Well, gang, who's up for something a bit...messy? ;)

Mike: Messy?

Lauren: ME!

Peter: I'm game! :)

Micky: I'm in, definitely! ;)

Davy: As long as you don't get me nice suit messy. ;) :p

(Cut to the studio commissary, later in the day. It looks something like a cafeteria, with a buffet-style serving counter and small, hard tables and chairs scattered in the middle. It's shortly after the filming of the "Beautiful Girl" number. The dancers, the White sisters, and Cora Munroe are still in their costumes. The seven Monkees sit together. Valerie joins them, holding a tray of gluey meatloaf, mushy green beans, and brown glop that may be pudding. Everyone else has similar food. Only Micky eats heartily.)

Valerie: Hey, guys. How did this morning's filming go?

(Mike grumbles through his salsbury steak. :p)

Lauren: Awful. :P

Peter: Groo...(looks around him)...copacetic! :D

Mike: Yeah, for you, Pete. We lost some of our footage, Irwin was being an asshole, and the cameramen won't listen to Mick.

Lauren: *shakes her head at Micky* How can you EAT that?! :P

Micky: *mouth full* It's food. ;)

Valerie: (Frowns) More sabotage?

Lauren: One of the cameras all but exploded. The film was completely melted. :P

Valerie: Oh, god! Did you get ANY footage of the shooting?

Mike: Yeah. Willie says the editors should be able to piece together the number, but those Technicolor cameras ain't cheap, and the Kalmus people who own the joint are gonna have our asses on a silver platter for losin' one. :p

Daphne: And the camera that blew had the best angle. :P

Valerie: (Sighs) I talked to Mr. Thornburg's secretary - Walter Thornburg, the producer of "Mammoth Revue" - and found out what part of the fuss is about. The original theme of "Mammoth Revue" was parodies of typical film genres. Three of the major skits make fun of gangster and crime movies, portraying a "Big Teddy" as malicious, stupid, and slovenly.

Mike: Yeah, Lyman mentioned that earlier.

Valerie: I heard some other gossip as well. The Ralstoff brothers are rather mysterious figures on the lot, especially Irwin. Mr. Thornburg's secretary said she thought he may be hiding something important. (Valerie rolls her eyes) Her theory is they're Bolshevics coming to convert us all to communism. ;)

Emma: (Grins) Oh, you met Tilly's mother. ;)

*Lauren snickers.* ;)

Mike: That would explain why Irwin's such a crab...and come to think of it, I thought I DID hear a hint of a Russian accent when we were fightin' this mornin'.

Emma: Some Russian nobles DID flee as far as the Americas after the Russian Revolution in 1917.

Valerie: The White sisters seem to be clean. As far as I could get out of the secretary, they're what they appear to be, a vaudeville sister act that was popular enough in the mid-west and west to get bookings in LA...and for a talent scout to catch their act and recommend them to Mammoth. (Plays with her gray meatloaf) Cora Munroe's been in Hollywood for years. She was big in the teens, dropped out to get married, went into vaudeville after she divorced, and ended up at Mammoth when sound came in and Walter Thornburg liked her act and remembered her older movies.

Mike: How about a dancer named Trixie LaVerne?

Valerie: New York chorus girl who married Eric Chisholm when he was commandeering the New Amsterdam five nights a week in one of his vehicles. By the time he went to Hollywood, her star was on the rise, and she was getting her OWN vehicles from none other than major producer Florenz Ziegfeld, of "Ziegfeld Follies" fame.

Lauren: Nice. ;)

Emma: Trixie mentioned she's worried that Eric may be cheating on her.

Valerie: The secretary says they're both worried that they're cheating on each OTHER. Trixie jealous of all the women Eric works with, and anyone who's seen his movies knows how big his ego is. Eric doesn't like Trixie spending so much time with cute dancers, either, though he's said to be proud of the work she does in Hollywood.

Daphne: Figures. :P

Mike: Jack Baker?

Valerie: Younger brother of Della Baker, the wife of Walter Thornburg and one of Mammoth Studios' major dramatic actresses. He was going to college for engineering before dropping out to "find himself." Apparently, he found himself a new career when no one else on the lot wanted to tinker with the new Vitaphone sound equipment.

