Emma: (Sighs) Well, is everybody ready?
Lauren: *glances at Micky and snickers* We're ready!
Davy: Ready...and very much male.
Mike: Ready over here.
Peter: I'm ready!
********************
(Lauren and Micky walk downstairs. All of the girls but Mina are still in the kitchen, where Martha returns. Peter is also still in the kitchen, blushing as he chats with the ladies. Micky goes to the kitchen with the test tube while Lauren sits next to Emma, who lays on a ratty, over-stuffed couch, reading a dog-eared novel.)
Micky: (Whispers to Lauren before he goes in the kitchen) You get Emma outside before Mike leaves. I'll take care of the pink lemonade.
*Lauren walks over to the couch*
Emma: (Finally turns over and acknowleges her friend) Hi, Lauren! (Holds up the book) Imagined myself some reading material. My favorite book, "The Scarlet Pimpernel."
Lauren: Ah, nice choice. *winks, then sits* Hey, I was thinking, maybe a walk outside would be good for me before I hit the sack. Wanna come along?
Emma: (Shrugs and puts the book on a crate that doubles as a coffee table) Sure. I could use the exercise. (Pats her round stomach) Gotta maintain my glamorous figure. ;)
Lauren: *pats her own stomach* That was my second reason. *smirks, then chuckles*
(The girls walk outside, taking long, deep sniffs of the fresh country air.)
Emma: It's so beautiful here. All the rolling hills and greenery...
Lauren: The Warioresses have a really nice, quiet place here. *smiles*
Emma: Yeah. They're lucky they found it. (Turns to her friend) Did you and Mick have a nice chat?
Lauren: Yeah, we did. *pauses, thinking*
Emma: Is he still chasing you? He really should give you some space.
Lauren: He's getting better, and I am, too. He won't pull so much, and I won't push too much *grins*
(Mike is sitting on the edge of the hill overlooking the valley as the girls walk towards him. He plays what sounds like "Circle Sky" on his black guitar. Emma sees him and starts to turn around. )
Lauren: *stops Emma* No, you don't. We can be out here too.
Emma: Why don't we go somewhere else? He probably wants to be alone.
Lauren: How do you know that? Maybe he'd like an audience.
Mike: (Looks up from his guitar) Hi, ladies. (Smiles slightly at the guitar) Thought I'd try that imaginin' stuff and bring over Black Beauty for some practicin'.
Lauren: *smiles* Good job, Mike!
Emma: (Smiles) Another Black Beauty!
Mike: (Pats his guitar) This thing is the love of my life. Cost me a pretty penny, but it was worth every cent. I've written almost all my best songs on her.
(Micky comes out of the farmhouse with two glasses of pink lemonade on a round serving tray. He pours the pink liquid into the glasses, cackling quietly, and brings the tray and the glasses out to the three.)
Micky: Well, look who I found!
Mike: Hi, Mick. You and Lauren feelin' better?
Micky: *winks at Lauren* Much! *pauses* Hey, I thought you and Emma could use some drinks.
Mike: I'm not really all that thirsty.
Micky: *walks right up to the small group* Oh, come on, Mike, I heard you singing out here. You have to be at least little thirsty.
Emma: (Smiles) I'll take some, Lauren. (Looks at Mike) Unlike some people, I know how to be polite. (Downs the glass and sits on the ground next to Mike.) Hey, that was good stuff!
Micky: *beams* See? Emma likes it!
Mike: Well, ok. (Smells it) What's in this stuff? (Emma already looks quite dreamy.)
Emma: Mike...
Lauren: Lemons, what else?
Micky: Go ahead, Mike!
Mike: (Shrugs) Here goes nuthin'. (Downs the glass and hands it back to Micky.) Hey, that wasn't bad! (Starts to look a bit dreamy himself, an interesting thing to behold in the usually stoic Texan) Not bad at all...
Emma: (Turns to Mike) Mike...
Mike: (Turns to Emma) Em...
Micky: Ah, well, my job as your humble server is done. I'll go back to the house now. *nods at Lauren* Wanna come?
Lauren: *considers it* Okay, Mick. See you guys later.
*Lauren and Micky head back to the house. They can be heard snickering on the way.*
(Mike and Emma are too busy looking into each other's eyes to acknowledge their departure.)
Emma and Mike: (In unison) I...I...love you!
*A loud whoop of joy is heard from the porch.*
Mike: I've loved you since this whole thing began. I fell in love with you the moment I saw how you handled Zero back at the Library.
Emma: (Snuggles against Mike) I love you so much. I love your music. I love your sense of humor. I love how you take care of and protect the guys.
Micky and Lauren sit on the porch railing at the house, watching them.*
Micky: *nudges Lauren* I seem to remember Davy rattling off some lines like that. *Lauren shushes him.*
Mike: Why didn't you say something before?
Emma: (Shrugs) I don't know. I couldn't. I didn't know how you felt. I thought, if I told you, you'd just make fun of me, just...(softly) hurt me.
Lauren: *leans closer to Micky* What'd she say?
Micky: *holds an index finger to his lips, then produces half of a bug* I'll fill you in completely later.
Mike: (Gently cups Emma's chin in his hands) Emma, I would NEVER hurt you. Never. I want to hold you, to protect you, to keep you from runnin' into danger and gettin' hurt, but you keep pushing me away.
Emma: I don't like being dependent. I've been dependent on others all my life. I want to stand on my own two feet.
Mike: Sometimes, darlin', even the strongest wind needs somethin' to lean on.
*Lauren snickers and Micky whaps her in the back of her head.*
Emma: I'm worried that everyone will walk away.
Mike: I'm not too good at trustin' others either, darlin'. It took me months to be able to trust the guys.
Emma: (Lays her head against his chest) I envy your relationship with the guys. I don't have too many close friends besides Lauren.
Mike: I wouldn't give the guys up for the world. Yeah, they drive me nuts, but they're my family, you know?
Micky: Look!
Lauren: Shhh! I'm watching, I'm watching...
Emma: (Sighs) I'm just scared, I guess.
Mike: (Stroking her wavy brown hair) You, scared?
Emma: Of everything. (Sighs) Of people leaving me. Of everyone I love getting hurt, mentally or physically. Everyone always leaves me in the end.
Mike: (Holds her close) I won't leave you.
*Lauren and Micky both have wide-eyed expressions.*
Emma: (Tears, turns to Mike) Do you mean that?
Mike: (Tips her chin toward her) Yes. (Kisses her deeply. They're both wide-eyed and panting afterwards.)
Emma: (Murmurs to herself) Sweet and melting, kind of like an ice cream cone. (sighs blissfully)
Micky: *warps an arm around Lauren's shoulders* We did it, Babe.
Lauren: Good job on the potion, Mick. *smiles* *Micky grins triumphantly*
Peter: (Walks out on the porch with Martha) Did what? (Eyes widen) Is that Emma and Mike, under the tree, kissing? (Raises his eyebrows) I didn't think they knew how!
Lauren: *laughs* Yup, that's them!
