Ok, everyone ready to take a look at our find?

Peter: Wow, this is amazing!

Mike: Mamie's really somethin' else.

Micky: This is so groovy!

Davy: I definitely want to see more.

(We start right where we left off, with Peter staring at the crate with the government papers. The other three Monkees join him.)

Mike: Gimmie those. (He grabs a handful; frowns) Looks like technical specs for somethin' or other to me.

Peter: (Hands Micky the papers) What do you think, Mick?

Micky: *Checks out the papers* Well... I don't have any idea.

Mike: It's the blueprints for somethin', but I can't tell what.

Peter: Maybe there's something missing. Micky, do you see anything else in the crate?

Micky: Nope. These are either missing something or incomplete.

Familiar Voice: Hellloo? (The man dressed as Henry the Eighth pokes his head in. He's followed by a woman in a very tight devil costume that leaves little to the imagination, an older, overweight woman dressed as a witch eating cookies, and another man dressed in a 70s astronaut outfit, and the butler, still holding a tray with hors'de ovures.)

Emma: Hello? (Turns to Lauren) You and I will head these people off! Val and Daphne, go tell the guys that we have company!

Lauren: Right with you, Em.

Daphne: On our way!

Valerie: Guuyyys! (She and Daphne go to the boys; Emma turns to Henry)

Emma: Hello, sir. May we help you?

Henry: Aren't you one of the guests?

Emma: Uh, yes, but we've been in here for a few minutes, and maybe we could help you...

Henry: We're looking for two books of children's plays written in the late 19th century. First editions.

Devil: (Makes a face) Mother wouldn't keep them in here! They're probably in Dil's and my old nursery!

Henry: Violet, I have told you time and again, you must be patient!

Violet: I wanna know what Mother's announcement is! She'd better not be saying Dil or I are getting stuck with this place. It's too big. What would I do with it?

Valerie: Um, here they are!

(Valerie shoves the books into Henry's hands...just as we hear a crash.)

Peter: (Off-camera) Micky, are you ok? You dropped the crate on your foot!

Henry: Crate?

Violet: I've told Mother she should clean up in here!

Witch: Is there food?

Dil: Vi, lay off Mom, ok? This is a great place! It has history!

Violet: It has mold.

*Micky whimpers.*

Emma: Yeah, there's food...upstairs! In Mamie's room!

Witch: Oh boy! Come on, Henry! Let's go! (She grabs Henry and is off like a shot)

Violet: (Whines) Aunt Petunia....

Dil: Man, this is dumb. (He follows Violet)

Emma: (Slams the door shut) That was a close one.

Mike: (Helps Micky into a chair) Anythin' broken, Mick?

Micky: I don't think so.

Peter: Do you think you can walk? We have to get all this stuff back in Mamie's hiding spot!

Mike: (Shakes his head) I wonder if I could ask her if I could keep this kantana, or at least hold it for the rest of the night? I really like this thing.

Micky: I can hobble.

Peter: Good. Davy and Daphne, did you finish putting everything back in the passageway?

Mike: (Peers in) Looks like it.

(Mike removes his plastic six-shooters and belt and belts the kantana to his side instead.)

Davy: All set.

Emma: (Grins) Ok, guys. Let's get moving. We have this huge house to search...and only about 45 minutes to do it!

("Through the Looking Glass" begins as the group heads for the hall. Mike checks the list and reaches for a vase on the mantel when something suddenly seems to "shoot" from a gun! A suction cup hits him. Dil grins and pulls the suction cup off, then sticks it back in his gun...and grabs the vase while he's at it.)

(Cut to the kitchen. The witch who was eating before peers inside. When she sees that the kitchen is empty, she sneaks over to the icebox-like refrigerator and opens it...to find Micky sitting cross-legged inside, eating a sundae.)

(Davy has an intense chat with a lovely young woman dressed as a mermaid in the pool.)

(Emma, Peter, Valerie, and Mike pass by Henry and his group. Henry stops to admire himself in a mirror...and he follows the mirror, even when Mike takes it down.)

(The witch leans over Micky, who seems to be searching through the cupboards for something. What are you looking for? Is it food? She leans so far over him, she's practically squashing him!)

*Micky pulls out a cookie jar and offers her one to get her off of him.*

(She grins and takes a handful, then walks away.)

(The butler walks past Micky and dusts off his collar, then tries to shoo him to work. He thinks he's a real cook!)

*Micky just shakes his head.*

(Valerie walks into a closet...and pulls out a gorgeous gown covered in red beading. She waves Daphne, Emma, and Lauren over. Emma pulls out an ice blue gown covered in feathers and sequins.)

*Daphne pulls out a black ball gown. Lauren pulls out a turquoise overcoat.*

(Mike wanders into what looks like a nursery, still filled with dolls and older toys. He scans the shelves for one particular doll. He finally finds Violet cradling what looks like a mint-condition Shirley Temple doll. He tries to take it from her, but she pulls it away and sticks her tongue out at him. He finally pacifies her with a lollypop and gets the doll into the bag.)

