Everyone ready to find out what the devils are up to this time?

Mike: Heck YEAH! You try explainin' to the cops why your wives suddenly blasted through several sets in the Partridge Family's van.

Micky: I am!

Peter: Me too, as long as all the sets remain intact!

Davy: Let’s go, mates!

Valerie: I'll join later. I'm still trying to explain about the car and van chase.

*We open back in the desert hideout, with Alex once again in front of his computer. He's hunched over a bit staring at the screen, an odd smile on his face.*

(There's a young woman next to him. She has straight, thick, shoulder-length brown hair and cloudy brown eyes. She is slender but relatively voluptuous. She lays on a couch near the computer in nothing but a short, sheer black nightgown. She runs her fingers against the shag rug on the floor, occasionally giggling.)

*Now, Alex is whistling an unknown, but seemingly happy, tune.*

Girl: (Giggles) What'cha doing?

Alex: Oh, just checking some notes I made.

Girl: Come on n' play with me! Do that thing where you put your hand on my chest n' tell me 'bout me again! It feels weird!

Alex: Hold on, sweetie. Alex has some business to tend to. *grins again* Ooohhhh yeaaaahhh...

Girl: What is that?

Alex: Uhhh, it's just notes, that's all.

Girl: Ok.

(The girl sighs and giggles again, throwing herself against the pillows.)

Girl: I feel so light, like a feather, like I've never felt before...must have been that champagne...so light...

Alex: Yeah, champagne... *sighs with a slight moan*

(Sheila comes in as Alex is about to go over to the girl. She's wearing silk pajamas that look like a longer version of what the girl is wearing.)

Sheila: Hello, Alex. Am I interrupting anything important?

Alex: *pauses, half out of his chair; glares* Milady, don't take this the wrong way, but you SURE know how to KILL the mood! *sits back down heavily, rests his chin in his hand and exits out of what he was looking at on the computer*

Girl: Huh? Wha's goin' on?

Alex: Take five, sweetie.

Sheila: (A cloaked handmaiden walks in behind her. Sheila takes a rhinestone-studded collar and leash from a wall, puts it around the girl's neck, and hands the leash to the handmaiden) We have important business to attend to. Take this pet to it's room and make sure it's fed and taken care of. (The handmaiden nods and leads the giggling girl out of the room)

Sheila: Did you take its soul?

Alex: Of course, I did. *grins* While having some fun. I WAS going to have even more fun, but you have arguably excellent timing.

Sheila: You can play with your new pet later. I've been working on the ones I picked up a few days ago. (Smirks) That came out rather well. I got two lovely new slaves, and the women Guardians took the full blame for the destruction of the sets.

Alex: *smirks* That is a plus, isn't it?

Sheila: How's finding my sister coming? Have you pinpointed her yet?

Alex: *shakes his head* No, and I can't figure out why! She's GOT to still be near to the Guardians, so I should be able to find her, but I can't get anything!

Sheila: Damn it! Either they've put some kind of cloaking device around her, or they've just hid her really well.

Alex: I'd say a cloaking device. Even if she was extremely well-hidden, I'd be able to pick up something from her. I'm getting absolutely nothing.

Sheila: Those little brats! Why do they always interfere with every plan I have?

Alex: I have no idea.

Sheila: How's the other part of the plan coming, all that "army of cars" talk? I've been working on my share. We have some lovely pets to play with, and I've been conditioning some new handmaidens.

Alex: It's coming along very well.

Sheila: Did you work on the cars as well as their owners? How's the dune buggy coming?

Alex: Yes, I'm working on the cars, too. The Dune Buggy is finished. I've added some interesting accessories.

Sheila: You know, that's not the only vehicle in the Guardians' production. (Smirks) I had a wonderful idea.

Alex: Which is?

Sheila: I may be insane suggesting this, even for me, but have you ever considered driving heavy artillery?

Alex: You have to ASK?

Sheila: You recall that tank you mentioned? The one you said the Guardians chased you with? Isn't that a vehicle, too?

Alex: Ahhh, yes...

Sheila: What better for an army of super-powered car than a tank?

Alex: Ingenious.

Sheila: Here's the best part. While you distract the male Guardians, my handmaidens and I will capture the female ones.

Alex: Now you have my undivided attention.

Sheila: We'll steal that lovely car of theirs, too.

Alex: You read my mind.

Sheila: Two of the female Guardians are vulnerable. The Mother and the Huntress are pregnant, the Huntress quite so.

Alex: *evil smirk* Excellent.

Sheila: We will put them under a trance instead of attacking them. We'll bring their children, too.

Alex: Lets get started.

