Everyone ready to race?

Mike: Hell yeah.

Peter: This will be fun!

Micky: Let’s go!

Davy: Should be interestin’.

("Little Red Ryder" begins as we fade in on the open road in the rolling hills of Northern New York. The Monkees drive past a train, tooting at it.)

(The girls drive past Car #3. A group of younger men, barely boys, sit dazedly in a car that has lost all of its wheels. The youngest, a small lad with straight brown hair and wide brown eyes, keeps talking about how gear that was and can they lose all their tires again? The blond with the curls threatens him with bodily harm if his mate doesn't quiet down.)

*The guys drive by another car that has smoke wafting from under the hood. Two blond men with glasses argue over whose fault it was that they broke down.*

(Abernathy passes the two men, smirking. Max holds up a tangle of parts he stole from their car.)

*The blond men stop to watch, gawking. They turn back to each other, quiet for a moment...then start arguing again.*

(quiet for a moment)

(The girls drive by another car...or parts of it. A small man with dark curls sits in the front half, while his taller, dark-haired buddy tries to push the back half back to the car. Abernathy grins as Max holds up a saw.)

(A short guy in a leather jacket and a taller man with blond hair in a red jacket try to stop when a cow crosses their path. The taller one pulls a lever, but they don't stop! They end up driving into a barn instead as Abernathy and Max pass by, revealing the knife they used to cut the brake line. The two men emerge from the barn with chickens and hay on their heads.)

*We see a fellow with long, dark, curly hair playing an accordion, much to the chagrin of his nervous buddy. He still clutches at the steering wheel of their car, which is nowhere to be seen.*

(Abernathy and Max hold up the parts to their car, grinning as they pass.)

(The boys turn a tight corner. Mike leans over the driver's side window and sees a car that has driven off the cliff. It's now in pieces in the valley. Fortunately, the owners, a small, dark-haired, thirtyish man and his tall, attractive female companion aren't hurt. He's trying to put all the parts back together...but she points out that he's put the engine together upside-down. He tells her not to tell him that, and goes about fixing it the right way per her instructions.)

(The groups drive into Albany as the song comes to an end. There's only five cars left - the Monkees' car, the girls' car, Abernathy and Max's car, the hillbilies' car, and the black men's car.)

Mike: (He stops by a small inn) Well, let's see if we can get a room for the night.

Peter: (Sighs) I'm sorry we couldn't beat the girls on this leg of the race, guys.

Mike: That's ok. We'll beat them tomorrow. (Grins) At least we're still in one piece. Did you see some of the other breakdowns on the road?

Peter: (Frowns) Michael, I don't think most of those were normal breakdowns.

Mike: I don't, either. Abernathy's at it again. (Grins) But some of them were still funny. What were those two blond guys with the glasses fussin' over?

Davy: Sounded like they were arguing over whose fault the breakdown was.

Mike: I wonder where the chicks are?

Peter: I wish I knew. (Sighs) That Valerie Cartwright is so beautiful...

Mike: You're real gone about her, ain't ya, Pete?

Peter: (Shakes his head, as if to clear it) Me? No, I'm just a poor mechanic and musician. I doubt she'd be interested in me.

Mike: You'd be surprised, Pete.

(As the guys get out of their car, we see two men, one taller than the other, running over to the boys. One has an interesting - and familiar - mustache.)

Valet #1: (Familiar accent) Hello, gentlemen! Shall we take your car?

Peter: Take it where?

Valet #2: Take it to the garage, so we can remove...

Valet #1: (Elbows the other man) So we can remove it to the garage!

Micky: Thanks, but no thanks. I can find the garage myself.

Valet #1: But sir, we can do it! If we don't do it, we'll lose our jobs!

Valet #2: Yeah! You wouldn't want us to lose our jobs!

Micky: *Folds his arms and turns to Mike* What do you think?

Peter: (Puts a hand on Micky's arm) Just let these poor men do their jobs, Micky.

Mike: (Smirks) Yeah. After all, they're just valets.

Micky: I'm sorry. It's just...you know.

Mike: (Whispers to Micky) I know they ain't valets, Mick. Just follow my lead.

Micky: *Nods* Okay.

*Just then, Lauren and Valerie show up.*

Valerie: Hello, gentlemen. (Smiles and turns to Peter) Hello, Mr. Thorkleson.

