Ok, folks, everyone ready to do the Club Fairview gig? ;)
Mike (In Emma's Body): Like this? No.
Lauren: Yeah!
Emma: Miiiiiikkkkeeeeeee... :p
Micky: *shrugs* Why not? :)
Peter: I'm ready!
Davy: Might as well try. It's not like 'ave a bloomin' choice.
(We cut to the Club Fairview. It's now night. The "boys" are setting up onstage, helped by the "girls." Their bodies are still switched. Alexandra O'Malley of "The Record Company Scandal" and "Origins of the MonkeeMen" stands on the stage, directing traffic. Except for more gray streaks in her chestnut hair, she looks more-or-less the same as she did when she first offered the Monkees and the Abbies a job in the finale of "The Record Company Scandal.")
Emma: (Sees Mike struggling with equipment) Oh, honey, let me handle that! You don't need to be hurting yourself or the baby! (It proves a bit heavy for Emma - or Mike's - slender body, too.)
Valerie: (Grins and joins them) Let me help, too! (She goes to the other end, and she and Emma finally get the equipment on the stage.)
*Micky perches behind the drumkit, putting it together while Lauren situates each part, which causes Micky to keep glaring up at Lauren. "She" shrugs.*
(Davy and Daphne help carry amps and microphones onstage.)
Davy: 'Ow were we gonna do this again?
Mike: (Indicates the curtain) We'll be right behind there, doin' the playin'.
Valerie: Maybe we should just play records. What if someone finds you guys behind the curtain?
Lauren: I'm doing my own playing! *grins*
Micky: Oh geez.
Emma: (Looks down sadly at Black Beauty) Wish I could.
Valerie: (Stares at the bass) Me too.
Daphne: I can!
Valerie: That's too suspicious. Most of this crowd knows Davy doesn't play the bass often.
Daphne: But I can't play the drums during "Randy Scouse Git."
Mike: That's when Micky will be playin'. Can't be too hard to bang on the tympani the way he does durin' that number!
Valerie: Oh gee, I hope I can keep up with them!
Micky: Just crash the cymbals. Lauren can handle the tympani.
Emma: Groovy! I get to do that nifty knee-bending thing and make cute faces.
(Mike starts to elbow Emma, then thinks better of it and just shakes his head.)
Emma: (Does a knee-bend) I certainly have enough knee!
*Micky nearly falls over laughing.*
Mike: Darlin', can you start wearin' stilts from now on? This is sorta disorientin', seein' the world from down here.
Emma: How do you think I feel? I'm not used to seeing the tops of people's heads! (Makes a face) And it's not like I'm THAT short!
Mike: When you've just gone from bein' 6'2 to 5'4 in less than 12 hours, it sure feels that way.
Daphne: Hey, what about me?
Davy: Evah considered bein' a jockey, luv?
Daphne: (Sighs) I like horses, but I don't have the rapport with them that you do!
Lauren: Try going from 5' to nearly 6'.
Micky: Or vice versa.
Mike: Mick, this is gotta be even more confusin' for you!
Micky: Feel like I'm standing in a hole all the time. I gotta admit, though, having two legs the same length just about makes up for it.
Peter: Good thing the twins are still the same height!
Valerie: (Grins as they start taking instruments behind the curtain) I wonder how they feel about being switched?
Lauren: I hope they don't remember it.
Peter: I doubt it, Lauren. They aren't even a year old yet.
Lauren: Thankfully.
Peter: (Points to the audience; Jannelle is there, carrying Shelly and little Micky) Hey, there they are!
Micky: Alright! *nudges Lauren* Wave to 'em, babe.
*Lauren nods and waves wildly to them.* ;)
(The older woman smiles and waves back, then frowns as little Shelly - in her brother's body - grabs at her dress front.)
Emma: (Sighs) I hope we don't have to explain all this to your mother, Mick.
Lauren: Aw geez...
Micky: Well, it shouldn't surprise Mom TOO much.
Lauren: She knows not to be too surprised about anything when Mick's involved.
