Lenny~ Hi, neighbor! {Hi, Neighbor}

Have you ever been pushed out of a window and fallen 3 stories? Me neither. {Mine ~ You Pushed Me Too Far}

StarCrossed. What a riot! {Mine ~ Suds To Stardom}

Lenny~ What do you wanna be? A schlemiel or a schlamazel! {Circle Of Success Spot}

Lenny~ If you cut us, do we not bleed? If you slap us, do we not swell up? If you spit on us, do we not get wet?
Squiggy~ Well, the answer to all these is "Yes". {Dinner For Four}

Squiggy~ Hello, suckeroos... and suckerettes! {Grand Opening}

Squiggy~ Why don't we take this [phone book] and reach out and touch you.
Lenny~ Ooh.
Squiggy~ That's not dirty, it's French.
Lenny~ It's gettin' dirtier... {Circle Of Success Spot}

Squiggy~ Do you have the guts to be like us? Well, do you!? Do you!? Come on you lily-bellied coward, let's get off your butt 'cause I can't hear you!!! {Circle Of Success Spot}

Shirley~ The Great Hairy Thing Of Ramsdale Manor {Haunted House}

Squiggy~ Can we borrow a cup of pork? {The Beatnik Show}

Squiggy~ Bosco beandip, Bosco meatballs... It's more than just a milk-amplifier, it's one of nature's most perfect of foods... {Supermarket Sweep}

Lenny/Carmine~ Help! There's a hog in my kitchen! {Look Before You Leap / But Seriously Folks...}

Lenny~ I wasn't whining! {Helmut Weekend / Please Don't Feed The Buzzards}

Squiggy~ Maybe so, maybe so. {The Diner}

Lenny~ How do you get puddin' off the ceiling? {The Horse Show}

If you use the {Lenny~} "double-foldo, backward-flippo" when eating a slice of pizza, {Lenny~} "you get the sauce up your nose and everything"! {The Slow Child}

Squiggy (aka The Duke)~ Squiggy... sounds like some God-awful jungle virus! {The Duke Of Squiggmann}

Laverne~ You came to shoot me with flowers?
Lenny~ The rabbit gets cranky when we cram him in the gun. {A Visit To The Cemetery}

Squiggy~ If ever we could use a brain, now's the time! {Playing The Roxy}

Shirley~ When God was handing out brains, He musta mistook you two for a coupla cactus! {Spy In My Beer}

Shirley~ You've arranged for two morons to call me stupid?! {Supermarket Sweep}

Squiggy~ Why do we have to follow a dancing bear?
Shirley~ Because the bear refused to follow you.
Lenny~ The bear told you that? Why is a talking bear wasting his time dancing? {Fourth Annual Shotz Talent Show}

Laverne~ I am not sick and there is nothing in this place that will make me sick!
Squiggy~ Hello! {Bowling For Razzberries}

Squiggy~ I gotta brain to pick with you! {Date With Eraserhead}

Lenny & Squiggy~ IT'S DOFI!!! {Love Out The Window}

Squiggy~ The jig is down!
Lenny~ No, it's jig up, chips down. {Laverne's Broken Leg}

Please don't feed the buzzards. {Episode Title}

Two of our weirdos are missing! {Episode Title}

Why was the tar pit only one-foot deep? {Mine ~ Love Is The Tar Pits}

Lenny~ Of course we know the difference between right and wrong.
Squiggy~ Yeah, it's left and wrong that has me in a tizzy! {Death Row}

Lenny~ Ah, sleep. Nature's way of saying, lie down. {The Road To Burbank}

Squiggy~ Hello. Want to change your life around?
Lenny~ And around? The "Circle Of Success" will do just that. Also, if you join the "Circle Of Success", you'll get this fantastic pork juicer! {Circle Of Success Spot}

Love is the tar pits. {Episode Title}

If you ever become "Lightning Man", don't agree to let some 'student' that's gonna drop out sit on your lap so that you can talk him out of it before you even see him, he might be a Med-Student! {Mine ~ Lightning Man}

Squiggy~ What an "L" of a shot! {Crime Isn't Pretty}

Bullwinkle pajamas? {Mine ~ The Road To Burbank & The Note}

Lenny~ Squig, she's got me by the Bullwinkles! {The Road To Burbank}

Squiggy~ We'll just have to take our brain and put it in our own hands.
Laverne~ Could you do that outside? {Robot Lawsuit}

