May Day, 1977

RATING: PG
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CATEGORY: L&L romance, Tragedy
FEEDBACK: PLEASE?!
SPOILLER/SUMMARY: Will Laverne and Lenny end up happily wed, or will her wedding day turn into a disaster?
NOTES: Our Tale concludes here! (The Song Lenny favors Laverne with in this half of the fic is called "Never My Love". It was a hit for The Association in 1967, making it five years old at the date of this fic W by Don Addrisi/Dick Addrisi)

****

"Laverne!!" Shirley cried out, throwing her arms around the wide-eyed form of her best friend, "You had us worried sick!"

Laverne stared at her blankly, clutching the bag and hyperventilating. Shirley frowned, clutching her friend by the shoulders "Laverne?" She shook her friend sharply, and, getting no response, slapped her across the face.

Laverne immediately surfaced from her trance and smacked Shirley back, her face twisted in anger. Shirley held and rubbed her jaw, Laverne stroked her cheek, and together they exchanged glances of menace.

"What'd ya hit me for?!" Laverne whined.

"You were hyperventilating," Shirley pointed out, "I thought you were going to pass out!"

"That ain't no reason to hit me!" Laverne snapped in response.

Shirley sighed, "That doesn't matter now; all that matters is that I found you and now the wedding can go on, just like I planned...."

"No it can't!"

Shirley's eyes bugged out, "Wa-What? You don't mean.."

Laverne bit her bottom lip and her head drooped, down at her white satin shoes, "I can't marry Len, Shirl."

Shirley became instantly apoplectic, "Laverne, I've been working at this wedding for months! You can't back out now!"

Laverne's eyes welled up, "You see, Shirl?! You're not even thinkin' about how I feel. everything's about YOU!" Laverne stalked out of the stall and began to walk the bathroom floor, "You picked out my vows! You picked out my church! You even picked out these shoes," She reached down and took off her shoes, "And I hate 'em, Shirl," She said viciously, as she kneaded the tip of it viciously between her hands, "They're smelly and they pinch my toes. I HATE em.."

"They were FINE when you tried them on," Shirley began, "Stop being so childish! Besides, why would want to call off marrying Lenny just because..."

Their voices melded together into a loud, angry cacophony, which lasted for a good five minutes until a distinct "plinking" noise began to issue from the large picture window just across from them, which also overlooked the massive courtyard.

"Plink, plink...CRACK!" Came a final noise, and the glass shattered, sending a spray of tiny, sharp shards skittering like roaches across the cool porcelain tiling. A medium-sized stone followed their lead, bouncing end over end and finally coming to whirling rest inches from Laverne's unprotected toe.

The girls exchanged an amused glance; it didn't take much thinking for the thought to crystallize of exactly who and where that rock was coming from.

Shirley carefully crossed the floor and unlatched a neighboring window. Leaning out into the unusually crisp air, she shouted, "Lenny, Squiggy, I SEE you!"

The boys' expressions were comical in the extreme. Squiggy, who had been leaning as far back as he possibly could while perched on Lenny's shoulders, lost his balance and fell with a soft "thunk" to the ground below. Another rock slipped from his momentarily limp fingers. Lenny, meanwhile, stumbled back onto his heels and squinted up at Shirley through waves of bright, guttering sunlight. "Shirl! Did you find Laverne?"

Despite Laverne's frantic head-shaking in the negative, Shirley admitted, "She's up here, alright!" A wicked gleam glittered in the tiny brunette's eye, "In fact, she wants to talk to you!"

"I can't see him!" Laverne gasped, clearly horrified, "It's bad luck!"

"I thought you were getting ready to call everything off," Shirley pointed out.

Laverne, clearly conflicted, proclaimed, "I am...but I can't tell Len that now.."

Laverne's glare could have melted sheet rock; it very nearly bore through Shirley as she pulled her to the window.

"Heya Len," Laverne said Lamely, trying not to look down and therefore see her fiance.

"Heya, Vernie," He replied, quietly. She knew that he was staring at her, even as she tried desperately to avoid looking down and seeing him.

"Don't look at me like that," She uttered, "You ain't supposed ta look at me before the wedding. It's bad luck."

"How'm I supposed ta look at ya when I can't see ya? The sun's in my eyes."

"Oh," Laverne remarked, flippantly. Then, more seriously, "Len, I...I can't marry ya. I'm sorry.."

"Waddya mean you can't marry 'im?" Squiggy's fiesty tones pierced her eardrum, "That boy gave up his LIMBS fer ya on several non-executive occasions and you can't do the honorous thing and marry 'im?"

Half-confused by Squiggy's little speech, Laverne replied, "Squig, it's not that simple..." She winced when Lenny's ardent sobs began to echo through the courtyard, "Len, we need ta talk. Where'd Carmine go?"

