Murphy's Law:
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Everything takes longer than you expect.
And if anything can go wrong,
It will, at the worst possible moment.

"Murphy was an optimist"

"Every time I try to use my brain I get in trouble"
~ Huntz Hall ~

"Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly"

"Approach love & cooking with reckless abandon"

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most"

Peter's Laws
(The Creed of the Sociopathic Obsessive Compulsive)

1. If anything can go wrong, fix it! (To hell with Murphy!)
2. When given a choice, take both.
3. Multiple projects lead to multiple successes.
4. Start at the top & work your way up.
5. Do it by the book... but be the author.
6. When forced to compromise, ask for more.
7. If you can't beat them, join them, & then beat them.
8. If it's worth doing, it's got to be done now!
9. If you can't win, change the rules.
10. If you can't change the rules, then ignore them.
11. Perfection is not optional.
12. When faced without a challenge, make one.
13. "No" simply means begin again at one level higher.
14. Don't walk when you can run.
15. Bureaucracy is a challenge to be conquered with a righteous attitude, a tolerance for stupidity, & a bulldozer when necessary.
16. When in doubt, THINK!
17. Patience is a virtue, but persistence to the point of success is a blessing.
18. The squeaky wheel gets replaced.
19. The faster you move, the slower time passes, the longer you live!

One Of Those Days
by "Weird Al" Yankovic

Got to work late 'cause my alarm was busted
The boss chewed me out & everybody's disgusted
'Cause it's one of those days, it's just one of those days

I lost one of my socks in the drier
I can't find my wallet & my hair is on fire
Just one of those days, it's just one of those days

I just wrapped my Cadillac around a tree
A big swarm of locusts is following me
There's not even anything good on TV
It's just one of those day, it's just one of those days

Left all my Beatles records out in the sun
Got a Coke bottle stuck on the end of my tongue
It's just one of those days, gonna be one of those days

The nazis tied me up & covered me with ants
And I spilled toxic waste on my brand new pants
Just one of those days, ever have one of those days

The bank called me up & told me I'm overdrawn
Some freaks are burnin' crosses out on my front lawn
And I can't believe it, all the Cheetos are gone
It's just, just one of those, one of those days
Just one of those, one of those days

The F.B.I. has got a tap on my phone
Those darn Russian spies won't leave me alone
Shouldn't have got up this morning, should've known
It's just one of those days, it's just one of those days

A 747 crashed into my den
And there's nothin' but tater-tots for dinner again
It's just one of those days
Never mind, it's just one of those days

Big steamroller just ran over my mom
And I cut myself shaving & they're dropping the bomb
It's just one of those days
That's all, it's just one of those days

Then late at night, just before I go to bed
The world blows up & now everybody's dead
You just can't deny it, it's just like I said
Just, just one of those, one of those days
Just one of those, one of those days

It's just one of those days (just one of those, one of those days)
It's just one of those days (just one of those, one of those days)
It's just one of those days (just one of those, one of those days)
It's just one of those days (just one of those, one of those days)
It's just one of those days (just one of those, one of those days)
It's just one of those days (just one of those, one of those days)
It's just one of those days (just one of those, one of those days)
It's just one of those days

Kimo's Rules

Never judge a day by the weather.
The best things in life aren't things.
Tell the truth - there's less to remember.
Speak softly & wear a loud shirt.
Goals are deceptive - the unaimed arrow never misses.
He who dies with the most toys still dies.
Age is relative - when you're over the hill, you pick up speed.
There are two ways to be rich - make more money or desire less.
Beauty is internal - looks mean nothing.
No rain - no rainbows.