Ok boys, ready to begin a MonkeeLeague Christmas tale?

Mike: Now this is a Christmas story I can get into.

Peter: I'm ready!

Micky: Me too!

Davy: I'm ready.

(We open in the air...or at least, with the blue-screen effects with the guys on wire looking like they're in the air. They wear their MonkeeLeague uniforms.)

Mike: I'm glad the girls were able to take the kids today while they finish up the cookies. We ain't done any MonkeeLeague patrolling in ages.

Peter: And never at Christmas! Who knows what holiday crisises we may be able to help with?

Micky: That's right!

Mike: I'm just hopin' we get some real trainin' in. If there's one thing the incident with the devils proved last month, it's time we started workin' on our skills again.

Micky: No kidding.

Mike: We need to keep an eye out for anythin' on the ground that looks out of place.

Peter: (Shrugs and looks down) We're in downtown LA now, and everything looks as fine as it's going to get.

Mike: Maybe we could check out Stainton's and see if anyone's tryin' to rob their toy section or somethin'.

Peter: Michael, that's not even funny. Our children would have a fit.

Micky: *Nods* That would be very bad.

Micky: *His communicator goes off* Hey, I'm getting a message. *pulls out the communicator*

Mike: I hope it's somethin' good, like a missin' city council member or somethin'.

Micky: *Listens* It's Jessica Bass... *eyes widen* Kris is missing!

Mike: Kris? You mean Kris Bass, that nice old guy we met a couple of years ago?

Peter: Santa's missing?

Mike: I thought we went over this. They're just a nice old couple.

Micky: Okay, Jess, we're on our way! *closes the communicator* We need to help her.

Mike: Micky, how did the Basses get a communicator?

Micky: *Grins* I gave them each one.

Peter: You never know when you might need to help Santa, Michael.

Mike: But... (Sighs when he sees Peter and Micky's faces) Ok, ok. Let's get goin', then.

Davy: It's hard to turn down those faces.

Mike: No kiddin'.

(They land in the alley behind the toy shop where much of "The Monkees' Nutcracker Suite" took place. Jessica Bass stands there, looking more-or-less the same as she did when we last saw her...other than she's obviously upset and very nervous.)

Jessica: Oh, thank goodness you're here! (She's wringing a red and green towel) Oh, if you can't find Kris, I don't know what we'll do!

Mike: (Sighs) Where did you last see Kris, Mrs. Bass?

Jessica: He was just in the workshop this morning! We bought part-interest in the toy shop after that awful Duke Bergier was arrested and sent to jail a few years ago. It's a wonderful place to sell the overflow from our toy factory in Canada. (Sighs) Well, anyway, he told me he'd be back by noon to help out in the shop...and I haven't seen him since and it's now two o'clock. He hasn't called or anything, and that's not like him.

Mike: Did say where he was going?

Jessica: (Shakes her head) Only that he had to run some errands. He didn't tell me where.

Mike: Any other way we could find him?

Jessica: The reindeer could find him. I have a radar equipped on our sleigh. We brought it down here for a test run. (Grins) That's how we deliver a lot of our inventory. We're just old-fashioned people.

Mike: (Raises an eyebrow) You brought a sleigh all the way down to LA from Canada?

Jessica: Ever heard of Federal Express, Robert?

Mike: (Winces at the "Robert") I prefer Mike, ma'am.

Jessica: (Nods) Very well, Rob...Mike. Follow me.

(She leads them to a large building next to the toy shop. It looks like it may have been a fire station at one time - there's even a pole - but it now has stables with eight reindeer and a large, elaborate red sleigh.)

Peter: (He feeds hay to a reindeer) Good girl, good Vixen. (Looks around) Hey, where's Rudolph?

Jessica: (Shakes her head) Now, that's really just a story. We haven't found a way to make a reindeer's nose glow yet, I'm afraid.

Mike: And they'll be able to sniff out Kris, so to speak? (Sees Micky inspecting the sleigh) Mick, get away from there! You might set off an alarm or somethin'.

*Micky ignores Mike, in complete awe of the sleigh.*

Jessica: Impressed, Micky? Kris told me how much you love building things and electronics.

Peter: (Laughs as Vixen nuzzles him) Hey, I'm ticklish there!

Mike: I just hope this thing can help us find Kris.

Jessica: You always were skeptical about things you can't see or understand, Mike.

Mike: Yeah, well, I don't trust this. Maybe we'd better check it out, right Mick?

Micky: *Looks up from inspecting the sleigh* Hm?

Mike: Maybe we'd better check this baby out.

Peter: (Sighs) I think we ought to get going, before we lose Micky entirely.

Jessica: I think it'll be a great help to you in finding Kris.

(Peter and Davy lead the reindeer over to the sleigh. Two young men help them hitch the animals to the harnesses.)

Mike: We're really gonna do this.

Jessica: Someone will need to drive the sleigh while the others keep an eye out for my husband. I guess it would be silly to ask if any of you have experience driving sleighs.

