Ok, guys, ready for "Mission: Ridiculous - The Christmas Caper?"
Mike: Just be careful.
Micky: Yeah! :D
Peter: We will, Mike! Don't worry!
Davy: Don't get into TOO much trouble, guys. ;)
Lauren: We'll try not to. ;)
(We begin in the back of the toy store. Though there are still shoppers scattered throughout the store, it's quieter than up front. Lauren, Micky, Valerie, and Peter skulk around the eisles. All wear black - Val and Lauren wear their black catsuits from "Beach Blanket Monkees.")
Peter: (Voice-over narration) Gathering our intelligence from the four corners of the globe...well, really from California and New England...our smaller team was going to get the drop on Silas Barnaby, dastardly and corrupt owner of the Starlight Home for Children. The Panther Man was... (frowns; sees Micky fiddling with some test tubes on a display chemistry set) ...playing with the toys.
*Micky grins and goes back to the test tubes.*
Valerie: (Grabs Micky) Panther Man, play later, spy on Barnaby NOW!
Micky: Aw!
Peter: (Puts a finger to his lips - points at a small alcove in the back of the store) Shhh! He went thata-way!
*Micky makes cat movements. Lauren smacks the back of his head.*
(They slink as quietly as they can toward the alcove, which holds a layaway desk and a hall that leads to the bathrooms and a line of three phones. Barnaby talks on one.)
Peter: Panther Man, set up the listening equipment.
Micky: You got it! *pulls out his equipment, which looks surprisingly like a tin can on a string*
Lauren: What is THAT? *quirks an eyebrow*
Micky: Don't knock it until you give it a try.
Valerie: It's not exactly high-tech James Bond stuff, but if it works...
Micky: Trust me, it works.
Valerie: Well, do you hear anything?
Micky: *listening; nods* I can hear Barnaby, but I can't quite make out what he's saying.
Lauren: *picks up the loose end of string* Maybe you should've used another can on this end.
Micky: *blinks* That's my antenna.
Valerie: Oh, good grief.
(Suddenly, all four can hear something.)
Barnaby: (Cut to him on the phone) Yes, I'm going to bring the deal through. No, he hasn't agreed to it yet.
Valerie: (mutters) I know darn well Dad would never agree to build a supermarket over that children's home!
Barnaby: He'll agree to it when he hears my offer. (Nasty chuckle) That's not all I'm hoping to gain.
Peter: (Gulps) Uh-oh.
Barnaby: His grocery store will be part of an entire mall complex! Who needs one toy store or one department store or one of anything when they're all in one place? There will be a movie theater, a soda fountain, a pizza parlour, the grocery store, three large anchor stores, and at least twenty smaller shops. Imagine the profits we could make!
Peter: But...but...not only would that displace the kids, but it would hurt a lot of businesses in downtown Malibu Beach like Woody's Toyland, too! :(
Micky: Oh, man...
Barnaby: (Exasperated) I'm hoping to get Cartwright to foot at least a quarter of the bill, since one of his stores will be going into the mall, too. Don't you understand progress? Those kids can find another place to go! (Pause) No! We're going to close the deal by tomorrow! (Nasty chuckle again) I'm hoping to seal another deal tonight, too. That...ahem...deal will bring even MORE money into the project.
(Valerie growls softly. Peter whimpers and clutches Valerie.)
Barnaby: Do you think I GIVE a care? The home has been losing money for years! Look, do we have a deal or don't we? (Angry growl) Fine. I'll call you tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll have BOTH deals on the board by then. (Slams the phone down)
Valerie: Mick, better get rid of the equipment, quick!
Peter: And we have to get out of here!
Micky: Right! *quickly puts his can and string away*
Valerie: He's coming! (Shoos the other three into an eisle filled with science and educational toys. Barnaby goes stomping down another eisle.)
Peter: (Visably "whews") That was close!
Micky: *gazes wide-eyed at the science toys* Oh, boy!
