(We open with a quick shot of the guys in the air. Mike is talking on the communicator and doesn't look too happy.)

Mike: Yeah? Are you sure, Em? Sheila might have...(pause, then)...ok. No, we'll be fine. You girls meet us there when you can. Yes, Em, I'm sure we'll be just fine! Over and out, darlin'. (Growls) That devil bitch stole the MonkeeMobile. X(

Peter: Oh no! :o

Micky: *growls* And things just keep getting better.

Peter: She must be after Ursula again!

Mike: When I get my hands on that bitch... (makes gestures with his hands showing just what he'll do when he gets his hands on Sheila)

Peter: We've got to get them!

Mike: We can't go like this.

Peter: Why not?

Mike: 'Cause we'll be sitting ducks in the air.

Peter: You can't sit on the air!

Mike: (Rolls his eyes) Darn it, Pete, I mean Alex will be able to shoot us down easier with that damn tank!

Davy: And enjoy every minute of it.

Mike: We'll go by land. Alex won't be expectin' that, especially since we don't have the MonkeeMobile anymore.

Micky: I don't care how we get there, I just wanna get my hands on those two damn devils!

Peter: How will we travel by land without the MonkeeMobile?

Mike: I dunno...(thoughtful)...hey, Mick?

Micky: What?

Mike: Are the motorcycles ready? ;)

Micky: Yeah, they are.

Mike: Could they handle the desert?

Peter: That's right! You were working on some kind of motorcycles you'd picked up in England, weren't you?

Micky: *starts to get the idea* Yeah, they can handle the desert.

Mike: Then we'll take them. The devils don't know about them.

(Shot of the four turning towards the cave. Cut to them entering the cave. Micky goes on ahead to the cave with the reddish crystal.)

Mike: Mick and his grand entrances.

Peter: I can't wait to see what you two did to them!

Mike: That's what I'm afraid of. I just screwed things on. Micky designed them.

Davy; Then I think we should be saying "Oh God." ;)

Mike: That's Mick and his plans. ;)

*The guys suddenly hear an engine rev, then the sound of tires peeling out. Micky comes barreling into the main room on his motorcycle. He's followed by three more bikes, without riders. Micky brings his to an abrupt stop in front of the other guys.*

Micky: *faint grin* Whadaya think?

Peter: But they look like motorcycles!

Mike: I was expectin' more from ya, Mick. ;)

Davy: I don't see anything special about these.

Peter: They don't have anything fancy or a crystal or anything!

Micky: *sighs* You guys haven't learned anything from me, have you? The idea was to not make these bikes so damn obvious that there's something special about them. Instead of a gas tank, these bikes have a hold for a crystal, which is what powers them.

Peter: (Peers in) Wow, cool!

Mike: And they can shoot lasers and slice French fries and play records, if I know you.

Micky: Well, they can shoot lasers. I have gotten to the other two ideas yet. ;)

Peter: Oh man, come on! Let's try them! I want to see what mine can do! (He gets on a motorcycle.)

Mike: You HAVE been workin' on your cyclin', right Pete? (Gets on a cycle himself)

Peter: (Nods) I've been borrowing one of Micky's ever since we got back from the Mexican tour!

Micky: He's much better, Mike. I was even able to take the rubber coating of it a little while ago. ;)

Mike: Good. (Starts his engines) Ok, MonkeeMen, let's go save our car, our families, and some innocent car owners. (He takes off, followed by Peter sighing)

*Micky and Davy exchange glances, then peel out, racing each other.*

(Cut to the desert. The four Monkees race across the landscape. Mike finally stops and shakes his head.)

Mike: (Sighs) We ain't never gonna get anywhere together.

Peter: But I don't want to go alone!

Mike: We'll just go long enough to find Alex and the tank. The first one to do so will contact the others.

Peter: Mike, maybe we'd better go in twos.

Mike: (Grumbles) Fine, Pete, come with me. (Turns to Davy and Micky) You two go together, and don't kill each other for Alex.

Micky: Gotcha.

Davy: Don't worry mate. *flings an arm around Micky's shoulders; Micky quirks an eyebrow*

Mike: Just come back in one piece, please. We need both of you for the movie. (Revs up his cycle) Come on, Pete. (Takes off in a cloud of dust)

Peter: But Michael... (follows him)

("Someday Man" begins with an overhead shot of the four Monkees going in opposite directions as a huge gray shape appears on the horizon. We cut to Mike and Peter first. Peter complains to Mike that he's scared and wishes they'd stayed together, and Mike tells him not to complain and they'll get back together soon.)

*A familiar looking tank appears behind them, trailing them.* >:)

(Peter wails and indicates the tank. Mike speeds up...to a speed far beyond any normal cycle. Peter goes even faster, going way beyond Mike and over a sand dune, wailing the whole time.)