Peter: (Blushes) Uh...uh...uh...uh....

Valerie: What a funny way to say hello!

Valet #1: (He climbs in the Van Dyke after Mike gives him the keys) You won't be disappointed, boys! (They drive off.)

Mike: (Turns to Lauren) Can we borrow your car?

Lauren: *Skeptical* Why?

Mike: Those guys were Abernathy and Max. We know they sabotaged most of the other cars in the race. We want to find out what's goin' on, before they sabotage our cars, too.

Peter: That was Abernathy and Max?

Micky: I knew it!

Mike: So did I. I want to follow them and find out what they have in mind. Those two are rotters of the worst kind, but they've never pulled anythin' this big before!

Valerie: We've suspected them of criminal activity as well. Emma's calling her article to the New York Star right now. She's going to ask Aunt Barbara's secretary to run a security check on their backgrounds.

Mike: We have to catch them in the act, before they wreck more cars, including ours.

Valerie: (Looks at Lauren) Have you seen them get anywhere near our car?

Mike: I haven't...but we haven't really been payin' attention to anyone else's car but ours.

Lauren: I haven't seen them near ours, no.

Mike: Where's your car?

Lauren: Parked on the street.

Mike: Ain't you worried 'bout your car?

Lauren: No. ;)

Peter: Let's get going and make sure OUR car is ok!

Davy: Before Micky starts to cry.

Micky Funny.

Mike: Let's go! (They hurry to Lauren's car.)

*Lauren starts up the car and peels out.*

(Cut to the garage. We see the back half of Abernathy. The front half is in the Van Dyke's engine.)

Max: (He's messing with wires in the car) You got the engine parts, boss?

Abernathy: Almost got them! Did you get the parts from the women's car?

Max: (Shudders) No way!

Abernathy: Max, the Sir said to sabotage ALL the cars in the race!

Max: I'm not touching that car! Do you know what the little broad would do to me?

Abernathy: The Sir would do things that are far worse.

Mike: (The four Monkees, Lauren, and Valerie peer into the garage) That's what I thought. They ARE the ones who sabotaged the other cars!

Peter: Who's "The Sir?"

Mike: Probably their boss. I thought Abernathy wasn't smart enough to do all this on his own.

Peter: (Looks at Lauren) No wonder they didn't touch your car. You know Max is afraid of you, don't you?

Lauren: *Nods, smirking* Yeah.

Mike: We can't just walk in. They'll recognize us. (Looks up at some high windows) But I know how we can get in.

(Cut back to the garage. Abernathy is still messing with the engine.)

Abernathy: Max, hand me a wrench. (An upside-down hand gives Abernathy a wrench; Max is on the other side of the room, storing boxes) Thank you, Max.

Max: (Calls out) You're welcome, boss. I don't know what I did, but you're welcome.

Abernathy: Darn it. Where's that gas lamp, Max? I can't see a thing in here!

*The gas lamp suddenly comes on.*

Abernathy: Ah, there it is. Very good, Max.

Max: Uh, Boss?

Abernathy: (Still in the engine) Yes, Max, what is it?

Max: Boss, I'm over here.

Abernathy: You're...ow! (Abernathy hits his head as he pulls out of the car. He sees Max across the room, waving) Wait. If you're there, then who...

Max: Ghosts, Boss!

Abernathy: Don't be foolish, Max. There's no such thing as ghosts.

(That's when another hand gives Abernathy a white sheet.)

Abernathy: (Throws the sheet on the ground) This is ridiculous! Reveal yourselves!

(Mike drops onto Abernathy from the ceiling and Lauren drops onto Max as "Tear The Top Off My Head" begins.)

Peter: (Drops from the ceiling...and lands on his rear) Ouch!

Mike: (As he struggles with Abernathy) Mick, check the car! Make sure it's ok!

Micky: I'm on it!

(Valerie hurries in from the door and helps Peter to his feet. Lauren and Max accidentally knocks into them, pushing them into each other. Valerie grins.)

Valerie: Well, hello there. Isn't this cozy?

Peter: Uh...uh...uh...uh...

(Mike continues to wrestle Abernathy. Max runs out from under Lauren and hides behind a crate, his rear end quaking with fear.)

Valerie: (Shakes her head at Max) What a chicken!

