ONE
L&S apartment, evening

The door flies open.

Laverne and Shirley stomp in, obviously angry. So angry, they don't notice Lauren and Kristin behind them, and slam the door in their faces.

Laverne (very loud and angry)- I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!!

Shirley (a quiet angry)- Fired... again!

There's a knock at the door.

Laverne (still loud and angry)- GO AWAY!

Shirley- Laverne, please! (she goes over and opens the door) Sorry about that.

Lauren- It's okay... we just looove getting our noses mushed by a door.

Kristin- What's the matter?

Laverne (still angry)- We got fired... canned... pink-slipped... axed...

Shirley- Laverne...

Lauren- Permanently?

Shirley- That's the thing. We don't know. It could be a day... it could be forever.

Laverne- That ain't even the worst part!

Kristin- It gets worse...

Laverne- After we were fired, Shotz wanted to hire the boys back!

Lauren- Really?!

Lauren and Kristin start a mini celebration.

Laverne glares at them with a look that says "what're you so happy about?"

Lauren & Kristin- Sorry.

Shirley- The boys didn't take the jobs.

Kristin- Awe, they passed up their old jobs for us!

Laverne- Naw, Shotz wanted to pay 'em less than before.

Lauren- Shot down balloon at 10 o'clock.

Shirley chuckles.

Laverne- Out! (she goes over and opens the door) We can't even wallow about losing our jobs. We'll letcha know when we want cheering up.

Kristin- Fine. (she goes out the door)

Lauren- Okay, okay. (she goes to the door and turns around) You're a tough one to crack a smile from, ya know that, Laverne? (she turns and leaves)

Laverne (turns to Shirley)- What'd she mean by that?

Shirley- You're so far down in the dumps that ya gotta look up to see your feet! (she goes into the bedroom)

Laverne (confused)- What the heck is everyone talkin' about (she follows Shirley into the bedroom) I can't understand Shotz! He hires us, then fires us, then hires us, then fires us, then hires us, then fires us...

Shirley (annoyed)- Laverne! Stop it, already! You're giving me a headache! We gotta figure out some jobs. (pause; snaps her fingers) I'll talk Carmine into letting me work with him at the dance studio!

Laverne- You do remember that Squiggy's there, too, ya know?

Shirley- Carmine hasn't sold the place, has he? No. I think I can stand it. What about you?

Laverne- Wat else? Pizza Bowl.

Shirley- That could be bad.

Laverne- Huh? Why?

Shirley- Your pop will give Lauren and Lenny longer breaks...

Laverne- If he does, I'm gonna make sure they ain't both gone at the same time!... They might not come back.

Shirley- My point exactly.

TWO
next morning, dance studio

Shirley (holding a record)- A record changer?! But Carmine, I wanna dance! (starts squealing)

Carmine- Shirl, don't make that noise, please, you'll scare all my students away!

Squiggy- Hello?

Carmine- Not you. I was talkin' to Shirl.

Squiggy- Ain't we got enough people workin' here already?

Carmine- You wanna be record changer?

Squiggy- No way.

Carmine- Then shut up and go help Kristin.

Squiggy (smiling)- Yes, sir. (he salutes, then trips his way over to Kristin... too much excitement)

Carmine- I'm sorry, AngelFace, but I can't afford another instructor.

Shirley- Then pay me as a record changer. I don't care, as long as I get money and do something other than DeeJay.

Carmine- Well, okay.

THREE
Pizza Bowl

The place is completely empty... so empty, taht Lauren and Lenny took a table in the corner to make out.

Laverne looks away in disgust and goes over to Frank.

Laverne- Pop, is it always this deserted in the morning?

Frank- Naw, before it was just the two of them over there, but now there's you. (he turns away disgusted and goes into the backroom)

Laverne turns back, leans on the counter, and starts watching Lauren and Lenny. They come up for air and Lauren sees Laverne looking.

Lauren- I'll be right back, Len. I see a eeping Laverne over there. (she gets up and starts over)

Lenny- Don't take too long? Who knows when someone might actually come in 'ere!

Lauren (walks up to the counter)- Are you that bored?

Laverne- Why do ya think I'm bored? Because I was watchin' ya? Ha! Watchin' you two's better than a soap opera.

Lauren- Is that good or bad?

Laverne- It makes time pass.

Lauren- True... but time passes quicker when you're a part of it. (she grins, turns around, and goes back over to the table)

They start maikng out again. {Dang! Aren't we tired yet?}

Laverne rolls her eyes and turns away. After a few seconds, she turns back and start watching them again.

FOUR
L&S apartment, evening

Shirely is sitting on the couch, soaking her feet.

The door opens. Laverne comes in.

Laverne (sees Shirley soaking her feet)- What happened to you?

Shirley- Squiggy stepped on my feet... alot!

Laverne- I thought he helped Kristin?

Shirle- He does! But he stepped on her feet so much she had to take the second half of the day off! How'd you do?

Laverne- Aside from watchin' Lauren and Lenny makin' out the whole mornin'?

Shirley- The whole morning?

Laverne- It was a desert, Shirl! No one around for miles! I started thinkin' that if people started comin', I'd be sellin' tickets! (she plops next to Shirley on the couch) I've worked at the Pizza Bowl alot before... today was just plain pathetic.

Shirley- I know! At first, Carmine wanted to make me the reocrd changer! Me! And yet he had Squiggy as an instructor! How wrong is that?