(Mike shoots lasers at the tank.)

(Peter drives back across the desert, still wailing, and disappears again.)

(Seeing this had no effect, Mike tries shooting streams of water at the tank, hoping to rust it or at least get the gears jammed.)

*There's a quick glimpse of windshield wipers working on the tank. It shoots, but instead of bullets or the like, it shoots a black light that narrowly misses Mike.*

(Suddenly, a volley of green arrow-like lasers shoots the tank. Mike grins as Peter speeds across the desert, still going too fast but with somewhat better control of the cycle.)

(Mike makes a slow-motion jump that goes right over the tank, then tries to blow sand clouds onto it with a mini wind machine.)

(Peter gets accidentally caught in the clouds and starts to cough. He makes a fan shoot out to blow the sand away.)

*Another black light shoots from the tank, aimed at Peter.*

(The black light hits Peter, and he vanishes. Mike growls and angrily shoots off his strongest blue laser as he puts the cycle on it's highest speed.)

(He goes around and around the tank in circles, trying to make Alex dizzy.)

*The cannon of the tank follows Mike, before suddenly stopping and giving itself a shake.*

(He makes another big jump over a ravine, trying to escape the tank as it raises it's cannon to shoot.)

*The cannon shoots again, this time water. The water connects with Mike, knocking him from the bike to the desert floor. The tank inches closer and almost looks like it's grinning. The black light shoots and hits Mike, making him disappear.*

(Cut to Davy and Micky, racing across the desert and yelling at each other.)

(Davy sticks his tongue out at Micky and pulls ahead.)

*Micky makes his bike move faster and pulls ahead of Davy, his tongue sticking out as he passes.*

(As Davy pulls ahead again, both hear a chunky metallic clanging noise. They look over their heads and sprint ahead at the same time, screaming, as the tank follows behind them.)

(The tank aims for Davy. He shoots a huge cork into the tank's main gun.)

*The cannon expands, spits the cork out, and does a cartoon "puff" as though it couldn't breathe.*

(Davy makes a face. He then gets a light bulb. He holds the picture of a gorgeous pin-up girl in front of the tank. While it makes "wolf-whistles," he speeds off.)

(Davy tapes a "Shoot me" sign to the back of the tank, then speeds off again. He does the same thing to Mick.)

*Micky rips the sign off his back & flips Davy the bird while grinning. He speeds up behind the tank and shoots the tank with a blue light. Flowers sprout all over the tank.*

(Davy shoots water on the flowers. They grow a few more inches.)

(Davy speeds up again, trying to out-run both Mick and the tank...but he hits a dune and goes flying off and into the sand.)

*A visible grin appears on the tank and it takes aim. The black light gets Davy, making him disappear.*

*Micky pulls his bike to an abrupt stop, gawking at what happened to Davy. He turns to the tank and yells something at it, then flips it the bird. The tank takes aim as he peels out, racing away.*

*The tank follows as Micky zig zags his way across the sand. Unfortunately, his tires finally lose traction, and he falls off. He rolls over to find the tank right behind him. He gives it a wave and a sheepish grin. The black light makes Micky disappear.*

*We switch back to the devils' desert hideout. Sheila lounges in one of the main rooms when Alex walks in, grinning ear to ear.*

Sheila: (Looks up as Alex comes in) I assume your mission was successful, from that cat-catch-the-canary look on your face.

Alex: *flops down next to Sheila, beaming* You could place money on that! I am so proud of myself.

Sheila: (Smirks) If you get any prouder of yourself, there won't be any room for me or that monstrosity of a computer in here. ;)

Alex: *cracks his knuckles* I got all four of the Guardians, and they are in the computer. At least I thought to just cut out the middleman and put them straight into the computer. *taps the side of his head* Always thinking.

Sheila: I know. That's what scares me.

Alex: Oh, really? How so?

Sheila: I know what you think about. It would get you lynched in several American states.

Alex: *waggles his eyebrows* Good. Just wanted to check. ;) >:)

Sheila: The Mother and the Huntress are in the rooms down the hall near your computer lab when you're interested. The children are there, too. The Savage's brats are really your section.

Alex: Excellent. After this triumph, I wouldn't mind a little celebration.

Sheila: Why don't you work on the male Guardians first? I want the White Knight and Lord of the Manor prepared. I feel....the urge.

Alex: *frowns, then sighs* Alright, may as well give you something to occupy your time.

Sheila: If you do a particularly nice job, I may be willing to share his miniature Lordship. The Knight is all mine.

Alex: That sounds fair enough.

Sheila: And don't overdo it. Just enough that they're tamed, not permanently damaged.

Alex: All right, all right, fine.

Sheila: I'll go with the handmaidens to keep an eye on the girls until you're done with their husbands. (Sighs) It'll be a lovely night tonight.

