Everyone ready to find some treasure?

Mike: You bet.

Peter: That whole ship is a treasure!

Valerie: This is amazing!

Micky: I am.

Davy: Me too, mates.

(We open with "All Alone In the Dark" as the eight Monkees climb onto the pirate ship. The ship is huge, and remarkably well-preserved for it's almost 200 years. The group wanders around, taking in everything.)

(Emma finds herself in the kitchen. She makes a face at the mice living here. She checks the antique cabinet...and is amused to find bits of dried beef and barrels of hard crackers that look like they could still be eaten.)

(Mike grins and indicates the casks. He opens one...and gets a nice cupful of very, very aged rum.)

(Peter admires a shelf filled with rare books.)

(Valerie smiles and picks up several antique china dolls. What lovely faces! They look hand-painted.)

(Mike is strolling past the mast when he hears someone yelling "And I'll get you, you pirate swine!" and the sound of ripping. He looks up...and sees Micky riding down the remains of the sail on his dagger, holding onto the handle!)

Micky: *Lands by Mike* Ta da!

Mike: You nearly gave me a heart attack! Don't ever do that again. Especially on a two-hundred-year-old ship!

Peter: (Joins them as the music ends) You know, I'm almost starting to think that this ship is more of a treasure than any gold or jewels.

Mike: (Looks around) Yeah, it is kinda cool.

Emma: (She joins them) I really think we need to start going below, though. Remember, those thieves are still after us!

Mike: (He reads the map) Seems we have to go back to the room with the books. It was ol Captain Harry's room.

(They do so. It's fairly well-appointed for a pirate captain, with a huge old bed covered in dust and lots of antique furniture. Emma runs her hands over a chest.)

Emma: Look at the workmanship on this!

Valerie: (She fingers a nightstand with a brass handle) Do you know how much these are going for in the antiques market?

Mike: (He fingers the books) There's somethin' 'bout the books. This is where the map ends.

Emma: (She looks over the books) They're out of order.

Mike: Em, we're talkin' 'bout a pirate here.

Emma: No, it's obvious he really loved these. Some of them are first editions. (She starts organizing the books) This one should be here. (She puts it next to a yellow one) And this should be here. (She sets a book next to a brown one.)

Peter: (Smiles) It's almost like a pattern. Like a chest or something...

(Even as Peter says this, we hear the sound of something creaking under Micky's feet, just an inch.)

Mike: Somethin's movin'! Everyone, start puttin' books together!

Emma: Make sure they actually GO together, though. I think we're trying to make a picture of a treasure chest.

Mike: Yeah, remember what happened back in the cave when we played wrong notes.

Micky: *Looks under his feet; kneeling* Hey, there's a trap door here!

Mike: (As everyone organizes the books, we see the trap door opening little by little) Hey, I think it's openin'! Good find, Mick!

Emma: Look! (She puts the last book in place. The book shelf now looks like a picture of a treasure chest surrounded by yellow and blue. The trap door opens all the way with a noisy creak.)

Mike: (Grins) I do believe we did it. (He smiles at Emma) Good work, darlin'.

Emma: (Gives him a little hug) Thanks, honey.

Peter: Well, what are you waiting for? Let's go!

Mike: Watch your step, guys. Don't sl... (He slips a little as they walk down the steps from the trap door leading into the room.)

(Cut to in the room. The camera pans around, taking in the skeletons dressed in pirate clothes...and the chests, baskets, and hanging plates filled with gold pieces, gems, gold bricks, and jewelry of every description. Sitting at the head of it all is a skeleton who is more elaborately-dressed than the others, in a hat with a huge plume and a black patch over his eye.)

Mike: (He steps over to Black Patch Harry) Uh, hi, sir. We're, uh, here. I guess you've kinda been expectin' us. (Nods at the others, who continue to stare around in awe) That's my wife, Em, an' our friends. We've sorta had a long journey.

Emma: (Nods) You certainly didn't make it easy getting down here.

Mike: (He lifts the patch...and pulls back when he discovers that there is nothing where the socket should be) So that's why you, um, needed that patch.

Peter: Michael...