Martha: I thought they seemed like they were stuck on each other.
Micky: *snickering* Of course they knew how! They just needed a little help. *winks*
Peter: (Worried) What kind of help? Micky, you didn't do something to them, did you?
Micky: *looks innocent* Who, me? *pauses, then grins* Just a little help from a looooove potion! *Lauren laughs*
Martha: (Raises her eyebrows) A love potion?
Peter: (Bursts into laughter) Micky, you didn't!
Micky: Sure, what else? *shrugs* I did!
(Emma and Mike stand, still kissing.)
Lauren: *elbowing Micky* Ahem. We did.
Mike: We'd better go in. It's gettin' late.
Emma: (Puts her arms around him) I don't want to let you go.
Mike: (Holds her, grining) I wish I didn't have to let you go either, darlin', but we've got a big day head of us. We gotta get the kiddies to bed.
Micky: *glares at his bug* He didn't just say that.
Lauren: *glances at the bug, then at Micky* I think he did.
Emma: (Giggles) If we can split up Micky and Lauren!
Lauren: Hey?! *Micky laughs loudly*
Mike: Micky's gotta give Lauren some time to herself, to think and stuff. He's gonna drive her bananas if he keeps jumpin' all over her.
Emma: (Grins) She mostly likes it! (The two turn back to the farmhouse arm in arm, Mike holding Black Beauty with his free hand)
*Micky hides the bug, then takes on an innocent look, whistling*
Emma: (As they come back up to the farmhouse, both grinning dreamy grins) Hi, guys! What you doing out so late?
Mike: (Shakes his finger jokingly) Ain't it past your bedtimes?
Emma: (Puts her arm around Mike) We must be great entertainment.
Lauren: Just getting some air. *smiles*
Micky: Aw, but Daaaad...
Mike: (Pretend-stern) No buts, son! You give your girlfriend a peck on the cheek and skip along to bed!
Micky: *salutes* Yes, sir! *manages to not knock himself out; gives Lauren a kiss on the cheek. She blushes, then sticks her tongue out at Emma and Mike. Micky waves, then makes his way into the house, skipping all the way. Lauren just shakes her head, chuckling.*
Peter: Um, um... (gives Martha a so-quick-it-barely-touches her peck on the cheek and rushes in the house) Night!Mike: (Kisses Emma) I'll see you in the morning, darlin'. (As he goes in the house) Micky, it's too early for a midnight snack! (Door slams, cutting off Micky's reply.)
Lauren: So, how'd it go?
Emma: (Leans on the porch railing, a dreamy look on her face) Hmmm?
Lauren: *rolls her eyes* You and Mike were out there talking...
Emma: (Sighs) Isn't he wonderful? He likes me...
Lauren: *plays along, dropping her jaw* You mean...
Emma: (Nods) And I like him.
Martha: (Laughs) I think we figured that out when we saw you two kissing.
Lauren: *smiles* Alright, Emma! *claps her friend on the shoulder*
Emma: (Blushes) I haven't kissed a guy in over a year and a half. It felt weird but...good. I don't usually like trusting guys, but Mike's different.
Lauren: *cheers* Finally! *beams*
Martha: (Smiles, then nods at the dark sky) Mike's right about one thing, it is time to go to bed. We've got a very long day ahead of us.
Lauren: *looks up also* Yeah, guess we ought to hit the sack.
(Martha heads in, followed by the girls.)
Emma: (Follows Lauren upstairs) I feel so funny tonight. Almost like I'm floating on air, which, considering my weight, is an interesting experience. ;)
Lauren: *shakes her head* That's love, my friend. That's how I felt and have felt since I brought Micky's jacket to him.
Emma: I thought I was in love before, but nothing quite like this! I feel like I drank a whole bottle of champagne! (Moves to a drawer and takes out a long sleeveless green nightgown)
Lauren: *smiles knowingly, pulls out a pair of shorts & a t-shirt* Quite the experience, ain't it? *winks*
Emma: I wonder if Mike feels this way, too. Kind of lightheaded, almost.
Lauren: *bites her lip, smirking* Maybe he does.
Emma: (Flings herself onto the bed and snuggles under the covers) Oh, look! (Grins and reveals two stuffed animals, a green frog and a cute little fox) Martha sleeps with friends. ;)
Lauren: Look at those two! They're so cute!
Emma: (Tosses Lauren the frog) Pretend he's Micky. He probably jumps around as much.
Lauren: *laughs and makes the frog jump around* He does! Lookit that! *laughs again*
Emma: (laughs) And he even has the same skinny legs!
Lauren: *checks the frog's legs* Weeell, yeah, okay, I'll agree with that. *falls onto her bed, chuckling*
(Emma's sigh is the last thing heard before both girls drift off to bed. The sun is only just peeking over the horizon when a rooster is heard and a head pops in.)
Carlotta: Upsy posy, ladies! Martha says we make early start!
*Lauren covers her head with her pillow.*
Emma: (Groans) Do I have 'ta?
Carlotta: You don't get up, you don't get breakfast! It's going to be hot griddle cakes with home-made blackberry syrup and scrambled eggs with tomatoes and goat's cheese.
Emma: (Burrows further under the quilt) I feel like my head was in a hit-and-run.
Lauren: *removes her pillow, frowning* Oh boy! *sits up* Alright, I'll get up, but I won't like it! Only because you said the magic word in blackberry!
Carlotta: (Grins) Ahh, you have taste, Senorita! That is my favorite, too! I make it myself, and I use no Spanish spices! (Winks) The other Wariorresses no let me! (Pulls back out)
Emma: (Mutters) Get me two aspirin and call me in the morning.
Lauren: *snickers* I like her. *turns* Aw, Em. *goes over to her* Hey, you seriously have a headache? *arches her eyebrows*
Emma: (Sits up and holds her head) Yeah. (Groans) What the heck did I drink last night?
Lauren: *frowns* Don't ask.
(They dress and go downstairs, Emma still holding her head. Martha, Carlotta, Peter, Micky, and Mike are already there. Mike also holds his head, moaning about headaches.)
Mike: (Mutters) Man, did anyone get the number of that truck that came and ran over my head last night?
Emma: (Sighs) You too, huh?
Lauren: *smacks Micky in the back of his head and mutters* Good one, mad scientist! *Micky shrugs*
(Emma and Mike both look up and glare at the two.)
Mike: Mad scientist?
Emma: (Frowns) Do you two have anything to do with this?
Lauren: *holds her hands out* Nothing!
*Lauren and Micky look guilty but try to cover up*
Peter: (Blurts out) Micky and Lauren made a love potion and put it in the lemonade so you two would say you like each other!
(Emma and Mike both glare at Lauren and Micky.)
Micky: *turns to Peter* Thank you, Peter. *rolls his eyes*
Peter: (Blushes, mumbles) Um, I guess I shouldn't have said that, huh?
Mike: (Rubs his head) You did what?
Lauren: *points at Micky* He made it!
Micky: *to Lauren* You agreed to it!
Emma: (Sighs, rubs her own head) No, we deserved it.
