ONE
seventh floor of Hotel Pfister, late morning
Everyone is standing in the hall with luggage.
Laverne (handing out room keys)- I can't believe this! I mean, two rooms for seven people? It's nuts!
Lauren- just giveus the keys. Atleast we've got a place to stay!
Shirely- Besides, they gotta find out what's infested our building.
Squiggy- C'mon, Laverne! Give us our keys!
Laverne- Hold on, I think I got 'em sorted. (she hands keys to Carmine, Lenny, and Squiggy) Here, now quit buggin' me! (she looks at the remaining keys) Well, atleast we each have our own key.
The four girls go in their room. There's two queen size beds and two cots.
Kristin- Let me guess, we're gonna end up fightin' over who gets the beds.
Lauren goes over and jumps onto one of the beds.
Lauren- I call this one!
Laverne (jumps on the other)- And I call this one!
Shirley- Gee, I guess that's setteld. (she puts her suitcase next to her cot) I'm gonna get Carmine and go see a movie. This room is just too cramped. (she leaves)
Laverne- What about you two?
Lauren (reclined)- I'm fine. What about you, Kristin?
Kristin (going over to the door)- I'm gonna go get Squig. Maybe we'll watch TV together. (she leaves)
Lauren scoffs.
Laverne- Ya got that right!
A minute later, there's a knock at the door.
Laverne- You get it.
Lauren (sits up)- You're closer... Oh, nevermind. (she goes over to the door and opens it)
Lenny- Hi.
Lauren- They kicked you out.
Lenny- Yup.
Laverne- So, you're gonna bother us? Yea! (she rolls her eyes)
Lauren- Laverne, go to sleep or som'en. (to Lenny) C'mon, in.
Lenny- Thanks. (sees the cots) Hey, how'd you girls get cots?
Lauren- They were here...
Laverne (sits up)- Go to sleep. HA! I'm gonna go check out the gift shop. (she leaves)
Lauren- That was easy. So, you guys only got the two beds? Boy, it's either gonna be kinda cramped or someone's gonna be on the floor. (she turns the TV on) Oh, they've got a Godzilla movie on. (she sits on the end of the nearby bed and starts watching the movie)
Lenny starts looking around the room.
Lauren gets so wrapped up in the movie, she ends up sitting on the floor right in front of the TV.
Lenny climbs over the bed behind her, goes to the other, and falls asleep within minutes.
{Ha! And you thought there was gonna be some smut!}
TWO
next door
Kristin and Squiggy are watching the same movie as Lauren. They're both sitting on the floor in between the beds.
Kristin- I don't see what's so great about this hotel. It's just like all the others I've been in.
Squiggy- Well, the girls was here in the honeymoon suite... Great place to hold a party, but that's it.
Kristin- How'd Laverne and Shirley end up in the honeymoon suite?
{I'll spare all of you the retelling of that ep}
THREE
gift shop
Laverne is looking at the keychains.
Laverne (thinking)- I oughtta get one-a these for Lauren. I got a funny feeling she may not get a chance to come down here. (she picks out a few keychains, goes over to the cashier, and pays for them)
FOUR
outside
Shirley and Carmine are trying to decide on what to do for the afternoon.
Carmine- Let's see, we could go get lunch and then go to a movie at the NewView. How does that sound, AngelFace?
Shirley- That sounds absolutely wonderful!
FIVE
7th floor, an hour (and five keychains) later
Laverne gets near the room and realizes she doesn't have her key. She gets to the room and sees the door is ajar {that little latch thingie is keeping it open}. She goes in. Lenny is totally zonked out on the far bed and Lauren is on the near bed staring at hte ceiling. Laverne goes over and leans over her, blocking her view of the ceiling.
Laverne- Excitin', ain't it?
Lauren- Oh, yes it is! (she scoffs and sits up)
Laverne- I gotcha some keychains from the gift shop. (she gives her the bag) Oh, yeah, I also gotcha one-a those mini license plates with your name on it.
Lauren- Thanks, Vernie! (she dumps the bag out onto the bed) Hey, Laverne, why aren't you stayin' with your pop instead of the hotel?
