Everyone ready to find the real jewel thieves? ;)

Mike: Yeah.

Peter: Let's help that poor couple! :(

Micky: Let’s get 'em!

Davy: Ready!

(We open in the ship's ballroom. The boys warm up for their gig on the bandstand, joined by the girls, Jack, and Nyles.)

Valerie: Ok, everyone knows what they're supposed to do?

Mike: Yeah, Val. Lauren's wearin' the green pendant. When someone gets close to it, Mick and Lauren will take pictures and signal to Jack and Nyles, who'll stop them at the door. Em n' Val will call the cops with an anonymous tip that something's been stolen.

Valerie: (As Emma comes back) So, Em, how's the kids?

Emma: (Frowns) Not there. The Abbies took them for dinner and a walk.

Mike: (Shrugs) They probably got antsy.

Emma: I don't know if I like the Abbies taking them anywhere. They were pretty hungover.

Mike: Ehh, the kids will take good care of them. ;)

Emma: That's what worries me.

Peter: Maybe someone should go to the police and find out about the Basses. I hope they're ok.

Valerie: I'm sure they're fine, Peter. You guys have to rehearse.

Mike: (Nods; people are slowly starting to filter in) Right. Ok, guys, "Here Comes Santa Claus." One, two, three...

(The music of an instrumental "Here Comes Santa Claus" leads us from the adults across the ship's bridge to the kids, who follow the slightly green-looking Abbies down the hall. The ship is starting to roll a bit. Everyone wobbles from side to side.)

Chrissy: (As the music ends) Whoa! We must be hitting rough seas! :o

Kimberly: (Groans) No kidding. :p

Maxine: Great. Just great. :p

Chrissy: Where's Jen?

Katie: She go dere! (Points to a women's bathroom)

Jenny: Ugh. Why did the ship have to start doing this when I'm already feeling like sh...(sees the kids)..terrible.

Maxine: I don't know. Mother Nature has a weird sense of humor.

Jenny: What are we doing again?

Katie: Save Santa!

Maxine: How are we gonna do that?

Chrissy: Maybe we could distract the cops!

Jordan: Help!

Katie: Get powice!

Maxine: Um, any ideas of how to do that without us getting arrested?

Chrissy: (The ship makes a big roll...and everyone rolls into a wall) OW! :p

Katie: Owie. :p

Maxine: Man...(thoughtful)...maybe we could get Kris out while the ship's going.

Katie: Ok!

Kimberly: Someone could do something to distract the police, run into the wall or something, and the rest of us will get Kris!

Jordan: (He and Katie roll into the wall; he starts to cry) Ow!

Katie: Ok?

Jordan: (Points to a purple spot on his knee where it hit the wall) Owie.

Katie: (Kisses his knee) Ok now.

Jordan: (Beams through his tears) Tanks! :D

Maxine: Hey...that's not a bad idea. Maybe one of the kids could run to the cops and ask for directions or start crying or something.

Jordan: "But I really got hurt! My knee hurts!" :(

Katie: "It'll be ok, Jordan! We have to help Santa now!"

Jordan: "Ok."

Maxine: (They stop by the brig and police office) Here it is. (Looks at the kids) Ok, who wants to...

(But another roll of the ship knocks the kids and Abbies into the wall again. The door to the police office opens, and a police officer chases a chair out the door. There's another roll, and a policewoman chases a table.)

Jordan: Wow!

Katie: Oooh, table go bye-bye!

*The twins giggle.*

Policewoman: Hey Joe, get the coffee pot! It's gonna fall!

(The group looks inside. Another policeman just barely manages to catch the coffee pot as another table goes out the door.)

Kris: (He emerges next, looking wobbly) Good grief. They've been questioning me for hours. They wouldn't even give me cookies and milk! (Turns to the children and Abbies, surprised) What are all of you doing here?

Chrissy: We're springing you from the hoosegow!

Katie: Yeah! :D

Kris: Where did you hear that language, Christina Cartwright?

Chrissy: My dad watches a lot of old gangster movies.

Kris: Well, I...(looks over his shoulder)...look out! (Barely pushes Chrissy and the twins out of the way as a small fake Christmas tree comes flying out, then a table with a plate of cookies. Kimberly catches the plate before it falls)

Maxine: Let's get outta here!

Kris: (Shakes his head) The cops aren't done.

Jessica: (Comes out) What in the HECK is going...(she jumps out of the way as a vending machine goes rolling down the hall, followed by an older cop)...on?

Kris: (Grabs his wife's hand) Don't ask questions, Jess!