Lauren: Well, yeah, you did. Too bad we didn't know it would practically give you guys hangovers.
Mike: Yeah, we probably needed the proddin'. (Takes his head out of his hands) You wouldn't have a cure for a love hangover in that chemistry set, would ya? (Puts up his hand) On second thought, forget that. I think I'll take care of this the old-fashioned way.
Emma: Yeah, with aspirin. (Goes to find a bathroom)
Mike: With lots and lots of black coffee.
Micky: I don't mind, really!
Lauren: Forget it, Mick.
Martha: (Smiles) One extra-large cup of black coffee, coming up!
(Everyone finally makes their way into the kitchen. Martha spreads oldish-looking maps out on the table as everyone finishes their breakfasts.)
Micky: *starts in on his third helping* So, what's the plan?
Martha: (Points to a large star in the center of the map) This is Elementia Town, the home of the Castle of the Four Elements.
Mike: (As he sips his third cup of coffee) That makes sense.
Martha: The place is heavily guarded, so we're all going to have to take the back roads. We'd better split up. A smaller group will be less noticeable than a large one.
Corelle: You guys will meet us at the back room of the Inn of the Ugly Mugs. Use the secret entrance in the alleyway between the Inn and the Central Pharmacy.
Lauren: "Ugly Mugs?"
Emma: (Grins slightly) I know that name!
Corelle: (Grins) Known for its hot lounge acts, 100-year-old bar, bad crockery, and as being a hang-out for all the locals. You'll get some great gossip there. All the farmers and castle servants go there to get really drunk.
Micky: *between bites, sarcastically* Sounds like a fun place.
Carlotta: You met our contact, Sir Bruce Del Brighton. He like our mentor. He was counselor to Warrioresses before we were disbanded. Alakazam only keeps him because he very good at his job and he know too much.
Peter: (Smiles) Oh, the knight we met when we first came! The one who thought we dressed funny!
Emma: (Smirks) I was wondering when we were going to hear from him again.
Mike: So, who's going with whom?
Martha: Us Warrioresses will take Black Beauty into Elementia Town. You six will follow in our other carriage, the Falcon.
Lelita: (Points at Martha) She hasn't gotten around to putting an engine in that one, but we'll give you Swiftwing and Wildfire to pull it. They're the fastest horses we own.
Peter: (Gently takes Martha's hand) Can't I go with you?
Martha: (Shakes her head no) I'm afraid not, Peter. You stay with your friends. Someone has to protect them and keep them from killing each other!
Peter: (City-lighting grin) I knew I had a job!
Micky: *with his mouth full* Hey!? *Lauren rolls her eyes.*
Mina: (She and Davy haven't touched a morsel of food and still have stars in their eyes) Can I go with Davy?
Lelita: (Smacks Mina on the side of the head) This is no time for getting mushy, Mina! We have to concentrate on saving the king, not flirting with some guy!
Mike: (Smacks Davy on the head) She's right, kid. Rescue now, flirt later.
Mina: (Rubs her head) Ow! We were just...
Davy: (Rubs his head) ...Exchanging rescue ideas!
Corelle: (To Carlotta) Or exchanging stars-in-the-eyes. *Lauren snickers*
Martha: Enough, everyone. (Nods upstairs) We've got to get ready to go. There are clothes that should fit all of you upstairs in the closets.
Corelle: You gotta blend in at the Inn of the Ugly Mug. You know, look like the other peasants.
Peter: (Sighs) Does that mean I get to save the Princess?
Emma: (Grins at Mike) I think I'd rather have that job. ;)
Mike: (Blushes, remembering the dream Peter mentioned at the Long-Title Library) Em...
Micky: *laughs, then coughs* Don't do that, man!
Davy: Try swallowing between bites, mate!
Mike: You might want to actually eat something besides Mina's lips, Dave.
Micky: But I wasn't in between bites, Dave!
Mike: Yeah, he doesn't know what "between" bites is. He just sucks it all in!
Micky: I don't come here to be insulted!
Emma: Where do you usually go?
Lauren: *slaps her hands on the table for a rim shot* Dum-dum!
Micky: *shrugs* The Insultitorium is nice this time of year.
Martha: (Laughs) Ok, guys, lay off poor Curlylocks and let him eat while the rest of us get ready.
Lelita: (Makes a face as Micky finishes off his breakfast) How do you do it, Micky?
Micky: *mouth full again* Do what?
Lelita: (Sighs and gets up) Never mind. (Everyone leaves the table but Micky, who is on his fourth plate of pancakes. Emma and Lauren follow Corelle and Martha upstairs.)
Corelle: We might have something that will fit you girls in our closets. I'm too thin for both of you, but you should be able to wear Martha's stuff.
(They head into the girls' room. Martha ducks into the closets and comes up with an armful of shirts and pants.) Try these. They should fit.
Lauren: *glances through the items* Purple, purple...
Emma: (Sighs and pulls out a bright red blouse and a pair of brown slacks that are looser on bottom than on top) Don't need to emphasize my girth. (Walks past them and into the bathroom)
Lauren: *rolls her eyes* Geez.
Martha: Why not? I think your curves are quite flattering, and your Mike didn't seem to have any problems cuddiling them last night.
(Emma takes off faster for the bathroom, muttering something about love potions and well-meaning friends.)
Corelle: Sensitive gal, ain't she?
Lauren: A little. *winks*
Martha: No wonder she had problems with Tall, Dark, and Mouthy.
Lauren: *laughs* I gotta remember that one!
(Martha and Corelle already wear tight black slacks with high black boots, wide belts with short swords and daggers, and flowing blouses. Martha's is green; Corelle's is dark blue.)
*Lauren finally pulls out an outfit resembling her earlier one in black pants & a purple blouse that's tighter than the first flowy blouse*
Emma: (Emerges in a flowing, fire-engine red blouse that's open to show off just enough of her breasts without showing too much. The brown pants are pulled over dark brown leather boots, and she wears a matching leather belt around her waist. Her sword is in her scabbard, and her hair is still pulled back with a red headband; turns around) So, how do I look? Too tight? Too loose?
Lauren: *whistles appreciatively as she passes towards the bathroom* Very nice!
Martha: (Smiles) You're one of us, dear!
Corelle: The only thing you'll have to worry about is keeping all the boys in Elementia Town off of you!
Emma: (Turns the color of her shirt) I think a demon and a Texan chasing me is quite enough!
Carlotta: (Pokes her head in. Her shirt is tighter, to emphasize her own curves, and is dark olive green over brown trousers and tight brown boots.) Everyone ready to go?
Emma: Just about. We're waiting for Lauren.
Martha: I hope she didn't get caught waiting for Mina. That girl takes hours in the bathroom! Primping is her favorite hobby!
Lauren: *comes out of the bathroom, her hair is pulled back in a braid intertwined with a purple ribbon; she stops to pose, hands on hips, looking down at her shirt: the neckline is a little more open than Emma's, but otherwise the shirt flatters her figure* I think this'll be too distracting.