(Everyone chuckles.)
Patrick: (Alexandra's still red-faced and red-haired - what's left of it - husband hurries onstage) Ok folks, you'll start in five minutes. The place is really filling up tonight.
Alexandra. Yeah, it's a great crowd. I knew we weren't crazy when Pat and I hired you. You guys have a very fun, unique sound.
Mike: (Mutters) Might be even MORE unique tonight... (Emma starts to elbow him, then remembers what's in "his" stomach and settles for a glare instead.)
Micky: *mutters* They don't know the HALF of it.
Emma: (Puts Black Beauty around her shoulder - then gasps) Um, guys, do you see what...or who...I see?
Peter: (Whimpers and points to a table in the back) It's her! She's back! She's here! (Hides behind Valerie) Don't let her get me! I don't want to lose my soul!
Micky: Aw crap!
(Shelia Saunders does, indeed, sit at a table in the very back of the room, looking thinner and paler than she did before and with longer hair, but just as stylishly dressed.)
Lauren: *mutters* Hold me back, Mick. *Micky nods and latches onto Lauren's arm.*
Valerie: We can't attack her, and she wouldn't know WHO to attack, anyway! I'll bet she doesn't know wearen't who we look like.
Emma: No WONDER my stomach's felt funny tonight.
Alexandra: What's wrong? You're the color of marshmallow fluff!
Emma: (Best Texas accent she can manage) Hey, Alex, darlin', who's that chick in the back? (Points to Shelia)
Alexandra: (Shrugs) I don't know. She's not a regular. I only remember seeing her here once or twice before. Strange woman, though. She'd stay for one or two songs, then leave.
Micky: *mutters* Strange is being nice.
Mike: (Quickly) Alexandra, could we start early? We...we ain't feelin' well.
Emma: Probably something we ate.
Lauren: Must've been the pizza.
Alexandra: (Shrugs) Well, I guess so. The crowd would probably be happier that way, anyhow. They look like they need some excitement.
Patrick: (Pats his stomach) I ate three of the pizzas, and I'm just fine.
Alexandra: (Sighs) Pat, you don't have a cast-iron stomach, you have an industrial-strength steel alloy stomach. You could probably eat anything short of the kitchen sink and be fine.
Patrick: You won't eat, and I eat everything. We make a good team.
*Micky snickers. Lauren just grins.*
Alexandra: Come on, Pat. The kids have to get started.
Patrick: Oh, good, time for dessert.
Alexandra: Don't you ever think of anything else besides food?
Patrick: Cooking shows.
*Micky nudges Lauren and grins. Lauren just shakes "her" head.*
(The mismatched owners of the Club Fairview walk offstage as the girls begin to look like they're tuning up "their" instruments...except for Daphne, who really DOES tune up the bass.)
Mike: Ok girls, don't be scared.
Emma: Oh, I'm not scared of the stage. I DO like perfoming.
Valerie: Me too.
Mike: (Reaches up and kisses Emma on "her" lean and now clean-shaven face) No stage fright, darlin'?
Lauren: *twirls "her" sticks, or tries to* I'm not scared. Not yet, at least. *drops "her" sticks* Shoot!
Emma: Never. I'm another ham. ;)
Micky: Lose something? *hands Lauren the sticks*
Lauren: Okay, maybe I'm a little nervous.
(Davy shows Daphne a few last-minute moves. Both happily dance together.)
Daphne: I'm going to have to bring you onstage tonight, Dave. I bet this crowd would go wild if we danced together! ;) :D
Davy: Bring on the mega-stah powah, eh, luv?
Daphne: Right!
(Everyone else rolls their eyes.)
Mike: There are two of the great egos of all time.
Micky: I have the third! *waves an arm*
Mike: Yup. It's a wonder it isn't bigger than that little body you're in now.
*Micky sticks "his" tongue out.*
Emma: (Puts her arms around Micky) He means that in the best way, of course.
Micky: Oh, of course!
*Lauren snorts, trying not to burst out laughing.*
Peter: (Takes another bass; bounces) Let's get going! I want to play!