Peter: I haven't been in a sleigh since my family lived in Germany when I was a child.

Mike: The only place I've ever seen a sleigh is on TV.

Jessica: Well, SOMEONE has to do it!

Mike: (Sees Micky eyeing the sleigh) Oh, oh no. Micky...

Micky: Well...

Jessica: Would you, Micky?

(Mike groans.)

Davy: Do we still have time to opt out of this?

Micky: I would LOVE to!

Jessica: (Hands Micky the reins) Go right ahead.

Mike: (Mutters) You might end up regrettin' this, Mrs. B...

Micky: *with a grin worthy of a kid on Christmas Day* We won't let you down, Jessica!

Mike: (Mutters) I hope, anyway.

Peter: (As the four climb into the sleigh) Don't worry, Mrs. Bass. We'll have Mr. Bass back in no time!

Jessica: I'm sure you will! (Turns to Micky) You just have to flick the reins, turn the key, and say "On Dasher, On Dancer, On Prancer..." and so forth, and they'll take off!

Micky: Gladly! *turns to the others* Ready, boys?

Peter: You bet!

Mike: Let's see what this tub can do.

(Micky flicks the reins. Mike turns the key.)

Peter: Ok, Mick, now call the reindeer!

Micky: On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer, on Vixen, on Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, on Blitzen!

(And the reindeer almost literally jump into action, speeding right through the door as "Dream World" begins.)

(Cut to the boys flying amid the clouds. Mike fiddles with the radar while Peter and Davy scan the world below them.)

(Peter points out something on Fourth and Main...but it turns out to be a very fat old man in a red work suit carrying his lunch. Micky scares him so badly going by in the sleigh, he drops his mustard-covered sandwich on his nice suit. He shakes his fist at the boys as they go by.)

(Micky flies past several cartoon birds, spinning them around as they do. When they're done spinning around, they have no feathers. They squawk and manage to tip-toe away from the camera in mid-air.)

(Mike tries to get the radio to tune in something besides Christmas music.)

*Micky slaps at Mike's hand. Don't fuss with the Christmas music!*

(The sleigh dips suddenly while the two fight over the radio. It flies right over the park! Peter grabs the reins and manages to pull them up...but not before they've knocked the top off of a fountain, spraying water at passers-by.)

(Peter pulls the reigns over to an outdoor market. He hands them back to Micky. Now behave, you two!)

(Mike makes a face when Micky pulls up closer to the food booths in the Market. What ARE you doin', boy?)

*Micky orders some food, then turns back to Mike and grins.*

(Mike just makes a face.)

(Mike makes a face. He's driving now as Micky eats his lunch. This thing goes too slow! He messes with some dials....and the sleigh goes so fast, it seems like one big blur!)

(At one point, the sleigh even goes upwards...and we see it driving around the Earth in space!)

(The sleigh suddenly stops. Mike puts up a finger. No one move. No one even BREATHE. No one does...until Micky suddenly sneezes. The sleigh takes off for Earth again!)

(Davy takes the reigns next. He drives the sleigh past a Cadillac filled with very cute girls. Micky bonks him on the head before he can get stars in his eyes.)

(They have to drive the sleigh past a very surprised toll-collector. Peter even tosses him a quarter.)

Peter: (As Davy hands the reigns back to Micky and the song ends) We've flown around most of the San Fernando Valley and haven't seen Kris anywhere!

Mike: Well, I doubt he could get far in a few hours without his sleigh. He probably didn't leave the area.

Peter: (Frowns as the radar beeps) That must be him now.

Mike: (Looks down...and his eyes widen) Shit. Mick, I think he's in trouble.

Peter: (Also looks down) Can you find a place to land this thing? I think someone's trying to hurt Kris down there!

Micky: I'm on it!

(The guys land the sleigh in an alley between two abandoned factories. Cut to another alley. Three thugs drag Kris over to a large old warehouse.)

Kris: Unhand me, you ruffians!

Thug #1: Our boss wants to know how you're gettin' all those toys so fast. You ain't been in business for more than a year.

Thug #2: Yeah, you're cuttin' in on his business!

Man In Suit: (A third, larger man stands just beyond the doorway, smirking) Well, what do we have here? I've never given Santa Claus cement shoes before. This could be interestin'.

Kris: If you don't let me go now, you'll regret it!

Man In Suit: Pops, you're the size of an elephant and the shape of a marshmallow. I doubt you could do much damage to us.

(That's when the door blasts open behind them in a burst of blue energy! When the energy dissipates, it reveals Mike, Micky, Davy, and Peter, all of them mad as hell and carrying their weapons.)

Kris: (Grins) Very nice, boys.

Mike: You let that man go (pulls out his sword) or else.

Man In Suit: Or else what, you pixies wave your wands and give us your blue sparklies again?

Mike: Or else...this! (He concentrates. When it subsides, the man in the suit is festooned with garlands, lights, and ornaments and wears a star on his head. He looks like a walking Christmas tree) That's much better.