Micky: *stops chewing* Wonder if I could talk to him about that equipment?

Lauren: *sighs* Mick, could you swallow first, THEN talk? :P

*Micky grins, then opens his mouth wide at Lauren, who rolls her eyes.* :P

Emma: I'd be careful, Mick. Early sound equipment WAS genuinely delicate. You saw how close James had to stand to the microphone today. :p

Micky: *swallows* I just wanna look. ;)

Mike: If you blow out the equipment, YOU'RE payin' for it. :p

Micky: *grumbles* I won't blow it out. :P

Mike: What about Caroline Harris, the blonde chick?

Valerie: (Makes a face) Miss Harris' flirtation with half the men on the lot who'll further her career seems to be an open secret on the Mammoth lot...and Larry is her newest conquest. She just wants to be a star, pure and simple.

Daphne: Geez, even Davy knows better than doing THAT. ;)

*Davy sticks his tongue out at her.* :P

Valerie: Miss Harris isn't the only one with problems. Her party buddy is Molly Martine. Emma, you mentioned her problems earlier. Molly grew up poor and orphaned, and now she wants to live as high a life as she can...literally and figuratively.

Peter: I've heard of Molly Martine! She was the "Flaming Youth Girl!"

Valerie: Right now, at least, she's one of the bigger stars on the lot...when she shows up after some huge blowout.

Mike: Ok, that boils our suspects down to Molly Martine, Caroline Harris, Irwin and Nick Ralstoff, Eric Chisholm, Jack Baker, and Trixie LaVerne.

Emma: (Nods) We can probably count out Willie Mitzer and his crew. They want this show to go on as much as we do. Willie was devestated when his camera died yesterday, and he was genuinely concerned with Curt Del Mar.

Valerie: (Nods) He's worked with Del Mar since they both came over to America on the same boat.

Emma: (Makes a face) Don't look now, but here comes baked ham and the gold-digger. :p

(Eric Chisholm walks in, followed by Caroline Harris, who makes a face.)

Caroline: Why are we in here, Eric? All of the EXTRAS are here!

Eric: I was gonna meet Trix here. I gotta talk to her.

Caroline: Can't you talk to her later?

(Four people join the large, round table. Cora Munroe pushes between Emma and Valerie. The White sisters and another young man, a freckle-faced red-head, stand behind them.)

Cora: Is this a private party, or can anyone watch the fireworks?

Rosie: Hey, gang. (Nods) This is Brian Connelly, an old friend of ours. He's been on the lot for a couple of years, doing musical shorts. "Mammoth Revue" is his third feature-length film.

Brian: I'm one of the dancing thugs in the "Big Teddy and His Boys" skit, and I get to play Hamlet to Della Keller's Ophelia in a Shakespeare parody. ;)

Sarah: We've known him since we were kids! He's like our big brother!

Brian: I was thrilled when I heard the girls were coming out here. Beats the hell out of dancing in New Jersey dives. ;)

(Trixie LaVerne stomps into the cafeteria at that moment, shoving aside the swinging doors and striding up to her husband in a parody of showdown scenes in westerns.)

Lauren: I think the fireworks are about to begin.

Eric: Trixie....baby...sweetheart...

Trixie: Don't 'sweetheart' me, Asta Cholwitz!

Mike: (To Emma) Asta Cholwitz?

Emma: Eric Chisholm's real name. Caroline: Pipe down, pip squeak! He was working on my lines for "On Mama's Knee!"

Trixie: And I'm gonna take out YOUR knee, you conniving BITCH! I KNOW you chase every man who could possibly take you the next rung up the studio ladder! X(

Caroline: And how did you get a part in this revue, with your lousy dancing skills? You STILL look like you have wooden soles on your feet! :p

Trixie: I haven't been dancing with the metal ones for that long!

Eric: (Narrows his eyes) Trixie's one of the best dancers around!

Trixie: The only real dancing I've ever seen YOU do is with the nearest Hollywood big cheese to the casting couch! X(

Eric: Trixie...ladies...