Valerie: (Takes the other bass from Daphne) That's right. I do, too.
Daphne: (Picks up one tambourine and hands the other to a departing Davy) Let's show 'em what women AND men can do!
Micky: *grabs the spare drumsticks and a set of tympani sticks; gives Lauren a kiss on the cheek* Just in case you drop them again.
Lauren: Nice vote of confidence.
Alexandra: (Comes onstage and takes a microphone as Lauren gets behind the tympani and Daphne scrambles behind the drums) Hi, everyone. Ready to hear one of our fantastic house bands, those rocking animals of the Fairview zoo and the favorites of the San Fernando Valley club scene, the Monkees? (Delighted screams and shouts come from the crowd; Sheila watches, interested) Well, folks, and away they go! Hit it, boys!
(Alexandra runs offstage, for once as red-faced as Patrick, and joins her husband at a table.)
Emma: (Gulps; her best Texas accent) Um, hi there, folks. Ready to hear some great music? (More cheers from the crowd.) We're startin' with a little somethin' from our drummer. Hey Laur...um, Mick, why don't you show us what those British folk do for fun? ;)
Daphne: (British accent) Those of you who know Dav...me know that this is true.
Valerie: (Her best confused look) I thought they drank tea and played cricket?
(Daphne whaps Valerie over the head with a drumstick. Valerie giggles)
Lauren: *grins and winks, almost laughing* Oh Pete! *counts it off & does the oh so familiar opening of "Randy Scouse Git"*
(We launch into "Randy Scouse Git," one of Micky's songs. Lauren is obviously having the time of her life banging on the tympani. Emma looks nervous at first and won't move, but then starts to get into the song and make silly faces and jump up and down. It's obvious she wants to dance along, but not only knows her husband wouldn't do that, but it's kind of hard to do with a guitar in one's hands.)
*Lauren keeps pounding on the tympani and singing away.*
(This is cut with the boys playing the song behind the curtain and shaking their heads at each other and the curtains, Jannelle moving along and bouncing the babies on her knee, and Sheila watching the group on the stage with cold interest. At the end of the song, Daphne drops the sticks, Valerie flops over the keyboard, Emma ends up sitting on the floor panting, and Lauren keeps drumming away on the tympani. )
Daphne: (Gets up from the drums and taps Lauren on the shoulder) Laur...uh, mate? I think the song is over.
Lauren: *feigns sadness* Song go bye-bye?
Emma: (Nods; still panting) Song go bye bye, La...Mick.
Daphne: We're gonna have to take your tympani away. I need room to dance.
Lauren: Aw! *is obviously doing some fake crying*
Valerie: (Takes Lauren in her arms and gives her a big Peter hug as two men run on the stage and take the tympani) There. Feel better now?
Lauren: Yeah, but could I get a root beer float, too, just to make sure?
Daphne: Good. You can have the drums back, mate. They like you bettah. (Hands "her" the drumsticks.)
Lauren: Well, this works, too. ;)
Emma: (Finally gets off the floor as the audience chuckles) AFTER the show, La...Mick.
Lauren: I'm gonna hold you to that!
Emma: (Laughs along with the audience) You probably will, La...um, boy. (Turns to the others and pretends to "tune" her guitar, though she's really just twisting the top parts nervously) Hey, guys, want to do one of my songs next?
Valerie: (frowns) Um, which one, Mike? You have so many, I forget myself sometimes.
Lauren: Yeah man, I forget, too.
Mike: (Sticks "his" head behind the drums, where it can't be seen) "Circle Sky" is the next song on the playlist tonight!
Lauren: Oh, wait, I remembered one! How about "Circle Sky," Mike?
Emma: (Nods) Oooohh, yeah! (Remembers who's body she's in) Oh, I mean, yeah, Mick, that would be good.
Valerie: (Sighs) That's fine.
Lauren: Groovy!
Daphne: Me wrist will get a workout! (Sits on a stool next to Lauren)
Lauren: You wanna count this one off... Mike?