Emma: (Grins) Just to Micky.
Lauren: *shrugs* Hell, why not? I'm all set!
(All five women troop downstairs, followed by Lelita and Mina. Mina wears an orange shirt. Lelita's is pink. The tunics are worn over trousers similar to Martha and Corelle's.)
Lelita: Mina, do you have to take two hours in the bathroom?
Mina: I was touching up my makeup!
Lelita: For what, the crowd at the Inn of the Ugly Mugs? (Grins) Or are you thinking of Lover Boy downstairs? ;)
Mina: (Swings her long blonde hair over her shoulder) And what's wrong with that?
Lelita: (As the girls make it to the living room) You guys have had enough stars in your eyes to light up at least three galaxies!
Micky: *gapes at Lauren* Wow...
Lauren: Hey, *points to her eyes* Your eyes up here *smirks*
(The boys are dressed like their counterparts from "Fairy Tale." Mike, of course, is in male attire.)
Emma: (Giggles) Aww, and I was sooo hoping to see him in a dress and blonde wig!
Mike: We're supposed to blend in, darlin'. I don't think a dress on a man would blend in around here.
Peter: (Gasps at Lauren) Wow! You look...(blushes) really, really nice!
Lauren: *blushes, crossing her arms over her chest* thanks, Peter.
Peter: (Blushes redder than even Emma's shirt) I meant Martha..(grins) but everyone looks nice! Like one of my old fairy-tale books!
Lelita: And let's get this show on the road while we still look nice!
*Lauren sticks her tongue out.*
Martha: (Sighs) Oh, Peter...
Micky: *nudges Peter* She's just messing with you, Pete.
Peter: (As everyone troops out the door) I really did mean Martha. I don't want to steal your girl!
Micky: *drops an arm over Peter's shoulders* You were taken in by the sheer beauty of all the ladies. It's no problem!
Peter: Aren't they pretty? Like an old Errol Flynn movie!
Lauren: *pokes Peter in the arm* But I get revenge! *winks*
(Peter squeaks and blushes while Martha leads them to an old red barn on the opposide side of Mike and Emma's little tet-a-tet in the backyard. The girls open the wide doors to reveal a few goats, four horses, and two carts. The Falcon looks like it's in even worse shape than Black Beauty, with somewhat rusted wheels and peeling paint.)
Mike: (Kicks one rusty wheel) And we're supposed to ride this to Elementia Town? You sure it'll make it without falling apart?
Emma: What a piece of junk!
Micky: Could I spend a few minutes to fix it up first?
Martha: (Sighs) Just don't do anything too...unusual...to it, ok? I've worked hard on these! (The Wariorresses climb into Black Beauty.) We'll meet you at the Inn of the Ugly Mugs. Just follow the route I outlined on the map. It should avoid the major checkpoints. If anyone asks you, you're a group of farmers taking your goods to market. (Points at a pile of cartons and barrels.) It's not entirely an excuse. We need to take our blackberry syrups and jams and tomatoes and salsa to Elementia Town to trade for things we need.
*Micky whoops with glee and sets about finding items to do a quick fix on the carriage.*
Corelle: (Sighs as Martha hooks up Chewbacca and Nightwing) Just don't overdo it, ok?
Mike: And try to figure out exactly WHAT you're doing. We don't need to be breaking down in the middle of ghost towns or Mexican towns or hillbilly towns!
Micky: Me? Nah! It'll be mostly aesthetic fix-ups. *works on the carriage here and there; tinkers with the wheels, making sure there isn't too much rust.*
Lelita: (As she gets in) Be careful out there! Those guards mean business!
Mina: (Gives Davy a long, lingering kiss) Don't forget me, David!
Davy: (Holding her hands) I never will, luv. Don't worry, we'll be together once more someday!
Corelle: (Rolls her eyes) We're going to see each other in a few hours!
Carlotta: If all go as planned.
Emma: (To herself) I don't want to think of what could happen if it doesn't.
(The girls wave goodbye as Micky continues to fiddle with the Falcon. Martha flicks the reins, and the Warrioresses take off into the increasingly bright blue sky.)
Mike: They WOULD take the good carriage!
Peter: (Pats Swiftwing and Wildfire. Swiftwing is white with a grayish-pink mane. Wildfire is black with an auburn mane.) Good horses! Look! (Pulls two carrots out of his pockets) I brought breakfast for you! (Feeds the horses, laughing when their whiskers tickle his hands.)
Micky: *comes out from underneath the carriage* Ugh. I should've wished for a dolly to wheel myself under there. *brushes his hands off* Okay, folks, she's all set!
Emma: (Rubs her rear) I just hope the road is smoother from here on in!
Micky: The shocks are new, thanks to me! It should be a nice, smooth ride, I hope.
Mike: (Peeks under the carriage) What else did you add in there?
Peter: (As he harnesses Wildfire and Swiftwing) Did you add an oil well and a smoke screen?
Micky: *grins* Oh, just a few little goodies. *waggles his eyebrows*
Emma: (Rolls her eyes) Hoo boy.
Micky: And since I fixed her up... *hops up front and grabs the reins* I drive!
Emma: (As Mike helps her in) Are you sure that's a good idea?
Mike: He does have a point. Technically, it is his carriage.
Davy: And besides, whenever Mike drives, we get lost.
Mike: (Frowns) That's not true!
Lauren: *with map in hand* I'll read the map for you, Captain! *Micky pulls Lauren next to him. She salutes.*
Davy: (Gets in himself) Who was driving when we ended up in the ghost town?
Mike: (Glares at Micky) Who was reading the map?
Micky: *points* She's reading the map this time!
Emma: Don't look at me. I have no sense of direction whatsoever.
Mike: (As Peter gets in) Well, let's get goin'. We have a corranation to stop!
Emma: (Waves her sword in the air as the carriage lurches to life) You bet!
Micky: Everyone here that's going? *looks behind him*
Peter: (Feels himself) I'm here, I think.
Davy: Everyone all present and accounted for.
Micky: Close enough. *cracks the reins*
(The cart lurches to life once more and trots smoothly across the green, wild fields. The farmhouse is soon left far behind in a haze of lush fields, green groves, and more Victorian farmhouses, some larger than the Warrioresses', some smaller. Micky and Lauren read the map, Peter and Davy admire the view, and Mike and Emma lean into each others' arms with wistful, quiet sighs. The green fields pass by to the tune of "Sunny Girlfriend." The occasional peasant farmer, dressed much like the boys, stops to wave at them from other carts on the smooth dirt road.)
Peter: (Sighs happily as the song ends) Beautiful country out here.
Mike: (Looking at Emma, who's eyes are closed, a small smile playing on her lips as she leans into Mike's warm chest) Yeah, really beautiful.
*Micky grins and lets rip with his imfamous hog call*
(That makes everyone jump, including Emma, who falls over Mike.)
Lauren: Well, that'll take care of any animals who might've want to cross the road in front of us!
Davy: (Sticks a finger in his ear) Ow, mate! Was that really neccessary? Do you want to have every bloomin' chicken within a hundred mile radius attacking us?