Mike: Maybe we ought to stop standin' here and start loadin' our pockets. (Points at one hanging basket of gems next to Black Patch Harry's elbow) Except for that one. That's Harry's. Clear everythin' else.

Emma: (Turns to the others and grins) Well, let's go, then!

Valerie: (She puls a tiara out of one of the boxes and sets it on her head) Now I am true aristocrat.

Peter: (He pulls out gold coins) I can see a collector wanting these...

Emma: (She's piling on necklaces) Who needs Rodeo Drive?

Mike: Hey Mick, found anything good?

Micky: I think so, but it's too dark to really tell. *There's a sound of a match being struck*

Mike: (Nods in the direction of the flame) Yeah. Just watch out with that thing. Probably everythin' on this ship is flammable, including the ship.

Emma: The last thing we want to do is burn the treasure...and us with it!

Micky: You guys have so little faith in me. *Pauses, sniffing* Do you smell smoke?

Mike: (Sniffs) Yeah...

Peter: (Sees the paper sticking out of Micky's bag burst into flame) Micky, the map!

Mike: Micky, the map is goin' up in flames!

*Micky yells, as the map falls to the ground. He starts to stomp on it.*

Valerie: (She's dripping with necklaces, earrings, bracelets, and rings) Micky, that was a priceless artifact!

Peter: Dr. Brandon's going to be very upset.

Mike: (Smirks) What'll he care when he sees all this loot? (He grins at one very large diamond the size of a fist) Maybe I could have this set into a ring or somethin'.

Emma: You know, those creepy thieves are still after us!

Peter: Yeah. How are we going to lose them?

Mike: Maybe we could use that light of Micky's and blind them to death.

Peter: Micky, do you have any gadgets we could use?

Emma: We could probably rig up something with nets...

Micky: It's a little tough to use that flashlight when the bulb blew, Mike.

Ma Morton: (As she leans into the trap door, holding her gun) Now you tell us!

(Telly and Louis can be seen behind her, bickering over the flashlight with the burnt bulb.)

Ma Morton: Ok everyone, on deck!

Mike: And who's gonna make us?

Ma Morton: (She pulls out a gun) This is.

Mike: (Puts up his hands) Ok. Yeah, that's a pretty effective talk.

(Cut to on-deck. The Mortons strip the jewelry and gems out of everyone's wrists, necks, heads, and pockets.)

Valerie: (Screams as Ma Morton yanks the tiara off) You're pulling my hair!

Ma Morton: See if I care, rich bitch.

Peter: Don't talk to my wife like that! (He starts for Ma Morton, but Telly points his gun at him. Louis has his pointed at the others.)

Louis: (Points his gun at Micky) Thanks for leavin' us all the tools, Frizz Head. If it hadn't been for them, we woulda never figured out yous was down here!

Mike: (Groans) Thanks, Mick.

Valerie: You're the bitch! These antiques aren't yours! They don't even belong to a private collection!

Ma Morton: Yeah, they don't belong to nobody but Black Patch Harry, an' he's dead.

Peter: Actually, if you want to be accurate, they belong to Spain. That's where the ship that they raided came from.

Ma Morton: (Points her gun at Peter) Shut up, Blondie.

Valerie: You want to talk bitch? At least I'm not a common thief who mistakes myself for a real archaeologist!

(Ma Morton slaps Valerie hard across the face with the gun. She screams. Peter yelps and lunges for her, but Telly shoves him back.)

Ma Morton: You think you're so smart. I know who you are. I saw your picture in the papers. You think you're the Queen of Sheba! (She grabs rope from the ship) I know more about pirate treasure than all eight of you put together, including you, Miss Queenie. You're gonna be dead, just like the last woman to wear that tiara. (She ties Valerie's wrists roughly with the rope) Walk the plank, girlie! (Shoves her to the plank)

Peter: NO!

Emma: Are you crazy?

Valerie: No! I can't swim like this!

Ma Morton: Let's see how smart you are when you're at the bottom of this tide pool!

Mike: Shit. (He leans over Micky) Maybe it would be a good time to use some of those weapons I saw back in the treasure room? I remember seein' a bunch of fancy swords and daggers in a pile. We could imagine them here.