Emma: M...ME?! (Gulps and remembers where she is) Um, yeah, sure, I do.
(Emma taps her foot and counts off the song as best she can. As the girls play Mike's rock song and kids start to get up and dance, a long, lean figure can be seen moving in the very back of the room, toward the bandstand. We cut to behind the curtain, where the "boys" play all of the music but the tambourine. Davy sits on a stool near the curtain opening, listening to how things are going.)
Davy: (Gulps) That was a close one. This music business really DOES scah Em, don't it?
Mike: Yeah, well, she don't know as much about it as we do.
Peter: One or both of us really ought to teach her how to play the guitar sometime.
Micky: I'm gonna teach Lauren the drums, so she can actually play more than just the tympani.
Peter: After Valerie and I get married, I'm going to teach Valerie the guitar and bass, maybe classical guitar, too.
Mike: Wish Em hadn't froze up like that when she had to count off "Circle Sky." She might have given us away!
Davy: (Peeks outside) They seem to be ok about it.
Mike: The kids are, but what about our bosses? If they suspect something's wrong...
Davy: I doubt they'd throw us out, Mike. The O'Malley's think we're wonderful. They probably just think we're tired.
Micky: Or that we're drunk. ;)
Davy: The lattah might be more believeable.
(Mike glares at Davy. Peter just shakes his head as the song comes to an end.)
Emma: (Cut back to the girls onstage) You liked that, folks? (Major cheer from the crowd) How about another one that keeps ya rockin'?
Valerie: (City-lighting Grin) Oh boy!
Lauren: *crows* How about "Steppin' Stone" to, ahem, slow things down a little? *grins*
Daphne: Just the thing, Laure...um, Micky!
Emma: Ok, guys, let's get a move-on.
Valerie: You're always in a hurry, Em...um, Mike!
Emma: Well, we... (looks up and sees the table in the back is empty) ...we're in trouble.
Lauren: Wha...
Valerie: (Eyes widen) Oh, man!
Lauren: *mutters* Crap, let's play! It'll keep her away!
Daphne: (Gasps, but then smiles again) We'll be in trouble if we don't keep this crowd movin', gang!
Emma: Uh, right, Daph...um, Davy. (Emma counts off nervously again as we launch into the quick pure rock tune and the crowd starts dancing along again. Jannelle even moves the babies in time to the music as if they were "dancing.")
(A slender, stylishly-dressed figure makes her way through the crowd, though it's slow going. She finally finds the door to the back half of the Fairview hidden by the curtain and steps in, ignoring the two young stagehands who have joined the crowd on the dance floor. Cut to the boys. Davy is still on the stool while the others play.)
Davy: This isn't the most excitin' time I've 'ad at work. Daph can play the tambourine and maracas just fine. She don't need my dubbin'.
Micky: Should've made you trade off with me on drumming.
Mike: Don't worry, Dave. It'll all be over soon.
Peter: Valerie can play the piano well, but she's never played the guitar, so I have to dub the bass.
Davy: (Sighs) I wish somethin' would 'appen.
Mike: What, OTHER than bein' in a female body?
Micky: *shakes "his" head* I'd throw a stick at you, Dave, if I didn't need both.
Peter: Don't count your chickens before they lay eggs, Davy!
Davy: (Sighs) Oh Petah.
Peter: What?
Micky: So close, and yet so far.
Mike: Least we don't have to sing for them.
Sheila: *rounds the corner and appears backstage where the "guys" can see her; smiles evilly* Hello, ladies.
Mike: (Frowns) What are YOU doin' here, you bitch?
Davy: And could you leave? We're kinda busy 'e... (remembers whose body he's in) here.
Micky: *growls at Davy* I oughtta smack you!
Davy: Don't smack me, Mi...Lauren! Smack (points at Sheila) HER!
Sheila: Just came to see the show. I must admit, the show back here is more interesting than the one out there.
(The boys are still playing, trying not to show that anything's wrong.)
Mike: Why don't you go home and watch a show?
