ONE
Christmas Eve, day, early afternoon, Kosnowski apartment

Both couples come in.

Laverne- I love what you've done with your house!

Shirley- Thanks, Laverne. (looks around the apartment) I love... what you haven't done here. (she picks up Jeffrey and puts him back down)

Carmine- Laverne, how long before the "big day"?

Laverne (sits next to Shirley on the couch)- About a week. It'd be so great if it could be tomorrow, though.

Lenny- Yeah, then we'd save money on presents.

Laverne gies him a playful smack on the arm.

Shirley- This has been such a great holiday.

Laverne- Shirl, did you tell your mom you remarried?

Shirley (freaks out slightly)- Oh no! I forgot to tell her I got divorced! (turns to Carmine) We should go visit her.

Carmine (sarcastically)- You think so?! (he grins)

Shirley- Come on. (she grabs his hand and pulls him out the door)

Laverne- I can't believe that Shirl didn't tell her mom... ooh. (she puts a hand over the baby) I gotta feeling this kid's gonna be a boy... girls don't rough house this much.

Lenny- You sure it's still a week? I could get some stuff together... and find the bottle of aspirin.

Laverne (glares at him)- I won't need aspirin.

Lenny- The aspirin's for me.

TWO
middle of the night, about 2:30am

Laverne is in the kitchen, raiding the fridge.

Laverne- This eating for two is making me eat more than Len does. (she closes the door and starts looking through the cabinets) I wonder if there's any Frosted Flakes... (she continues looking, then stops suddenly) This kid's startin' to get on my nerves. (she feels another pain and sits down at the tale) This better not be indigestion! (she feels another pain and something else) This ain't indigestion... (very loudly) Len!

A few seconds go by and Lenny stumbles out quickly to the top of the stairs.

Lenny- What's the matter?

Laverne- This kid ain't waitin' another week!

Lenny- I told ya I shoulda gotten some stuff together... (realizes) What? (starts panicking) Now!?

Laverne (slaps her forehead)- Just call the hospital... and don't forget to put some pants on before we leave. it's probably too cold for just boxers.

THREE
hospital, 3:15am

It's been 30 minutes since they got there and Lenny's been out in the waiting room... alseep, stretched out on the couch. {It's the middle of the night... and there's no WAY you coulda thought that he was gonna be in 'there'... He may be a sweet and sensitive guy, but he's still a guy!}

Shirley and Carmine come around the corner and go over to Lenny. Shirley starts shaking him.

Shirley- What're you doin' out here, asleep?

Lenny- Sleeping.

Carmine- You don't wanna be there for the big moment?

Lenny- Think about it, Carmine.

Carmine (thinks)- Good point.

Shirley glares at him and shakes her head.

Shirley- Well, we called Frank and Edna. I hope they get here soon.

Lenny (sarcastically)- Oh, yea! Insteada pacing a rut into the waiting room floor, I'll run a rut all over this whole floor!

Shirley- Oh, stop. Mr. DeFazio's gonna be happy.

Carmine- Yeah, the way your mom was happy when you dropped your news on her?

Shirley- Don't do that.

A few minutes later, Frank and Edna show up, with Squiggy right behind them. {I dunno how he got there.}

Edna- We got here as fast as we could. Any word yet?

Lenny- Not yet.

Squiggy goes over, sits next to Lenny, and grins at him.

Lenny- What're you doin'? (pauses) Nevermind, I know what you're thinkin'.

FOUR
4:15 am, waiting room

Everyone's asleep, except for Lenny. {Squiggy's snoring too loud and it's keeping him awake.}

A nurse walks by and he jumps up.

Lenn- Well?...

The murse stops.

Nurse (smiles)- Soon.

Lenny (turning away)- Awwe...

FIVE
5:30am

Now, everyone's asleep. The same nurse from the last scene comes around the corner and goes over to Lenny. {Funny thing, the jacket he happened to grab, on their rush out, was the Lone Wolf jacket... easil recognizable.} She shakes his arm gently.

Lenny (groggily)- Wha- (sees the nrse) Now?!

Nurse- You go, I'll wake up the rest of the group, here.

Lenny jumps up and rus down the hall and hangs a right into Laverne's room. {Literally, he grabbed the door frame and swung himself into the room.}

Laverne (holding the baby)- Who's a good little boy, huh?

Lenny (knocks on the door frame)- Vernie?

Laverne (looks at him)- Get over here! (he goes over) Say hello to Thomas Michael. (she gives him the baby)

Lenny- Hi... can we call 'im Tommy?

