Everyone ready to find out more about the Hotel Caprice? ;)

Micky: *shrugs* Sure, why not. ;)

Peter: Yes! Those vibes are really worrying me. :o

Davy: I'm curious...

Mike: Me too.

(We open in the lobby of the Hotel Caprice. It's musty and damp and filled with warped furniture and dust and cobwebs. It's painted in various shades of blue, from baby to cobalt. In fact, it looks somewhat like a damper version of the lobby of the Hotel California painted blue instead of the orangey southwestern shades. The four Monkees trudge in, following a young man in a neat suit with dark, slicked back hair. He smiles.)

Young Man: Are you really considering buying the Hotel Caprice? It's a legend in this town! :D

Mike: Yeah, well, we couldn't let some ass destroy it.

Micky: And why wouldn't we wanna buy a legend...? ;)

Young Man: You know the other firm gave us a very generous offer.

Mike: I'll bet we can top that.

Peter: Who is the other firm?

Young Man: I'm surprised you haven't heard of them. They're very prominent in building restoration. They did amazing things with a hotel in Mexico and with many mansions in the southern California area. Past, Present, and Future Inc.

Peter: (Murmurs) Oh no.

*Micky groans, slapping his forehead.*

(Mike growls.)

Davy: Bloody 'tastic.

Micky: In which case, we can definitely top their offer.

Davy: *elbows Micky* Wot're they offahring?

Mike: What's PPF offerin', Darren?

Darren: Here. (Hands Micky the papers)

Micky: *eyes widen* Holy...

Davy: *leans over to look* Wow...

Mike: That much? (Grabs the paper; eyes widen)

Peter: (Leans over his shoulder; jaw drops) THAT much.

Mike: (Looks at Darren) That's quite an offer they're making.

Darren: Are you sure you want this old barn?

Mike: You yourself said it's a great barn. Yeah, we want it. The nightclub alone would make money.

Darren: (Grins) Good. I'm not exactly sure I trusted the people PPF sent here, anyway. I don't like the way they were talking about all the changes they wanted to make. This is a classy place.

Micky: Can we look around some more?

Darren: Sure! Look around all you want! The first floor, as you can see, is a mess, but the others are mostly ok.

Micky: Lets go check out the rest of it, guys!

*Micky starts towards the hallway.*

Davy: 'E shouldn't go unsupahvised. Wait up, Mick!

*Davy starts after Micky.*

Mike: Guys, wait up! (He chases after Micky and Davy, followed by Peter)

Darren: Hey, boys... (He starts to the stairs, but stops when he hears something) What's that sound? It sounds like...music. Like someone singing. (Shivers) I hope there aren't ghosts here. I've never heard stories, but this place IS almost sixty years old.

*Sheila appears. She's the one singing. She wears a tight, red mini-dress and makes her way over to Darren.*

Darren: Aren't you one of the PPF people?

Sheila: *stops in front of him* Does it matter?

Darren: Well...um...are you...uh...still interested in the hotel?

Sheila: Actually, I'm more interested in you.

Darren: (Gulps; he's visibly sweating) Me?

(They don't notice the mist curling under doors and through vents.)

Sheila: And why not?

Darren: Well...I...um.... (He drops his clipboard, gulping and pulling at his tie)

Sheila: *grabs his tie and plays with it* You can't tell me you aren't interested in me.

Darren: I...uh... (His knees quiver)

Sheila: *pulls Darren along by his tie* Lets find somewhere a little more private, so we can chat.

Darren: Uh, ok!

*Sheila pulls him into the nearest room and closes the door. The room appears to have quite a bit of mist in it.*

Sheila: Much better. *pulls Darren to the bed; starts kissing him*

(They kiss passionately as the mist begins to surround them. Darren and Sheila start to remove each other's clothes. Darren's got as far as Sheila's slip when the mist begins to come out from the corners it mostly lingered in and settle around the pair.)

Darren: (Frowns and tries to reach for Sheila in the mist) Where did this come from?

Sheila: Hm? What? *smirks* I suppose the ventilation is in need of repair.

