Ok, everyone ready for a nice little hotel stay?

Peter: Um...

Mike: This ain't the story you two have been talkin' about for months whenever we ain't around, is it? :p

Micky: How bad could it be?

Davy: Did you pick it, mate? :P

*Lauren just nods slowly.*

(We begin on the road, with a shot of a large van driving down a lonely desert highway just as the sun is coming down. Cut to inside the vehicle. Lauren and Micky sit in the front seats, Micky driving. Mike, Emma, and Valerie are in the middle seat. Peter, Davy, and Daphne sit in the back.)

Mike: We've been drivin' forever. Mick, are you sure this shortcut of yours is gonna get us home?

Micky: For the thousandth time, yes!

Peter: We told the kids we'd be home by nightfall! It's almost nightfall now!

Emma: I need to use the bathroom.

Lauren: Mike, don't aggravate the driver! Never know WHAT he might do.

Micky: Yeah, well... *sniffs* What the...DAVE! Put your shoes back on!

Davy: 'Ow do you know it's me? :P

Micky: Because if it isn't me, it's you!

Mike: Yeah, well, I seem to recall the last time we let Mick drive a van... (Makes a face and sniffs) Is that was that is?

*Daphne chuckles as Davy leans forward in the seat.*

Mike: (Smacks Davy) Enough, you two. You've been at each other's throats the entire trip home. Can't you be civil to each other for five minutes? I feel like I'm refereein' two five-year-olds in a playground!

Lauren: Maybe we should make a brief stop, stretch our legs. I think we've been in this van too long.

Mike: We need to find a hotel. I don't think we're going to make it back to Malibu Beach before dark.

Emma: We need to find my bladder a rest room.

Micky: I'll stop at the next hotel we come across.

Mike: We'll stay there the night and come out fresh in the morning. We could probably figure out how to get home over breakfast.

Micky: This is good timing. *points ahead of them* I think there's a hotel coming up already.

Mike: Yeah...

(We first catch sight of the hotel as the last rays of the setting sun pass behind it. It's a rather forbidding, Spanish-style building from the earlier half of the 20th Century, about fifteen stories high, with huge towers and elaborate tile and molding. A ragged neon sign, "Hotel California," blinks at the edge of the property. The shadows give the hotel a strange, dark, almost sinister air. The back half of the hotel is surrounded by fences covered with huge, trailing green and orange vines.)

Peter: (Whimpers) Micky, we shouldn't go there.

Valerie: Honey, what is it?

Peter: I don't like its aura! It's so dark!

Emma: I don't care if it's aura is mauve and chartreuse! I need to use the bathroom, unless there's one in the trunk!

Mike: Micky, stop there.

Peter: But Michael...

Micky: I'm so confused!

Valerie: Peter, I'm sure it's fine. If we see anything even the slightest out-of-order, we'll leave, ok? (She leans over to put her hand on his shoulder)

Peter: Well, I guess so...

Emma: If we're not going to stop at the damn hotel, we're stopping on the side of the road, unless someone just happened to have brought a toilet with them!

Lauren: We're stopping here! :P

Mike: Mick, do it!

*Micky pulls the van into the driveway and pulls into a parking spot. He turns off the engine.*

(The parking lot is empty and dusty. An rusty iron gate flaps in the desert wind; sand blows across the cracked pavement.)

Mike: Seems awfully quiet for a hotel at this time of year.

Peter: Maybe this is check-out time.

Micky: It's definitely past check-in time.

Emma: Let's just go in and ask about the rooms and where their nearest bathroom is.

Mike: Yeah, well, I agree with Val. First signs of anything even close to bad - stomach aches, dark auras - we leave. No questions. My intuition is already acting up about this place, but there doesn't seem to be anywhere else for miles.

