Everyone ready to save Valerie and Urse?
Jordan: I went potty. I ready now! :D
Mike: Yeah, we're all ready.
Peter: Jordan... :p
Davy: Ready!
Micky: *sighs* Ready. Can I get workman's comp?
No, Mick. :P ;)
(We open in the "Rec Room" seen in "Monkees Underground." Micky sits on a bean bag chair, taking a rest. Lauren comes out of a door to the right. Mike brings Jordan out of the door right next to it.)
Mike: Whew! I think we made it! You ok, Cowboy?
Jordan: Yeah, I went potty. I’m good now.
Lauren: I think we're ALL good now.
Micky: Hey, babe, you think they'd miss this bean bag chair if I sent it to our house?
Lauren: *slaps her forehead* Mick...
Mike: Let's get outta here and find Pete. We could wander around in this fun house forever.
Jordan: I want Mommy an' Daddy!
Micky: *gets up; the bean bag chair disappears in a blue light* I just want something to go RIGHT for a change!
Mike: I want my powers to work. Every time I try to use them (he concentrates - a plastic fish appears) that happens. I was tryin' to make my guitar appear.
Alex's voice: I just want you to stop whining!
Micky: *groans* Me and my big mouth.
*There's a black light. Alex and Zelda appear.*
Mike: (Gingerly gets Jordan behind him) Ok, you two, where's Peter?
Jordan: The Bad Man and the other Bad Lady! They gots my mommy and daddy!
Alex: He's doing is own thing, whatever that may be.
Jordan: What happened to Daddy? He's dark!
Mike: Which one of you did this to Pete...or did you all have a hand in it?
Alex: What's it matter WHO did it? He's helping US and not YOU!
Mike: He'd would have never left us. He's not doing this of his own mind.
Alex: I wouldn't be too sure of that.
Micky: All right, cut the crap. I've had enough. Man, I wanna tear you apart!
Lauren: *leans over to Micky* That was Davy's line long ago.
Micky: What, I can't use it too?
Lauren: *sighs* Go ahead.
Alex: You try to be nice.
Zelda: *folds her arms* I wouldn't mind a piece myself.
Mike: All we want to do is find Peter.
Jordan: I want my Daddy.
Alex: Well, we don't know where he went right now.
Zelda: Alex, can I mess with them, please!?
Mike: (He moves back against the wall; Jordan stands as close to him as he can without touching him) Look, we don't want more trouble.
Jordan: I'm scared!
*The two sets of twins get in each other's faces.*
Alex: *smirks* You look a little worse for wear, brother.
Mike: (Mutters as he tries to block Jordan) Oh shit. This don't look good.
Micky: Yeah, and you look like...well...you.
Jordan: (He looks from one set of Micky and Laurens to the other) Wow! The Bad Lady and Bad Man look like Unca Micky an' Aunt Lauren!
Mike: Yeah, and I hope they don't ALL kick the sh...snot outta each other.
Jordan: Are they gonna hurt each other?
Mike: Probably.
*All four dive at each other at once. They kick up a cloud of cartoon dust while fighting.*
Sheila: (Walks in and sees the cloud of cartoon dust; rolls her eyes) I didn't think I was watchin' a bloody Bugs Bunny cartoon. Could you all please KNOCK IT OFF?
*The dust settles. We see a domino effect of one person with a hold on someone who has a hold on someone else, and so forth.*
Sheila: This is embarrassing. What's going on?
Mike: We were usin' your john, and they, uh, got into a little fight.
Jordan: All the Unca Mickys and Aunt Laurens had a fight!
*The two sets of twins untangle themselves and glare at each other.*
Sheila: Well, what are you waiting for? Grab them and bring them back to our suites?
Mike: That ain't happenin'.
Jordan: I don't wanna go with you, Bad Lady!
Sheila: Very well. If you're all going to stand there and look sheepish, I'll do it myself. (She concentrates. There's a black light around Micky. When it subsides, he's a rag doll, similar to what Emma was before.)