(Abernathy finally pins Mike to the ground and reaches for a tire iron to smash his head in.)

*Micky throws himself at Abernathy, slamming into him and causing him to tumble away from Mike.*

(However, Abernathy isn't looking where he's going and knocks over the gas lamp as he does. Valerie screams as the lamp tumbles over...and the fire quickly spreads to the wooden walls of the garage!)

Mike: Oh no. Guys, come on! We've gotta get outta here! Micky, is the car in good enough shape for a break-out?

Micky: Better believe it!

Valerie: Peter, come on! (She grabs his hand and drags him over to the car)

Peter: Uh huh. :X

Max: (As the smoke gets thicker and we hear clanging bells in the distance; goes to Abernathy, who is out cold) Boss, come on! We've gotta go! This place is gonna fall apart any minute!

Mike: (As everyone climbs in) I think it's time we get outta here. We have to get ahead of Abernathy. You girls go get your car and pick up Em and Daph at your hotel. We'll rouse the remainin' cars and tell them the race is startin' sooner than we thought...and there's treachery afoot.

Valerie: We have to prove that Abernathy sabotaged the other cars!

Mike: But for now (hands Micky the keys) I snitched these off Abernathy when we were wrestlin'. Get us outta here, before we all suffocate, oh Master Driver!

(We can barely see the outlines of Abernathy and Max stumbling out of the garage through the blinding smoke.)

Valerie: (As a beam falls down, almost smashing into the back of the car) Hurry, Micky!

Micky: *Starts the car* We're outta here! *steps on the gas*

(The car bursts through the door...just as the entire structure of the garage collapses in a burst of flame!)

Mike: Whew! Good work, Mick.

Micky: It was a snap.

Valerie: Let us out here. Lauren's car is around the corner.

Mike: You guys go get the other girls. We'll rouse the folks at our hotel.

Valerie: Right. Come along, Lauren.

Lauren: Right with you, Val.

(They hurry off as the song ends. Mike turns to Micky.)

Mike: Mick, did Max and Abernathy do any damage to the car?

Peter: Uh...uh...uh...

Mike: Pete, what's wrong with you?

Peter: Huh?

Mike: Pete? Pete? (He waves his hand in front of his friend's face)

Davy: I think he's in love, mate.

Mike: Fine time for that! What do you need a woman for?

Peter: Valerie....

Mike: We'll think of her later. Right now, we have to get everyone else and make sure the car is intact. :

Peter: Yeah...

Mike: Micky, check the engine.

Micky: Okay... *goes to do so*

Mike: (He looks under the dashboard) Everything seems ok here.

Peter: Yeah...

Mike: How's things on your end, Mick?

Micky: Looks good. We must've gotten to them in time.

Mike: Great. Ok, let's get back to the hotel.

(Fade out on the flickering red and orange flames of what remains of the garage and the clanging bells of old-fashioned horse-drawn fire trucks. Fade in on another red-orange glow...this the glow of sunrise. All of the cars but the girls' are now in front of the hotel. The hillbillies add a mysterious liquid from a jug to their engine. The black men go over theirs meticulously.)

*Suddenly, the girls' car pulls up alongside the boys' car.*

Mike: (Looks up) There you are.

Valerie: (She wears an impeccable mustard-colored suit and hat with a large yellow bow) Hello, gentlemen! How was your night's rest?

Mike: It wasn't. We spent it gettin' ready to catch up to that da...darn Abernathy.

Emma: (She wears a simpler brown suit and looks grouchy) Lauren, did you have to interrupt me before I could get my full story in?

Valerie: You'll have a garage burning to report on when we arrive in Chicago!

Mike: Yeah, among other things. Abernathy's behind these sabotages. He and Max were the ones taking the cars out of the race.

Emma: But you don't have any proof!

Lauren: Maybe not, but there's a lot of other people who will vouch for that. *Shrugs* Then again, I could probably shake a fist at or say "Boo!" to Max, and he'd spill the whole thing in one breath.

Mike: Not unless you do it in front of someone who can arrest them.

Lauren: I could do that.

Micky: Man...gutsy, smart... *goes over to Lauren* I gotta tell ya, Lauren, you can add thief to that list, because you've stolen my heart.

Lauren: *smiles* That's the sweetest thing any guy's ever told me...

