ONE
730 Knapp Street, early morning

Everyone is on the stoop. Laverne, Shirley, Carmine. Kristin, and Squiggy all have luggage.

Laverne- I can't believe my pop and I are goin' to Italy for Christmas!... I don't care if they got me presents, I just want a guy to bring home!

Shirley- Oh, Laverne, keep the smut to a minimum, huh? (to Carmine) We'll be having Christmas with the palm trees and my mom out in California. It'll be so much fun!...

Carmine- Bringing me home to meet your mother...

Squiggy- Wait, I already know your mom, Krissy... Who'm I gonna meet?

Kristin- My dad's fist, if ya don't be careful. (to Lauren and Lenny, who're sitting on the steps, looking very unenthused) What about you two? Why don't ya come with us?

Lauren- I just went home for Thanksgiving. I don't think my dad wants to pay for another round trip train ticket.

Lenny- I just don't have anywhere to go.

Kristin (to Lauren)- That's the other reason why you're stayin'. (she smiles)

Three cabs pull up. The group splits up and piles into their cab. All three pull away.

Lauren- Is it just me or did it suddenly get colder out here?

Lenny- It's you.

Lauren- That's an optimistic answer.

They get up and go in the building.

Lenny- Some Christmas this is gonna be.

Lauren- Yeah... What's next? A snow storm!?

TWO
4th floor, hallway, two hours later

Lauren and Lenny are looking out the hall window at the heavy snow falling.

Lenny- Ya had to mention 'snow storm'!

Lauren- Okay, I'm sorry! I'm startin' to wish I had opted to go home for Christmas insteada Thanksgiving. (sees the hurt look on Lenny's face) I said that wrong. What I meant was... uh... next thing ya know, the power will go out!..

Lenny (quickly puts his hand over Lauren's mouth)- Shh! Don't say that! I think the weather's listenin' to ya!

Lauren (takes Lenny's hand off her mouth)- That's ridiculous! It was just a coincidence about the snow storm. (turns away from the window) I've seen enough storms back East to last me a lifetime. (Lenny starts back to his apartment) Where're you goin'?

Lenny- I'm gonna sleep through Christmas. Maybe everythin' will turn out better then. (he goes into the apartment)

Lauren- And a 'Bah humbug!' to you, too, Scrooge. (shakes her head) What is up his nose? (she goes into her apartment)

THREE
Lauren & Kristin's apartment

Lauren comes in, plops on the couch, and starts playing with the TV.

Lauren (fiddling with the antenna)- Awe, c'mon, there's enough snow outside! I don't need it on the TV, too! (she continues playing with it)

The power goes out.

Lauren (stops playing with the antenna and looks up)- Uh oh. (pause) Why is the weather listening to me? This is gettin' annoying! (pause) And why isn't Lenny yelling at me about it? (she gets up, goes out, and across the hall; knocking) Len? (tries the door knob and the door opens) Oh, my gosh... (she looks around the room)

The whole apartment is covered in Christmas lights.

Lauren (closing the door)- Lenny? Where ya hidin'?

Lenny comes out of the bathroom, putting a bandaid on his finger.

Lenny- I musta blew a fuse.

Lauren- And I thought I went crazy with the lights?... What'd you do?

Lenny- I plugged in the last string and it zapped me, then everything went out.

Lauren- Atleast this solves my TV problem. Now, I can just watch the real snow falling outside insteada the snow in the TV reception.

Lenny- We could try the fuse box downstairs.

Lauren- We could... You're suggesting that we check it, aren't ya?

Lenny- Yup.

They leave with flashlights in hand.

FOUR
basement

Lauren (looking at the labels for the switches)- I can't read any of these. They're all faded!

Lenny- It prob'ly also don't help that they were written in pencil.

Lauren- Pencil!?... I don't wanna know. Uh, shine your flashlight on here, too. Maybe more light will help. There should be one main switch... atleast I don't think we hafta switch all of 'em.

Lenny- You try the switches. I don't wanna get zapped.

Lauren squints and flips one of the switches. The lights come on.

Lauren- There. That should take care of it.

Lenny- Good. Let's get outta here.

Lauren- What're you in such a hurry about?

Lenny- Well, it's funny about the door to this room. It don't open from in here & if it closes we're (he looks at the door; it's closed) locked in.

Lauren- Locked in? Meaning we're stuck in here?

Lenny- Until someone comes down here... which could be a while since the girls are gone.

Lauren (going over to the door)- It can't be locked. (she tries the knob) Yup, (she turns around and leans against it) we're stuck in here.

FIVE
outside

A cab pulls up in front of the building. Kristin and Squiggy get out, bags and all.

Kristin- I can't believe the plane was snowed in. We shoulda taken the train like everyone else did!

Squiggy- C'mon, it ain't that bad. Let's get inside before I hafta comb my hair with anti-freeze!

They go inside and up to the fourth floor.

Squiggy (opens his door)- I think Len had too much free time.

Kristin (goes over next to him)- Wow! And I thought Lauren wnet nuts with lights. (looks around) Where is Lenny?

They both look over to Kristin's door.