Sheila: There you go, Zelda. Your own private Savage doll to have fun with.
Zelda: *picks up Rag Doll Micky* He's so cute!
Lauren: *fumes* I'd suggest you change him back NOW.
Sheila: Um, no.
Jordan: Unca Micky's a dolly!
Mike: Oh sh...man. Sheila, she's got that crazy look. I'd turn Micky back, before you make the trip back to LA the hard way.
Sheila: But Zelda's enjoying her Savage Doll so much!
*Zelda hugs the Savage Doll, purposely into her chest.*
*Lauren roars and rams into Sheila.*
Jordan: (Ducks behind Mike) Oh no!
Mike: (Under his breath) Shit.
Sheila: (Struggles under Lauren) Get OFF of me, Mother!
Lauren: *shakes Sheila* Turn Micky back NOW!
Sheila: Oh, fine. Zelda, put him down.
Zelda: But you gave him to ME!
Sheila: Zelda... (Lauren wraps her hand around Sheila's neck) Please...
Zelda: *pouts* Oh fine! *throws the Rag Doll*
*The camera following the Doll goes into slow motion. We see Lauren watch, wide eyed. She jumps off Sheila, then dives for the doll. We go back to real time as Lauren lands and slides on the floor, catching Rag Doll Micky.*
(Mike tries to back away from Alex.)
Mike: Don't get any ideas.
*Alex stalks Mike.*
Mike: Alex, this ain't funny. You're scarin' the kid.
Jordan: Go away, bad man!
Mike: Alex, I'm warnin' ya...
Alex: Does it look like I care?
Mike: Alex, my powers are workin' weird. You don't wanna know what I might turn ya into.
Sheila: (Gets out from under Lauren. Concentrates; several handmaidens appear) GET HER! GET THEM!
Lauren: *gets up, hugging the Doll* Don't even THINK about it, Sheila!
("Sweet Young Thing" begins as Mike concentrates. There's a waver blue light around Alex. When it subsides, an Alex-shaped bush now grows in the middle of the room.)
Mike: (Over the music) Man, I wanted to turn him into a dog!
Jordan: Bad Man's pretty!
(Mike gingerly takes Jordan's hand and leads him away from the Alex bush and out the door.)
(Sheila confronts Lauren and pulls out her staff, but Lauren ducks away.)
*Lauren comes up behind Sheila, still holding the Doll, and kicks Sheila in the butt.*
*Zelda starts to play tug of war with Lauren over the Savage Doll!*
(Sheila yelps. She taps Zelda on the shoulder and points to the Alex-bush. You might want to help YOUR Savage before you start in on another one.)
*Zelda's distracted just long enough for Lauren to reclaim the Doll.*
(Sheila confronts Lauren again as handmaidens go after Mike and Jordan.)
(Mike and Jordan run as fast as they can, which isn't very fast with a three-year-old. Mike tries to concentrate on one handmaiden, but he turns her into a flopping tuna fish.)
(Mike is confronted by two handmaidens. He concentrates and tries to make his sword appear...but gets a broom. He lifts the broom to try to fight them off, but they easily knock it from his hand. Jordan ducks into a doorway, frightened.)
*Sheila and Zelda surround Lauren, still holding the Doll.*
Mike: (Peers into the room again) Lauren!
Jordan: Aunt Lauren! (He makes his bow and arrow appear) I's save ya! (He shoots at Zelda...but it doesn't get anywhere near her) Awww!
Mike: No! (He gets in front of Lauren...and Jordan gets in front of HIM) Leave them alone! You've done enough!
Jordan: Don' hurt Aunt Lauren! (His blue eyes get big) Please?
*Alex joins Zelda and Sheila, Zelda having turned him back.*
Mike: I wanna tell you guys somethin'. (Whispers to Lauren) Turn Micky back while I distract them.
Jordan: I have my bow n' arrow! (Shows everyone his little plastic bow and arrow set) I'll get you!
Alex: *folds his arms* You have something to TELL us?
Mike: Yeah! I wanna tell ya...that...I wanna you to know that...I think you're all a lot of pansies!