Squiggy~ Dirt is the only way I know how to treat! {You Pushed Me Too Far}

Exactly what is a semi-lady? {Mine ~ Bad Girls}

Carmine~ Tell something you like the most about the person you like the least. {To Tell The Truth}

Lenny~ The day we want you to dance for us there'll be a flamingo on my face! {Third Annual Shotz Talent Show}

Dr. Jeckle & Mr. Heckle. {Born Too Late}

Lenny~ Help me get out of these sissy pants.
Squiggy~ I ain't gonna help you take off your pants! {Two Of Our Weirdos Are Missing}

Squiggy~ I was a worried stiff! {Lenny's Crush}
~LENNYPIG:O

Lenny~ Eighteen straight hours of monsters in tohoscope. {Hi, Neighbor Book 2}
~Lavenny

Lenny~ I can see this, the truck doesn't hafta hit me.
Squiggy~ Mm-hmm. If it does, I'll be driving it. {Hi, Neighbor Book 2}
~Lavenny

Monique~ If you could be a vegetable, what would you be?
Lenny~ I would be a saurkraut, it was my only toy as a child. {The Dating Game}
~LENNYPIG:O

Lenny~ How're we gonna break it to the poor kid, Squig?
Squiggy~ Let me do it, Lenny, I have a light touch... (to Carmine) Carmine, you stink. {Third Annual Shotz Talent Show}
~Ben

Lenny~ And remember, it's your Hell, please keep it clean! {Upstairs, Downstairs}
~Lavenny & Shortcake

Lenny~ Splato! {Festival}
~Lavenny

Lenny~ Hey, Carmine.
Carmine~ Yeah, Len?
Lenny~ I did such a good job. Don't ya think I deserve some kind of reward?
Carmine~ Sure. Whaddya want?
Lenny~ Can I make out with Shirley?
Carmine~ No.
Lenny~ How 'bout some Crackerjack? {Festival}
~Lavenny

Squiggy~ Let me see, it's brown today, so that means it was yellow once. {The Driving Test}

Laverne~ I'll trade ya a brain for a chop?
Lenny~ Now what am I gonna do with a brain? {Hi, Neighbor Book 2}

Squiggy~ The more we stayed in someone's car, the faster they drove. {Festival}

Squiggy~ Who can say 'No' to these pusses? {Festival}

Squiggy~ I make everything more disgusting than it is. {Festival}

Shirley~ The day you and Laverne are a hot item is the day pigs fly.
Lenny~ Better clear the runways Shirl cuz there's a pork roast comin' in at 12 o'clock high. {Lenny's Crush}
~Lavenny

Laverne~ Shouldn't it be the beans for gas? ::Laverne is giggling uncontrollably::
Shirley~ (awkward long pause) Don't do that. {Drive, She Said}
~Lavenny

Shirley~ It would be just like you to point out the smut button. {Bardwell Caper Part 2}
~Lavenny

Lenny~ The french toast flies upside-down. {Bardwell Caper Part 1}
~Lavenny

Lenny~ Kosnowski's a pretty good name. My grandfather told me it means "Help! There's a hog in my kitchen!". {Look Before You Leap}

Squiggy~ Clear the runway! The dog has kibbles and no place to go! {Please Don't Feed The Buzzards}

Squiggy~ The first war was so good, we decided ta hold another one. This time we came up with a new name: World War || {Fourth Annual Shotz Talent Show}
~Lavenny

Shirley~ Remember tick-a-lock!
Lenny~ What's she talkin' about?
Squiggy~ That's for you to know & me to find out! {Playing Hooky}

Frank~ Squiggy, you're the son I never wanted.
Squiggy~ That's what my father useta say. {Please Don't Feed The Buzzards}

Squiggy~ Two's company... three's a felony {How's Your Sister?}

Squiggy~ If I wanna be laughed at, I can do that in the privacy of my own home! {Suds To Stardom}

"If you fall down, you buy it" {The Diner}

"If you chew it, it's yours" {The Diner}

If you have any quotes you'd like to see here, email me or leave it on the message board. Thanx!