Lauren: *groans* Great...
Valerie: Maybe we'd better get him out of here.
Peter: If that's possible.
Micky: Aw, come on guys, I'm just looking!
Valerie: First of all... (closes her eyes. The four are consumed by soft blue light. When they reappear again, they wear their normal clothes.)
Valerie: No way on the planet I'd explain "Mission: Ridiculous" to Dad! :p
Peter: Oh, man! He doesn't care he's going to hurt those poor kids! He just wants to build a mall, and right at Christmas, too!
Lauren: There's gotta be something we can do...
Valerie: Not to mention all the small stores in Malibu Beach whose business has already been hurt by the malls in the San Fernando Valley. (Nods at the door) Come on. I don't trust that jerk with Dad or especially Chrissy.
Micky: Or as far as I could throw him. :P
(The four follow Valerie through the crowds, back to the front of the store. A group of children are, indeed, sitting in front of the tree, being handed presents by kindly adutls who are likely their caretakers. The store has been clearing out. There are still shoppers, but they're fewer in number, and fewer people are gathered around the food tables. Mike and Emma stand by the last of the apple cider, sipping it and chatting. Chrissy talks with her father. Davy is in a circle with Amber and the Abbies.)
Mike: (Waves as the other four return to the lobby) Hey, guys, over here!
Peter: You won't BELIEVE what we found out!
Emma: (Frowns) It can't be good. Peter, you look like you're going to cry.
Peter: (Gulps) Mr. Barnaby is going to try to get Mr. Cartwright to help him build a mall where the children's home is!
Mike: WHAT?!
Emma: You're kidding?
Micky: That's what Barnaby thinks he's gonna do.
Valerie: Dad already turned him down. There's no WAY he'd agree to that. Not only would it hurt his image and the family-oriented image of Cartwright Groceries, but he LOVES kids. He has children of his own and he comes from a family of eight kids!
Emma: I'll bet Barnaby would go through with it, anyway.
Valerie: (Shakes her head) Apparently, he needs Dad's money...and mine.
Mike: Yours?
Valerie: (Nods) I'll inherit part of Dad's fortune when he dies, as will my future husband.
Emma: (Mother Bear growl) That (slams her empty cup down) ASSHOLE is after your money!
Peter: Emma, watch your language around the kids! (Indicates the children happily opening boxes of toys in the center of the main lobby)
Mike: We have to somehow stop Barnaby from sealing this deal.
Valerie: How are we going to do that?
Emma: Who's for hog-tieing him and dunking him in a swimming pool filled with toy alligators? ;)
*Micky and Lauren raise their hands.* ;)
Mike: Creative, honey, but I don't think we could pull that one off without getting arrested.
Micky: Why not? They're TOY alligators.
Valerie: I wish there WAS a way we could keep him in this store!
Peter: Or at least from getting to wherever people seal and mail deals.
Valerie: (Sighs) Oh, Peter.
Micky: Keep him IN the store... *thinks*
Mike: (Also thinks) I wonder...
Emma: (Chuckles) Don't hurt yourselves, fellas.
Micky: Ha ha. :P
Mr. Cartwright: (Comes up to the kids) Are you all ready to go? I've got to get Chrissy home. She's up late enough as it is.
Chrissy: (Makes a face) Awww, Dad, can't I stay with Valerie? I NEVER get to go to big kids' parties and hang out!
Mr. Cartwright: Well, it IS getting late...
Peter: She wouldn't be any trouble, Mr. Cartwright! We'd all watch her!
Valerie: I thought we'd stay here a little longer. Don't worry, she'll be safe with us.
Chrissy: (Widens her eyes) PLEASE, PLEASE, Daddy? I'm almost nine years old! That's old enough to hang out at a big kids' party...well, almost.
Mr. Cartwright: (Sighs) Oh, all right. I know Peter is very good with children, and your sister wouldn't get you into TOO much trouble. (To Valerie, as she takes her sister's shoulders) Just keep a good eye on her, and don't bring her home too late.
