* * *

"Raphael."

I looked around for the owner of the voice. It was incredibly familiar, yet for some stupid reason I couldn't place it. I was about to give up on finding its owner when I felt a hand rest on my shoulder. .. a furry hand. I turned and found myself looking into the friendliest eyes I'd ever known. It was Splinter.

He watched me, his gaze unwaivering, as I stared at him, practically in shock. This certainly wasn't the Astral Plane. He couldn't be there. But maybe I...

"My son," he said, calmly, evenly, and promptly out of my reverie and onto him.

I tried to say something, some sort of greeting in return--anything, really--but I couldn't find my voice. Instead, I dropped down heavily to my knees.

Sensei followed suit, but situated himself to the lotus position, directly in front of me and within reach. "Raphael."

I looked into his eyes once again, willing him to say whatever it was he wanted to say. I just wanted whatever this was to be over.

His first statement was a huge understatement: "You are feeling guilt over my death."

I felt like I'd just had the wind knocked out of me. My breath caught and I could feel the wetness in my eyes, threatening to spill over. I wanted to turn awa so badly... but I couldn't break the gaze.

"You took my death the hardest. I knew you would. I understood your actions before I passed, despite that some were alcohol related," he continued, remaining as calm as ever.

God, I felt like I was being turned inside out. I started wondering if the pain I felt was noticeable on my face. It probably was, considering the way he kept pausing.

"I thank you, Raphael, for the words you spoke earlier tonight. I heard them and appreciate them, and even though it was quite unnecessary, I accept your apology. However, now, you must accept mine."

I don't know how, but I finally found my voice. "Your apology?" It came out incredibly choked and quiet, it didn't even sound like my voice.

"My apology for causing you so much pain."

"But it wasn't your fault!" I blurted, almost becomming hysterical. This wasn't right. It couldn't be.

"maybe not, my son, but I still wish to apolgize. Do you accept?"

I nodded. "Yes... I accept." It came out no louder than a choked whisper.

* * *

"Raph! Raph, wake up!"

I muttered something incoherently, shifting a bit.

"Get some water!"

Then I felt myself lash out.

"Here."

Something didn't want to let me go.

*splash*

My eyes popped open and I saw my brothers gathered around, looking pretty worried. I noticed Donnie holding a glass and looking the most worried.

"Dammit, Raph, you scared me half to death!" Don said, then put the glass on the table and ran both hands over his face.

I couldn't stand the looks on their faces, especially Donnie's. I leaned forward and covered my face with my hands.

"Another dream?" Leo asked, sounding more like he already knew, but still kept it as a question.

I shook my head. This time, I was pretty sure it wasn't a dream. "Wasn't a dream." I paused, trying to get my voice back. Finally, I looked up again. "I saw Splinter."

Don and Mike gave me surprised looks, while Leo gave me a small smile. I wasn't sure if that was good or not.

"What happened?" Leo asked.

Ever been completely and totally emotionally drained? That's what I was. So much so, that I couldn't even sleep. The guys had helped me to my room and Addy promptly freaked out. After recounting the vision to her and guys, I was shaking. I couldn't even sit up any longer, so I laid down and ended up staring at the ceiling, realizing there was something about the pattern to it...

"Raphael?"

I turned my head enough to see Addy come back in, holding a glass of water. I tried for some type of greeting, but all that came out was a "Hrm."

"I think I would have to classify this somewhere near a nervous breakdown," she said, but I wasn't sure why she had to tell me. "I talked with your brothers a bit more. I hope you don't mind."

"Don't mind," I saind, managing a whisper. I tried to sit up--what for I'm not sure--but found I was too drained to even really move at all.

"Don't get up," Addy said, placing a hand lightly at the top of my plastron.

I was overcome with a sense of deja vu. My vision blurred a little. I closed my eyes against the wetness threatening to spill over. I didn't fight against being held down this time. I couldn't, so I let her leave her hand there. I'd never felt so vulnerable in my life. God, what had happened to me?

Chapter Thirty Three: Michelangelo