(Everyone picks up suitcases - except for Mike, who ends up carrying his and Emma's - and head inside the hotel. The interior of the hotel is nicer and less forbidding than the exterior, furnished in warm southwestern colors, with Spanish-style antiques that match the building. An old man in a navy blue uniform with the sleeves rolled up snores behind a huge mahogany desk, the ends of his thick, silver walrus mustache going up and down when he exhales. Mike rings a bell.)

Old Man: (Startled) Huh? Wha?

Mike: Um, excuse me, sir, we'd like four rooms for the night.

Old Man: Really?

Emma: And we'd like to know where your first-floor bathroom is.

Old Man: (Points to their right) Ladies' bathroom is first door to your right goin' to the dinin' room, Miss.

Emma: Thank god! (She immediately heads in that direction)

Lauren: I'll follow her, just to be safe. *follows after Emma*

Mike: (Turns back to the old man) Ok, how much for four rooms?

Old Man: Well, let's see here... (turns back to behind him)

*Davy puts his bag down...right on Micky's foot.*

Micky: Ow! Dave, watch it!

Davy: Sorry, mate, didn't see your big feet there. Wot're you standing so close to me for, anyway?

Micky: Because we have a big group here! You could've watched where you were setting your bag down, you know!

Peter: (He sighs) Guys... :p

Valerie: Don't start, you two.

Mike: (He's haggling with the old man; turns to the others) Could we have a little quiet here, or do you all wanna sleep in the lobby?

Davy: Why is it my fault? Don't most people put their bag down right next to them? You're standing in the way!

Micky: All I'm looking for is a little consideration, here, Dave! Is that so much to ask for?

(The camera slowly moves away from their bickering, focusing first on shadows, then on a lithe, long figure. It moves far enough from the front entranceway to reveal itself to be a young woman, a beautiful creature in a skin-tight, bright flower-print mini-dress and very high pink heels. Her deep blue eyes glittery darkly; her long, pale blond hair shows like cornsilk. She's more bronzed than the building outside.)

Davy: Mick... *sees the young woman*

Micky: *Looks where Davy’s looking and quirks an eyebrow* Dave? Hello?! Earth to Davy! Better be careful! Your wife's ready to pound you into the ground!

Peter: (Also sees the girl; eyes widen) Davy...Davy, don't... :o

Davy: *turns to Micky* I wasn't staring! I could sweah I've seen 'er somewhere before!

Valerie: Peter, what's wrong?

Peter: Her aura is really strange. Dark...and subdued.

Valerie: Davy...

(She looks them over carefully, then puts out her hand, beckoning them to come with her.)

Peter: (Steps back) No way!

Valerie: Miss, are you part of the hotel staff?

(But she just continues to beckon them, heading for the hallway opposite the one Lauren and Emma went to.)

Daphne: Strange.

Peter: I really don't like this.

Valerie: (Puts her hand on his shoulder) It'll be ok, honey. She doesn't seem dangerous.

(The girl starts to head down the hall, the shadows following her, leaving the hallway dark and seemingly endless.)

Davy: I wondah if she might be in trouble. I'm going to go find out.

Daphne: Then I'm going, too!

Valerie: Good idea.

Peter: (Nods) I think we should all try to stay together here as much as possible. I just don't like the vibes in this place. There's something wrong.

Davy: We won't be long.

(Mike and Micky finally join them, Mike holding seven sets of keys, as Davy and Daphne take off down the hall.)

Mike: Where're they goin'?

Peter: They were following some girl. She looked like she may have been in trouble.

Mike: (Sighs) Great. (He and Micky hand out keys) Here's the room assignments, gang. We're all on the thirteenth floor. Apparently, there are other guests here. They're just parked in the back.

(Emma and Lauren join them at this point, Emma looking extremely relieved. She pats her stomach.)

Emma: Baby Nesmith and I needed that, or you guys would have been swimming out of the van.

Mike: Feelin' better, darlin'?

Emma: Much.

Lauren: Considering how long she was in there... ;)

Emma: I TOLD you I really had to go!