Peter: And I don't have any food for them! I gave it all to the horses!
Micky: *cracks the reins again* Just trying to fit in.
Mike: (Looks at Emma, who is quite literally laying on top of him.) Why, darlin', didn't know you felt that way about me. (Emma sits back up quickly, her face the color of her shirt. He gets back up.) I don't hear anyone else blowing out their friends' ears, Mick.
Micky: That's because no one else has a voice like mine!
Mike: Yeah, thank god.
(Emma, Peter, and Davy laugh.)
Micky: *worried* What's wrong with my voice? *breaks into song, singing "Take a Giant Step"*
(Which leads into our next romp. The cart bounces along, Micky and Lauren read the map, Peter feeds birds, squirrels, and other small animals who come to the cart, until they almost cover his arms. Davy ogles every pretty dairymaid he sees, who are mostly happy to ogle him back. Mike and Emma cuddle and enjoy the scenery.)
Mike: (Looks around as the romp ends) There's gettin' to be fewer farms, not to mention fewer farmers.
Emma: (Notices) Yeah, it has thinned out a bit, hasn't it? It's awfully quiet out here.
Lauren: *shrugs* We're still on course.
Davy: Must mean we're getting close to Elementia Town.
Peter: (Points to a group of men dressed in plumed hats and fancy, swashbuckler-esque uniforms with big red feathers and red emblems) Look, people!
Emma: (Notices the emblem is a big gold and red 'A') Oh, shit, they're probably Alakazam's boys. They sure look nasty enough.
Davy: (Pulls out his rapier) I could take 'em.
Micky: In that case... *cracks the reins again* Sure you could, Dave!
Mike: (Pushes his hand down) Davy, cool it. We're supposed to be farmers, not warriors.
(The men block the carriage. One rides up to Micky and Lauren.)
Micky: *under his breath* Damn.
Guard: Good day, young travelers.
Micky: Good day, sir. To what do we owe this pleasure?
Mike: (Whispers, to the group) Remember, guys, we're just simple peasants.
Guard: I am Sir Warren Du Gouda, and my men and I have been charged with checking every cart that enters Elementia Town for possible thieves, murders, and assasins! Today is the day of the coronation of our beloved wizard Alakazam, who will take King Richard's place on the throne.
Davy: (Rolls his eyes) I thought this seemed rather cheesy.
Mike: (Mutters) Coronation? Not if I can help it!
Emma: (Elbows him) We're poor, humble farmers, kind sirs. We have no doings with the king.
Micky: Ah, well, good sir, as you can see by the crates in the back of the carriage, we're taking goods to town to sell & trade.
Guard 2: (Frowns) I've never seen these young people before, Sir Gouda! They could be thieves, or vagrants!
Peter: (Makes a face) Speak for yourself!
*Micky glances worriedly back at the others and mouths "help me"*
Mike: You can check our wares if you wish, good sirs.
Davy: (nods) We're just taking innocent vegetables and jams and syrups to Elementia Town to trade for goods.
Sir Gouda: (Nods at his men) Check every box and barrel, men! (Glares) If I find that all of you are lying, I will have you sent to the darkest cell in the dungeons of the Castle of the Four Elements!
Mike: (Eyes narrow) We've been in dungeons. Yours couldn't be any worse than what we've gone through.
Emma: (Glares) Mike! (Elbows him hard.)
*Lauren rolls her eyes*
Sir Gouda: (Frowns at Micky) You should teach your lanky friend some manners! He could get hurt with a mouth like that!
Mike: (Mutters) You're lucky I don't say what I'm really thinkin' about you.
Micky: I do my best, sir, but he talks back to me like that, too. (Peter, Davy, and Emma chuckle. Mike glares at Micky.)
Guard 3: (As the others pull away from the cart) All clear, sir! All is as they say.
Micky: Sir?
Sir Gouda: (Glares at the group) It would seem that all is well. (Turns to the group) You're all cleared now, young people, but don't think my men and I won't be keeping an eye on you. There's something strange about the lot of you, something not quite right. (Points at Mike, who stares back darkly, despite Emma's glare.) And teach the tall boy some manners. It would be most unseemly if his smart mouth some day got him into a very nasty situation. (The guards finally ride away, and the group lets out a collective breath.)
Davy: (Leans against a crate of blackberry jam) That was a close one, mates!
Peter: I thought he knew!
Micky: *turns around* Thanks, Mike. You almost blew our cover!
Emma: He's right, Mike. You had to go and open your mouth!
Mike: (Grumbling) He made me mad! I don't know why he was so damn paranoid.
Emma: That's no reason to go running your mouth at him!
Lauren: He didn't know us from a hole in the ground! I'd be suspicious, too!
Peter: (Gulps) And now he's even more suspicious! (Fearfully) Do you think he'll tell Alakazam about us?
Davy: (Shakes his head) Petah, he still thinks we're just unusually smart-mouthed farmers.
Micky: And I even put on my 'kind sir' routine! *hmphs*
Emma: (Smiles) He didn't seem to mind you, Micky. Just a certain Texan who should learn to keep his smart comments to himself. (Pulls away from Mike, grumbling to herself. He just slumps back against two barrels of salsa, muttering nasty Spanish curses.)
Micky: Yeah, well, it almost didn't meant anything. *cracks the reins*
(The cart rolls along to Elementia Town, avoiding the main streets, ducking into alleys whenever guards pass by. Micky drives into a dark side street where the buildings aren't quite so well-kept and the people are decidedly seedy-looking.)
Lauren: Well, this is creepy-looking.
Emma: Swell. Looks like downtown Wildwood on a winter's evening.
Mike: (Holds Emma, but she pulls away, still glaring daggers at him) Emma, I'm sorry! That guy just got on my nerves, ok?
Emma: No, it's not ok! You and your smart mouth almost blew our cover! Why can't you learn to keep your mouth shut?
Mike: It was a stupid move, I know that now. Let's just drop it, ok?
Micky: Hey, no arguing back there! Let me be mad at Mike! I've had more practice!
(The cart pulls up alongside an old-looking building painted green and white. The sign "Inn of the Ugly Mugs" in the shape of a foaming beer mug hangs off the roof. Micky pulls into a dirt lot with a sign in front of it saying "Ye Olde Parking Lote" and pays the boy in charge of the lot two guilders to watch their goods and cart.)
Micky: Nice looking place, isn't it? *makes a face*
Emma: (Sniffs at the air) Doesn't smell promising.
Lauren: No, Em, that's Mick. *Micky sticks his tongue out at Lauren.*
(That gets a laugh from everyone, even Mike, who's been looking stony-faced since his mess-up back on the road.)
Peter: (Peeks through the swinging doors) It doesn't seem too bad. (Is knocked head over heels as a silver-haired man dressed like Micky in innkeeper's clothes goes flying out the door.)
Davy: (Cringes) No, it's worse.
Micky: *scratches his head* I hope that isn't me in thirty years.