Laverne (with an odd look on her face)- I never thought of that... Forget about being cramped in this dinky room, I'm gonna go stay with my pop. (she gathers her stuff) I'll see ya when we get back in our own building. (she goes to the door and turns back) Oh, and, don't let him drool on your pillow. (she leaves)
Lauren- Whatta wit! (she looks over at Lenny) Hmm... I wonder if she was serious? (she goes over)
SIX
next door
Squiggy's laying on the floor - Kristin knocked him over the head with one of the pillows about a hundred times... he got a little fesh.
Kristin (proud of herself)- I work well with a pilow. (she goes over and plops onto one of the beds and falls asleep)
SEVEN
7th floor, evening
Shirley and Carmine are walking down the hall.
Shirley (yawns)- I think I'll turn in for the night. See ya in the morning. (she gives him a quick kiss and starts fishing for her key)
They open their respective doors at the same time. Carmine starts laughing.
Carmine (almost hysterical)- Shirl! Ya gotta see this!
Shirley seems to be frozen in the doorway.
Carmine (calming down and walking over to Shirley)- Shirl? What's the matter?
Shirley had opened the door only about half a foot. She kneels down, reaches in the doorway, and picks something up.
Carmine (seeing it)- That's not funny.
Shirley starts screaming. Carmine quickly puts his hand over her mouth.
Kristin comes out of the other room and goes over to them.
Kristin- What's goin' on? (she sees what Shirley's holding) What're ya doin' with Len's jacket?
Shirley throws the jacket at Kristin and flings the door open.
Lenny is still on the far bed. Lauren is sitting on one of the chairs. She looks over at the three in the doorway.
Lauren (bored)- When are we goin' home?
Shirley (grabs the jacket from Kristin)- Explain.
Lauren (rolls her eyes)- Third degree, I knew it. Well, Kristin went next door and she and Squig kicked Len out of the room, so he came over here. Blah blah blah. Laverne went to stay with her pop...
Shirley- What?
Lauren- Don't interrupt. He's been asleep all afternoon...
Shirley- Carmine...
Carmine- Awe, Shirl. It's bad enough Squiggy's still in the room. Can't ya leave him here?
Shirley- Wake him up!
Lauren- That's not likely to happen. before Laverne left, she said somen about not letting him drool on my pillow. Well, I thought she was joking at first, but then I decided to check. He was. Then I thought I'd try on his jacket since apparently he was gonna wake up...
Shirley- Stop! This is just wonderful! he's gonna keep us awake with that weird noise he makes.
Lauren- Shirl, this isn't summer camp. We don't exactly need the guys in one room and us in the other.
Kristin- She's got a good point, Shirl.
Shirley- Fine... but I get Laverne's bed.
Lauren- Hey,...
Shirley- What? You already gave up yours. (she grabs her suitcase and goes into the bathroom)
Carmine- I think I'll be leaving now.
Kristin & Lauren- 'Night.
Carmine leaves.
Kristin (quietly)- Is all of what you told Shirley true?
Lauren- Yeah, I just condensed a little... I didn't tell her that Vernie went to the gift shop and got me some keychains and a license plate with my name on it.
Kristin (teasing)- You're awful.
Lauren- I know.
EIGHT
middle of the night
The room is pitch dark. Lauren starts rolling around and rolls right off the cot and onto the floor. She looks up a little and sees light from the bathroom. She listens for a moment - all she can hear is Shirley and Kristin's snoring... or was it just one of them? Lauren tries to get up, but finds herself tangled in the blankets. She stands up and tries to get out of them, but falls on what would've been her bed. She grumbles something, kicks the blankets away, and goes over to the bathroom door, which wasn't completely closed. She eases it open and pokes her head in.
Lauren (whispering)- Len?
Lenny- Over here.
Lauren goes in and finds him sitting in the bathtub with a pillow and blanket.
Lauren (almost laughing)- Doesn't that just bring a whole new meaning to 'water bed'... What're ya doin' in here?
Lenny- It was too dark in there.
Lauren- Too dark? I woke up, and I could see everything... including the floor since I rolled off the cot. Those things are not comfortable at all.
Lenny- I took your bed, huh?
Lauren- Yeah.
The door opens farther.
Kristin (whispering)- Do you mind? I'm tryin' to sleep out here!
Lauren (loud whisper)- Go back to sleep... and don't take my bed!
Kristin makes a face and leaves the doorway.
Lenny- Cots aren't that bad...
Lauren- You want mine?
Lenny- I don't think it'll fit in here.
Lauren- No, I meant you go out there. This is the bathroom, after all.
Lenny- Oh, alright.