Katie: Go! Go! :D

Jordan: Yay! Go! :D

Chrissy: But where?

Kris: Everyone is probably listening to your fathers and brother-in-law in the main ballroom right now.

Maxine: (The ship rolls less violently; she grins) Including the real jewel thieves!

Police Officer 1: (Points at the kids, Abbies, and Basses) Hey! What's going on? What are you doing out here?

Kris: Move! Everyone move! :o

("Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree" begins. The police run past a man and a woman in red behind two newspapers claiming "Santa Claus coming in two weeks." Jessica and Kris wipe their brows when the policemen pass and take off as well as they can on the rolling ship.)

(Maxine, Katie, and Jordan stop in a toy shop. The kids marvel at all the toys. Katie leads Jordan to a pile of stuffed animals. The two dig in, cuddling stuffed animals of all kinds. When the cops come in after them, all they see is a pile of toys.)

(The police chase Chrissy and Jenny outside. It's raining lightly, and the ship is pitching to and fro. The girls clutch the rails. Two cops come after them at the same time. The girls pull against the opposite wall as the cops run into each other and fall overboard.)

(Kimberly leads the twins around the shuffleboard area. Two of the cops follow them.)

*They shoot the discs across, making the cops slide and fall, landing in a heap.*

(Maxine takes Katie and Jordan across the pool area. Two cops come after them, but they splash them...then let a group of laughing teenagers enjoying a rainy pool day splash them until they fall in.)

(Four cops search around a common area, under and over the huge Christmas tree and the moving life-size Santa and Mrs. Claus figures. No one notices as the two "figures" sneak off.)

(Kimberly and the twins run across the area where the party was held before. The cops corner them...but the ship rolls again and the tree falls on them. Kimberly takes off...but then has to go back to retrieve the twins, whom she forgot.)

(The cops search outside around the lifeboats, not noticing two lumps moving around in one of them. They leave after a few seconds, and Kris and Jessica emerge from a lifeboat in the back. Kris has lipstick on his cheek; Jessica blushes the color of her dress. She laughs and wipes his cheek; he ho-ho-hos, grinning widely.)

(Jenny and Chrissy hand big wrapped packages to a policeman and policewoman and take off while they unwrap them. She gets a doll; he gets a cap gun. They run off to play with their new toys.)

(Kimberly runs into a candy store, looking for the twins.)

*The twins sit in one of the aisles, munching.*

(Kimberly shells out the money to pay for their candy...AND the candy two of the cops munched when they joined the twins.)

(The group rejoins as the song ends.)

Kris: (Points to more cops) Here comes the Keystone Patrol!

Jenny: What are we going to do? :o

Chrissy: The ballroom!

Maxine: Yeah! The others are there...and so are lots of other people! It'll be easy to hide!

Katie: Go! Go see Papa n' Mama!

Jordan: Go!

Jessica: (Points to the cops, some of them now wet and most still listing) And now!

(Cut to the ballroom, where Mick sings "My Favorite Things"...or tries to, as everything keeps moving around.)

Mike: (Grabs an amp before it winds up on the floor) Man...

Micky: *during an instrumental bridge* This is REALLY getting on my nerves! :P

Peter: (Grabs another amp) Michael, how are we going to catch the thieves if we can barely move without ending up in each other's laps or on the floor?

Mike: Maybe we'll get lucky and the jewel thieves will fall into our laps.

(Cut down to a table where Emma, Lauren, and Valerie sits. Lauren wears the big green jewel.)

Emma: Hey Lauren, seen anything that looks remotely suspicious yet?

Lauren: *shakes her head* Not yet.

Valerie: Yikes! (Grabs the gravy boat before it ends up in Lauren's lap) At this point, we'll probably be able to identify the thieves by the number of stains on their laps! :p

(The same three guys, this time in light polyester leisure suits, wander around the ballroom. Mike nudges Micky, pointing to them. Two point to Lauren and the necklace.)

Micky: *mutters* Yeah, that's not obvious.

Mike: Mick, ready the camera. I think we have our thieves.

Micky: Ready.

(As "My Favorite Things" winds down, though, the door to the ballroom bursts in. A group of police officers chase the three Abbies, the kids, Kris, and Jessica across the room. The kids run straight for their mothers. Kris isn't looking where he's going and is knocked into one of the men by the lurching of the ship, and THEY end up in the girls' table, along with several cops. The girls and the kids jump out of the way. Two small flashes go off.)

Jessica: Kris! Kris! Speak to me! Are you ok?

(Kris just shakes his head and falls back into the table.)