Caroline: That DOES it! (Grabs a pie and throws it at Trixie. Trixie has enough sense to duck, and the pie hits a woman coming in...a woman with flame-red hair and a short, pleated dress...)

Molly: (Gasping) WHAT IN THE HELL KIND OF GREETING WAS THAT, CAROLINE? I thought we were friends!

Caroline: Now, Molly... (she pulls back, but Molly grabs a pie and hits HER with it)

Molly: How do YOU like it?

Caroline: (Screams) This is a new dress! X(

Micky: *to Lauren* They're wasting perfectly good pies! :-O

Trixie: I'll give you a new dress! How'd you like to have fringe the HARD way?

*Lauren rolls her eyes.*

Caroline: Get aWAY from me, (grins wickedly,) Gertrude Vernan! ;) >:)

Trixie: I HATE that name! It makes me sound like an old dame!

Caroline: You ACT like one sometimes! (Shoves Trixie)

Trixie: Hey, get OFF! (Shoves back)

Daphne: *grins* I'm rather enjoying this. ;)

Brian: (Grins) Join the crowd. Catfights are the bee’s knees. ;)

Eric: Girls, cut it out! (He reaches for both of them...and all three slip on the floor, crashing into a table as they do. Trixie and Caroline wrestle, spitting and screaming and kicking and punching. Fists and hair are flying.)

Mike: Maybe someone oughtta help Eric get those two of of each other.

Peter: Someone might get hurt!

Daphne: Do we have to? ;)

Emma: Yeah. Those two may really hurt each other...or US.

Lauren: Darn. *snaps her fingers*

Eric: (Tries to pry the two apart) Damn it, you two, they could call the cops! (He just gets shoved back...into the dessert counter. The rickety counter...and it's contents...go flying, eventually landing on people in the main room.)

Sarah: Eeek! Pineapple-upside-down cake coming straight at us! :o (Ducks under a table)

Micky: All right! :D ;)

Brian: Catch that cake!

Mike: Someone's GOTTA break up those chicks! X(

Emma: (Tries to stand as the room goes into chaos, with pastry flying everywhere; indicates where Eric lays on the crunched counter) How? Eric's out cold!

(Molly jumps into the fight, too, pulling Caroline away from Trixie and shaking her.)

Rosie: (Pulls marshmallow out of her hair) I wonder if Molly wants help?

Sarah: (From under the table) Rosie, we could get into trouble! :o

(Caroline goes crashing into the table. Sarah flees out from under it. Molly just belted her on the chin.)

Brian: We could get into worse trouble if we don’t help Molly out.

Daphne: *wide grin* What a punch! :D

Molly: Thanks. I grew up on the wrong side'a the tracks in Toledo, Ohio. Knowin' how to hit comes with the territory. :p

Valerie: (Pries lemon merange off of her yellow wool suit) There's only one way we're going to end this.

Peter: (He's licking the marshmallow off his coat) How?

Lauren: Join in? ;) :D

Valerie: (Picks up a whole pie) Fight fire (hits Caroline in the face) with fire. ;)

(And as the strains of "Happy Days Are Here Again" begin, the group joins the already-messy fight. Sarah White hurries out, ducking the desserts going everywhere.)

*Daphne picks up a portion of the pineapple upside-down cake that Micky hadn't gotten to yet and gets ready to throw it. Davy grabs hold of her arm and grabs himself a piece, then lets her arm go. She throws it across the room while Davy munches on his piece.*

(Emma sticks her fingers in a piece of chocolate cake, but Mike shakes his sticky fingers. She makes a face and hits him with it instead. :p )

(Peter pulls out his ukelale and plays along with the song while food flies all around him. ;) )

(Caroline tries to come to her feet, but this time, it's Cora and Rosie who jump on her. ;) )

*Micky picks up a cream pie and swipes a finger through it. He tastes it, grins, then offers some to Lauren. She shakes her head and turns to pick up ammo of her own. Micky shrugs, taps Lauren on the shoulder, and when she turns, splats the pie in her face.* ;)

*Lauren licks her lips, then grins. She splats the piece of cake she picked up in Micky's face.*

(Irwin and Nick come in...and stop, flabbergasted. Nick runs back out, looking for Sarah, but Irwin gingerly makes his way around the fallen tables and flying food.)