Man In the Suit: (As his men snicker) What in the...how...

Kris: (Sees more thugs coming in from behind them as "The Poster" begins) Watch out, boys!

(Peter shoots one of the thugs. When the arrow hits him, there's a light around him, and he's turned into a huge teddy bear with a red and green ribbon.)

(Mike grins. Not a bad idea. He concentrates. There's a light around a thug coming at Kris. When it subsides, he's now a toy soldier with a drum and a wind-up key in his back. Kris winds the key and turns him in the opposite direction.)

*Davy turns one thug into a wreath.*

*Micky turns another thug into a string of lights. He plugs it in, and we hear a faint scream.*

(Kris hangs the wreath on the wall next to the string of lights.)

(Mike turns another thug into a Barbie doll who looks like the Malibu Barbie from the part in Stainton's Department Store. The thug throws the long blond wig off his head and storms off-camera, complaining about bad parts and calling his agent as some of the other thugs titter.)

(Peter shoots at another thug. He's now a reindeer, this one animated...and with a nose that glows.)

(A thug pulls a gun on Mike, but he turns it into a gingerbread gun before he can use it. He takes the gun from the stunned thug, who just turns and runs in the opposite direction. He turns to Micky, who is playing with the giant toy soldier. Hey Mick, ever wanted to eat a gingerbread gun?)

*Micky chomps on the end of the gun.*

(When the music ends, there's nothing but the Man In the Suit left. Peter runs over to them.)

Peter: A couple of the thugs took off, but we have most of them. Kris just called Nielson and his men on his communicator.

Mike: (To the man in the suit, who is still covered with garland) Ok, pal. That's it. You ain't botherin' this nice old man no more.

Man In the Suit: That's what you think, skinny! (He whips out the lights to hit Mike...but he manages to catch them before they can cause much harm. The two men pull on the lights, caught in a dead heat while glaring daggers at each other.)

Mike: What do you want with this man, anyway?

Man In the Suit: Some local toy shop owners don't like him takin' their business. They hired us to scare him a little.

*Micky slashes the lights with his dagger, sending him into a nearby wall.*

(Mike goes flying back, though not as hard as the thug. He just lands on the ground.)

Peter: Michael, are you ok?

Mike: (Rubs his rear) Other than my buttocks are gonna be a nice shade of purple, yeah, I'm fine. Micky, use the lights to make sure that guy don't go anywhere.

*Micky makes the lights wrap around the thug.*

(Just as they finish tying him up, Nielson and his men burst into the warehouse.)

Nielson: (Looks around) Ok, where's the bad guys?

Peter: (Tries to disguise his voice with a bad southern accent) Right here, good police officer! This bad man was hired by local toy companies to try to take out this good toy maker's business!

Nielson: (Sighs and rubs his temples) I'm sure there's a logical explanation for this, besides it's Christmas. We'll need you all down at the station for... (But the guys disappear in a blue light before Nielson can finish.)

(Cut back to where the sleigh is. There's a blue light, and they all reappear.)

Mike: That was close. I hate to run out on the cops like that, but we ain't never gonna be able to explain what we did to those thugs to Nielson. Kris maybe, but not Nielson.

Peter: I hope Nielson didn't get a chance to look at us closely.

(Kris runs out to them as the get set to take off...at least, as well as he can. He's breathing hard when he gets to the sleigh.)

Kris: Maybe...Jess...is...right...about needing...to go...on a diet.

Peter: Are you ok, Mr. Bass?

Kris: Just let me catch my breath. (When he finally does, he smiles) So...how is Ursula these days, anyway?

Mike: (Raises an eyebrow) Whom?

Kris: I've only seen powers like that a few other times in my life, and they all came from one source.

Peter: Ursula's fine, Mr. Bass! She's in our car now.

Kris: Unusual place for a guardian, but if that's where she's safest and she has no problems with it...well, I'm just glad to hear that she's happy and she finally has her family back.

Mike: What do you mean, sir?

Kris: You think you're the only one with secrets, boy? I've been around for far longer than even you, and I've seen many things.

Mike: How do you know Urse?

Kris: Jess and I have been around.

Peter: (Looks at his watch) Speaking of Jessica, we need to get you back to her. She was really worried.

Kris: (Nods) I couldn't get to my communicator. (Turns to Micky) Thank you for making those for us, Micky. Jess and I haven't had such lovely and useful Christmas gifts in years.

Micky: You're welcome, Kris.

Kris: Would you like to drive us back to the toy shop?

(Mike shakes his head "no.")

Micky: Of course!

Kris: (Hands Micky the reigns) Here you go, Micky. Have fun. I always do.

(The guys all climb in the back of the sleigh and Kris gets in the driver's side as Micky takes the reigns.)

*Micky goes through the course, and the sleigh takes off like a shot!*

(We fade out on the back of the sleigh as it almost seems to jump into hyper space, leaving a train of blue, red, and green dust in its wake.)