Emma: But they'll see it.

Mike: Not if we distract them. Micky, do you have any of that dynamite left?

Micky: Of course.

Mike: I think it's time we find out if this leaky tub is sea-worthy.

Ma Morton: (As we cut back to her) Get going, girlie! (Shoves at Valerie with the butt of her gun)

Peter: Valerie!

Valerie: Nooooo! (But she topples off the boat and into the water with a splash)

Peter: VAAAAAALLLLL! (He jumps after her)

Mike: Shit. We'll have to pick them up later. Micky, set it off now!

(Micky turns around to look in his bag as "Daydream Believer" begins. The Mortons grab Daphne and Davy and start tying them up to send them overboard!)

(Louis and Telly are just dragging Daphne and Davy over to the diving board when we hear a huge BOOM behind the deck! The cave seems to rumble all around them.)

(Everyone runs at once! As the Mortons run for the treasure room, Mike goes after them. He makes the gold sword from the treasure appear in a soft blue light.)

(Emma grins at Micky. Nice work with the explosion. I just hope we live through it.)

*Micky shrugs with a half grin.*

(Cut briefly to Peter and Valerie near the ship. Peter unties Valerie's hands. They pull each other close and kiss deeply.)

(Emma and Lauren untie Daphne and Davy. Emma points Micky in the direction of the treasure horde. Go help Mike!)

*Micky runs to help Mike.*

(Ma Morton and her boys are in the treasure room, loading up on gems. Ma Morton grins when she sees the hanging basket of gems next to Harry. Surely Harry won't mind sharing with a lady?)

Mike: (As Ma Morton and Louis take gems out of the basket at once; over the music) NO! Don't!

(But it's too late. They're already loading up. Suddenly, the basket goes up...and we hear the sound of breaking walls and ropes moving.)

Mike: (Looks outside; sees a rusty anchor going up) Shit! We're movin'!

Ma Morton: What?!

Louis: It must have been a booby trap!

Telly: A wha?

Louis: Booby trap? Don't ya watch movies?

Mike: (He grabs Ma's gun while she's distracted) I don't think you should be holdin' onto this, ma'am.

Emma: (Takes Louis' gun) Ok, folks. I don't think Harry wants you to have this.

*Micky takes Telly's gun and wags a finger at him.*

Micky: Naughty, naughty.

Emma: Mike, the others are throwing rope over for Peter and Valerie. They're fine (glares at Ma Morton), no thanks to you. Just wet. (Chuckles) In fact, I don't think they really wanted to leave the water, but there's rocks falling all over the place out there. The cave's opening.

Mike: So that's how...whoa! (The boat rocks and shakes. Mike almost loses the gun. Ma Morton lunges for it, but he manages to grab it just in time.) No way, lady. Upstairs. Now. Before you make Harry any angrier.

(Cut to a brief shot of the cave around the ship falling away, with rocks landing with massive splashes in the water and what's left of the sails unfurling. The remaining kids on board are now clutching each other for dear life, including a very wet Val and Peter.)

(Suddenly, the ship almost seems to burst forth on a huge wave caused by a boulder falling behind it! The ship floats majestically through the hole in the wall created by the explosion and the booby trap. We see bright sunlight as the camera takes in a panoramic view of the California shore...including several cop cars and motorcycles surrounding the beach, caves, and restaurant. We can see Dr. Brandon and his assistants on-shore with a platoon of police officers, including Sergeant Nielson. Dr. Brandon's face is bruised and his wrists are red and chapped, but he's otherwise fine.)

("Someday Man" begins as we cut back to the Sea Serpent, which glides along on the sparkling waters. Mike and Emma, hand in hand, wave to the group on the shore.)

(Valerie and Peter are too busy kissing by the mast to pay attention to anything else.)

*The others tie up the trio of bad guys.*

(The romp and the story ends as the entire group meet up front to wave and cheer - now decked in the jewels from the treasure hoard - join Mike and Emma to wave to the police as a Coast Guard cutter makes their way along side of them. The music ends as we fade out on the group.)