Peter: "Laugh In" is really groovy!
Davy: "The Carol Burnett Show" is hilarious.
Sheila: Why would I want to do that? I'm rather enjoying this one. *folds her arms*
Mike: What do you want? If you try to muddle us, the gir...um, guys are gonna come back here pissed as hell.
Sheila: What else? Revenge, of course. Though I do wonder why you ladies are the one playing those lovely instruments if the boys are on stage?
Davy: (Eyes widen; he jumps up and puts his fist in Shelia's face, knowing what Daphne's temper is like) Ok, Freak Eyes, you leave, before I send you clear to Mars!
Peter: We're all playing tonight! It's a love-in.
Mike: Can't you see we're in the middle of a concert, Sheila?
Sheila: I can see that just fine, but I didn't realize you ladies could play so well, too. *smiles demurely*
Micky: *mutters* I'm gonna shove these sticks right up her...
Davy: (To Micky) Watch your language, mate, and remembah who's body you're in!
Micky: *grumbles* Why do ya think I stopped?
Mike: The boys have been teachin' us.
Peter: (Whispers) Mike, your accent!
Mike: (Whispers back wide-eyed) It slipped! (As the song ends) You know, Shelia, there's four of us, one of you, and an entire floor of screaming kids out there who love us. You're outnumbered.
Sheila: Perhaps I'm outnumbered, perhaps not.
(Emma pokes her head as Daphne plays some Bach for the crowd to cover their absence.)
Emma: Darlin', what's goin' on in...(sees Sheila, gasps, and drops the accent) YOU! What are YOU doing here?
Mike: As I recall, Sheila, (plays a guitar riff), you ain't no fan of music.
Sheila: Thought I'd stop by and say hello.
Emma: M...I am NOT going to bed with you, Devil Woman.
Mike: (Narrows his eyes and mutters) Boy, would SHE get a surprise if she tried that now!
Sheila: *makes a bit of a face* There is something strange going on here. I'm very interested in finding out what it is.
Micky: I'll show her strange!
Daphne: (Runs behind the curtain) We have powers that use the imagination, you're the most evil person in the universe, and you've been lusting after a man for almost 500 years. Does that about cover it?
Sheila: That isn't what I meant. I feel there's something odd about all of you...
Micky: *mutters* I've thought the same about her almost all along.
Daphne: Let me repeat. We have powers that use the imagination. How much odder do you want?
Davy: (Frowns) Luv, the accent!
Daphne: (Groans) Oh, man...
Davy: (Realizes he used HIS accent) Oh MAN...
Sheila: *grins* Your accents aren't right, and the "guys" have been goofing up each other's names the entire show.
(Emma glares at Mike. Peter whimpers. Davy and Micky smack their respective girlfriend and wife over the heads.)
Mike: (Holds Black Beauty as close to him as he can) You can't do a single damn thing to us, Devil Woman.
Sheila: I seem to have struck a chord, though.
Peter: That's right. We have ANOTHER kind of power!
Emma: What do you mean?
Mike: THIS kind! Guys, hit it!
*Sheila's eyes widen.*
(The group begins "Do It In the Name Of Love," eventually moving out onto the stage. Sheila gasps and takes her head in her hands. She makes her way to the exit and finally slips out while the kids continue to play.)
(Emma drops her guitar and puts her arms around Mike as they sing. Peter sits next to Valerie at the piano bench, playing his bass for her. Daphne and Davy show off their moves together. Lauren picks up a tambourine and sits next to Micky on the drums.)
(Everyone is dancing up a storm and a worried Jannelle is bringing the twins up to the stage when, suddenly, a very bright, blue light engulfs the stage and everyone on it. The crowd cheers, thinking it's special effects.)
Mike: (The familiar Texas accent now comes out of Mike's body) Holy SHIT! What the hell...(looks at himself)...oh, my God! I'm in my own body again!
Emma: (Also looks at herself) Me too! (Leans over to hug Mike, then remember she has the guitar around her. They both laugh as Emma hands Black Beauty over to her owner.)