Mike: Well, if you hadn't had that giant butter pecan float before we left Vegas...

Emma: I would have died from dehydration.

Lauren: And besides, what baby wants, baby gets.

Mike: Sure, darlin'. (Turns to the others) Why don't we all call our kids, then turn in early, so we can get goin' before the traffic gets really bad in LA?

Valerie: (Shakes her head) I'd rather stretch my legs. We've been sitting in that cramped van all day long. (Turns to Peter) Why don't we go for a walk? (Leans over him and whispers in his ear) So we can get to the bottom of those bad vibes and find out just what's going on around here.

Peter: (Nods; whisper) Right, Val. (Out loud) Yeah, I could use a walk, too. If I have to sit for another hour, I'll go crazy!

Micky: Taking a walk does sound like a good idea. *nudges Lauren*

Old Man: The garden behind the hotel is a nice place for strollin'. They've imported a lot of fancy flowers from other places. Looks real pretty. Lotta people go there, just to let things unwind.

Emma: (Shakes her head and yawns) As nice as that sounds, I really just want to go to bed. I'm bushed.

Mike: (Nods) I'm with Em. We had a great vacation in Vegas, but I feel like we did everything but rest.

Lauren: Yeah, sorry Mick, but I could really use a rest myself. *nudges Micky* If you know what I mean.

Micky: Ooohhh. ;)

Mike: We'll take the room furthest from you two. I don't know what the walls are like here.

Micky: Funny.

Mike: Ok, everybody, let's haul 'em up!

(Fade out on the old man as the group heads for the elevators. There's the sliver of a rather nasty smile under his silver walrus mustache. He picks up a dog-eared copy of "Playboy" as we cut to a dark, shadowy hallway. Davy follows the girl in the flowered mini-dress into a large room that looks like a lounge of some kind, with heavy, overstuffed, Spanish-style chairs, tables, and sofas. A very old TV sits forlornly in one corner. She beckons him again as he enters, a small grin on her face.)

Girl: Come here, handsome.

Davy: *goes over; grins* 'Ello, there.

Girl: Hello. (She smiles and sits down) I've never seen you here before. (Pats the place next to her on the couch) Why don't we (slight smirk) have a nice chat?

Davy: Okay, luv. *sits down next to her*

Girl: (Puts an arm around him) Are you from around here? (Starts running her fingers across...certain places)

Davy: No, I'm from Malibu Beach, California.

Girl: (Runs her fingers further) Just passing through?

Davy: Uh, yeah...

Girl: (She slowly starts removing his pants) So...up for any...nocturnal activities?

Daphne: *as she enters the room* Davy? *sees him next to the girl* Davy!

Girl: (Looks up; glares) We're busy.

Daphne: Not with MY HUSBAND you aren't!

Girl: (Raises her eyebrows) How interesting.

Daphne: *advances* I'll give you interesting...

*Davy backs off as much as he can.*

Girl: No, you won't. (She draws her hands up from Davy's pants to his head and rubs his temples)

Daphne: *Stops in her tracks* Wha...

(There's a black light, and Alex and Sheila appear, both looking more-or-less as we last saw them in "Monkee In Wolf's Clothing," though both now wear light summer threads - tight shorts and a halter top on Sheila, shorts and a T-shirt on Alex.)

Sheila: (Grins) Nice work, Charlotte. The Lord Of the Manor only needs to be aroused to be captured.

Charlotte: You were right about how easily he fell for it.

Sheila: (Turns to Daphne) And look what else we have here! A new handmaiden.

*Daphne balls her fists at her sides and growls.*

Sheila: Alex, you handle her. Charlotte, take David to our suites. We'll meet you there.

Charlotte: Yes, Milady. (She and Davy vanish in a dark blue light)

Alex: *grins* I love feisty women.