Squiggy (coming in the room)- Hello, where's the kid? (he goes over next to Lenny) Kitchie-kitchie koooo.

Tommy sticks his tongue out.

Squiggy- Hey! Your kid stuck his tongue out at me!

Laverne- Ten minutes old and he's already a smart boy.

The rest of the group comes in and more baby talk is heard.

SIX
a week later, afternoon, Kosnowski apartment

Shirley and carmine are sitting on the couch, chatting.

The door opens.

Lenny comes in, dragging a bag.

Shirley- What is that?

Lenny plops the bag under the Christmas tree.

Lenny- These are all the presents from Frank and Edna for Tommy.

Carmine- Just like a grandparent to splurge on the grandchild.

Lenny- Yeah, and it's just like the to make the son-in-law drag the fifty pound bag. Now, I gotta go back out and get Vernie. I'm gonna need a vacation after this holiday. (he leaves)

Carmine- Shirl, I know you wanted for all of us to spend Christmas together, but did we hafta wait on opening the presents?

Shirley- That's part of spending Christmas together. First, we all gotta be here... then we plow into the presents.

SEVEN
25 minutes later

The door opens.

Laverne comes in with Tommy. Lenny comes in and closes the door behind him.

Shirley- Oh, there he is!

Laverne (sits next to Shirley)- You wanna hold 'im?

Shirley- Yes! (Laverne gives her Tommy) Hi, Tommy! Oh, he's so cute... much cuter than wha'ts-his-name's...

Laverne- Shirl...

Shirley- Sorry.

Lenny- Vernie, your pop and Edna got some presents for 'im.

Laverne- And it took 'em less than a week... (she gets up, goes over to the tree, and sees the huge bag) Wow! They got alot of stuff. (she starts puling things out) Oh, sunglasses! These are so cute! (she shows them off and goes back to the couch with them; she puts them on Tommy) Awe... they shoulda gotcha a pair, Len.

Lenny grins at her.

Laverne gets up and goes back over to the tree.

Laverne (looking at the wrapped presents)- You guys didn't open your presents yet?

Carmine- Shirl made us wait.

Shirley- Yes, I did. It wouldn't've been right to open 'em without ya.

Laverne- Awe, Shirl, ya get me misty when ya say things like that.

Laverne starts handing out presents, which immediately get torn into.

EIGHT
Ragusa home, night

Shirley and Carmine come in the door.

Shirley (draping her coat over a chair)- Whatta great day!

Carmine- Yeah... we'll unload the present tomorrow.

Shirley starts towards the phone.

Carmine- What're you doin'?

Shirley- I was gonna call Laverne.

Carmine- But we just left. AngelFace, you spent a whole year away in another country. Now, you can't leave her alone from across thecity! hasn't she got enough to deal with without you calling every hour?

Shirley- Lenny can take care of Tommy while we talk.

Carmine- Shirl, you apparently missed the fact that he fell asleep while Laverne was still handing out presents!

Shirley- And that's supposed to be my fault?

Carmine- No, I'm just trying to make a point. We visit every other day... and they come over here the days in between. They're not gonna wanna do that... load up all of Tommy's things just to come over here. Face it, Shirl, ya gotta let go a little.

Shirley- I didn't realize... I didn't hafta deal with that... I'm sorry.

Carmine- It's okay, AngelFace. I just wanted to point out that things just can't stay the same.

NINE
Kosnowski apartment

Laverne is cleaning up the rest of the wrapping paper from the coffee table and finds Jeffrey underneath. She puts the paper on the couch and picks up the iguana. She goes over to Lenny, who's still asleep, slumped in the chair. She gently places Jeffrey n his chest so that it's staring at him and goes back to picking up the wrapping paper. Laverne throws the paper away and comes up behind Lenny.

Laverne (kneels down; right in his ear)- Len!

Lenny (waking up)- Huh... (sees Jeffrey) AH! (grabs he iguana) Very funny, Vernie!

Laverne (standing up)- I thought so.

Lenny (puts Jeffrey back on the coffee table)- Ya know, I think your pop is still not too thrilled with me.

Laverne- Why?

Lenny- Well, yesterday, I didn't just bus tables... I did everything.

Laverne- Everything?

Lenny- Everything! From janitor to cook! He had me doin' so much stuff I could barely keep track of what I was doin' when I was doin' it!

Laverne- Nah, I think he likes ya. If he didn't, he'd do to you what he does to Squiggy.

Lenny- What's that?

Laverne- Make ya eat the food.

Lenny- That was the only thing I didn't do. I knew there had to be som'em!