Sheila: Quite. (They stand and head for the door)

(Fade out on the plotting devils; fade in on the desert again. The crew, cast, and extras for the Monkees' movie stands around, looking frustrated.)

Victor Mature: (To Jack Nicholson) I've seen a lot of crazy things in my time, but this takes the cake! How could a whole TANK disappear?

Crewmember 1: Bert's off trying to find out how it happened now.

(Four familiar silhouettes are seen in the distant horizon. A crewmember points upwards.)

Crewmember 1: Hey, what's that in the sky?

Crewmember 2: Too big for buzzards.

Victor Mature: If someone says Superman, I'll deck them.

(The Monkees land, now in Monkeeman uniform again, complete with hooded masks. Brown curls can be seen peeping out from under one mask, bits of golden hair another.)

Mike: (Heavier southern accent) What seems to be the problem, ya'll?

Crewmember 1: We somehow managed to lose a surplus army tank.

Crewmember 2: What the hell ARE you guys, rejects from the old "Superman" serial?

Micky: Uh, no. We're the MonkeeMen, and we're here to investigate what happened to that tank.

Peter: (Bad southern accent) We're littl' ol' fans of those wonderful boys. We just luuuvvv their music.

Victor Mature: All we know is, the tank's operator said he was taking it out to the desert this morning, but it's been three hours and we haven't heard a word from him. No one's seen him since early this morning. He just completely vanished.

Mike: Don't worry, pardner. The MonkeeMen are now on the case!

Crewmember 2: Why is this worrying me? (His buddy elbows him)

Victor Mature: Are you sure you boys know what you're doing? (Scratches his head) You look awfully familiar...

Mike: Oh, you'd be surprised, pardner. (Looks to the sky) We'll find that little ol' tank for you, pardner. Just don't worry. Monkeemen (takes off) AWAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!

Micky: He does love making an exit! *takes off after Mike*

Peter: Fellas, wait! (Takes off clumsily)

*Davy shrugs, gives a wave, and follows.*

(Cut to all four boys in the sky...well, against an obvious blue screen on wires.)

Mike: Damn it! First the dune buggy, now the tank! What is Alex UP to?

Peter: Car collecting the hard way, I guess.

Micky: It's GOT to be more than just collecting! Why would he want so many vehicles, including a tank?

Mike: Nefarious purposes, no doubt, but what?

Peter: Maybe he wants to do something fancy with the cars, make them like the tank?

Mike: Like we were doin' with the MonkeeMobile and the motorcycles?

Peter: Yeah!

Davy: Oh no...

Mike: Yeah, but he'd need a whole bunch of people to drive an army of cars, and unless the demons and Sheila's chicks can drive, those cars ain't goin' anywhere.

Davy: I kinda doubt those demons can drive.

Micky: *it suddenly hits him* Uh, guys?

Mike: Yeah, Mick?

Peter: I hope Alex isn't building robots, like in the movies!

Davy: Or melting the metal down to make weapons.

Micky: Fellas?

Peter: Or maybe he'll turn the cars into planes and make them fly and take over outer space!

Davy: Or make them so they can tunnel underground!

Micky: *getting frustrated* Guys!

Davy: Or turn them into boats and take ovah the watah ways!

Mike: Guys, enough, ok? (Nods at Mick) I never thought I'd say this, but...go ahead, Mick.

Micky: Thanks, Mike, I think. I got a strange feeling that Alex is trying to create an army out of those cars. And the drivers...I think he wants to do something ELSE with them. :P

Mike: Yeah, I can guess. I've been there before.

Peter: An army?

Mike: It would explain a lot of things. He's probably tryin' to make an army of soulless custom car owner slaves to drive their now very customized vehicles across the land to get more souls.

Micky: Kinda like Matchbox cars at full scale.

Peter: We've got to find him and stop him!

Mike: He's probably half-way to Arizona with that tank by now.

Micky: No, he wouldn't take off in the tank like that.

Mike: He musta made it disappear or hid it somehow.

Micky: I think I might have an idea of what he's done with it. Come on, guys, follow me. *waves them on*

(The other Monkees follow Micky across the desert, to Arizona near Alex and Sheila’s hideout. Micky lands next to a series of sand dunes.)

Mike: Ok, Mick, this is lovely, but I don't see a tank.

Micky: You're not supposed to see it, Mike. *waves again* Over here. *feels around some of the "sand dunes" and finally hits metal; knocks on it, it makes a *clang* sound* One guess as to what this is...

Peter: (He and Mike grab at some of the "sand" and pull it, revealing familiar gray metal) We found it! The tank!