Valerie: I'll guard her with my life.
Mr. Cartwright: (To Chrissy) Now, you be good for Valerie. Don't give her any fuss when it's time to leave, don't eat too much junk food, and don't ask for a toy, because you'll be getting plenty on Christmas morning.
Chrissy: (Whoops with joy) I'll be good, Dad! I'm just glad to be with Valerie and Peter and their friends! :D
Mr. Cartwright: (Ruffles her hair) That's my girl. (Kisses Valerie's cheek; nods mock-sternly at Peter) You keep a good eye on both of them, Peter.
Peter: I won't let them out of my sight for an instant!
Mr. Cartwright: Have a nice night, all of you. And Merry Christmas! (Heads out the door.)
Chrissy: This is SOOO groovy! So, what are we going to do?
Valerie: (Turns to the others) Guys, should we tell her...
Emma: About Barnaby? It might upset her.
Chrissy: WHAT might upset me?
Micky: Now you'll HAVE to tell her.
Chrissy: Tell me what?
Valerie: Honey, Mr. Barnaby isn't a very nice man.
Chrissy: I knew THAT.
Peter: He wants to tear down the orphan's home and build a mall!
Chrissy: A mall is cool, but where would the orphans go?
Valerie: They would have no place to go, Chris.
Chrissy: (Frowns) That's NOT cool, and it's not fair, either.
Peter: Mr. Barnaby wants to make the deal to tear the orphanage down tonight, but we're hoping to keep him here so he can't go and make that deal.
Chrissy: There has to be a way to keep him here!
Micky: I still think we had something with the toy alligators.
Chrissy: Toy alligators?
Emma: I think this place is going to be closing up soon.
Peter: But that means Mr. Barnaby will leave!
Mike: Maybe we could glue his shoes to the floor.
Emma: He'd take them off.
Micky: *eyes widen* I've got it!
Mike: Uh-oh.
Lauren: Uh, Mick...
Micky: No, this idea is lightbulb-worthy! What if Barnaby was a toy, or the SIZE of a toy? *waggles his eyebrows*
Micky: Along with the rest of us to keep an eye on him!
Chrissy: WE'D be toys? :D
Mike: I dunno...
Micky: Aw, come on!
Emma: That could work! It would just be for a few hours. We could get us and him out pretty quick.
Valerie: The store is going to close soon, though.
Micky: No problem! *grins widely* We'll just go back over to the science toys aisle, grab myself a chemistry set, & whip up a little something to shrink the lot of us down to miniature size! :D
Chrissy: Oooh, a chemistry set!
Valerie: Oh no, you don't!
Lauren: *groans* Oh God...
Emma: I don't think that's a good idea.
Micky: Why not? I've done it before.
Mike: I'm with Em. I like the shrinkin' business, but we don't need you blowin' up the buildin', Mick.
Peter: Sometimes, you get the results you want, but not always.
Micky: I won't blow up the building!
Chrissy: Why not? I think that would be groovy!
Mike: Woody wouldn't like it.
Emma: Mick, we don't need you to turn yourself into a werewolf or whatever, either.
Lauren: I hate to say it Mick, but this sounds like a hair-brained scheme.
Micky: Doubters, all of you! *huffs* Fine! I'll just have to SHOW all of you! *heads off towards the science toy aisle*
(Chrissy and Peter load their pockets with cookies and candies while no one's looking.)
Valerie: (Sighs) I think I have a better way. Why don't we just IMAGINE ourselves smaller? Chrissy could be sworn to secrecy.
Peter: Mick! We have a better idea! (Goes after him)
Davy: (He and the Abbies join them) Wot's goin' on 'ere?
Chrissy: Micky's gonna shrink us, and we're gonna imagine it!
Davy: Wot?
Kimberly: Come again?
Daphne: Oh god...
Lauren: *shakes her head* There still has to be a better way.