*As Alex nears Daphne, she swings a fist at him. He ducks, but can't move away quick enough to dodge her foot connected with his sensitive area. Alex crumples to the ground as Daphne runs out the door.*

Sheila: Damn it! (She rushes out the door...just in time to see a dark blue light) Bloody hell! (Returns to the room) She's gone! She took off, then vanished! She probably went to warn the others!

Alex: *sits up, wincing* Damn!

Sheila: We'll have to find them before she does. That one little bitch could ruin everything!

Alex: *mutters* No kidding.

Sheila: Come on.

Alex: I'm coming. *groans as he gets up; he walks with a slight limp*

(Cut to one of the bedrooms. The room is large and quite well-appointed, with luxurious beds and the same heavy, soft antiques as in the rest of the hotel. Emma lays in bed, reading a novel. A bit of yellow lace peeps out from under the soft brown coverlet. She looks up as Mike comes in, rubbing his wet head. He's clad only in a towel and drawstring pajama pants.)

Emma: (Grins) Oooh mama! You look good enough to eat!

Mike: (Lays next to her) Wanna prove that theory?

Emma: (As he bends over to kiss her neck) Honey, maybe we'd better not. We don't know who else is in the hotel...

Mike: It's probably just horny kids who need a place to make out that ain't their parents’ houses. (His kisses keep rising up her neck to her cheeks; he then nibbles her ear)

Emma: Mike, the only person we've seen besides the others since we arrived is that girl and the concierge, and there's something about both that gives me the creeps. (Sighs) Maybe we should leave.

Mike: Let's just get a little of this in first before we rouse the troops. Remember what happened when we interrupted Lauren and Micky yesterday mornin' because I wanted to get to breakfast and checkout before the rest of the hotel did?

Emma: (Chuckles as his lips kiss her hair) Yeah. The look on their faces when we caught them in that position... (She giggles as he kisses her forehead) Ooh baby, that tickles! Baby...

(As Emma leans over to kiss Mike back, the bed underneath him opens. He tumbles into the hole, which closes again as if nothing happened.)

*Alex appears in Mike’s place in a black light, grinning like the Cheshire Cat as Emma’s lips touch his.*

(When Emma opens her eyes...she sees not her beloved husband, but a grinning Alex. She pulls away and to the other side of the bed like she's been stung, wiping her mouth as hard as she can.)

Alex: What?

Emma: Blecch! My lips touched devil lips! Yuck!

Alex: Oh please. Couldn't be THAT bad.

Sheila: You'd be surprised, considering how many women you've kissed...

Alex: Hey!? :P

Emma: What are you two doing here? Where's Mike? What have you done with him?

Alex: He had to drop in somewhere.

Emma: Where? I know what you like to do to him, Alex.

Sheila: It's none of your concern, Scholar.

Emma: My husband vanishes into thin air, I end up kissing the foulest creature on this planet, and you call it NOTHING?

Alex: Creature?

Sheila: (Sighs) She's as bad as her husband. Ladies, she'll have to be subdued. (She leans over Emma, gently stroking her stomach) But not hurt. She's with child. Alex (she turns to him) why don't you read her soul...and find out a bit more about that little one she's carrying?

Emma: No! Not again! (But the handmaidens grab her arms and hold her to the bed.)

Alex: Oh, come on! You can't tell me you don't LIKE it!

Emma: Um, yes I can. I DON'T LIKE IT! AT ALL!

Alex: *leans over Emma, grinning again* Lemme read that pretty little soul of yours.

Emma: Let go! I won't let you take this child!

(One of the handmaidens clamps her hand over Emma's mouth. Another rubs her head until she collapses, panting.)

Sheila: Well?

Alex: The child is a boy, the next White Knight. His soul is similar to his father's. So much so, he and Daddy often won't see eye to eye. He will be very protective of his mommy, however. *sneers* Isn't that sweet?

Emma: My boy...my child...

Sheila: Will be ours. (Looks at Alex) I suppose this information interests you a great deal.