Sheila: You do, do you?
Alex: Pansies?
Mike: Yeah! I'll bet you couldn't take us on in a fair fight!
Zelda: We don't know the meaning of the phrase "fair fight."
*There's a blue light behind Mike, next to Lauren. It clears to reveal Micky, now back to normal.*
Mike: You don't? Well then, neither do I. (He grabs Jordan's bow and starts plucking it like a guitar, playing the discernible opening chords to "Pleasant Valley Sunday.")
Sheila: (Winces) Stop that, Knight!
Mike: How does it feel when someone else don’t fight fair?
Alex: *clamps his hands over his ears* Ahhh!
Zelda: *whines* Stop it!
Mike: Ok guys, let's get outta here! Mick, Lauren, take us to where Pete is!
Jordan: Me too?
Mike: (Grins) Yeah, you too, kid.
Jordan: Yay! (He scrunches his blue eyes up in concentration)
*The group disappears in a bright blue light. The Devils reach for them and come up empty-handed. Mike, Jordan, Micky, and Lauren reappear in the garage.*
Mike: (Eyes widen) Oh god, we're here again!
Jordan: Look! (Points at something covered with a sheet)
Micky: I'll check it out. *grabs a handful of sheet; whips it off to reveal...* URSE!!
Mike: Ursula! Are you ok? Where's your keys? (He looks around for them)
Ursula: (Tired and strained) Alex has them.
Mike: Shit.
Lauren: Aw crap.
Micky: *sighs* Figures.
Ursula: Get out of here, all of you! This is a trap!
Mike: A what?
Micky: *frowns* Not again...
Shadow: A trap. (Peter steps out of the shadows. Valerie is with him...or being led by him. He holds her hand, but her eyes are closed and she looks dreamy.)
Mike: (Eyes widen) Peter! Stay away from me!
Jordan: DADDY! MOMMY!
Micky: Pete!
Lauren: Oh, Peter...
Peter: (His smile to Micky is genuine) Hi, Mick.
Jordan: Your light's dark!
Micky: *steps forward* Pete...why?
Peter: The music, Micky.
Micky: *goes right up to Peter* Is it really worth it, though? Look at what's happened to all of us!
Peter: I never meant to hurt you, or Davy, or any of the others. I want you two to join me.
Mike: (Whimpers) No... :o
Micky: *shakes his head* No, Peter, we won't join you. We want you to join with US again.
Peter: What, and go back to being a dummy? To being the one no one listens to?
Mike: Pete, you're not...
Micky: You are far from being a dummy, Pete. Please. Come back to us. *puts a hand on Peter's shoulder*
Peter: (Shakes his head) Mick, I'm the Boss here. I'm the leader. I'm in charge. I tell Alex, Sheila, and Zelda what to do. (Smirks) Sheila thinks she's telling ME.
Micky: *pulls his hand back and jams both into his pockets* Is it worth turning your back on your friends? You know the Devils will never be friends.
Peter: We're not friends anymore, Mick. I'm not even a member of the band. (He smiles) Join me, and things will be like they were. (Glares at Mike, who moves back, frightened) Without someone swapping their music for ours. We can make the music WE want to make.
Micky: *shakes his head; quietly* No.
Mike: Peter...I...didn't mean to hurt you. I never meant to hurt anyone.
Peter: (He gently places Valerie in a chair) There you go, sweetie. (Glares at Mike) Then why DID you? Why did you ignore me? Every time I tried to tell you something, every time I knew something important that might have saved us, YOU IGNORED ME!
Mike: I...I...didn't think...
Peter: You NEVER think. You just barge in and try to take everything over. (Growls) Not anymore. You're going to LISTEN to me! (He makes the blade half of Mike's broadsword appear) Remember this? This is mine now. It's useless to you.
Mike: I...know. I know I'm useless.
Micky: *pleads* Peter, stop...
Peter: (Ignores Micky) You ARE useless. All you ever do is order everyone around. No one can have any fun while you're there. You beat the hell out of everything. Everything has to be just so - your music, your house, your family.
