ONE
Laverne & Shirley's apartment, afternoon

The girls are cleaning their apartment.

Laverne- I can't believe I let you talk me into this!

Shirley- Oh, Laverne, stop complaining. I mean, would you rather we never clean and be surrounded by filth?

They pause, expecting the door to fly open, accompanied by Squiggy's "Hello!"... Nothing.

Laverne- That was weird, the boys didn't come bargin' in.

Shilrey- Too bad for you, Vernie. Now, can we get back to cleaning?

Laverne grumbles as she starts helping again.

TWO
Lauren & Kristin's apartment

Lauren is sitting on the couch, watching a blank TV screen.

Lauren- Kristin?!

Kristin (comes out of the bedroom)- What?

Lauren- I'm bored! There's absolutely nothin' to do!

Kristin- Too bad. Listen, ever since what happened in Poland, you and Lenny have been spending way too much time together and me and Squig decided that you should just take a few days off from each other.

Lauren- I can understand that, but do I really hafta stay here like a prisoner? I could go see a movie...

Kristin- Yeah, and Lenny could come up with the same idea at the same time. Uh uh, no way am I letting you out of my sight.

Lauren- So, what's wrong with two friends goin' to see a movie?

Kristin- I don't wanna go to a movie.

Lauren- Fine, but you'll be sorry when I croak from boredom.

Kristin (turns back to the bedroom)- Hilarious. (closes the door)

THREE
boys' apartment

Lenny- C'mon, Squig, just five minutes!

Squiggy- No! Me and Krissy decided it's better this way.

Lenny- Yeah, 'specially since you were the one who set up that little trip that started all this.

Squiggy- Hey, I didn't know htat was what was gonna happen! What'm I? A mind reader? Geez.

Lenny- How can you trture your best friend like this?

Squiggy- It's easy to do, that's how.

Lenny- Fine, can I atleast go visit Laverne and Shirley... (sarcastically) Maybe they'll let me help them clean their apartment.

Squiggy- Sure.

Lenny- Gee, thanks. (leaves)

Squiggy (picks up the phone and dials)- hi, Krissy, keep Lauren there, Len just went down to the girls' apartment, he's gonna help 'em clean. (pause) Yeah, I thought it was funny, too!

FOUR
Laverne & Shirley's apartment

Shirley- I'm gonna go buy some more cleaner for the floorm I'll be back in a little while.

Laverne- Good, I get a break!

Shirley (leaving)- No break!

A minute later, there's a knock at the door.

Laverne (to herself)- So help me, it that's Shirl already... (opens the door)

Lenny comes in and plops on the couch.

Laverne- Hi, Len. (closes the door and goes to the end of the couch) Len? (nothing) Len? (still nothing; waves her hand in front of his face) Earth to Lenny!

Lenny- Hi.

Laverne (sits next to him)- What's wrong?

Lenny- Squig and Kristin won't let me and Lauren spend any time together.

Laverne- Because of that trip?

Lenny- Yeah.

Laverne- I can understand cutting back, but this is just plain ridiculous.

Lenny- I know! I told Squig it's like torture.

Laverne- That's not right at all.

Lenny- You're still cleaning?

Laverne- Yeah, Shirl went to the store to buy some sort of cleaner... This is my torture.

Silence.

Laverne- Well, since Shirl said no break, I guess I'll get back to cleaning. (stands) Would ya mind helping me move the couch back to see if we gotta clean under it>

Lenny- Sure. (stands)

They start pushing the couch back and reveal dirty plates.

Lavenre- So, that's where our missing plates ended up. (kneels down to pick them up)

Lenny kneels next to her and starts picking up some of the plates. They both reach for and pick up the last plate. There's an awkward silence, then they lean into a kiss.

{audience gasps}

Laverne- Uhh... I'll have a little talk with Kristin and Squig later. (takes the plates into the kitchen)

Lenny (plops back onto the couch)- I'm sorry, Laverne...

Laverne (comes back)- Forget it... please! (pause) I know ya didn't mean to do that. I'm gonna talk to them. This ain't right... and we don't mention this to anyone!

Lenny- No one!

The door opens and Shirley comes in.

Shirley- Vernie, you actually did some cleaning while I was gone! Good for you! (sees Lenny) Hi, Len... wanna help?

Lenny- No, I'd rather just sit here and sulk.

Shirley- What's the matter?

Laverne- I'll tell ya in there... (pulls her into the bedroom)

FIVE
Lauren & Kristin's apartment, evening

There's a knock at the door.

Lauren (going towards the door)- I got it... (to herself) I hope it's Len! (opens the door) Hi, Laverne.

Laverne- Gee, don't sound overly enthused, now. (pause) Is Kristin here?

Lauren (loudly)- Kristin!

Laverne (checks her ears)- Thanks, I needed that.

Kristin (comes in the room)- Hi, Laverne!

Laverne- Hi, Kristin. Can we talk?

Kristin- You and me?

Laverne- Yeah.

The look at Lauren.

Lauren (gets the idea)- Well, I'll ust step outside...

Kistin (grabs the back of Lauren's t-shirt)- How about you go in the bedroo?

Lauren- Can't blame me for tryin'. (goes into the bedroom)

Kristin- What's up?

Laverne- Well, I was talkin' to Lenny...

Kristin- And you think that what me and Squig are doin' is terrible?

Laverne- Well, I was thinkin' along the lines of ridiclous, but terrible works, too.

Kristin- Laverne, I know Lauren. She's never felt the way she does towards Lenny before. And she's never had anyone have feelings like those for her. All we're tryin' to do is find out if this is really and truly real.

Laerne- Well, I guess I can understand that...

Kristin- Deep down, I know it's torture for them, but it's the only way to find out.

Laverne- Thanks for telling me... One thing, though...

Kristin- Yeah?

Laverne- Don't carry this on too long, okay?

Kristin- Okay.

Laverne- See ya later.

Kristin- Bye.

Laverne leaves.

Kristin- You can come out now!

Lauren (comes out of the bedroom)- I love being a prisoner, ya know.

Kristin- We're ending this tomorrow.

Lauren- You are!?

Kristin- Yeah, besides, I can't stand watchin' ya mope around anymore.

Lauren- Was this a test?

Kristin- Were you listening?

Lauren- Sorta.

Kristin- How "sorta"?

Lauren- All of it.

SIX
stoop, 3am

Lauren is looking at the stars.

Lauren (to herself)- What a day.

Lenny- Nice night.

Lauren (startled)- Len! (calms down) I gotta stop bein' so jumpy.

Lenny- I figured you'd be out here.

Lauren- I couldn't sleep.

Lenny- Me neither... Did Kristin tell ya what they were up to?

Lauren- Yeah, but I don't know what it did.

Lenny- If I tell ya som'en, promsie ya won't yell at me?

Lauren- Awe, Len, it couldn't be that bad...

Lenny whispers something in her ear.

Lauren- You what!? (quiets herself) Sorry... Why would ya do som'en like that?

Lenny- I shouldn'ta said anything...

Lauren- No, I'm glad ya did. I think Kristin and Squig got their results... even though they'll never know, got it?

Lenny- I won't tell this time.

Lauren- See that ya don't. (pause) Len, why is it that just about everytime I come out here, you end up comin' out?

Lenny- Good timing?

Lauren- If ya don't wanna tell me, that's okay. Just don't let me hear that you get up every night and look out the window to see if I'm out here, okay? I gotta go in, see ya in the morning. (goes in)

Lenny (to himself)- How'd she know?