Alex: Yeah, it will, won't it? ;)

Sheila: (Sighs, almost orgasmic) Yes... :X (She and Alex head out, both grinning happily)

(Cut to the desert again. Val's blue car pulls up at the ghost town. Both girls climb out.)

Emma: We've got to have the guys make us a MonkeeWoman vehicle. The MonkeeMobile isn't really ours, and it seems rather silly for us to be climbing out of a regular old Corvette, even if yours IS top-of-the-line.

Valerie: I'm too afraid to ask Micky to add anything to my car.

Emma: You're the rich girl. Buy a car Micky can destroy.

Valerie: *thoughtful* I could, couldn't I?

Emma: Yeah. Give this one to Peter or keep it for personal use.

Valerie: I'll have to keep that in mind.

Emma: (Chuckles, then coughs as sand blows more fiercely) Come on. Looks like a storm's coming.

Valerie: Great. That's all we need.

Emma: I hope the guys are ok. (She and Valerie hurry for the shelter of the "hotel" building.) Whew! Just made it! (Points outside at the blowing sand) Look at that storm!

Valerie: This is awful. What are we going to do?

Emma: We're going to contact the boys and make sure they're ok, then go inside and look for the girls. I doubt even devils would be out in this!

Valerie: *frowns* I'm not sure what bothers me more, feeling when something's wrong with the guys or merely wondering what's going on. You'd think if the devils got to them, we'd know.

Emma: (Sighs) I know. It's scary. Remember what happened with the snow globes back in January?

Valerie: *nods* Yeah. That's what worries me.

Emma: Well, there are two ways to find out if the guys' are ok, and this is the less mentally damaging one. (She opens her watch communicator) Mike? Guys? Mike, come in! (Frowns) All I hear is buzzing, like they're off-roaming or something. :p

Valerie: Here, I'll try mine. *pulls her communicator from her purse* Peter? Are you there? Peter? *looks up* I hear the same buzzing.

Emma: They must have taken another one of the guys' cars.

Valerie: And now what? *Valerie suddenly puts a hand to her head, blinking. She gives her head a shake.*

Emma: Val, what's wrong?

Valerie: I don't know. Something with Peter, but now I don't feel it anymore. Everything feels fine again.

Emma: I don't like that. Can you feel him at all?

Valerie: No, I can't, but I can't feel anything really wrong, either. It's so weird.

Emma: (Puts a hand on her heart) Shit, I'm getting the same thing on Mike. I can't feel him. He's alive, but he's not there. He's not even cold.

Valerie: Something's gone very wrong, I know it.

Emma: Let's get inside. We've got to find Lauren and Daphne...and I have the all too familiar feeling that we may find the boys as well.

Valerie: I have that same feeling.

Emma: Ok, MonkeeWomen! (Sighs and sees there's only Valerie) I mean, Val. How are we going to get in this twisted unhouse of Alex's? I don't remember anything about the last time you and I were in this place.

Valerie: I don't, either, but I know it is a good thing, except it doesn't help in a rescue effort. I suppose we could just simply try blue-lighting.

Emma: (Nods) That would probably be easiest...and would save us time in this part.

Valerie: No kidding. ;)

*We return to the devils' desert hideout. First, we see several handmaidens carrying various clothes and other...accessories. Sheila watches as the handmaidens decide how to dress Lauren.*

Sheila: (She runs her fingers across Lauren's stomach) Yes, that new little Guardian in your stomach is coming along quite nicely. You'll raise it to be a fine soul collector.

*Lauren nods mutely.*

(Suddenly, two dark-blue lights appear in the center of the room. Emma and Valerie materialize.)

Sheila: (Growls) What are you two doing here? Can't we have ONE plan go without it being interrupted?

Valerie: Guess we found where all the action is! :P

Emma: (Immediately goes after Sheila) LET HER GO!

Valerie: *also goes after Sheila* Or ELSE!

Sheila: You know I won't, both of you. I don't care about her one way or the other, other than the child she's carrying, but Alex... (smirks)

Emma: ALEX WILL NOT TOUCH HER!

Valerie: Assuming he EVER wants that part to work again.

Sheila: You won't get past me or my handmaidens. (She concentrates. More handmaidens appear in a dark blue light. One holds the twins in a cage) After all, not only do we outnumber you, but we have the upper hand. Several, actually.

Valerie: Em, look!

Emma: The kids! Let them go, you bitch!

Sheila: I would. They're brats, both of them, but Alex wants them as well, particularly the boy.

Emma: (Under her breath) So he can raise him like Sheila wants to raise Katie.

Valerie: *under her breath* We'll get them.

Emma: We'll get them, all right. (She makes her field hockey stick and a ball speckled with grass stains and dirt appear) Anyone want to play a little game? (She hits the ball with the stick. The ball hits the handmaiden holding Shelly and Micky right in the stomach, knocking the wind out of her and making her drop the cage.)