Mike: I...I know...
Peter: No, you DON'T know. You've never been the Dummy in your life. You've never had anyone treat you like you're a five-year-old child. Why do you think I was hanging around with the people in Laurel Canyon?
Mike: They're rock stars?
Peter: That's part of it. I was with them because they accept me for who I am. I know you don't approve of my theories or my lifestyle, and you've treated me like a kid or just another follower since day one.
Mike: I never thought you were a kid...
Peter: You thought I was an idiot.
Mike: I never thought that, either!
Peter: Why do you want to stay with Mike, Micky?
Mike: He's my friend!
Micky: Peter, I'm not choosing sides between you and Mike. I'm choosing to stay with the good guys. I could never knowingly turn my back on the Guardians...the Monkees. *sighs* I still don't know why you two never hashed these things out.
Mike: Why don't we now?
Peter: It's too late for that!
Mike: It's never too late to be a friend.
Micky: Mike's right, Peter.
(There's a series of blue lights. Emma, Davy, and Daphne appear. Emma runs to Mike.)
Emma: Baby! Are you ok? How do you feel?
Mike: (Pulls away from Em) Em, DON'T TOUCH... (sees her shocked face) Just don't touch me, ok, darlin'?
Emma: Mike, what's going on?
Peter: (Laughs) Oh, that's too rich! The so-called Knight is too scared for even his dear little wife to touch him!
Micky: *frowns, but with anger* Stop it, Peter!
Mike: I'm not scared, I just...
Peter: Fear close affectionate contact. You always have. (Grins and pats the machine we saw earlier) That's what Alex's newest invention does. It amplifies your fears, until they take you over. There's different settings, of course. (Shrugs) I have no idea how far Alex turned it up...probably all the way, I hope...
Micky: *sighs, still frowning* He did. I saw it.
Jordan: (Tugs on his father's pants leg) Daddy, don't you like us anymore?
Peter: (Sighs sadly and picks up Jordan) Jordan, don't you ever think your daddy doesn't love you. I love you very, very much. I love Unca Micky and Unca Davy and Mommy, too. I just...I've been busy...
Mike: Just like me. That's what I kept sayin' to Em a while back. "I'm too busy, I'm too busy."
Jordan: Your light's dark, Daddy.
Peter: Because Daddy's been...improved.
Jordan: No. Daddy's scary!
Peter: Why scary?
Jordan: You get mad! You hurt people!
Peter: Only Uncle Mike, and that's because Uncle Mike shouldn't have gotten Daddy mad.
Jordan: You hurt everyone! You hurt Mommy!
Peter: I didn't hurt Mommy. She's just under a sleeping spell.
Jordan: I want my Daddy!
Peter: I'm right here.
Jordan: No! Daddy's light blue!
Mike: Yeah, Pete. We want you back. (Looks up) I want you back.
*There's a black light. Sheila, Alex, and Zelda appear.*
Sheila: That's the last time I get stuck between you two. (Turns to Peter) Boss, what are you doing? (Grins) Getting rid of the lot of them in one fail swoop?
Peter: What?! Sheila, I'd never hurt my son, and I don't want THEM hurt, either. (Glares at Mike) Except for Michael.
Mike: (Shakes his head) Honest Pete, you were the best friend I ever had. That movie was probably just a bad idea from the start, and I have no idea what happened with the soundtrack album.
Peter: (Hands Alex the other half of the blade with his free hand) Why don't you make use of this? I don't care what you do to him, but get rid of the Knight for me, once and for all.
("Pleasant Valley Sunday" begins as Peter lets Jordan go and moves into the shadows again. Jordan runs to his mother and tries to awaken her.)
*Micky holds out a hand. The hilt of Mike's broken sword appears. He hands it to Mike.*
(Mike nods and tries to go after Alex without actually touching him...or having the blade end up in his back.)
*Alex waves the blade mockingly.*
(Mike takes a half-hearted swipe at Alex.)