Valerie: There is. (Takes her, Daphne, and Emma aside) Ursula said our imagination powers were stronger than the guys', right?
Lauren: Right.
Emma: You think WE could shrink all of us...including Barnaby.
Valerie: Exactly.
Lauren: *considers* Mick's might be powerful enough to help, too, assuming we can get him off the chemistry set kick. :P
Daphne: Let's go after him. From what Davy says, Micky doesn't always know what he's doing with those sets.
Lauren: No kidding.
Emma: He's blown up several parts of the pad, turned a few of us, including himself, into animals, and left a nasty green spot on the kitchen table. Hey, Lauren, does he still have spells he can't account for?
Lauren: *nods* Yup. Sometimes, strange things'll happen if he snores REALLY loud. *makes a face* He has unmarked bottles of who knows what in his own chemistry set, and that doesn't even begin to consider his powers!
Emma: Let's go find him, before he does something strange to the science and educational toys. :p
Lauren: Or starts howling at the moon.
(The four girls head off towards the science and educational section, chuckling. They find Micky there, leaned over the sample chemistry set on display.)
Lauren: Oh man, Mick!
Valerie: Ok, Micky, put those away. We have a better idea.
Micky: *looks up* Huh? Whazzat?
Emma: One that might actually WORK without turning us into animals or blowing this place to hell-and-gone. :p
Lauren: *taps the side of his head* Imagination, ding-a-ling!
Daphne: (Grins) Just a little of the old "power."
Micky: *grins sheepishly* Oh, yeah. *sighs* That's okay. I wasn't getting far with this display set. All of the good stuff isn't here. *makes a face*
Emma: Well, of COURSE it isn't, silly boy! They wouldn't leave that out for the kids to fool around with!
Lauren: Or for YOU to mess with.
Micky: Very funny. :P
Mike: (He and the others catch up with them) Hey, guys, mind filling us in?
Emma: (To the others) Um, how are we going to tell the Abbies this?
Micky: Very carefully?
Kimberly: Tell us what?
Maxine: (Wary) What's going on?
Micky: Hey, who says we have to tell them? *grins* I have another idea!
Lauren: Oh, God... :P
Peter: Yeah? (Munches on a cookie)
Micky: Everyone close your eyes and think small.
Kimberly: What?
Daphne: Just do it, Kim.
Jenny: This is weird. (She and the other girls close their eyes)
Mike: I thought so too, at first, but it does work. (He and Emma close their eyes)
*Once everyone closes their eyes, Micky grins. He focuses on the others who don't have powers. A blue light surrounds all of them, some a slightly darker shade, and they slowly shrink down to a mere few inches tall. Barnaby, whom Micky spotted, also shrinks.*
(Barnaby as making his way to the exit. His eyes widen when he sees himself shrinking.)
Barnaby: What in the HELL is going on?
*Micky's grin widens, thoroughly proud and amused.*
Kimberly: (Looks around. They are all now about a few inches tall) Holy SHIT!
Maxine: This is crazy!
Mike: (Points at Barnaby, who has broken into a run) There he goes!
Lauren: After him!
Micky: Right-oh! *runs after*
(The boys run after Barnaby, followed by the girls, which leads to our next romp, appropriately "Just Like All Of Your Toys." The boys tackle Barnaby, but when they get up, they realize they've tackled an action figure.)
(Peter jumps into the arms of a huge teddy bear and hugs it.)
*Lauren finds a toy grappling hook and spots Barnaby again. She twirls the hook and throws it, getting it hooked on a shelf near where Barnaby was. She snaps her fingers.*
(Chrissy, Jenny, and Maxine try on Barbie and Skipper clothes. ;) )
*Micky spots a model of the BatMobile. His eyes widen as large as saucers. He latches onto Mike's shoulder and shakes him, pointing at it and grinning.* :D
(Mike grins and jumps in, gesturing to Emma and Lauren.)