*Micky and Lauren are now working on cleaning each other's faces off.* ;)

(Cora yells "Belly flop!" and leaps off of the counter and onto a group of very surprised chorus boys. ;) )

*Davy and Daphne are dancing around desserts and people to Peter's ukelele playing.* ;)

(Irwin is looking for Rosie...but what he finds as he rounds the corner around Cora and the flattened chorus boys is a cream pie in the face, thanks to Mike Nesmith. ;) )

(O'Leary and the cops push their way through the swinging doors...but immediately slip and fall on the pools of sticky pie filling and broken pastry on the floor. They try to get up, but they're pelted with pies.)

(Eric Chisholm groans and starts to come to. Trixie runs to his side and helps him to his feet.)

*Lauren and Micky have cleaned each other off...but are still going through the motions.* ;)

(Irwin is steaming. He taps Mike on the back. Mike turns around...and is hit in the face with a cherry pie. ;) )

(There’s a whistle above Eric. He looks up...and into a blueberry pie. Brian and Rosie grin at each other. ;) )

(Peter hits a pie baseball-style with his ukelale. ;) )

*Daphne and Davy hold up cards with "10" written on them for Peter's hit with the ukelele.* ;)

(Peter bows. When he looks up, Valerie hits him with a carrot cake. Peter takes some of the icing and licks it with a big grin...then runs it across Valerie's cheeks. ;) )

*Micky and Lauren have disappeared under a table.* ;)

(The cafeteria is getting so full, it's starting to look like a Keystone Cops short or the stateroom scene from the Marx Brothers' "Night at the Opera." People are now mostly slipping on pie filling, glaze, and icing.)

(Mike is knocked into Emma. He grins and wiggles his eyebrows playfully. She shakes her head as Peter and Valerie fall against them.)

*Davy and Daphne fall against THEM.* ;)

(Caroline pulls Molly to her feet as the music winds down and more official-looking people storm through the swinging doors. Eric is starting to come-to in a worried-looking Trixie's arms. Cora and Brian are trying to dust off the now somewhat thinner chorus boys. Rosie slips; Irwin catches her.)

Harvey Lyman: (Over the music) WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON AROUND HERE?

(Caroline throws a pie at Molly. Molly slips...and it hits Harvey Lyman as the last note of the song plays.)

O'Leary: Saints preserve us!

Sarah: Uh oh. :o

Rosie: (Groans; head in hands) Oh, god... :p

Brian: Nice move, Caroline. :p

Harvey Lyman: (As his yes-men clear off his face) I WANT WHOEVER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS MESS IN MY OFFICE THIS INSTANT! NOW! (As he storms out of the room) And get me someone to fire! X(

Mike: (Wipes the pie filling off his face) Oh god, we're all dead now.

Peter: (Still licking at cream cheese icing) WE didn't start the fight!

Rosie: Yeah, but we participated.

Daphne: Well, yes, but we aren't responsible. ;)

Davy: *glances around* Anyone seen Mick and Lauren? ;)

Peter: Hey, what's that sound?

Daphne: Wait. I know that sound. ;)

(Davy, Daphne, Rosie, and Emma pull their heads under one of the tables.)

Lauren: *as she and Micky grin sheepishly* Is it over? :">

Micky: So much for privacy. ;)

Rosie: Yeah, it's over. Caroline hit Harvey Lyman in the face with a pie. ;)

Micky: That's...not good. :P

Emma: Maybe we ought to go to Harvey Lyman's office anyway. He may want another side of the story.

Davy: Good idea, luv.

Valerie: (As the group emerges from under the table) Why don't we go out somewhere and forget about all this?

Micky: What a great idea! ;)

Molly: (Grins) I know this GREAT little place on Delancy Street, under the American Company Grocery store. ;)

Peter: This won't involve anything...not nice, will it?

Molly: Depends on what you think "nice" is, Blondie. (Grins as she licks cherry pie filling off her face) I'm Molly Martine. Welcome to the fast lane. ;)