(Arrows are fired at Mike from the shadows. Mike runs and tries to duck around them.)
*Alex laughs, almost hysterically.*
(Emma growls and manages to knock Alex's feet out from under him before Sheila takes a whack at her with her staff. Emma stops her, and they tussle.)
(Mike goes after the sword blade when Alex lets it go!)
*Lauren, Davy, and Daphne face off against Zelda.*
*Micky makes his way over to the machine Alex used to torture Mike.*
Peter: (His hand comes out of the shadows as the music ends and grabs the blade) Come and get it, Michael, if you want it!
Mike: I...I...can't fight you, Pete.
Peter: If you want it, come and get it!
Mike: I can't fight you.
Peter: Come and get it!
Mike: You come out of the shadow! You call ME scared! If you're so brave now, why are you hidin'?
(Peter slowly steps out of the shadows, holding the sword blade. His brown eyes blaze fiercely.)
Peter: Here I am, Michael. I may get scared of things, but I'm NOT a coward.
Mike: I'm not, either.
Peter: Then why don't you fight me?
Mike: I can't. I can't fight a friend.
Jordan: (Runs over to Mike and Peter, his eyes wide with horror) Daddy! Don' hurt Unca Mike!
Peter: Jordan, stay out of this.
Mike: Jordan, make your bow appear again. (He does so. Mike gets down on his knees in front of the little boy) May I...may I borrow it again?
Jordan: (Nods) Sure! (Hands him the bow) Are you gonna play mooosic on it?
Mike: (Wipes the bow off, then nods) Yeah. (Plays the first few notes of "Listen to the Band") Pete, I don't wanna hurt you. I want to make you like you were. You're my best friend, Peter. You still are.
Peter: (Shakes his head) N...no...I'm not...you hurt my career...
Sheila: (Looks up over Emma's head as she tries to get around her field hockey stick) No! Peter, don't listen!
Peter: I...I'm not listening!
Mike: Who ain't listenin' now, Pete? You say you want me to listen to you. Why don't YOU listen to ME...and my music?
Jordan: I like moooosic! (He dances along)
Emma: (As Sheila begins to tire) Guys...the music! Play music! (She concentrates; her field hockey stick becomes a red, white, and purple tambourine; she bangs along with the song) This is all I know how to play!
*Davy imagines himself a bass. Daphne makes a guitar appear, Lauren a tambourine and maracas. A drum kit appears next to the machine Micky tinkers with.*
Sheila: No! Boss, stop them! (She puts her hands over her ears and drops the staff)
Peter: But...this is music! This is our music! I can't...
Sheila: Yes, you can! STOP IT!
*Alex and Zelda cover their ears.*
Peter: I...I...can't. I just can't. This is what I do, Sheila. I'm not...like you.
Mike: (Hands Jordan his bow back) Keep playin', kiddo.
Jordan: Ok! (He plucks the bow, not in time to the music, just to make noise)
Peter: Michael...
Mike: Pete, you don't have to say nuthin'. I've done a lot of stuff I regret, and I'm sure you have, but in the end...we're still friends. (He puts out the hand with the broken hilt) Friends, buddy?
Peter: (He smiles...and it's hesitant but genuine) Friends, Michael. (He puts out the blade...and when they put it together, it emits a blast of whitish sparks. A white, blue, and green light runs over Peter and Mike as the music becomes the original song. Peter now wears his own 8-button shirt, green with dark brown buttons and dark brown and green two-tone pants.)
Micky: *whoops with joy, still at the machine; then screams when the machine sparks* Uh oh!
Mike's sword is larger and longer, with a much more elaborate hilt crafted of fine gold and diamonds. Peter has a mechanical crossbow on his back. His arrows are sharper and longer, and the green shafts are a deeper color.)
Jordan: Machine go boom!
Valerie: (Her eyes flutter open) Huh...
Peter: Oh shit. Mick, what did you DO to it?
Micky: *backs away from the machine* I don't know! It just spit at me all of a sudden!