*Lauren shrugs and hops in, followed by Emma.*
(Valerie and Chrissy find Peter and pry him off the teddy bear. Barnaby sneaks up behind them with a toy gun. Chrissy runs, but Barnaby corners Valerie and Peter, indicating a large red sportscar model. Davy finds a Jeep Hot Wheel car and pulls the Abbies in with him.)
*Micky puts the BatMobile into gear and peels out, leaving a trail of smoke in their wake.*
(He's followed quickly by the Jeep.)
Mike: (As the music ends) Man, we've got to find Barnaby. I have no idea where he went.
Emma: (points out of a window) There he is!
Micky: Ah HA! This thing better have working BatGear! *grins*
*Micky pushes a couple buttons & a net launcher pops up.*
(Barnaby takes Peter, pulling his arm behind his back. Valerie's mouth drops open; Peter sobs.)
Kimberly: (Points) He has Pete!
Lauren: *aims the net launcher* Keep 'er steady, Mick, I have them in my sights!
(Chrissy jumps on his back. Peter grabs Valerie and pulls her into the car. Chrissy pulls away from Barnaby and joins them as they pull out, Barnaby following in a black limousene.)
Davy: FOLLOW THOSE CAHS!
Micky: Hang on to anything that ain't buckled down! *stomps on the gas again*
(The BatMobile shoots forward.)
Davy: 'Old on back theah, luvs! (Davy also stomps on the gas. Both cars get closer to the limo and the sportscar.)
Mike: Ok, get the limo in your sights, Mick!
Emma: Be careful! Don't get the jeep or the sportscar!
Micky: *nods* Got it!
Micky: Don't worry!
Jenny: How are we going to catch up with them?
Davy: We'll block them. (Shoots ahead, skidding around a corner. The Batmobile also rounds the corner, almost in dead sight of the limo.)
Micky: How's that?
Mike: Good. Let 'er rip!
Lauren: You got it! *pulls the trigger on the launcher; a net flies through the air towards Barnaby*
(Davy skids in front of the cars at the end of an eisle of board and card games. The net hits Barnaby as he leans out to take a swipe at Valerie. All of the cars finally stop.)
*Micky whoops.*
Emma: We got him!
Mike: Now, what are we going to DO with him?
Lauren: Dangle him over a pool filled with toy alligators?
Barnaby: (leans out of the window as the kids climb out of their cars) I DEMAND to know what's going on and why you're retaining me like this, not to mention how I ended up small enough to drive a child-sized limousene!
Peter: You're going to tear down the Starlight Children's Home and put them out on the streets at Christmas!
Valerie: AND you tried to hurt Peter and my sister because I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth!
Micky: And you're mean!
Chrissy: And you're UGLY! So there! (Sticks her tongue out at him)
Maxine: (Grins) That's telling her, kid.
Barnaby: You can't forcibly hold me! I'll call my lawyer!
Mike: Um, how? None of us are big enough to reach a real phone. Besides, your lawyers couldn't see you when you're that size.
(That's when a voice is heard on the loudspeakers.)
Announcer: Woody's Toyland will be closing in five minutes. Please bring your final purchases to Registers 1, 2, and 3, and have a very Merry Christmas!
Chrissy: Oh no!
Barnaby: Now see what you silly children have done? You've trapped us in here for the night!
Micky: That was the idea.
Valerie: (Winks at the others) Not quite.
Mike: Yeah, we can get out of here any time we want, but YOU can't.
Barnaby: I DEMAND that you return me to my original size!
Chrissy: No way! You'd run off again!
Micky: Umm... *pretends to consider* no!
Peter: You're gonna tear down the Starlight Home! That's not fair to the kids!
Barnaby: All's fair in love and war, hippie brat. Now, if you'll just turn me back... (gets out of the car...but not out of the net)
Mike: What ARE we going to do with him?
Valerie: Keep him in that net, if you ask me.
Micky: Didn't think of that.
Peter: I don't want him to try to hurt Valerie or Chrissy!