*The mist envelopes Darren. We hear human screaming and a strange sound like chewing, then what could be called a burp.*

(When Sheila manages to push through the mist, all that's left of Darren are scraps of his clothing and a puddle of watery goo.)

Alex: *appears in a black light; looks at the scraps of clothing* Am I interrupting anything?

Sheila: (Pushes her way through the mist) Alex, let's get out of here! This (pries some mist off of her) stuff just ate my victim!

Alex: *grins* Well, I'll be damned. That's even better than I'd hoped for.

Sheila: You like the idea of our victims being eaten by (pushes the mist away again) whatever in the HELL this is?

Alex: Of course I like it! *shrugs* It's different, at least.

Sheila: But Alex, that was my VICTIM! The damn MIST ate my VICTIM! I wanted my victim!

Alex: Oops.

*We fade out on Sheila still fuming and fade in on the guys walking down a hallway, checking out the rooms and whatnot.*

Micky: *straightens an old painting on the wall in the hall* This place is so groovy looking!

Mike: Is it me, or do you guys feel like we've done this before, too?

Davy: It does seem familiah...

Peter: (Frowns) I still think this is a bad idea. The building is so angry...it has such horrible vibes...

Micky: *shrugs* I get that feeling a lot.

Mike: Jeez Pete, could you knock it off with the vibes? Buildin's can't FEEL!

Peter: They get the vibes from the humans who have been in them and created them. (Peter puts a hand on a wall) Guys, she's angry...sad...and hungry.

Mike: Hungry? Pete, what the hell have you and your buddies been takin' in Laurel Canyon? Buildin's don't get hungry!

Micky: *raises an eyebrow* Hungry? *his stomach growls* No, Pete, I think that's me.

Davy: It's always you, Mick.

Peter: (Shakes his head) No, Mick, she's really hungry! She thinks everyone's abandoned her!

Peter: She's been abandoned for years except for her nightclub and ballroom...and I don't think she's happy about it.

Mike: Pete, you have seriously got to lay off that shit at Laurel Canyon. This is just a HOTEL! It can't feel!

Micky: *rolls his eyes* SHE hasn't been abandoned! We're here! Now, let’s go check out that ballroom!

Davy: Mick, I think you been calm down before you 'urt yourself, mate.

Micky: *sticks his tongue out* Hey, checking out old buildings is an architect's dream, okay?

Davy: *nudges Micky* Wot kind of dream would it be?

Micky: *nudges Davy back* If I answer that, our rating goes up.

Mike: Ok, you two, let's see how bad of shape this baby's in. (Grabs Peter's arm) You too, Pete. We've really gotta talk about what you and your buddies do at these parties.

Peter: But Mike... (He drags him away...not noticing the mist that comes out of the radiators)

*As the guys start down the hall again, "No Time" begins.*

*Micky peeks into every room. He’s eventually pulled along by Davy.*

(Peter and Mike enter another room. Peter jumps back when he sees what looks like mist in a corner. He drags Mike over to it, but Mike pulls it out for Peter to see. It's spider webs.)

(Peter shakes his head, wondering if he's seeing things. He and Mike head into the bathroom. Mike peers into the old-fashioned bathtub, inspecting the fixtures, while Peter inspects the sink. He lets out a scream and runs out when mist begins to seep in from inside the sink! Mike ignores him, shrugs, and follows him out. He doesn't notice the mist slowly making it's way out of the sink and bathtub, curling across the room...)

(Mike peers into another room while Peter checks out a closet. He shrugs his shoulders, trying to gather courage, and opens the door...to find the closet is nothing but mist! He slams the door and runs in the other direction! Mike follows him with a sigh.)

*Micky stands in the ballroom, gawking at the chandelier. Davy glances around, then stops, looking at something. It looks like mist. He starts towards it, but Micky grabs his arm and drags him over to check out the ornately-decorated bar counter.*

(Peter and Mike jam on air guitars on the dark but ornate and still-beautiful nightclub stage.)