Man: (Stands shakily) That place is the nastiest, meanest, roughest piece of crap on in the Land of Sunshine and Beauty!
Peter: Why not complain to the owner?
Man: (Puts his bowler hat back on) I AM the owner!
Mike: Well, men and women, forward march!
Peter: (Whimpers) Can't we march backwards?
Davy: (Turns back to the cart) I left something in the cart.
(Emma grabs Davy's arm, Mike takes Peter by the collar, and they drag both boys in.)
Micky: *to Lauren* After you.
Lauren: *shakes her head* No, after you.
Micky: Oh, but I insist!
Lauren: No, by all means, after you!
Micky: No, no, after you!
Mike: (Over his shoulder as the other four disappear into the Inn) Today, guys!
(Another man, this one larger, comes tumbling out of the Inn. He's out cold.)
*Lauren and Micky scramble out of the cart, nearly colliding with each other. They freeze on seeing the unconscious fellow.*
Lauren: *puts her hands on Micky's back and shoves* Go! *They all but fall in through the doors*
(The Inn's main room is smoky and dark-panneled. Mike has to swat some of the smoke out of his face and let go of Peter. Buxom beauties with too much makeup in tight peasant dresses serve seedy, unshaven men in peasant and knights. They gulp odd-looking drinks in very ugly, tall, foaming mugs. A large man in a dirty apron dusts off his hands. Several men return to their seats. One thin, scraggly looking fellow openly eyes Lauren and Emma.)
Emma: (Gulps) And I thought some of the bars in Wildwood were nasty-looking.
Lauren: *quirks an eyebrow* Oh, this place is lovely. *makes a face*
Mike: Really nice place they have here, if you want to have a drink that will knock you out, then get you killed.
(The scraggly-looking man grabs Lauren's arm.)
Micky: Hey, pal, watch it! *steps up to him*
Scraggly-Looking Man: (Very slurred) Hey, honey baby, where did you come from?
Lauren: Somewhere where the guys are better-looking and more sober than you!
Micky: I'd suggest letting the lady go, buddy.
(The man's tablemates, another scraggly fellow and two large ones, stand up. One stands up to Micky, towering over him.)
Micky: *gulps* I'm not afraid of you.
Big Man: (Slurring) Why should he, skinny? There ain't enough of you for a mouse, much less a gal like that!
Mike: (Grabs Lauren's hand) Get off her, you big ape!
Peter: (As another man leans over him) MIIIIIKKKKKEEEE!!!!
Micky: Oh, so that's how you wanna play, huh? *takes a swing at the big man*
(The man ducks and takes a swing at Micky, knocking him out cold.)
Lauren: *eyes blazing* Oh, that does it! *takes her own swing at the big man, connecting with his jaw enough to stagger him.*
Mike: Hey, that wasn't called for! (Takes a chair and swings it over one of his tablemate's head. This starts an all-out bar-brawl-war to the tune of "(I'm Not Your) Stepping Stone." Fists fly, Peter gets behind the bar and serves drinks and peanuts as the bartender joins the brawl, barmaids distract everyone, and Lauren pulls Micky into a convienent corner to nurse his sore chin.)
Micky: *groggily* This fight scene seems familiar.
Emma: (Points at a certain area to distract a big man. The man looks, and she knees him in the groin, then heads over to Lauren and Mick) Is he ok? He got hit pretty hard!
Lauren: He's conscious, but not completely there at the moment.
(Mike and Davy barrel into a huge group of men. They seem to overwhelm the boys, until Mike and Davy crawl out from under the pile, unharmed.)
Peter: (Mixing drinks as the song ends and Emma, Mike, and Davy are surrounded) Ok, everybody, drinks are on the house!
(The crowd rushes out the door and onto the roof. Emma goes to help Lauren with Micky, and Mike and Davy go to get drinks from Peter.)
Peter: (Grins and pulls off his fake mustache) Works every time!
Lauren: *tries to help Micky to his feet* Come on, Mick, help me out here a little.
Emma: Damn, he really took it hard. (Helps Lauren with Micky)
Micky: *looks at Lauren dazedly* I didn't know you had a twin. *groans*
Lauren: Mick, how many fingers am I holding up? *holds up three*
Micky: *squints* Eleven?
Emma: (To Peter) Pete, whip him up something quick, cold, and head-clearing.
Mike: (Dressed as a gunslinger) Make mine a sasparilla.
Davy: (In his white cowboy costume from "Monkees at the Movies") I'll 'ave a red-eye, Pete.
(Emma, Lauren, and Micky, all now dressed as cowpokes, make their way to the bar.)
Lauren: Man, he's getting heavy!
Peter: (Shakes more into a glass) Here you go, Micky! Drink this, and you'll be a new man!
*Lauren tilts Micky's head back to help him drink. Most of it dribbles away, but he drinks some of it. Micky goes into a fit much like Mike's when he drank the water from the car's petrol tank*
Lauren: Peter, what the heck was that?
Peter: (Shrugs) Oh, just a little bit of this and a little bit of that from those bottles under the bar.
Davy: (Slaps Micky on the shoulder) You ok, mate?
Micky: *nearly falls forward* Oh, just peachy.
Mike: (Shoves his sasparilla aside and tips his hat) Well, we've got to be findin' this Sir Brighton before those goons figure out that the drinks are definately NOT on the house.
Familiar Voice: It's nice to see you again, young people!
(The group returns to their peasant clothing as a familar knight steps into the room from a hidden panel in the back wall.)
Micky: *leaning on Lauren again* Nice entrance.
Sir Brighton: I knew you would be the ones to save us all! (Gazes at the four men) You are the ones with the hearts, the ones who resemble our own masters! (Bows at the ladies) And you, the greatest Elemental Warriorresses of all time, the ones who were fortold to us!
Lauren: The what now?
Sir Brighton: It is said that two of the Warrioresses of the Elements will lead the four Hearts to rescue our great leaders and bring peace and prosperity back to our land. (Nods at the panel) The other warrioresses are already here. I'm sorry I didn't come out sooner, but I got caught in the traffic coming in for the coronation.
Emma: Wayyy back, he did mention something about a savage heart, etc.
Lauren: Well, I figured about the guys, but not you and me.
Sir Brighton: (As the others enter the panel, a wobbly Micky leaning on Lauren) The Warrioresses were the guardians of the king and his family for thousands of years, before Alakazam ordered them disbanded and the knights vanished!
Lauren: But the guys look like the knights. We just happened to be with them for this little adventure.
Sir Brighton: The other Warrioresses say that you and your friend are great fighters.
Emma: Yeah, but...
Martha: (Shrugs) I didn't believe him, either, but there must be a reason for you girls to be here.
Lauren: I was hoping for a happy coincidence.
Mike: (Raises his eyebrows and points at Emma) Oh, she's a great fighter, all right. Just ask me. I've fought with her constantly since we got here. I'm surprised I'm still alive.
Emma: (Sticks her tongue out at him) You won't be if you don't can it, Smart Mouth!
Corelle: (Grins) Don't worry, you girls don't look like anyone in the kingdom that we know of. We checked that out.
