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ONE
Shotz breakroom, Lunchtime. L&S are at their usual table, One could only guess what they're talking about, that is if you'd even WANT to know.
Laverne- Ya know, I really think we should.
Shirley- I will not sit back and let you turn our house into a smut-castle!
Laverne- Awe, come on Shirl!
Shirley- How many times do I...
(Ash & Squiggy enter arguing, Lenny is behind them, silent.)
Ash- (annoyed) Squiggy, anyone with the intelligence of a can of creamed corn can operate a forklift!
Squiggy- Yeah? Then tell me this, friend, how come it went backwards?
Ash- Simple, you had it in reverse!
Squiggy- It was in drive!
Ash- No, if it was in drive, it would have gone forward, but it didn't go forward, did it???
Squiggy- No....
Ash- (Extremely annoyed, through clenched teeth) Thats because it was in reverse.
(The three sit down with the girls)
Laverne- What's the problem here?
Ash- I got a call to go fix a forklift this morning (glares at Squiggy) somebody drove it backwards into the Green Bay shipment.
Shirley- Squig?
Squiggy- For the last time, it wasn't in reverse!
(Ash closes her eyes and clenches her fists)
Ash- Squig, I really don't wanna hurt you...
TWO
Lenny & Squiggy's apt, evening. Len & Squig are eating supper, talking.
Lenny- Thanks for coverin' for me, Squig. You're the best friend a guy ever had!
Squiggy- I know. (and so modest too)
Lenny- How're we gonna come up with the money to pay for it?
Squiggy- Oh, now ya want me too pay for it too?
Lenny- I need help, Shotz'll never let me off.
Squiggy- (Punching Lenny in the arm) Awe, come on, Len. We'll put our brains together then the girls'll think of something.
Lenny- (whining) But what if they don't?
Squiggy- They will and don't whine.
Lenny- I wasn't whining.
Squiggy- (walking to the dumbwaiter & yelling into it) Laverne, Shirley?
Girls- (from dumbwaiter) What?
Squiggy- Get up here, Lenny's stuck in the fridge again! (closes dumbwaiter)
(meanwhile, Lenny is sitting on the floor, leaning on a box)
Lenny- What'd ya tell 'em that for?
Squiggy- Because I already used the one about the comb.
Lenny- Yeah, that's when they came up here and dropped me all over the floor.
Squiggy- Heh, heh, yeah, that sure was fun.
(Laverne & Shirley enter, running)
Laverne- (not noticing Lenny, runs to the fridge) Where is he?
Lenny- Girls, I need your help.
Laverne- (Screaming at the fridge) OK, Len, hold on, we're comin'!
Shirley- Laverne, Laverne? LAVERNE!
Laverne- (turning around and seeing Lenny) You scared me half to death! Stuck in a fridge, how'd ya like to be stuffed in the fridge for good, heh?
Squiggy- Shut up, everybody, shut up!
(everybody stops talking)
Squiggy (cont.)- Girls, we need your help. Len screwed up an's gonna loose his job if he don't pay for the forklift an' the Green Bay shipment.
Laverne- Wait a minute (She looks at Squiggy) I thought you did that.
Lenny- Naw, he only said he did cause otherwise he'da been bored durin' lunch.
Shirley- I'm confused
Lenny- We gotta get the money before Squiggy gets the axe.
Laverne- But you just said you did it!
Lenny- Yeah, but old man Shotz don't know that.
Squiggy- Yeah.....Hey! I don't wanna loose my job!
Lenny- Then we gotta get some cash, fast.
Squiggy- That's the thanks I get for bein' nice, I ain't gonna ever do this garbage again! (He slumps into a chair)
THREE
Laverne & Shirley's apt. Later that day. A meeting has been called, and the situation has been explained to Ash & Carmine. Ash is between Lenny & Squiggy on the couch. Laverne is pacing in front of them. Shirley and Carmine are standing up behind the couch.
Laverne- (Still pacing) OK, We're here because Len screwed up an' we need money so Squiggy don't get fired again.
Shirley- We gotta think....
(The gang goes into a state of silence. They stare out in front of themselves blankly until....)
Laverne- If we all go stand on a different corner with a tin can....
