ONE
Kosnowski apartment, morning

Laverne is sitting at the table, reading the newspaper.

Laverne (to herself)- Ain't there any good news in here? (she flips a few pages noisily)

Lenny (coming down the stairs)- Paper's here!

Laverne- Ha ha ha. (puts the newspaper down) I swear these reporters wouldn't know good news if it bit 'em on the...

Lenny- Aren't you in a good mood? (rolls his eyes) Maybe I should come back down here again.

Laverne- Com'on sit, it ain't you.

Lenny (sits at the table)- What's up?

Laverne- It's this whole city! Two years ago, I was protesting against a dump, then three months after, it showed up anyway.

Lenny- Well, a dump ain't exactly supposed to be nice.

Laverne- I called Milwaukee yesterday...

Lenny (thumps his head on the table)- Not again...

Laverne- Yes, again! Anyway, I managed to get a hold of someone in our old building. The apartment Shirl and me had is vacant.

Lenny (looks at her)- Are you tryin' to say ya wanna go back to Milwaukee?

Laverne- Well, I'd been thinkin' about this for a while... a long while. Actually, ever since Shirl left two years ago.

Lenny- I wouldn't mind, but what about your pop and Edna and Shirley and Carmine?

Laverne- I also found out that Carmine's old apartment is vacant.

Lenny- I guess that takes care of them. (quieter) Don't tell me you also found out that mine andSquig's is vacant, too.

Laverne- I didn't ask.

Lenny- Oh, good.

Laverne- I know it is... Who'd want it after what you two did to it. I thought painting the rug was funny, but the dirt in the bathtub was too much.

Squiggy (coming in)- Hello!

Laverne- See what I mean. (to Squiggy) Whadya want?

Squiggy- Nutin' really. I was sorta gettin' bored acrossthe hall all by myself. (he goes over to the table and picks up the newspaper) I wonder if they got 'ny bad news in here. (he starts flipping pages)

Lenny- Hey, Squig, do ya mind? We were talkin' here.

Squiggy- You're still talkin'.

Lenny- Get out, Squig.

Squiggy- Fine... but I'm takin' the paper with me. (he leaves)

Laverne- Let's start packing!

TWO
evening

Amazingly, the apartment is already nearly packed up.

Lenny comes down the stiars, carrying a box and puts it on the floor.

The door opens. Laverne comes in.

Lenny- Well?

Laverne- Well, I told Shirl and Carmine we're movin'.

Lenny- And?

Laverne- Shirl started smackin' me over the head. I don't think she took it well.

Lenny- I guess they're not movin' then.

Laverne- Well,after Carmine was finally able to pry Shirl offa me, they started talkin' about it. I guess they might, but I left before they decided.

Lenny- How'd your pop and Edna take it?

Laverne- Pop started ranting in Italian...

Lenny- That figures.

Laverne- I think Edna semed okay with it. I dunno why I told them. I mean, I've always been near my pop. Oh, sure, I've lived with Shirl, then on my own, now with you and yet he still wants to run m life. (looks around) Where's Tommy?

Lenn- Uh... (nervous laugh) I sorta let Squig watch 'm.

Laverne- You didn't...

Lenny- I couldn't find anyone else that quick. You said to pack up as fast as I could. I'd've only been half done if I didn't have Squig watch 'im.

Laverne- Now that you're done and I'm back, let's go get 'im

They go out the door and across the hall

Laverne (knocking)- Squig, open up!

There's not answer. Laverne tries the knob. She opens the door.

Squiggy (to Tommy)- There was a young girl from Nantucket...

Laverne & Lenny- Squig!

Squiggy (turns)- Ah! Don't ya know howta knock?

Laverne- I did! Please tell me that wasn't what I thought I heard.

Squiggy- Huh?

Lenny- You haven't been saying any of that junk to Tommy, have ya?

Squiggy- Nah. We was watchin' Godzilla movies for mosta the afternoon.

Laverne- Thanks alot, Squig! Now Tommy's gonna have nightmares! He prob'ly won't sleep tonight.

Lenny- Yeah, I prob'l won't either.

Squiggy grins.

Lenny (smacks him in the back of his head)- Not that!

Laverne goes over, gets Tommy and his stroller, and leaves.

Squiggy puts his hand out to be paid.

Lenny- I didn't say I was gonna pay ya.

Squiggy- Oh, com'on! I watched the kid for ya!

Lenny- Yeah, and what a great job ya did! (he scoffs, then leaves)

THREE
next morning, outside

Laverne and Shirely are sitting on the steps, playing with Tommy, while Lenny and Carmine put all the boxes in the moving truck.

Laverne- So, did you and Carmine decide on moving or not yet?

Shirley- We did decide. We're not gonna move yet. I mean, we just got a house a few months ago and going back and movig into the old apartment building seems like a step back... from a house to an apartment.

Laverne- Oh. Well, I was just wonderin'.

The guys come over to the steps.

Lenny- Everything's all set.

Laverne and Shirley stand.

Laverne (puts Tommy in his stroller; turns to Shirley)- I guess this is it.

Shirley- I guess so. Atleast we actually get to say goodbye this time.

Laverne- Yeah.

Both girls start to tear up and hug. They separate, still teary-eyed.