Mike: Alex probably hid it here until he could make a clean get-away. (Frowns) But where is he now?

Peter: Not near HERE, I hope!

Micky: I don't think he is.

Mike: Why don't we go back to California and use the monitor in the MonkeeCave to find him?

Peter: I don't know. Maybe someone should stay with the tank.

Davy: Petah, the tank won't be going anywhere.

Peter: But...

Mike: Come on, Pete. It'll be fine. (The guys take off for the cave)

*The guys land outside the entrance to the MonkeeCave. Micky leads them in and finds out he was right. It's obvious some small explosions have been set off in the cave. There's a picture on the monitor that reads "Evil is the root of all money." The guys can see the back of the crystal couch and some curly hair.*

Peter: Oh god!

Mike: (Goes in front of the couch to find Alex reclining) What the HELL did you do to this place?

Alex: *grins; his feet are propped on the crystal stump table in front of the couch* I made it a little better looking. This crystal is too light-colored. Needs some darker colors. I was working on it, but it wasn't quite working out.

Mike: We like it just fine the way it is. You have a hideout.

Peter: Alex, what are you doing here?

Alex: Well, you ain't really using this one, now are you? (Rolls his eyes) And why do you THINK I'm here?!

Mike: Well, you ain't LEAVIN' here. We're gonna make sure you don't cause any more trouble.

Peter: Alex, what have you done with all the cars and their owners?

Mike: And could you put them all back the way you originally found them?

Alex: No, I’m not leaving. The car drivers are at our hideout, just waiting for their orders or to simply be toyed with.

Mike: They aren't toys, Alex, and you know it. We ain't gonna let you do this anymore.

Alex: And how do you intend to stop me, hm?

Mike: Micky, turn on the security system!

Micky: You got it! *sucks in a deep breath* SECURITY ON!!!

*With that, the security system sets into gear as "Through The Looking Glass" begins.*

(Mike jumps away as a bucket of tar and feathers aims straight for Alex.)

*Alex jump out of the way, but does get feathers in his face. He swats at the feathers as the sprinkler system turns on, soaking everyone.*

(Peter concentrates. Flowers fall down over Alex. Peter puts a wreath of flowers around Alex's neck. Mike takes a flower and walks off eating the petals.)

*Alex fumes and turns the flowers black. He smirks, then pulls the wreath off. Micky appears with a beaker in each hand and a maniacal grin on his face.*

(The other three Monkees step back, Peter wide-eyed.)

*Micky throws one beaker, then the other. Both hit the ground in front of Alex, who shields his face from the smoke that billows up in front of him. When the smoke clears, a half-zebra, half-tiger stands where Alex stood. The animal snorts and sticks his tongue out.*

(Peter grins and throws his arms around Alex. He wants to keep him! Mike rolls his eyes and grabs Peter by his collar.)

*There's a black light, and Alex is back to his normal self, but fuming again. Micky laughs heartily, but stops suddenly. His eyes widen as he sees Alex take aim with a light ball.*

(Mike ducks down, followed quickly by Peter.)

*Davy dives behind the couch.*

*Alex throws the light ball at Micky. When it clears, Micky wears a black and red dress, complete with red boa. He nods approval, then gives Alex a dull glare.*

(Mike grins. Peter blushes.)

*Davy peeks over the couch, then laughs so hard, he falls over back behind the couch again.*

*Micky blue lights himself back to his MonkeeMan suit.*

(Mike growls. He wants to take care of this madness once and for all! He starts creating a black light...and aims it straight at Alex.)

*Alex beckons him, smirking. He wants to know just what the Knight's got.*

(Mike creates the biggest dark blue ball he can, angry. He finally lets out one last growl...and the blue light covers him as he transforms into a wolf and jumps on Alex. Peter lunges for Mike in horror.)

*Micky and Davy sit on the couch, watching, eating popcorn.*

(Mike bites Alex in the butt as hard as he can. He wrestles with Alex as the music ends, scratching and biting.)

*Alex throws Mike off of him and backs toward the exit.*

(Mike follows, and Peter goes after him.)

Alex: Enough of this. I'm going to cheat and get that tank! *evil grin* Bye, guys!

Peter: Alex, stop!

*Alex black lights out of the cave.*

(Mike growls and leaps at him just as he vanishes. He ends up on the floor of the cave.)

Peter: (Looks at Micky and Davy as they catch up) We've got to follow him, guys! I'll bet he's taking the tank to his hide-out!

(Mike nods.)

Micky: Don't have to tell me twice!

Davy: Let’s go!

*The guys fly out of the cave, headed for where they found the tank as we fade out.*