*Micky goes back out into the hall. He stops at the stairwell and grins as he checks out the dowels in the banister. Davy steps ot into the hall, looking for Micky. He spots him at the stairs.*

*As "No Time" ends, we see Micky stick looking at the stairs. Davy joins him at the bottom of the stairwell.*

Davy: Not back looking stairs.

Micky: *nods* Yeah! A little uneven, but it gives it some character.

Davy: Kinda like you, right, Mick.

Micky: Hey...

*Micky is interrupted by a strange noise. Both guys pause, listening to the noise, which seems to be coming from the stairs. Suddenly, the floor drops out from below them and closes again. Another "burp" is heard.*

(Mike's in another room, inspecting the windows.)

Mike: I'm no expert, but these sills are gonna need some framework, I think...

Peter: (Runs in screaming) Mike, it's coming! It's gonna get us!

Mike: (Sighs) Pete, for the last time, this ain't the Hotel California! It's NOT gonna get us!

Peter: No, Michael, you're wrong. That's why the vibes on this hotel were so familiar! That's why we've seen everything before!

Mike: Pete, what are you talkin' about?

Peter: Michael, this... (Gasps as something creeps from under the door of the bathroom) Oh no!

Mike: Pete... (frowns when he sees the mist) Wait a second. I've seen that before...

(The two men back towards the closet...which suddenly flings open. Huge hands reach out and drag both into the closet as the mist begins to gather in the room. It even seems to slam the door!)

(Fade out on the closet; fade in on the Montgomery House. Lauren and the kids play with action figures and Lincoln Logs on the floor of the yellow parlor room. Emma dozes on the couch. Val hurries in, still dressed in one of her fancy suits and carrying a briefcase.)

Valerie: Guys, have the boys come home yet? I finally got through to Dad's real estate buddies, and I have some news about the Hotel Caprice that will definitely interest them...and us.

Lauren: *shakes her head* No, they haven't. What's the news?

Emma: (Slowly opens her eyes) Huh?

Valerie: Did you have a feeling of deja vu at the Hotel California? Like you saw it before but just couldn't place it?

Lauren: *shrugs* To tell you the truth, Val, I'm lucky if I remember what I had for lunch yesterday.

Emma: I don't remember much of anything about that stupid hotel, and I would prefer to keep it that way.

Valerie: (Sighs) Something's bothered me about that hotel for the past three months. Peter, too.

Emma: Like the fact that it contained man-eating mist?

Lauren: Or besides that? ;)

Valerie: The mist thing was part of it, but I was wondering where I saw architecture like that before. (Opens her briefcase) About a month ago, I started doing research. I checked out libraries and city records in LA, Las Vegas, and Malibu Beach. I made calls to some of Dad's older friends in the real estate and hospitality businesses. Unfortunately, the flood disrupted my efforts, but I finally got the last piece of information I needed today. (She hands papers to Lauren and Emma)

Emma: (Awkwardly sits up) The Hotel Caprice and the Hotel California were built by the same person?

Lauren: Uh oh.

Valerie: (Nods) Percival Swanford, a millionaire, a well-known eccentric, and some say (dramatic) a warlock.

Lauren: *frowns* All we're missing is the lightning and thunder.

Emma: (Eyes widen) I've heard of him! Isn't he the loony millionaire who spent twenty years hidden in his fortress-like mansion after he lost money to swindlers in the Depression? They say he spent years working on ways to get back at the swindlers and their families.

Valerie: (Nods) Swanford died a broken man and a certified nutcase in 1950. His mansion was demolished to make room for a highway, but the two hotels he'd hoped to build into a luxury chain still stand. The PPF-owned California (sighs) and the Caprice.

Lauren: *shakes her head* This isn't good.

Valerie: He was thought to be a lunatic even before his self-imposed exile. He was a real ladies' man, went after every starlet and extra he could get his hands on. He studied the occult and was said to have practiced devil-worship and pagan rituals, though not out in the open, for obvious reasons.

Lauren: Okay, this is getting worse by the moment.

Emma: If he also made wax statues and had a thing about opera singers, I'm out of this story right now.

