Sugar Is Sweet

RATING: PG (Just because it involves mature themes, but it isn't an "adult" fic)
DISTRIBUTION: To Squeaky and FG so far; any other archives are welcome to ask, but disclaimers must be included, my email left intact. send a URL, and provide full disclaimers as well as credit me fully. Please inform me if you are going to submit my work to any sort of search engine. Please do not submit my work to a search engine that picks out random sets of words and uses them as key words, such as "Google" Please contact me in order for this story to be placed on an archive, or if you want know of a friend who would enjoy my works, please email me their adress and I will mail them the stories, expressly for the purpose of link trading. MiSTiers are welcomed! Please do inform me that you'd like to do the MiSTing, however, and send me a copy of the finished product. I'd also love to archive any MiSTings that are made of my work!
NOTES: Yup, for the first time I've ever seen, it's a Shirley/Lenny romance.
CATEGORY: L&S romance, Humor
FEEDBACK: PLEASE?!
SPOILLER/SUMMARY: Fulfilling what she believes will be his last request, Shirley marries Lenny on what she thinks is his deathbed...too bad his appendix didn't burst after all..

****

"Would you like something for the pain?"

Lenny squinted up at the pretty blond nurse who hovered by his bedside, "Are you an angel?"

"He's delirious!" Sobbed a familiar voice above him. The sky was speeding by over his head as they rushed down the corridor of a hospital.

"Carmine! You found a padre for us!"

"Yeah, yeah; just remember, tipping five percent is customary."

"Fine, fine, start the wedding!"

"Laverne, you could be a little bit more excited on my wedding day!"

"Excited?! You're wearin' a veil made out of a hospital gown and my bouquet is a piece of Hospital Fried Chicken!"

"That doesn't matter now...all that matters is that poor, sweet Lenny get his last request fulfilled!" She ended the sentence on a rising, sobbing note.

"Aww, for Pete's Sake..."

"Stifle, Carmine! Padre?"

"Ah yes...Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in the bounds of holy matrimony..."'

"Would ya hurry it along, doc?" Lenny asked from his hospital bed, "I'm kinda dyin' here..."

"Yes, yes...hold on young fellow...do you, Ms. Shirley Willi...Willa..."

"Willhimena.." Shirly whispered beneath her breath as Laverne giggled beside her.

"Whillimena Feeny take Leonard Mikhail Kosnowski to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do," She sniffled, "Anything to make his last moments on earth more bearable!"

"Do you, Leonard Mikhail Kosnowski, take Shirley Whillhimena Feeny to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"'s that you, momma?" Lenny asked, his eyes muzzley with fever.

"Oh, I knew it!" Shirley wailed, "He's a goner, it's too late!"

"'ey, does anyone want a Rocket pop?"

"I DO!"

"Then by the powers vested in me by the state of Wisconsin, I now pronounce you man and wife."

"You can't have a bottle pop, Len, you're goin' into surgery!"

"Yeah, Len! Neaya!"

"Squiggy, don't tease him! Don't you see he's about to kick the bucket?"

"Don't say that, Laverne!"

"Well, lookit him! He's all pasty and pink..."

At that point, with his friend's voices becoming a distant cacophony in the background, Lenny was rushed into a surgical arena.

Shirley heaved a sigh of relief and tossed her fried-chicken bouquet into the garbage, "Phew! Marriage is hard work."

"I'd say being maid-of-honor is harder," Laverne pointed out, "You ever tried to keep up with a priest in jogging shorts before? At least you got to sit on the gurney!"

"Don't forget, you owe me a fiver, Laverne." Carmine pointed out, indicating the priest, who still stood waiting expectantly for his pay off.

Laverne reluctantly plunked a five into the priest's salacious hands, watching in silence as he took off in another direction. Now that the deed had been done, the reality of Lenny's illness and impending death washed over her and she dropped her head.

"Aww," Shirley wrapped an arm about her best friend, "Don't worry, Vernie; I'm sure Lenny's gonna on to a better place."

Anger slashed across Laverne's features, "Yer talkin' like he's already dead!" She cried out, "Worse, like you WANT him to die!"

Shirley shook her head, "Don't be silly, Vernie! Lenny's a really sweet guy, I wouldn't wish something like that on my worst enemy."

"Hello!" Squiggy piped, still sucking on his Rocket Pop. He wrapped an arm around Shirley's shoulders, "Heya, cuz."

Shirley threw Squiggy's arm from around her shoulders, "My marrying Lenny," She said disdainfully, "Doesn't make you my cousin."

"Yer right, Shirl. It makes us bosom buddies! Wanna make an appointment ta get our nails done an' go shoppin' for shoes?"

Shirley knew that Squiggy was using sarcasm to hide his fear, "We'll still be here for ya, Squig."

"Yeah, no matter what!"

"How can you say somethin' like that!" Squiggy cried, "Lenny ain't dead yet, and he ain't gonna die! You just watch!"

Shirley shook her head, "Squiggy, the doctors said that Lenny's appendix burst. There's very little chance of him surviving something like that."

"Ya don't know that!" Squiggy's eyes were feverent, "Lenny'll make it, you'll see."

An hour passed uneventfully before a surgeon emerged...followed by an uncovered, breathing, heartbeat-carrying Lenny.

Relief filled all three friends as they rushed the doctor, shouting their worries, opinions and questions simultaneously.

"Woah! One at a time!" The surgeon demanded. Instantly, and together, they went silent. "The lovely bride, first."

Squiggy and Laverne both had to prod Shirley with their elbows to force her to speak, her married status not registered yet in Feeny's subconscious.

"Doctor, we understood that Lenny's appendix had burst and...he wasn't long for this world."

"You understood wrong, Mrs. Kosnowski. Leonard's appendix was close to bursting, but we removed it within minutes of its rupture," He beamed down at her, "You're a very fortunate woman, Mrs. Kosnowski. Your husband should live on for many more years to come."

"Many...more...years?" Shirley whimpered, her eyes widening.

Laverne hugged Shirley, "Ain't that great?!" And, while looking up at the doctor, she added, "You busy this Friday night, Doctor?"

Poor Shirley, meanwhile, couldn't do anything more than scream.

The priest poked Squiggy in his left shoulder, "Call me curious, but how exactly did this whole thing come about?"

Squiggy slurped up the rest of his Rocket Pop, "Ya got all afternoon, Padre?"

The priest shrugged, "Mr. Cavendish isn't going to get any deader...sure, why not?"

Squiggy leaned closer to the priest, "It all started last Tuesday..."

To Be Contnued.....