Katie: Lookit! (She grabs a pearl necklace that spilled out of one of the men's pockets)

Jordan: Oooh! (He grabs a ring with a big ruby set into it) Nice!

Man 1: Hey, give me that, you brat!

Katie: No-no!

Jordan: Bad boy!

Emma: I do believe we've caught you red-handed. (Sees the red on their hands from the dinners) Literally.

Mike: (Nudges Micky - indicates the Devonham-Hampshires, who are trying to sneak out with their bags) Hey guys, wanna wrap up BOTH mysteries and find out what was in the third sack?

Micky: Works for me.

Kimberly: (She blocks Todd) Uh-uh, little boy. Where do you think you're going?

*Jack and Nyles run in.*

Nyles: Man, we're missing the party!

Mike: (Nods at the retreating pair) Don't worry, we've still got leftovers!

Peter: Hey! (He and Mike lurch off the bandstand)

Chrissy: (Points at the remaining jewel thief) One's trying to escape!

Katie: (She turns to the twins and Jordan) "Let's get 'em, guys!"

(The kids pile onto the thief as the ship knocks them to the floor. Chrissy grabs his arms.)

Chrissy: No way, pal! I don't play basketball and softball for nothing!

Katie: Got him! Got him!

*Todd dodges Kimberly, but almost runs straight into Jack and Nyles, who are then flanked by the other guys.*

(Maxine, Jenny, and Valerie chase Elaine out to the pool area. Elaine isn't watching where's she's going and trips over two legs blocking the end of the pool. A karate kick to the rear sends her flying into the pool, startling several people out for a late swim. Emma and Lauren shake hands with each other, then Kimberly.)

(Mike puts out his guitar; Todd goes flying over it as the ship rolls again. He's knocked over by a drum rolling right into the wall.)

*Now it's Micky and Davy's turns to shake hands. They crow when Nyles and Jack dogpile onto Todd.*

(Kris and Jessica join them as they haul Todd to his feet. The ship lurches again as Kris punches Todd right in the gut...and knocks him into a wall.)

Kris: (Grins) See, Jessica? I told you I still have it! ;)

(Jessica rolls her eyes. The others join them, along with the cops with the three thieves, a very damp Elaine, and the remaining red sack.)

Kris: Officer, I swear, I don't know anything...

Police Officer 1: We believe you, Mr. Bass. What we were trying to tell you before Mother Nature started to play rough was, you're free to go. We don't have enough evidence to keep you, and certainly don't now.

Police Officer 2: (Indicates the three thieves) We've been after these three for months. They work cruise ships, impersonating stewards and waiters and stealing from wealthy tourists. We've never been able to catch them until now.

Police Officer 3: (Pulls a toy boat out of the sack) And these two are toy thieves. They buy this stuff down south, then sell the goods in New York and other northern cities.

Todd: (Glares at Elaine) Why, oh WHY do you have to be such a Monkees fan?

Elaine: They're cute! :X

Chrissy: They're ALL bad guys? :o

Elaine: What about the empty sack?

Kris: (Takes the remaining sack) Oh, it's not empty. (He reaches into the sack and pulls out a hula hoop, which he gives to Little Mick, then pulls out dolls for Katie and Shelly, a toy car for Jordan, and a softball and bat for Chrissy) You just need to know how to work it.

Jessica: Even I can't work that sack! It only works for my husband.

Katie: Oooh, tanks! :D

Jordan: Tanks lots! (He "vrooms" his car) :D

*The twins cheer.* :D

Chrissy: (Frowns) How did you know I wanted a new ball and bat?

Kris: I just know, Christina. It's my line of work.

Peter: (Grins) How would you like to be our special guests tonight, Mr. and Mrs. Bass?

Mike: The kids will love it.

Kimberly: Wow, I've never had dinner with Santa Claus before!

Katie: Santa!

Kris: I'd love it. (Looks at Chrissy) So...do you believe now?

Chrissy: But, how...

Mike: (Nods) There was nothing in that sack before!

Micky: It's the magic of Christmas.

Kris: (Just winks) Micky's right, Robert. It's Christmas magic.

Mike: But...

Emma: (Smiles and takes her husband's arm) Honey, there are just some things in this world that can't be explained, and Christmas magic is one of them.

Mike: (Sighs) Well, all right.

Chrissy: It's weird, but...(takes Kris' arm) How did you do that?

Kris: Well, let me tell you some stories, Miss Christina... (He, Chrissy, and Peter walk into the ballroom together, followed by the others, as the cops lead the various thieves away and we get a long-shot of the ship in the sunset to the tune of an instrumental "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town.")