Alex: Of course!

(The handmaidens release Emma. She lays still, panting heavily.)

Sheila: We'll have to put her somewhere. Nowhere harmful. She must be kept subdued. (Looks meaningfully at Alex) No drugs. Not while she's pregnant. We don't know what effect they'll have on her or the child. We'll just have to cast confusion spells on her until we can move her and the others to Arizona.

Alex: *nods* Right. We'll take it easy on her.

Sheila: (She strokes one side of Emma's face; Alex strokes the other) This will confuse her mind. Her mind will be hazy, and she'll remember little of what happened here.

Alex: Not only will she forget what happened here, why doesn’t she forget about the White Knight, too?

Sheila: (Mutters) The sooner, the better.

(Emma's gray eyes cloud over in a haze of dark mist. She stares blankly.)

Sheila: (Turns to the handmaidens) You will guard her and bring her everything she needs. See to it that she's not disturbed by our other guests or the remaining Guardians.

(The handmaidens nod. Sheila turns to Alex)

Sheila: What about the bridal suite on the top floor? It's out-of-the-way and quite spacious. Lovely view, too. She should be safe there.

Alex: *nods* That'll work nicely.

Sheila: (She concentrates; Emma and the handmaidens disappear in a dark light) That will take care of her. (She turns to Alex) We'll go get the Savage and the Mother next, then we'll handle the current White Knight and make him a lovely pet for me.

Alex: *rubs his hands together* Savage and Mother. This is what I've been waiting for.

*We cut from the devils to another room, furnished in mostly the same manner. Micky is sprawled on the bed, his legs waving back and forth as he lays with his chin propped in his hands, watching TV. Lauren comes out of the bathroom, her hair wet. She ties it up and sits on the bed next to Micky.*

Micky: *turns to her* Good thing you're out. There's nothing on TV.

Lauren: But I can tell from that gleam in your eyes you have something in mind to keep us from getting bored.

Micky: You betcha.

(There's a black light as Lauren climbs into bed with Micky. Sheila, Alex, and several demons appear.)

Alex: Damn! We're too early!

Micky: *groans* Oh, come ON! :P

Lauren: It's like they know. :P

Sheila: Well, as nice as a free show would be, we have things to do. (Looks at Alex) Things I'm sure you're eager to do.

Alex: *looks directly at Lauren* Yeah...things to do...

*Lauren makes a face.*

Micky: I know what you're thinking, Alex! And... *As soon as he stands, he's sucked under the bed!*

Lauren: Mick! *looks under the bed; sits back up* Where is he?

Alex: He's...around.

*Lauren growls and hops off the bed, aiming for Alex. She aims a punch. He turns his head, but she still clips his jaw. Quickly he grabs both of her wrists and holds them, his eyes wide and clearly angry. He grins evilly.*

Alex: *So only Lauren can hear* I can play that way, too. I'm sure I'll have the chance to show you.

*Lauren makes a face, looking a bit nauseous.*

Sheila: I'll take her to your chambers while you handle the men. Don't worry, I won't hurt her. She's not the one I have problems with. (Pats her cheek) In fact, I think she'd make a rather lovely handmaiden when you're not playing with her.

*Lauren growls.*

Sheila: Ahh, that's the old spirit. (She smiles at Alex) The girls and I will prepare her for you. You go...handle...the White Knight for me. Perhaps you can practice some of your new mind tricks.

(The handmaidens yank Lauren's arms behind her back. Sheila rubs her head.)

Alex: I love watching her struggle.

Sheila: (To Lauren) There you go, Mother. Nice and muddled. (She sighs) Don't hurt Sir Robert TOO badly, Alex. I want him tame, not immobile. I still haven't forgiven you for what you did to the one underground.

Alex: Yeah, yeah... :P

(Sheila, Lauren, and the handmaidens disappear in a black light.)

*Alex disappears in a black light as well.*