesn't work out this year, we'll go back to the old way next year.
*Micky whoops and goes about measuring and taking notes.*
Arnie: Hey, kid, wait! (Runs after Micky)
Davy: (Goes to the Angelina Druddard Dancers) Now ladies, you really need to work up a new routine for the show. That last one was just plain corny. I was thinkin' we could start with a little of this... (He starts dancing. The dancers follow.)
Valerie: I'm going to call Dad. He'll need to know about the changes. (Gets off the stage and leaves the theater)
Mike: Hey, Arthur, how would you like some accompaniment for that big finale you were talkin' about?
Arthur: I usually have the KLAC orchestra backing me.
Peter: Why don't you try something simpler? We'll accompany you! I can play the piano, and Mike plays guitar.
Arthur: It's been a long time since I had such a simple backing on the Christmas special.
Mike: (Grins) Aw, come on, Art. You can't be afraid to try.
Arthur: (Sighs) All right. Nothing too unusual. (He sings "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" as we go into our next "romp," which is just the camera cutting to Mike and Peter on guitar and piano respectively while Arthur sings, and even throws in a couple of dance steps and a little mugging to the "camera." As the song ends) It's...odd, but workable.
Mike: Ain't so bad.
Peter: You look like you were having fun!
Arthur: (Smiles) It reminds me of the USO. We didn't have a full orchestra backing us during the worst of the war, either, just some brass and strings, even a guitar once or twice. So many memories... (sighs)
Peter: That's a lot of what Christmas is about, Mr. Rupert. The memories.
Arthur: I just don't know much about young people today. It was so different when I was your age.
Mike: Twenty years from now, Pete and I will probably be sayin' the same things to our kids.
Peter: But we're not married, Mike!
Mike: (As Arthur raises his eyebrows) Never mind, Pete.
Micky: *passes the others; Arnie still follows* Get away from me, kid, you bother me!
(We cut to Marian on the other side of the stage. She sits on one of the overstuffed chairs as Micky and Arnie pass through.)
Arnie: Look, pal, I'm the one in charge of this set...
(Emma and Lauren join Marian, shaking their heads.)
*Lauren chuckles.*
Marian: I like a man who comes prepared.
Emma: Lauren, I thought you confiscated Micky's measuring tape!
Lauren: I tried. I have a half-dozen now. He comes up with a new one every time. *shrugs* I stopped trying.
Marian: I don't think all this change buisness is such a bad thing. I mean, yeah, Art and Prissy can complain. They're the ones who have spent their lives performing the great works of Shakespeare and aping Bing Crosby. I, on the other hand, have spent most of my life playing comic maids or evil bad girls. If it weren't for all the changes in this country in the past few years, I probably wouldn't even be ON this special.
Emma: That's true. You're part of a minority group.
Marian: No kidding. They still don't listen to me half the time.
Lauren: Too bad.
Marian: Prissy is too much like her name for her own good, and Arthur's just got a bloated ego from too many years of being the Perry Como of the San Fernando Valley. (Grins) Speaking of changes, how would you girls like to help me rehearse my number? I'm doing this really soulful thing, like that group from Motown that's really big right now, the Supremes.
Emma: Oooh, I'd LOVE to! The Supremes are a favorite of mine! :D
Lauren: Sure! :)
Marian: Ok, we're supposed to be part of Art's party at his "house." We come in, he does his corny introduction bit for the "guests," and we turn to the audience, like this. (Stands with her side facing the audience, girl-soul-group-style)
(The girls join Marian as Micky and Arnie make their way around them. Micky is wound with the measuring tape. Arnie looks like he's ready to throttle him.)
*Lauren chuckles again, glancing at them.* ;)
(Marian grins. Emma just shakes her head.)
Marian: Anyway, follow my lead, ladies. (We get their girl-group-style rendition of "We Need a Little Christmas" for our next romp. The other boys can be seen working with their respective groups in the background as the girls belt as well as they can. As the song finishes) Hey, that sounds pretty damn good!
Emma: Doesn't it?
Lauren: Yeah!
Marian: I think this may end up being the greatest even in the history of KLAC!
Emma: I just hope the audience is ready for it.
Marian: I just hope the STAFF is ready for it!
Emma: (Elbows Lauren) Maybe you ought to retrieve Micky, before Arnie kills the father of your children.
Lauren: Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. *calls out* Hey, Mick!