Kristin (going across the hall)- We better check over here. (opens the door, goes in, and checks all the rooms) They're not here either. This is really weird. You don't think they went out in this weather, do ya?

Squiggy- Naw. Lenny don't care much for snow... 'specially since I buried him in it last year.

Kristin (sarcastically)- Whatta nice friend...

Squiggy- I thought so... he didn't even hafta ask.

Kristin- Hmm... I guess they'll show up eventually. Night, Squig. (she gives him a quick kiss on the cheek and pushes him out hte door, closing it after him)

SIX
downstairs, an hour later

Lauren is sitting on the floor, rubbing her temples.

Lenny is trying to open the door... but he said it don't open from the inside!

Lauren- Why don't ya try a blow torch?! It's prob'ly the only thing you haven't used yet on that door!

Lenny- Atleast I'm tryin'! Who knows how long we could be down here! (looks around) I wonder if there's an axe down here...

Lauren- I draw the line at axes!... Will you just sit down?

Lenny (starts across the room)- Oh, alright. (sees the dumb-waiter) Hey, what about this?

Lauren (with her head resting on her knees)- What about what?

Lenny- The... um... coal mine.

Lauren (lifting her head)- Coal mine? (looks over to where Lenny is) Oh, the dumb-waiter! (she gets up and goes over) What's the plan?... And don't say we go coal minin'!

Lenny- We could yell for someone to come and get us out?

Lauren- Uh, I don't think that sounds too great. I mean, whoever comes down here could get the wrong idea.

Lenny- About what?

Lauren- Never mind. Looks like we're gonna be here a while. (she goes back over to where she was sitting and sits back down)

A few minutes later.

Lenny- Oh! That wrong idea!

Lauren slaps her forehead.

Lauren- I'm gonna get some sleep. Wake me if someone finds us.

SEVEN
Lauren & Kristin's apartment

Kristin is sitting on the couch.

Kristin (to herself)- Where the heck is Lauren? (she gets up and goes over to the window) Boy, it's still a blizzard out there! (shivers) It's makin' me cold just looking outside (goes over and looks at the thermostat) Oh, it is gettin' colder in here! (goes to the closet, gets her coat, and puts it on) Maybe I oughtta go downstairs and check out the heater.

EIGHT
downstairs

Kristin is outside the locked door. She turns the knob. Nothing.

Kristin (trying the knob again)- Oh, c'mon! (she starts hitting the door, trying to unjam the knob) You stupid!...

O.S. Lenny- Kristin?

Kristin (stops)- Lenny? What're you doin' in there?

O.S. Lenny- We sorta got locked in.

Kristin- We? Lauren's in there, too?

O.S. Lenny- Yeah.

Kristin (makes a face)- Atleast now I know where ya are. You pull on the door and I'll push... maybe it'll give with both of us workng on it.

O.S. Lenny- Okay, on three?

Kristin- One, two... three!

Lenny starts pulling on the knob, while Kristin takes a short run, colliding into the door. The door whips open, knocking Lenny on the floor, and Kristin comes charging in. The door starts to close and Lenny dives for it, getting only his fingers in between the door and the frame.

Kristin (looks over at Lenny)- What're ya doin'?

Lenny- Tryin' to keep us from gettin' locked in again. Uh, I'm sorta busy at the moment... would ya mind wakin' up Lauren?

NINE
fourth floor

Lauren (sarcastically)- Well, that was a fun evening.

Kristin- Yeah, well, you coulda been outside in this blizzard.

Lenny (trying his door)- She called it. (tries the door again) Squig locked me out!

Kristin- Without me?! (goes over to the door; pushing Lenny away) "scuse me. (starts pounding on the door)

The door opens.

Squiggy- Hello. (sees Kristin) Why don't we go over to your apartment. These lights are drivin' me nuts!

They go in the girls' apartment.

Lauren- For him, that's not a very long drive.

Lenny- Low blow!

They go in the boys' apartment.

Lauren- See, I told ya we'd get outta there soon.

Lenny- Oh, don't rub it in.

Lauren- I wonder why they're back so soon... Maybe the plane got snowed in. (she leans against the closed door and looks up) Mistletoe... I shoulda known.

Lenny- I put it in the right place.

TEN
Lauren & Kristin's apartment

Kristin- I wish the plane hadn't gotten snowed in. I really wanted to go home for a visit!

Squiggy- Yeah.

Kristin- You could sound a little more enthusiastic, ya know.

Squiggy- Whadya want me to do? They ain't my real relatives... My real relatives can't stand me. I love bargin' in, sayin' hello, and watchin' 'em carryin' on about how much they want me to leave, but never actually try to make me leave...

Kristin- Squig, your side of the family is weird... really weird. I knew that already. Still, I just wanted to visit my folks. If Shirley hadn't dragged Carmine along with her, he coulda come with us...

Squiggy- And start up the feud between him and your folks again. I'll start my own feuds, thank you very much!

Kristin kisses him.

Squiggy (half surprised)- What was that for?

Kristin- Just for being you.

{Let's leave, I'm gettin' nauseaus!}