When we last left everyone, the swing competition was only a little while away, and Carmine and Shirley were snoozing away. Now Lenny, Laverne, Derek, and Christine(1) are watching Squiggy and Christine(2) perform their routine.
(backstage)
Laverne: I never thought she was strong enough to
lift him.
Christine(1): At least no one's fallen yet.
Derek: That could change. His hair grease is
dripping. She might trip.
Laverne: Aren't you gonna knock on wood so it
don't happen?
Derek: That's why you GO to a swing competition.
To see people fall.
(Christine[1] playfully slaps him and then Squiggy and Christine[2] walk off the stage.)
Lenny: That was real good Squigg. You didn't fall
or nothin'.
Squiggy: Yeah, 'cause my little Chrissy pie
didn't drop me.
(Christine[1] and Laverne and Derek put on disgusted faces. )
(next it's Christine and Derek's turn to do their routine.)
(meanwhile, in the ballroom.......)
Ashley: Well what do you know? I found myself a beefcake.
(Shirley, who had woken up, sees this)
Shirley: Back off, I branded him first.
(Carmine is still snoozing away and Shirley slaps him in that face. He wakes up in an instant)
Carmine: I didn't do it! Oh, it's you.
Shirley: Well hello to you too. Look, you have to
get dressed, the swing contest started!
Carmine: Where's my costume?
Shirley: Oh, no, it's in my room.
Carmine: On the 13th floor.
Shirley: Well run! Move it! I'll wait for you
backstage!
(she runs in her high heels to the auditorium and he runs to the elevator)
(backstage, some couples from another studio are going, while Laverne and Lenny are talking. Suddenly, a hysterical and out of breath Shirley runs into the backstage area and runs nonstop screaming "Laverne! Laverne!" Laverne runs after her and calms her down)
Laverne: Shirl, what's wrong? Where's Carmine?
Shirley: He's (gasping) in the elevator getting
his costume from his room.
(in the elevator, Carmine is tapping his foot hoping it will go faster. Between the 9th and 10th floor, the elevator suddenly stops. He pushes the 'open door' button, and it doesn't budge. He presses the emergency help button, but nothing happens. Just great.)
(meanwhile, Laverne & Lenny are trying to calm Shirley down)
Laverne: Shirl, you keep pacing you're gonna wear
a hole in the floor.
Announcer: #489, 489, to the floor. I repeat,
#489, come to the floor.
Lenny: Hey Laverne, that's us. C'mon, don't be
nervous, I ain't gonna drop ya much.
Shirley: Good luck Vernie.
Laverne: Hey, don't worry, Carmine will be here.
(in the elevator......)
Carmine: Boy, Shirl is gonna kill me.... Wait,is there a phone here?
(opens a little box that says 'for emergencies only' and finds a bottle of rum and a cigar)
Carmine: Just great. I'm gonna smoke and drink myself to death in an elevator.
(he sits in a corner of the elevator hoping it'll get moving again)
(Lenny and Laverne have finished their routine and waiting with Shirley. Then the guest stars run in with Carmine's costume)
Shirley: You guys, this is great. But you know
what I'm missing?
Haley: What?
Shirley: A person to put this costume on!!
Where's Carmine?
Jessica: We looked for him everywhere, on the 3rd
floor in case he went there by mistake, and in every
room on the 13th floor.
(Laverne is brainstorming, and an idea comes to her)
Laverne: Stephanie, you know for the jazz dance
that black curly wig you guys had to wear?
Stephanie: Yeah.
Laverne: Go get that. I think I have an idea.
(20 minutes later.......)
(Laverne walks out of the dressing room wearing Carmine's costume and a black curly wig. Shirley's jaw drops open and she laughs)
Shirley: Laverne, what are you doing ? This is no
time to play dress up! Get out of that costume!
Laverne: Look, you and Carmine rehearsed your
routine a bunch of times, I know it by heart. And I
hope I can lift ya.
Shirley: You hope? You hope?
Announcer: #678, 678, please come to the floor.
#678, come to the floor.
Stephanie: So are you going to go on?
Shirley: What other choice do I have?
(they walk out on the floor, and the music starts. Laverne, suprisingly, is able to lift Shirley. She swings her from side to side and carries her and twirls her around. The judges are talking)
Judge(1): That boy looks very odd, doesn't he?
Judge(2): Well he dances very well, and the girl
does as well.
Judge(1): But something about that boy, he seems
so familiar.
(the routine finishes and Laverne and Shirley run off stage and into the hallway)
(They call the winners of the swing contest and it's number............)
Announcer: Number 489 is the winner, would couple
number 489 please come to the floor and pick up your
trophy.
Laverne: Len! We won! We won Len! We won!
(she rips off the Carmine wig and runs to the stage with Carmine's costume still on)
Judge(1): Now I know where I know you! Laverne!
Laverne: Uncle Funji? (is that how you spell it?
I don't know.)
Judge(2): Wait, uncle? I'm afraid family members
can't enter.
Laverne: No, he's my pop's best friend! He ain't
my real uncle. We just call him that.
(the guy hands Lenny the trophy and Laverne drags him to the backstage area.)
Shirley: Oh, congratualations Laverne! You won!
You won!
Laverne: I can't believe it!! Me and Len actually
won!!
Shirley: I'm sorry I can't celebrate, but I have
to find Carmine. What if he's hurt or something?
Laverne: Okay, come on everyone, let's go.
(they all run out and into the hallway. They then head to the elevator and press the button.)
Stephanie: Must be stuck.
(Shirley's eyes open wide)
Shirley: Carmine took the elevator to get to our
floor.
Lenny: I'll go get security.
(he runs down the hall and the girls keep stabbing the button)
(10 minutes later, a guard and some firemen run to the where the girls are and use a crowbar to get the doors open)
Fireman: It's stuck between the 9th and 10th floor.
(everyone runs up to the 10th floor)
(meanwhile, in the elevator, Carmine is singing to himself)
Carmine: Nobody knows.... the trouble I've seen...... nobody knows.... oh, this song is getting boring.
(he closes his eyes for a minute and lays against a wall. )
Carmine: I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places, that this heart of mine embraces all day through....
(about 5 feet above the shaft, the girls start shrieking)
Shirley: That's him! He's singing! That's him!
He's alive!
Laverne: He was never dead, Shirl.
(Shirley, in a moment of insanity [that's what I'm gonna call it] jumps past the firemen and on top of the shaft)
Laverne: Shirl, have you lost your mind? Get back here!
(Laverne jumps down on the shaft and suddenly, it starts to move)
(Shirley then screams her lungs out)
Haley: You idiots! How can you do something that stupid?
(Laverne jumps down on the cover of the top of the elevator and it busts open.)
(Carmine, wallowing in misery, looks up and sees Laverne's foot)
Carmine: Great, I'm gonna die and I'm going to
hell.
Shirley: Carmine, help me down!
Carmine: (stands up) Shirl? Is that you?
Shirley: Yes, now help me in! We're getting close
to the top and if we're not in there, we're gonna be
crushed!
(Laverne jumps down into the shaft and Shirley is slowly wriggling her way in)
Carmine: Shirl, there's only 3 more floors to go! Hurry!
(She lets herself go and falls on her butt on the floor)
(they hug each other and kiss very passionately)
Carmine: Shirl, are stupid or somethin'? how could you jump down on an elevator shaft? (looks at Laverne) And you, how could you let her?
(they ride down to the 13th floor where everyone is waiting.)
Shirley: I guess the 13th floor ain't so bad.
THE END