"He's wit yer Pop, lookin' for ya." Lenny Replied through his tears.

"Shirl, go get Carmine. Squig, meet them down in the foyer."

"FOY-ay, Laverne," Shirley replied.

Laverne's expression screamed frustration, and Shirley wisely backed down, leaving the restroom.

Squiggy remained, his hands on his hips, "Why should I listen to ya? Yer breakin' Len's heart for the eight-teenth time, and who's gonna haveta pick up the little pieces?"

"Router-Router?" Lenny piped.

"Squig, wouldya just go?!" Laverne cried.

"She means it, Squig," Lenny noted. "Ya better go."

"Alright, alright." She saw Squiggy's expression change once again, his face trying to appropriate what could be called sorrow, "That boy spent his freezer money on you!" He shouted, before retreating into the darkening perimeters of the courtyard.

Laverne's expression told explicitly of her confusion, "Huh?!" She wondered aloud.

"Nothin'," Lenny lied, then he let out a soft sigh, "Why can't ya marry me, Laverne?"

Laverne herself took a moment to exhale, "It's...it's that.."

"Yeah?"

"I...I..."

"Isit cold up there, Laverne? Yer stuttrin' a whole lot..."

"N..No," She finally took a deep breath and allowed herself to say, "Len, how do ya know that ya won't get sickuv me?" She picked at the all-too-perfect skirt of her dress, "I mean, I ain't know for keepin' a guy, and I think it could be my fault, and.."

"La-verne!" Lenny protested indignantly, "Howkin you ask me that?!" Through the gloom of the night, Laverne believed that she could see Lenny's eyes glow. His voice sounded deeper than it ever had as she leaned out the window, "Vernie, doya remember what you said when I had a 'thing' for ya?"

She smiled bittersweetly at the memory, recalling more her own refusal of his love, "Yeah."

"That thing never went away, Vernie; I hadta pretend that it did for awhile, but I ain't never stopped lovin' ya for a minute."

Laverne's eyes were swimming with tears, "Aww, Len..."

At that moment, he took up his guitar, which lay permanently draped around his shoulders, turning to the only true means of expression he'd been given in this life.

And he began to sing:

You ask me if there'll come a time
When I grow tired of you
Never my love
Never my love.
You wonder if this heart of mine
Will lose its desire for you
Never my love
Never my love.

Laverne's thin voice joined his:

What makes you think love will end
When you know that my whole life depends on you.
You say you fear I'll change my mind
I won't require you
Never my love
Never my love.
How can you think love will end
When I've asked you to spend your whole life with me

She blotted a tear on the back of her hand as the music stopped; how did he know, how did he understand he so amazingly well?

She stood up and smoothed her dress.

"Where ya goin'?" Lenny asked, worry entering his tone.

Laverne smiled down to him, and then shouted, "Well, I don't wanna get married in a bathroom, ya know."

***

Shirley smiled broadly as she marched up the aisle of All Saints Church that night. An evening ceremony seemed better-suited to Lenny and Laverne, anyway, she reasoned to herself, reaching out to caress a velvety rose sitting perfectly arranged in a large arrangement at the end of the aisle.

The wedding marched reached it's coda, the entire chapel, filled with old friends, were brought to their feet, and Laverne made an appearance at her father's arm.

Shirley didn't know exactly what Lenny had to said to his bride, but whatever it was, it'd worked; Laverne's eyes held fear, but it was neatly quashed by apparent amazement and wonder. Mr. DeFazio looked so proud; he was finally marrying his Muffin off!

Now, if only the flowers weren't so BLUE.. Shirley sighed to herself in disappointment, toying with a periwinkle-colored blossom in her own bouquet.

As Laverne reached the end of the aisle, her Pop gently unlinked their arms and told her, "I'm proudya, Muffin. Even if you'd've never gotten married, I woulda been prouda ya." And then he lifted her veil and kissed her tear-crusted cheek.

Laverne wanted to cry, but she couldn't, she was far too happy, "I love ya, Pop," She said. And then she lifted her head and looked at Lenny.

He hadn't taken Shirl's advice. He was wearing his old Army Private Uniform, his hair slicked back, his expression filled with a combination of stupefied shock and pure, unadulterated love.

"Yer so pretty, Vernie," He whispered thickly.

Laverne smiled, leveraged herself up onto the parquet vestibule, "And you're so...tall, Len." He recognized her words and masked a giggle of joy. (Allowing her to miss Shirley's horrified expression at a brief glimpse of red fishnet stockinged feet), and slipped her fingers through his.

Suddenly, everything made perfect, glorious sense.

She heard Shirley sniffle beside her.