Laverne- Very.

There's a knock at the door.

Laverne- It's open!

The door opens. Lauren comes in.

Lauren- Hi, girls.

Laverne & Shirley- Hi.

Lauren- A little exhausted?

Laverne- Who? You or Shirl? (she stifles a laugh)

Lauren- Ha ha, very funny.

Shirley- Did you want something?

Lauren- Actually, I wanted to talk to Laverne... alone.

Laverne (looks at Shirley; to Lauren)- I don't think Shirl's gonna move. We can talk in the bedroom. (she gets up)

The go into the bedroom.

Laverne- What's up?

Lauren- Well... it has nothing to do with me...

Laverne- That's good.

Lauren- True, but after you left the Pizza Bowl, your pop came up and asked me to do som'en for him.

Laverne- What?

Lauren- Well, after next to no business today, he doesn't have enough in his finances to keep all three of us and, since I haven't dropped any plates in the last two or three months, I'm one of the two to stay.

Laverne- So my pop's gonna decide between me and Lenny. I think I know who he'll pick...

Lauren- That's part two of the problem. He asked me to pick who stays and who goes.

Laverne- What!? Why would he do som'en like that?

Lauren- Maybe he didn't wanna play favorites, I dunno, but now this is on me and I can't let either of ya go... What would you do?

Laverne- Me? Like if I was you?

Lauren- Yeah.

Laverne- Not to be mean or pick a favorite, but I'd keep me.

Lauren- Yeah, Len said the same thing.

Laverne- You told him already?!

Lauren- Uh, well, yeah.

Laverne- Just tell my pop I don't want the dumb job no more, okay? (she goes over and sits on her bed) Maybe ya oughtta go.

Lauren (leaving)- I knew this was gonna happen. (she walks through the living room and out the door, right past Shirley)

FIVE
fourth floor

Lauren comes up to the last flight of stairs and sees Lenn sitting at the top. She gives him a weak grin.

Lenny- She didn't take it well.

Lauren (gets to the top and sits next to him)- Nope... Why did her pop hafta leave this on me?

Lenny- Prob'ly because he knew Laverne would get mad if he fired me or you. (puts his arm around her shoulders) C'mon, no matter what, one-a us was gonna be unhappy. She'll get over it.

Lauren- She threw me out.

Lenny- Maybe when pigs fly... but hasta get over it. Laverne'll get another job, then she can't stay mad at ya. She shouldn't even be mad at ya, ya hadta do it C'mon, cheer up.

Lauren thumps her head into her hands.

Lenny- Well, maybe you can cheer up later.

The door to Lauren and Kristin's apartment opens and Kristin steps out.

Kristin- What's goin' on?

Lenny- Laverne's pop made Lauren fire her.

Lauren screams.

Lenny- I said that wrong.

Lauren jumps up and runs into her apartment. Kristin follows her in.

Lauren plops on the couch face-down and lies there quietly.

Kristin (goes over to the couch)- Awe, com'on, it's not your fault. Mr. DeFazio owns the Pizza Bowl, he shoulda made the decision insteada passing it off to you. I mean, what if Carmine said I had to choose between Shirley and Squiggy... I wouldn't be able to. Ya gotta tell Mr. DeFazio that ya can't choose.

Lauren (turns her head to look at Kristin)- Then he'll fire me. Wonderful. (she turns her head back into the couch)

the phone rings.

Kristin (goes over to the phone)- I'll get it. (picks up the receiver) Hello? (listens) Really? (listens) Well, that's good. Thanks, bye. (she hangs up the receiver)

Lauren (mumbling into the cushion)- What's good?

Kristin (goes back over to the couch)- Mr. DeFazio isn't gonna fire anyone.

Lauren (looks at her)- Really!?

Kristin- Yeah, instead he's just gonna decrease your pay.

Lauren- Well, it's better than nothin'.

SIX
L&S apartment

Laverne comes out of the bedroom and sits next to Shirley.

Shirley- What happened?

Laverne- My pop made Lauren fire me... and I threw her out. Awe, Shirl, it ain't her fault and it ain't my pop's fault. I blame this on Shotz!

Shirley- I blame my aching feet on Shotz!

Laverne- I think I should go apologize to Lauren. (she gets up, goes over to the door, and opens it)

Lenny (looking like he was about to knock)- How'd ya know I was gonna knock?

Laverne (rolls her eyes)- I'm psychic. Do ya mind? I gotta go talk to Lauren.

Lenny (blocks the doorway)- You still mad?

Laverne- That my pop made her fire me?! I was, but this whole thing is Shotz's fault for firin' me and Shirl. Now, if you'll excuse me... (she pushes Lenny aside and goes up the stairs)

Lenny- That was easy.

Shirley- Hey, Len?

Lenn- Yeah?

Shirely- Don't forget to close the door after you leave.

SEVEN
Lauren & Kristin's apartment

Laverne- I guess a decrease in pay is better than getting fired again.

Lauren- I'm glad your pop changed his mind. I really didn't like havin' to do that.

Laverne- Just between you and me, if I hadta choose between you and Lenny, I'd keep you. For some reason, Len's really startin' to annoy me. (she gets up and goes over to the door)

Lauren- Why?

Laverne opens the door and Lenny is standing there, again looking like he was about to knock.

Laverne- That's why. See ya later. (she leaves)