Mike: (Groans) Not you, too...

Emma: (Smiles) Awww! (She pulls out her pad) A romance on the road! What a great angle for my next story! :

Lauren: Actually, that's the ONLY sweet thing a guy's ever told me.

Micky: No way!

Lauren: *Shrugs, half-grinning* A lot of guys don't like a girl who could easily kick their ass.

Micky: It's their own fault for pissing you off, then. Meanwhile, that hopefully gives me the chance to get to know you better.

Lauren: And I wouldn't mind getting to know you better, too.

(Mike just shakes his head. Emma takes down every word.)

Peter: (Smiles) Go get her, Mick.

Mike: Guys, we've gotta get goin'! Abernathy's way ahead, and the others are gonna leave any minute!

Emma: (Sighs) He does have a point.

Micky: *Sighs* We're gonna have to wait, though.

Lauren: We'll hang out tonight at the hotel. *winks at him*

*Micky grins dazedly.*

Mike: If we all stay at the same hotel. Mr. Babbitt didn't give us a lot of funds for sleepin' in fancy joints.

Micky: *Glares at Mike* We WILL stay at the same hotel.

Valerie: I'll pay for your expenses. Aunt Barbara's wired us plenty of money.

Mike: (Shakes his head) That's nice of you, miss, but we can handle ourselves.

Micky: Speak for yourself, Mike!

Peter: (Sighs at Valerie) Would you?

Valerie: (She takes Peter's hand) It would be my pleasure. I'd love to spend more time getting to know you. (Turns to the others) And all of you.

Peter: (He sags against Davy) Wow...

(Emma writes everything down in her notebook.)

*Davy holds up Peter, grinning.*

Peter: (He gets out of the car and takes Valerie's hand) You're so nice. I think...I think....I think...

Valerie: Are you ok?

Peter: Yeah...

(Mike just makes a face and continues hammering on the engine.)

Valerie: You know...you're very handsome...

Peter: You...you're gorgeous...

Valerie: I'd love to hear some of your music.

Peter: Um...uh...sure...

Mike: Come on, guys! (Points to the hillbillies, who load up their crates and gear) The others are almost ready to go!

Micky: Yeah, yeah...

Emma: (Nods) And as much as I'm enjoying the romance angle, may I point out that we're in the race, too?

Mike: Just barely. We made it first.

Emma: By a nose. We were right behind you.

Mike: We were still first.

Lauren: Enough, you two! Let’s just get going.

Emma: I agree. (Sticks her tongue out at Mike while his back is turned, but Lauren and Val catch it as they get in the car)

Valerie: Emma, that wasn't necessary.

Emma: He's behaving like a five-year-old!

Valerie: You're not much better, and you're supposed to be a professional journalist!

Lauren: You were both pretty bad there.

Emma: He started it.

Lauren: Then how about you stop it?

Valerie: NOW. Or I'll send for another journalist.

Emma: You wouldn't dare.

Valerie: Would I? Would you like to lose your plum assignment to a MALE journalist?

Emma: Oh, fine. (Goes over to Mike as he gets in the car next to Micky) Maybe it's time we buried the hatchet.

Mike: Yeah, maybe we should.

Emma: We can't fight all the way to Los Angeles, and we're behaving like children.

Mike: Good, I accept your apology.

Emma: I wasn't apologizing for anything!

Mike: (Sighs; they both shake their heads) Here we go again.

Emma: Let's just agree to disagree right here.

Mike: Yeah. (Smirks) At least until we win.

Emma: (She returns the smirk) We'll see. (She saunters off to the girls' car)

Valerie: You like him.

Emma: I do NOT! He's an egotistical, macho jerk!

Lauren: You like him.

Emma: No, I don't! (Shakes her head) Ok, he is a little handsome, with that dark hair and those big eyes, but he's so stubborn!

Daphne: You like him!

Emma: No, I don't! (Sighs) Oh, let's just go!

(As the girls get ready to leave, we cut to the guys.)

Mike: I don't like her! She's a self-centered little brat who doesn't know her place!

Peter: Yes you do, Michael.

Micky: Suuuuuure.

Mike: (Makes a face) Let's just get going.

(The cars all rev up and start again as we fade out on the just-rising sun and the rolling hills and countryside on the horizon...)