Emma: (Wipes her brow and sits down on a bench along the back wall) That's a relief.
Lauren: I don't know if I should take that as a good thing or a bad thing.
Sir Brighton: (Indicates another pile of papers) It is said that these young Warrioresses will come from a strange land to lead the king's sons, the other Warrioresses, and the Hearts and restore order to the Land of Sunshine and Beauty!
Lauren: Well, if you put it that way...
Mike: (Leans back in his chair as Emma starts picking up piles of paper, empty paper cups, candy bar wrappers, and beer bottles.) And how we gonna do that?
Davy: Emma, what are you doing?
Emma: Cleaning up a little! This place is a pigsty!
Martha: (Takes a blueprint from a full, messy shelf and lays it on the table as Emma tidies up the table, removing papers and dumping them in various closets and shelves) We're not going to be able to save anybody unless we can get in the castle.
Mike: (As Emma grabs a pile of newspapers out from under him and nearly knocks him off the chair) Hey, Em, watch it, that's the only rear I've got!
Emma: (Grins) Pity. (Looks for dust rags.)
Lauren: *grins* Ouch! *winks*
Martha: (Points out various places of entrances) We're going to have to split up again. We girls are going to distract the guards while the six of you find the Jewels and get them from Alakazam before the ceremony. Lord Brighton will keep Alakazam busy.
Sir Brighton: (Frowns) No longer a lord, good Martha. Alakazam took my lands away when Lord Halsten vanished.
Micky: Well, that shouldn't be too tough. *rolls his eyes*
Mike: (Stands) I don't know if the Warrioresses have told you this, Sir Brighton, but I think you ought to know. (Sadly) The knights were turned into those hell-hounds Alakazam has workin' for him. They hate it, but they're under some kind of mind control.
Sir Brighton: I suspected as much. The demons began their reign of terror not long after the Knights' disapperance.
Emma: (As she sweeps the floor) We're getting pretty close to breaking whatever conditioning Alakazam has over them, but we're not quite there yet.
Mike: (Grumbles) Too close, if you ask me. *Lauren and Micky glare at Mike.*
Peter: They're upset that they've done so many bad things, but they can't help it. They don't remember who they were before Alakazam got his hands on them.
(Martha sobs. Peter puts his hand over hers, and she squeezes it.)
Davy: Unfortuantly, according to Alakazam's toady Jurisson, it seems that only Mr. Wizard himself can break the spell.
Micky: I wanted to give it a shot with my chemistry set.
Sir Brighton: (Sheds a few tears himself) Those poor boys! And I watched them all grow up from fine young lads, only to see them reduced to mindless beasts!
Lelita: (Clenches her fists) That Alakazam is sooo toast when I get my hands on him!
Mike: (Narrows his eyes) I'll knock him so hard, he'll have to turn a full circle to uncross his eyes!
Emma: There has to be something we can do! They're up there in that castle all alone!
Martha: (Quietly) I hope they're ok. They're still under Alakazam's control. If he got a hold of them again...
Peter: We can only hope they've stayed out of Mr. Wizard's way. He's great with science! I've watched him on TV!
*Lauren slaps her forehead*
Carlotta: What he mean?
Davy: (Rolls his eyes) Long story, luvs.
Mina: (Points to the blueprint) Where is the coronation going to take place?
Sir Brighton: In the throne room and Grand Reception Hall. Alakazam likes lots of pomp and pagentry, so the place will be heavily guarded, not to mention busy! They'll probably be all kinds of concession stands and live entertainment.
Mike: (Perks up) Did you say live entertainment?
Lauren: Why is all this starting to sound familiar? *glances at Emma*
Sir Brighton: Yes, a few groups of strolling musicians, some jugglers...
Mike: That's how we're going to get in!
Emma: We're not going to headline at the Palace, if that's what you mean. Lauren and I did that in a fic already.
Mike: No, we're going to be the live entertainment! We'll pass ourselves off as one of the bands comin' in.
Lauren: *nudges Emma; whispers* As long as we don't run into a Lord Charles. *winks*
Emma: (Grins) Or The Crimson Eagle...s! *Lauren covers her mouth to keep from laughing too loud*
Davy: (Whispers, to Mike) What are they talking about, mate?
Mike: Who knows? Must be a girl thing.
Micky: *gives them an odd look* What are you whispering about?
Lauren: *looks inncoent* Nothing. Nothing at all. *smiles*
Emma: (Giggles) Very, very long story. We'll explain after the story's done.
Micky: Uh huh, sure. *shakes his head*
(The sounds of crunching glass and splintering wood is heard through the panel door.)
Lauren: *groans* Oh great, now what?
Sir Gouda: Open up, Innkeeper! We know you're keeping insurgents in here!
Mike: Not that son of a bitch again!
Sir Brighton: (Opens another panel in the back wall behind the bench) All of you get out this way! I'll distract them.
(The others file out, Emma taking one last swipe at the now-clean table with her dust rag. They end up on a quiet side street. A few guards are seen on horseback talking to each other, slightly drunk. The group flattens themselves against one wall.)
Mike: How are we gonna get outta here?
Corelle: (Grins at the girls) Hey, ladies, how long has it been since we've handled drunk guards?
Lelita: (Grins and unsheaves her sword) Too long. I'm in the mood for whacking a few Red Guard rears.
Mina: Do we have to hurt them bad? Some of them are kind of cute, if a little sloshed.
Martha: (Nods at the six travelers, hands them some money, and points in the opposite direction, toward a crowd) There's a music shop down that way, in the main shopping district. You guys get lost in the crowd. We'll hold them off.
Peter: (Takes Martha's hand) Be careful Martha!
Martha: I will, Peter! I've been doing this for years! Don't worry! (Grins at the others) You keep an eye on your friends!
Peter: Ok! (Gets very close to Mike and eyes him)
Mike: What in the world are you doin'?
Peter: I'm keeping an eye on you! (Mike groans and takes Peter by the collar as the guards dismount shakily and the Warrioresses come out of hiding.)
Martha: Hey boys, wanna play?
Guard: (Goes up to her, slurring slightly) Sure, baby. (Rubs his hand on her rear. Peter's eyes widen.) What you up for? Canasta? Bridge? Or maybe, something more...suggestive...
Lelita: (Karate-chops him - he falls) Here's a suggestion, pal. You play games, we kick your asses. Got it?
(The six travelers take off for the main streets as the girls duel with the guards. They duck every time they see a red coat.)
Davy: (Stops) This is completely crackers, man! We've probably lost them by now. Let's walk like civilized people! (Starts walking along quite normally, whistling "Last Train to Clarksville.")
Lauren: Oh, yeah, that's normal! *laughs*
Emma: Yeah, normal people don't ogle every pretty girl who passes him, whistling songs about trains in a fantasy world!
Micky: Besides, Dave, I sang that song.
Mike: Davy does have one good point. I think we've lost them by now.