Mike: The same thing I'm gonna do to it. Wreck it. (He runs over to the machine and starts slamming at it with his sword)
Jordan: I want the bad box to go 'way! (He shoots his arrow at it...but it just goes under it) Awww!
Peter: Let me show you how to aim, Jordan. (He lifts his new mechanical bow and shoots several arrows into the machine with perfect accuracy; it sparks more)
Sheila: ALEX, THAT'S YOUR BLOODY MACHINE! STOP THEM!
Emma: Why not join the party? (She hits the machine as hard as she can over and over again with her field hockey stick)
Alex: Stop it! Stop it! *touches the machine; it shocks him and throws him back against the wall, knocking him out*
Micky: *grins* Wow. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.
Peter: (Grabs Valerie as the machine begins to spark and smoke) I think it's time we got outta here!
Mike: Not without what I came for. (He turns to Zelda) Tell me where the keys are on Alex. (He aims the sword at Alex) Or I use this thing on his family jewels, and with pleasure.
Jordan: Huh?
Peter: I'll explain when you're older. MUCH older.
Zelda: *frowns, putting her hands up* Back right pocket.
Mike: Davy, get the keys off of him.
Davy: Me? Why can't you do it?
Micky: Oh, for the love of...I'LL do it!
*Micky stomps over to the prone Alex. He glares at the others before making a face and reaching for Alex's back pocket. He comes up empty-handed.*
Micky: *growls* Zelda, I freakin' touched his butt for nothing!
*Zelda snorts, chuckling, and disappears in a black light.*
Mike: Shit! (Handmaidens start running in as the music ends; Mike parries with one of them) Guys, this party's gettin' too crowded. Micky, I don't care if you have to tear off every piece of clothin' on Alex, get those keys! Everyone else, load 'em in Urse! Em an' I will hold' em off!
*Micky mutters as he checks Alex's other pockets and pats him down...then thinks of something! He pulls Alex's boots off and staggers back a bit. He tips the boots over, and the keys fall out of one of them. Micky returns to the others, keys dangling from one finger, making a face.*
Micky: *disgusted* You owe me BIG, Mike.
Mike: Now do you realize how bad your feet smell?
Micky: *grins, shoving the keys into Mike's chest* S-T-F-U, Mike. *goes over to Lauren, shaking his head; Lauren elbows him*
Mike: (He's the last one in; slides next to Micky in the driver's seat) Ok, is everyone good and packed in back there? Do we have everything?
Emma: (The machine sparks; there's a deafening explosion) I don't think it matters anymore!
Davy: Go, mate!
Mike: Right. Everyone concentrate and think "The Pad!" (Ursula and her occupants disappear just in time to miss a larger, even more noisy explosion that sends debris all over the room. When the smoke and noise subsides enough that the camera can make it's way around, Sheila emerges from piles of broken parts, coughing. Zelda reappears in time to see her head pop above the wreckage.)
Sheila: NO! NO! I can't BELIEVE this!
Zelda: *goes to check on Alex* Alex... *pats his cheek*
Sheila: We HAD them! We had them in our HANDS! I had the Knight on my BED!
Zelda: Alex, wake up...
Sheila: (Smirks) If we had them this time, we'll get them again. (She goes to Zelda and Alex) He's still out?
Zelda: *shrugs, nodding* Yeah.
Sheila: Alex, get up! Oh, this is insane! (She makes a water pistol appear and shoots him in the face with it)
*Alex sputters and flails, mumbling.*
Sheila: Good, you're awake.
Alex: *glares at Sheila, bleary eyed* Sheila, leave me alone.
Sheila: We need to work on our next plan. (Smirks) The Guardians are still vulnerable. Those rifts between the Bard and the Knight won't repair themselves in a day...and neither have any money.
Alex: Can I get rid of THIS headache first? *groans*
Sheila: (Points behind him at the remains of the machine) I think you have an even bigger headache than that to worry about.
*Alex just moans.*
(And the camera fades out on the look of frustration on Alex's face and the pile of smouldering parts that was once his torture machine.)