Shirley- We'll have six empty tin cans.
Laverne- Yup.
Ash- How about we tell people we're trick-or-treating for unicef?
Lenny- Tried it.
Carmine- I got it!
(They all jump back to reality and look at Carmine)
Shirley- What?
Carmine- Lets go down to the Chicago Hilton Hotel!
(Shirley hits Carmine on the arm really hard)
Shirley- Carmine!
Carmine- (realizing what he just implied) No, no, I mean with Laverne's father to the carnival convention. We could set up a booth or somethin'.
Laverne- (Smiling slyly) How 'bout a kissin' booth?
Shirley- Carmine comes up with a wonderful plan, and you're still cruising down smut lane!
FOUR
Lobby of the Chicago Hilton, Lenny & Squiggy are hanging a sign, Ash is directing them. Laverne is flirting with the next boothholder over, Shirley & Carmine are handing out flyers. The sign above the gangs booth reads -Kisses, .50 cents.
Ash- All right guys, leave it there.
(Lenny & Squiggy come down and stand on either side of Ash, admiring their work)
Ash- So, I guess Laverne got her way after all.
Lenny- Yeah. (he smiles at Ash) What'd ya say we get in some practice?
Ash- (smiling at Lenny) No.
Squiggy- (Putting his arm around Ash's shoulder) Awe, come on, just one little kiss.
Ash- I'm warning you Squig....
Squiggy- (ignoring her, he tries for a kiss anyway... so she punches him in the stomach)
Squiggy- (Holding his hand over his gut) Ohwww!
Ash- (giggling at Squiggy) I warned you.
FIVE
An hour later at the booth, Carmine is on one side, smiling at his long line of lady customers. Laverne is on the other side, flirting with each guy that comes by.
Laverne- (Whispering to Carmine between kisses) We outta do this more often!
Carmine- Heh, heh! Yeah, I don't think Shirley likes it too much though.
(They both go back to 'work')
(Shot moves to Shirley, who is steaming and complaining to Ash)
Shirley- Just lookit him! He hasn't looked back here once!
Ash- Calm down, Shirl. Why don't ya just tell him to trade off with Lenny?
(They both get silent, considering this option)
Ash & Shirley- Naw.....
SIX
The convention is over, the girls are counting their profits.
Shirley- Well, we did it. We made enough for the forklift and the Green Bay shipment.
Laverne- Yeah, whats left over?
Shirley- $3.00 to spare...
Laverne- Great, .50 cents a piece. Lets go find our competition on the other side!
Shirley- Don't you ever think of anything else? (Laverne smiles) I don't wanna know about it....
Laverne- Awe, come on Shirl, they're raisin' money for furry little animals!
(Lenny, Squiggy, & Ash enter)
Squiggy & Ash- "Hello!"
Shirley- (looks at Squiggy) Lets go!
(Laverne & Shirley exit. Ash sits down at the table and picks up the remaining $2.00)
Ash- I guess Laverne & Shirley already took their part. (She hands .50 cents each to Lenny & Squiggy, sticks .50 cents in her pocket, and leaves Carmine's share on the table for him.) Boy, I think Laverne had fun.....
Squiggy- Yeah, but Carmine never even gave us a turn!
Lenny- Not one lousy kiss all day! (All three look up at the sign, then to the chair Ash is sitting in, above her it reads, 'Guys, this way'. Lenny drops his money on the table and pushes it to Ash. He smiles at her)
Ash- Well, I guess I can't say no to a payin' customer.... (She leans in & kisses Lenny, when they break apart, several seconds later, Ash leans back and smiles at Lenny, who turns to face Squiggy, then walks off without a word. Squiggy flashes Ash a smile, then hands her his money, he too leans for a kiss)
Ash- All right Squig....(She kisses him and when she pulls back he just stares at her) Squig? (He smiles and walks off, in the same direction Lenny did. At that moment, Laverne walks up to her)
Ash- (with a confused look) Well, now I know what to do if they're buggin' me....
Laverne- I always wondered, which of them two kisses better?
Ash- (smiling & pushing the boys' dollar to Laverne) For .50 cents a piece, you can find out!
END
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