Carmine (puts his arm around Shirley's shoulders)- I'll letcha call everyday.

Shirley (quietly)- Thanks.

Laverne (sniffling)- We gotta go... (looks at Lenny) before he tears up, too.

They all get a little chuckle out of that. The moving truck pulls away. Laverne pushes Tommy's stroller over to the car and puts him in his car seat, then folds up the stroller. Lenny puts a couple of suitcases in the trunk and a couple of duffle bags in the back seat. They get in and, after a minute of situating, the car pulls away.

Shirley and Carmine wave goodbye.

FOUR
Ragusa house, afternoon

Shirley is sitting on the couch. Carmine goes over and sits next to her.

Carmine- AngelFace, ya gotta be happy. All you've been doing is moping around. Now, you're sitting here, hugging a pillow, and watching a TV that isn't even on! Ya gotta cheer up... please?

Shirley- I felt this exact same way when I left. It'll pass... just let me wallow for a little while, okay?

Carmine- Okay, but not too long a while.

There's a knock at the door.

Carmine- I'll get it. (he gets up, goes over to the door, and opens it) Hi, Squig.

Squiggy (coming in)- Hello.

Shirley- You knocked?

Squiggy- The door was locked. (to Carmine) They left already!?

Carmine- Yeah, this morning. Didn't they say goodbye?

Squiggy- No, I found a note under my door from Len sayin' they were leavin'. That's it, see. (he pulls out the note and hands it to Carmine)

Carmine (reading)- Vernie and me are going back to Milwaukee. See ya. (he flips the paper over) That's it?

Squiggy- Yup. (he snatches the paper from Carmine)

Carmine- I know this really is none of my business...

Squiggy- Yeah.

Carmine- ...But what happened between you two? Two years ago you were best of friends, now you're almost as though ya don't know each other.

Squiggy- Ya answered your own question! We knew each other two years ago. Now, I' still the same...

Shirley- We know that, Squig.

Carmine- So, all this is about Lenny?

Squiggy- Exactly!

Shirley- Squig, did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, you'd understand if you changed, too? I mean, I think it's obvious that Lenny did something that you haven't...

Squiggy starts to grin.

Shirley (sees the grin)- I mean, he matured. When are you gonna do that, Squig? (she gets up and goes into the itchen)

Squiggy- I don't believe this! Lenny changed and it's my fault!

Carmine- Yeah, because you never accepted it. (he goes into the kitchen)

Squiggy (going over to the door)- I s'pose it's also my fault that the seasons change. (he leaves)

FIVE
some hotel out in the middle of nowhere, late evening

Laverne- Why would anyone put a hotel in the middle of nowhere? There's nothing around here for miles!

There's a spit heard from the bathroom.

Lenny (coming out the bathroom)- I dunno...

Laverne- We're so far out in the boonies, they don't even have TV's for the rooms!

Lenny (plops on the bed)- Yeah...

Laverne- What's up your nose? C'mon, (she gives him a playful smack on the arm) tell me.

Lenny- It's Squig...

Laverne- Great! The only good thing about this place was it was romantic, then ya hadta mention him! Oh, brother...

Lenny- You asked. I didn't even actually say goodbye. I guess I was still mad at 'im this mornin'.

Laverne- You didn't tell him we were leavin'? That's why he wasn't out there this mornin'.

Lenny- I left a short note under his door. I'm really startin' to feel guilty about it now. I mean, I can't help it if he's still the same Squiggy who pushed me out the window a few years ago.

Laverne- Yeah, I could see that happenin' again...

Lenn (looks at her)- Vernie.

Laverne- Sorry. Hey, it's still early enough, why don't ya call 'im?

Lenny- I dunno...

Laverne (leans over and kisses him)- For me.

Lenny- Okay. (he gets up and goes out to the pay phone)

SIX
Squiggy's apartment

Squiggy is watching Heckle & Jeckle (and laughing his head off).

The phone rings.

Squiggy (annoyed)- Oh...! (he gets up, goes over to the phone, and picks up the receiver) hello? (listens) Oh, whada you want? (listens) Apologize? Ha!... (listens) Wha-? (listens) Why? (listens) In the freezer? (listens) Naw, I prob'ly wouldn't've. I never use the freezer. (listens) Okay. (listens) I'm sorry, too, Len. (listens) Thanks. (listens) Bye. (he hangs up the receiver, goes over to the fridge opens the freezer door, reaches in, pulls out a very frozen sock, and pulls $150 out of it; to himself) Thanks, pal.

SEVEN
hotel in the middle of nowhere

Lenny comes back in the room.

Laverne- Well?

Lenny (sits next to her)- I told 'im about the 150 bucks I hid in the freezer.

Laverne (gives him an odd look)- 'Scuse me?

Lenny- I had 150 bucks and I fugured if I put t in the freezer, he wouldn't find it since he suckered me out of 100 before. he never looks in the freezer anymore and when I went out there to call 'im, I remembered that I forgot to get it, so I let 'im have it.

Laverne- That explains the money in the freezer, but what about you two?

Lenny- He didn't hang up on me to go back to Heckle & Jeckle... He did that the last time I tried to call 'im.

Laverne (smiles)- That takes care of one problem.

Lenny- There's another?

Laverne- Yeah. How do we (whispers in his ear) with Tommy in the room?