Valerie: I'm me again!
Peter: Me too! (Hugs her hard. For once, she hugs back.)
*Micky jumps up and down, cheering.
Lauren: *makes Micky stop jumping* Never thought I'd be so happy to be short again.
Davy: (Grins) Same 'ere, luv!
Daphne: As Rogers and Hammerstein once put it, "I Enjoy Being a Girl!"
Davy: (Looks Daphne over) And as Maurice Chevalier once put it (twirls her around) "Thank Heavens For Little Girls!"
(Jannelle, Alexandra, and Patrick hurry onstage, Patrick puffing away as usual.)
Alexandra: (If she grins any harder, her smile will be at her hairline) What was THAT? That was AMAZING! Where did you get those lighting effects?
Peter: In here. (Taps his head; Valerie nudges him)
Janelle: *goes to Lauren and Micky with the twins in her arms* I'd be willing to bet it was Micky's doing.
Lauren: And you'd be right. *mutters* More than you know.
Patrick: Could you do it again sometime? I could see that from the snack bar!
Mike: Sorry, Pat, but I think that was a one-time burst of inspiration.
Alexandra: (Sighs) That's a shame. The crowd loved it. Are you SURE you can't do it again sometime?
Mike: Probably better for mankind if we didn't.
Micky: No kidding.
(Lauren and Micky take a twin. Shelly tries to grab her father's drumsticks. Little Micky starts screaming along with the people in the audience.)
Davy: Think the kids are back to normal.
Lauren: *grins* Thank God. *whew*
Micky: I've never been so happy to nearly have my sticks taken away.
Lauren: *makes a face* Think I've gone deaf.
(Everyone chuckles. The crowd nearly goes wild.)
Emma: (Grins) Now I know why you wanted to be on stage so badly, Baby. This is awesome.
Mike: (Smiles) But I'm still sayin' "Someday" inside.
Emma: (Indicates the crowd) Well, honey, (grins gently) "Someday" is here.
Mike: (Gently runs his fingers over Emma's stomach) In more ways than one. (Softly) We're gonna be parents, honey. I won't let you do this alone. I'll try to understand how hard this is for you.
Emma: And I'll try to understand how it's going to feel to have to support us and our child. (Sighs) A child...
Mike: Our own little one... (he takes her in his arms)
Micky and Lauren: Awww! ;)
Peter: (Takes Valerie's hand) Val, when we get married, can we both run the Music Society?
Valerie: We can do it even BEFORE we get married. Some of those stuffy conservative types could use new blood.
Davy: I ain't nevah gonna use lousy pick up lines on a bird again, Daph. (Takes her in his arms and goes into a tango stance)
Daphne: Today, anyway. (They "tango" across the floor.)
Alexandra: (Indicates the happily howling crowd) I think they want an encore, folks.
Patrick: As if ANYTHING could follow up that crazy light show!
Micky: I think I have the perfect song for an encore. Anyone up for "Goin' Down?"
Emma: Sounds good to me. A song you ALL wrote.
Davy: (As he and Daphne tango the other way) Yeah, we ALL 'ave to answah for this one!
Mike: Ok, everyone grab an instrument...(looks into his wife's eyes)...or do what they do best.
Alexandra: (Nudges Patrick) Sorry, Pat, but there's nothing to eat up here.
Patrick: (Rolls his eyes) You're cute, Alex.
(Emma takes a microphone. Daphne takes the blond guitar. Davy and Lauren pick up tambourines. Valerie stays at the keyboards. Jannelle, Alexandra, and Patrick take the twins off the stage, just in eye range. Patrick takes Shelly in his arms. She tries to pull at what little red hair he has left. He squawks along with little Micky as the women chuckle.)
Micky: *takes the front of the stage* Time to show off some fancy footwork!
(As we see the audience happily dancing to the beat of the fast song and Micky performing his steps from the "Goin' Down" video, the last thing seen is a long, elegant shadow taking off in a black car down the neon-lit darkness of Fourth and Main street.)