(Peter and Valerie return to the ballroom. Peter bows before Valerie as the orchestra plays a more sweeping version of the song. They dance together, with lots of stunning overhead shots, or at least as many as a low-budget TV show can afford. When they finish, Peter goes over to where Al the Caterer watches them and asks for a home-made dill pickle to add to the list.)

*Al complies, handing over the pickle in a plastic baggie.*

(Peter leads Valerie out to the swimming pool, where they continue their dance. The others join them as the song ends.)

Mike: (Sees that Micky is now eating a bag of candy corn) Where did you get that?

Micky: *With his mouth full* Cabinet.

Mike: Whose cabinet? This ain't our house!

Peter: I'm sure Mamie won't mind.

Emma: We'll explain later.

Mike: Have we found everything on the list?

Peter: (Shakes his head) No, we're missing the gladiola plant from the conservatory.

Emma: I don't think that's far from here.

Mike: Well then, let's go!

(Cut to what looks like a typical conservatory, a room with wrap-around windows and tons of exotic plants surrounding groupings of wicker furniture. Regina, a young man dressed as a vampire, another man dressed as Frankenstein, and a middle-aged woman in a tight black gown and pale makeup are already there.)

Woman: (She holds up what appears to be gardener's shears) Here they are!

Regina: Nice find, Bea! Boy, Mamie sure sent us on a wild goose chase!

Vampire: Yeah, she must have some kind of sadistic streak. Look at all the stuff she sent us after! A lead pipe, rope, brass candelabra from the living room mantel...

Regina: Tommy, she's played "Clue" one too many times.

Tommy: Yeah. You finished over there, Martin?

Martin: Uh, yeah. (Grins) Wow, look at all these plants! (He fingers one spectacular orchid) Don't you think this place would make a great museum and garden? The grounds are spectacular, and this conservatory...

Regina: Don't get ideas, Marty. This place is gonna be a hotel.

Beatrice: (Tosses her long, straight - and probably not real - hair) Not if I have anything to do with it. I won't let my sister sell to some corporation that will brutalize this gorgeous domain. This will be a retirement home for actors and actresses.

Mike: Uh, excuse us, folks. You seen a gladiola around here? (He gulps when Martin walks up to him. He's easily over 6'5...and it's not his costume, either.)

Martin: (Points) The gladiola is right over there, sir.

Mike: Uh yeah, right.

Regina: Well, we found what we came for.

Tommy: Right. Come on, guys, Miss Delstein. (Smirks and says in his best - and silliest - vampire voice) Have a nice daaaayyy!

Mike: (Rolls his eyes as the others enter the room) What an idiot.

Peter: (He picks up the plant Martin was fingering) Here's the gladiola.

Valerie: (She admires a profusion of orchids) No wonder everyone wants this house. It really is amazing.

Emma: I wonder if there's any other secret passages?

Micky: I hope so.

Mike: Come on, guys. The house ain't that old. It's not like the Montgomery House.

Micky: Maybe not, but it's still groovy.

Emma: Yeah. Why can't everyone just leave it - and Mamie - alone? It seems to be in fine shape to me.

Valerie: It's like I said earlier, Em, this is a prime piece of real estate.

Peter: (Shakes his head) I feel sorry for Mamie. What a family she has!

Emma: All they care about is what THEY get, and the heck with anyone else, including Mamie. (Frowns) And she's such a wonderful lady, too. She doesn't deserve to be descended on by a bunch of vultures like this!

Mike: Wish we had the money to buy this place.

Valerie: I do. Maybe I could talk to Mamie.

Micky: *Seems to be inspecting the wall* Hey, I think I found another passageway!

Mike: What?

Peter: (Grins at Mike) Still think only very old houses hold secrets, Michael?

*Micky straightens a picture...and a doorway opens.*

Mike: Pete, I ain't sure what to think anymore.

Micky: Groovy, huh?

Valerie: Incredible.

Mike: (Makes a bunch of flashlights appear and hands them around) Well, what are we waiting for? Let's see where it leads!

Peter: (Hands a flashlight to Davy) I love secret passages.

Davy: Thanks, mate. So do I.

(Cut to...total darkness. All we see are the thin beams of flashlights.)

Mike: (Voice-over) Damn, this place is dark.

Micky: I can't see any... *there's a thud* I'm okay.

Mike: Walk into another wall?

Micky: Yes.

Emma: This thing goes on forever! How big is this house?

Valerie: Look! There's a light up ahead!

(As the light grows brighter, we see the group, walking in a bunch. Mike and Micky push against what looks like a door.)

Mike: Push harder, Mick!

Micky: I'm pushin', I'm pushin'!

Mike: There must be something heavy leanin' against it! (Mike and Micky give one last huge shove! They both land in the next room, which looks like an Art Deco-ish lounge, with elegant, spare furniture and walls.)

Emma: (She's the first to see the body glad in peacock feathers laying on the floor) Oh my God....

Mike: (He flashes the light on the body...revealing a familiar peacock gown and jewelry...) Shit. Oh no, no, no....

Micky: Oh no!

Davy: Bloody hell...

(Peter gingerly turns over the body. The camera shows Mamie DeLis' staring eyes that will never laugh again.)

Peter: (Jumps back in horror as Valerie screams; his hand is covered in blood) Oh my....