Lauren: *makes a face* Ditto that.

Valerie: (Shakes her head) No, architecture was Swanford's real day job. He mostly built mansions for movie stars, like his own home. A few of his creations still exist, hidden in remote parts of Beverly Hills and the Hollywood Hills, but most of them have been torn down in the past ten years or so.

Emma: So the hotels were the only major buildings he did?

Valerie: (Nods) The Caprice and the California were designed to be the flagship hotels in a chain that would stretch from coast to coast and into Canada and rival the Hiltons and the Waldorf-Astoria. (Makes a face) Or they would have been, if Swanford wasn't found to be playing around with several studio executive's wives and teaching them the kind of black magic you don't learn at kids' birthday parties.

Emma: So he got the boot.

Valerie: His business partners ran out and took the money with them. The California and the Caprice remained under Swanford's ownership, but probably the only sane thing he ever did was to let people who had been in the hotel business for years run them. He remained the silent boss until the end of his life and supposedly never stepped foot in either hotel again after about 1930.

Emma: I'm guessing Swanford never got his chain.

Valerie: (Shakes his hand) He had many grand plans that never came to fruition, and this was ultimately one of them. According to most reports, the Caprice and the California ceased to be considered a chain less than a year after they were built, and the California in particular was frequently in financial trouble due to it's out-of-the-way location, despite the magnificence of it's gardens. They were sold off to different companies less than a year after Swanford's death.

Emma: I thought that seemed like an odd place to build a hotel.

Valerie: Horticulture was another one of Swanford's interests. He was upset he couldn't have a garden in downtown Malibu Beach, so he deliberately put the California in a quiet spot on the highway so he could make one to rival the great gardens of Versailles in France.

Emma: Let me guess. He built the Caprice first.

Valerie: (Nods) The Caprice is the older of the two by over a year.

Emma: We know what happened to them after Swanford's death. The California must have been considered too financially unstable and been abandoned until Sheila and Alex bought it for their haven for wayward Monkees fans.

Valerie: (Nods) The Caprice continued as Malibu Beach's only hotel until the early 60s, when a few more hotels opened on the highway and began to steal the grand old lady's thunder. By the time the hotel portions closed last year, the only way the Caprice was making money was through the wildly popular ballroom and nightclub, the swankiest places in town to see and be seen.

Emma: And Mother Nature took out the rest.

Valerie: (Nods) There was apparently a nightclub and ballroom in the California, too, but the nightclub was never as well-known as the one here, probably due to the proximity of fancier, newer clubs in Vegas. It was converted into the restaurant section we encountered the demons in when we were there.

Lauren: *sighs* I really don't like the idea of the guys being there.

Emma: (Settles back down in her couch) How do we keep attracting these nutjobs? Even the ones who are DEAD!

Lauren: I've said it before. We're weirdness magnets.

Valerie: (Leans back in her chair, thinking) You know, there was something about the Caprice that really upset Peter and Jordan.

Jordan: (Tugs on his mother's skirt) Mommy, sad!

Valerie: Honey, what's wrong? (Puts aside her briefcase and takes him in her lap)

Jordan: Hotel sad! Not nice!

Valerie: The hotel's sad?

Jordan: (Nods) Mad! Hotel mad! Sad!

Valerie: It's mad and sad?

Jordan: Scary. (He leans into his mother)

Lauren: And the guys are there. *rolls her eyes* Great.

Valerie: We have to warn them. (Looks at Lauren) Lauren, we're holding that party for the kids tonight. Why don't you and Emma stay here and get ready for that while Daph and I go after the guys?

Lauren: *nods* Fine with me.

Emma: I want to help (sighs) but not while the devils are after my kid again.

Valerie: (Puts Jordan down) Honey, you stay with Auntie Lauren. She and Auntie Emma will take good care of you. Mommy has to go find Daddy and the Uncles.

Jordan: (Frowns) No go, Mommy! Hotel mad!

Valerie: Jordan, we'll be ok. I promise. (She pulls out her communicator and flips it open) Daph, it's Val, and boy do I have some interesting things to tell you...