Chrissy: I won't LET him hurt me! (Takes Valerie's and Peter's hands) I won't let him hurt you guys, either.
Valerie: Maybe we stick him in a gift box.
(But no one has noticed Barnaby pulling at the net, ripping at it with his cane)
Peter: Let's not hurt him!
Jenny: Maybe we could make him promise to not make the deal.
Lauren: What about the alligators? *Micky smacks the back of her head, grinning*
Mike: (Grins) Anyone know where they keep the toy alligators?
(Emma smacks the back of HIS head.)
Chrissy: I know where the Barbie dolls are!
Maxine: Maybe we could roast him in an Easy Bake Oven.
Jenny: Or at least cover him with frosting.
Micky: We could trap him in a Slinky!
(Barnaby sneaks off as the kids argue. Chrissy follows him.)
Peter: (Tugs Micky's sleeve) Um, Mick?
Micky: Not now, Pete, we're trying to decide what to do with him.
Peter: I don't think you can do that without him, Micky.
Micky: What... *turns* Uh oh.
Mike: (Turns back to the net) He broke loose!
Micky: He's GONE!
Valerie: (Looks around; wails) Chrissy's gone, too! Dad's gonna KILL me!
Kimberly: She must have gone after Barnaby.
Peter: Look! (Points at a trail of cookie crumbs leading around the cars and the corner)
Valerie: Dad's going to kill HER when he finds out she's been sneaking food!
Maxine: Don't be too hard on her, Val. This may be the only way we find her.
Lauren: At least it isn't bread crumbs.
*Micky sticks his tongue out at Lauren.*
Mike: (Grins) There ain't no live birds in here, anyway.
Davy: (Grins) Yes, theah are! (Indicates the girls)
(Daphne smacks him.)
Daphne: How are we going to find them?
Maxine: Maybe we'd better split up.
Micky: *nods* We'll be able to cover more ground.
Valerie: I think there's eleven of us all together.
Mike: Micky, you take one team, and I'll take the other team.
Micky: Right!
Announcer: Attention, shoppers, Woody's Toyland is now closing. Please bring all your final purchases to registers one and two, and have a Merry Christmas!
Mike: Man, the store is closin'. They're gonna be turnin' off all the lights and sendin' guard dogs around and shit.
Lauren: *eyes widen* Guard dogs?
Davy: (Elbows Micky) 'Ey, Micky, maybe you could pick up their scent. Don't you still 'ave a litt'l werewolf left in 'ya?
Emma: Maybe Papa Wolf could distract them. (Mike rolls his eyes)
Micky: *sticks his tongue out* Funny! *sniffs* Actually...
Lauren: *quirks an eyebrow* Actually...
Micky: I'm kidding!
Valerie: Come on! My sister's out there!
Kimberly: And every minute lost means a minute Barnaby's gettin' closer to the door!
Micky: We're going! Okay, who's coming with me, and who's going with him? *jerks a thumb at Mike*
Emma: (Takes Mike's arm) I'll take him.
Peter: I'm going with Mike, too.
Lauren: Goes without saying. *grins at Micky*
Davy: I'll go wit' Mick. Keep 'im from blowin' up stuff.
Micky: I resemble that remark. :P
Daphne: I'm with Davy. Keep HIM from flirting with Barbie dolls.
Davy: I resemble THAT remahk!
Valerie: I'll go with Mike's team.
Kimberly: (Nods) Jen and I will go with Mike. Maxine, you go with Mick and Davy. You handle Daph's temper better.
Maxine: Thanks.
Daphne: Hey!
Kimberly: We don't need you jumping on this guy and knocking him clear across the store.
Mike: Ok, folks. The first person who finds Chrissy or Barnaby, contact the other team.
Valerie: IMMEDIATELY.
Micky: Gotcha!
Micky: Alright! Head 'em up and move 'em out! *points ahead*
(Micky takes his group in the BatMobile and the Jeep. Mike herds his group to the sportscar.)