Valerie: I'll take care of the kids! *concentrates; a blue light surrounds the twins; as they look at the blue light around them, they disappear*

Emma: Now, we've just got to figure out what to do about their mother.

Sheila: You...you...

(There's a very loud and very angry noise down the hall.)

Valerie: Oh dear. I recognize that noise.

(Daphne bursts into the room, followed by several handmaidens.)

Daphne: Food! Give me food! I'm STARVING! X(

Sheila: Not AGAIN! Didn't we just feed you an hour ago? It's like feeding a very fat cat!

Daphne: *grabs two handfuls of the front of Sheila's blouse* GIVE ME FOOD, OR ELSE!!!

Emma: (Stands back) Far be it from me to get between a mother a few months from her due date and her dinner.

*Daphne shakes Sheila, still yelling for food.*

Sheila: We'll feed you when we're ready, Huntress. But for now, we can't have you damaging that innocent soul inside you. (Tries to reach for her temples)

Daphne: *throws her arms out to her sides, pushing Sheila's hands away from her head* FOOD! *shakes her again and doesn't stop*

("Words" begins with a literal knockout as Daphne knocks Sheila to the ground. Some of the handmaidens reach for her to calm her, but Emma goes after them with her field hockey stick.)

*Valerie pulls Lauren from the throng of handmaidens and tries to snap her out of the trance.*

(Emma grins and stares at Sheila. A dark blue light surrounds her. When it subsides, she's swaddled with sticky flypaper and screaming her head off.)

*Valerie waves a hand in front of Lauren's eyes, then shakes her. Lauren just glares at her.* :P

(Emma tips one handmaiden. She does a domino effect, knocking a whole row over.)

(Emma concentrates. Two more handmaidens now wear pink tutus over their cloaks. They pirouette out the door.)

*Daphne makes food appear in the blue light. She takes a seat and eats happily.*

*Valerie tries the blue light on Lauren. It ends up turning her into a blond. Valerie's eyes widen, and she hastily changes Lauren's hair back to its normal auburn. Valerie grins sheepishly while Lauren continues to glare.*

(Emma can't help giggling...and she gets an idea. She concentrates on Sheila's hair. Instead of being red, it's now a dull mousy brown. Sheila glares and curses.)

(Emma gets into a sparring match with one of the handmaidens, who carries a staff. She overcomes handmaiden after handmaiden.)

*Daphne continues eating.*

*Valerie is still trying with Lauren, who finally gets tired of Valerie and tweaks her nose.*

Emma: (As the music ends) Come on. I think I've got a handle on this. Let's get out of here. (Looks over her shoulder at Daphne) Finished yet? I don't want to interrupt your meal.

Daphne: *licks her fingers* I'm done now, thanks.

Emma: Daph, are you ok? Other than being hungry. (Helps her to her feet)

Daphne: I think I'm okay. They must've just knocked me out. I don't even know what happened. *glances over at Val and Lauren* I'm guessing Lauren's not okay.

Emma: Not one bit. Sheila put her under a trance, and we can't figure out how to get her out of it. (Thoughtful) Daph, can you feel Davy?

Daphne: *pauses a moment, then shakes her head* No, but it feels like there's nothing wrong, either. Em, what's going on?

Emma: We don't know. We told the guys Sheila grabbed you, Lauren, and the twins, and that was the last we heard of them until we realized we couldn't feel them anymore.

Daphne: Oh no! Hey, are the twins okay?

Emma: (Looks at Val) Where did you send them, anyway?

Valerie: *drags Lauren with her* The Cartwright Mansion. I figured they'd be safest there, and they'd be looked after no questions asked.

Emma: Yeah. It's not like this hasn't happened before. (Sighs) We're going to have to find the guys. That's the only way we'll break Lauren out of this.

Valerie: Yeah, before I end up doing something to her I can't change back.

Sheila: No! Come back here!

Emma: Sheila, we're just going to leave you. I'm in a merciful mood, and it's getting late.

Sheila: I'm not done with you yet!

Emma: (Raises an eyebrows) One more thing, Sheila, before I'm really done with you. Where's the guys?

Sheila: You know I won't tell.

Emma: Do you want to muddle her, Daph, or should I? Val's busy with Lauren.

Daphne: Can I do it, please?

Emma: All yours, Mother Huntress. ;)

(Daphne reaches for Sheila, but she pulls her head away.)

Sheila: All right, all right. I'll talk. That's getting rather old, anyway. (Sighs) They're in the computer lab and lounge in Alex's suite, behind the blacksmith's building.

Daphne: See, that wasn't so tough. ;)

Emma: Ok, MonkeeWomen, let's go get the guys outta this house of horrors. (She leads the others out of the room, leaving Sheila cursing and stewing.)