***

"What kind of vows were those?!" Lamented Shirley as she poked her piece of wedding cake with her fork.

Lenny gave Laverne a cheesy grin as she leaned up against his shoulder, "I sorta liked 'em, Shirl."

'"I ain't never loved a girl the way I love ya, Vernie. There ain't never been another girl like ya, and there never will be'?!" Shirley quoted directly from Lenny's vows.

Laverne smiled against Lenny's shoulder, "It ain't Shakespeare, but it meant more to me than anythin' anyone's ever said ta me." She pecked Lenny on the cheek.

"Aww..and yours wasn't bad, neither! I liked the part about how I love ya, L's and all.."

"Yeah," She agreed, planting just one more kiss on his brow.

Shirley sighed, "That wasn't too awful, but putting the wedding rings in the mouth of that creature was just too much!"

"Hello!" Piped Squiggy, appearing out of nowhere from the dance floor, "So, tall, blond and not-so-swell lookin', wanna dance?"

Laverne winced at Squig's words, "Thanks but no thanks, Squig. I'm kinda worn out."

Squiggy scoffed, "You ain't the only blond at the table! I happened to be talkin' to Len."

A fox trot started up as Lenny stood, "Sure, but you're gonna hafta lead."

"Yeah, I ain't bad at leadin'...let's go cut one!"

Shirley just shook her head as Lenny and Squiggy disappeared into the crowd on the dance floor, "Sometimes I can't believe you actually went through with it," Shirley then turned her head and smiled brilliantly at her best friend as Lenny and Squiggy tangoed by them, "But I think I know why."

It was Laverne's turn to sniffle, "Yer makin' me misty again," She reached over to embrace her best friend, "I love ya, Shirl."

"I love ya, Vernie." The best friends briefly embraced before a realization dawned on Shirley, "CARMINE! Carmine wanted to talk with me!"

A sly look crossed Laverne's face, "Really? I wonder why."

Shirley remained oblivious of Laverne's reaction, "I've gotta go find him!" She rose and stepped back from the banquet table, "You don't mind bein' alone?"

"Nahh," Laverne said, grinning, "I've got the ring bearer here ta keep me company."

Shirley melded with the crowd as Laverne picked up the huge,yellow iguana and looked into its eyes, "Wanna dance, Jeffery?" She asked, bemused.

***

Shirley pushed her way through the crowd at the dance floor, mumbling apologies as she caught her limbs up in the massive tangle of people. Finally reaching the end of the floor, she ducked underneath the big white tent posted on the lawn.

Bobby Vinton keened over the sound system as Shirley found Carmine, sitting quietly in front of an ornamental fountain just to the right of the tent.

He jumped up when Shirley appeared, "Hi Shirl. Nice ceremony, wasn't it?"

"Despite the revisions," She smiled, sitting down beside him on the huge stone bench, "Carmine, I'm sorry I've been ignoring you all day. It's just that I wanted everything to be perfect for Vernie. It took me all day to figure out that her idea of 'perfect' is different from mine."

"I could've saved ya the trouble," Carmine joked, wrapping an arm around her. Shirley laughed, a bit ruefully, but laughed, "Shirl..have you thought about gettin' married since the divorce came through from Walter?"

Shirley's pixielike expression became a bit less placid, "I...sometimes," Her eyes reflected a hopefulness Carmine had never noticed in her before, 'What are you trying to ask me, Carmine?"

Carmine took a deep breath and slipped to bended knee , "Shirley Whillimena (SP?) Feeny-Meeny, I've been in love with ya since high school. I know I ain't been the steadiest boyfriend, but I love ya, Shirl. Would you consider marryin' me after all this time?"

It didn't even take Shirley a second to yelp out a "Yes" and get swept up in Carmine's brawny arms. He released her only to slip a tasteful but extravagant diamond on her ring finger. She kissed him and couldn't STOP kissing him until her pulled them apart.

"Laverne's gonna miss us in a second," Carmine noted, "They're gonna be cutting the cake, and what with me starvin' and all it's an occasion I don't wanna miss! Do you wanna tell them about us yet?"

Shirl shook her head as they walked back to the tent arm-in-arm, "I don't wanna intrude on Laverne's day," She explained as they meshed with the other, happy, slow-dancing couples out on the floor. As naturally as could be, he wrapped his arm around her and they entered into the dance themselves.

Lost in a world of pure emotion, Shirley leaned against Carmine's shoulder and allowed herself to be swept away. Somewhere in the middle of the song, she caught Laverne's eyes; she was wrapped up in Lenny's arms, lost in their own private world of bliss.

Shirley grinned and waved with her left hand, so that the diamond caught the light just right. Laverne winked back, having known all along that both of them would have their dreams fulfilled this day.

And she mouthed, "Next time, I plan the wedding."