Micky: Then I can start moaning about my aching jaw? *quirks an eyebrow*
Peter: (Stops before the window of a shop) Hey guys, look! (Points at a window display filled with guitars, tambourines, and a player piano. Music is heard within) There's the shop! (Runs to the window and wistfully gazes at the displays) That player piano is so nice, and so is that guitar.
Lauren: The piano's gonna bit a bit hard to move around.
Emma: (Joins Peter at the window) Man, the place is jam-packed!
Mike: Hey, look. (Points to a sign outside the door on an art easel that says "Auditions for Coronation today") They're holdin' auditions.
Mike: It would make it a hell of a lot easier to get into the castle than sneaking around.
Davy: I guess we ought to audition, huh, mate? It would be a literal dream job! ;)
Lauren: *groans* Davy!
Davy: Bet you thought Micky was the only Monkee who could crack a bad joke! ;)
Micky: Micky's still wobbly. Has to pass job on to someone else. *sticks his tongue out*
Mike: Do you feel well enough to play, Micky? Davy's not that good on the drums.
Davy: 'ey, I'm getting bettah!
Micky: I think I can manage. Even banged up, I can pound on the drums better than 'im!
Davy: Give me a bit of credit! I handled "Words" pretty well.
Micky: If I recall, you were pretty much just crashing the cymbals! I handled the tambourine better than you did the drums!
Mike: Cool it, guys! Micky will do the drums, if he's up to it. Davy can play the maracas and Lauren can play the tambourine.
Lauren: Goody goody!
Peter: What about Emma?
Micky: Back up vocals?
Mike: She could just sing for now. We'll figure out what to about Em do later.
Davy: You know, it occurs to me that we don't have any instruments to audition with.
Peter: Why don't we just imagine ours here?
Lauren: It's worked before.
Emma: (Grins) Why not? (Closes her eyes - a microphone suddenly appears in her hand)
Mike: This is silly. (His beloved Black Beauty materializes around his shoulders.) Well, maybe it's not THAT silly.
Lauren: Cool! *closes her eyes; her tambourine appears* Very nice.
Davy: (His red maracas appears in his hands) Groovy! My favorite ones!
Micky: *closes his eyes; the drum kits appears, but unassembled* Awe, crap. Think my head's still a little messed up.
Peter: (Closes his eyes; his banjo, guitar, and piano appear) Wow, my imagination is really working well! The only thing I didn't get was my French horn!
Lauren: Well, we do have to carry all of this.
(The six drag in their instruments, including Peter's piano and the drum kit. A bored-looking young woman in a smart, crisp blue gown cracks gum and files her nails.)
Mike: Hello?
Woman: (Doesn't look up from her nails behind the carved desk) Uh-huh?
Mike: We're here for the auditions for the Coronation. (Holds up his guitar.) We're the Monkees.
Woman: (Just points to the next room, past a roomful of instruments. Peter wanders around, inspecting them.) You'll be next after the British guys. They should be done any minute.
Lauren: We don't have time now, Peter. *pulls him away*
Peter: But that piano... (the others drag him along to the next room, where a group of four young men are finishing a set of "All You Need Is Love." A harried older man shoos them back out the way they came.)
Harried Older Man: Don't call us, we'll call you. (Shouts without looking up) NEXT!
Lauren: Geez.
Emma: (Takes a good look at the four young men as they file out and realizes they all have British accents not unlike Davy's) Hey, I've seen those guys before.
Peter: Did I see them in a movie once?
Micky: Yeah, I remember Mike throwing darts at a photo of guys who looked like them.
Mike: (Shrugs) Celebrity cameos. (Turns to the harried older man) We're here for the audition, Sir. We're the Monkees.
Harried Older Man: It's not "Sir," son. Tried being a knight once, but I didn't have the nerve for it. My nerves are frayed short by the music biz as it is. (Looks the six over) Monkees, huh? Don't look like any monkeys I've ever seen. (Shrugs and gestures to the bandstand) Ok, then. Let's hear 'ya.
Micky: *under his breath* Like we haven't heard that one before.
(The group get onto the stand and help Micky set up his drum set. Emma pulls her microphone into position in front.)
Emma: (Taps on it) One, and a two..is this thing on? (Turns it on as a very loud screech is heard. Emma grins at Mike) Mike, this is no time to do your Princess Gwen voice! ;)
Lauren: Nice one, Em!
Mike: (Rolls his eyes) You're not going to let me forget that, are you?
Emma: You, in a dress, with a voice that would curdle sour cream? Are you kidding? ;)
Peter: (Slings his guitar around his shoulder) Don't forget walking on my back!
Micky: Drooling over himself, too.
Mike: (Mutters, then says out loud) Everybody ready?
Emma: (Nods) I think I got this thing going.
Micky: Yeah. Hey, what song do we do?
Mike: Well, since Davy brought it up earlier, how about "Last Train to Clarksville?"
Micky: Works for me.
Lauren: *grins evilly* I get to show off!
Emma: Good. I know that one by heart.
(They launch into "Last Train to Clarksville," which segways into a fantasy-in-a-fantasy in which Gary Cooper-esque Micky has a major showdown with black-clad gunslinger Mike. Lauren is the girl between them. Peter, Emma, and Davy play various townspeople, including Indians, Mexican dancers, and the town Sheriff. It's interspursed with scenes of a rushing train and the group playing the song in the pad and in the music shop.)
Harried Older Man: (Grins in delight as they finish) Wonderful, just wonderful! You'll be perfect for the coronation! Alakazam is gonna just love you guys!
Mike: (to himself) It'll probably be the opposite emotion. (Out loud) We got the job? That's groovy!
Micky: Gosharooney! *smirks*
Emma: Yeah! (Kisses Mike's cheek)
Mike: (Blushes) Aww, Em...
Lauren: *turns to Micky* Was it me, or did you miss a beat or two?
Micky: I did? Oh, sorry, I was staring at your butt. *winks*
Davy: (Grins) Mike couldn't take his eyes off Emma in that pretty little fandango dancing number she wore during the romp!
Emma: (Attempts her very bad version of Spanish dancing) Bet you didn't know I had hidden talents.
Mike: (Watches her with much interest) I did, darlin'.
Lauren: No, but I know why they were hidden. *smirks; Micky does a rim shot.*
Emma: (Stops dancing and glares at Lauren) Hey!
Mike: Ok, guys, cool it. (To the harried older man, who is on at least three phones at once.) Sir, when is this gig taking place?
Harried Older Man: (Puts down the last phone) It's at the castle in about an hour. And Alakazam doesn't like his entertainment to be late! Last band that was late for one of his shindigs is still scrubbing his bathroom, and that was about...(thinks) six years ago. (Hands Mike a scroll) Just show the guards at the door this, and they'll let you right through with no questions.
Mike: (Grumbles to himself) Good thing, because they're asking enough as it is.
Harried Older Man: (Rubs his hand) You will be such a hit! I mean, four nice-looking guys and two cute girls who play good music and even act a little? Can't miss! (Runs out the door)
Davy: (Shrugs) Must have seen the romp.
Lauren: Well, that guy can't be all bad. *smiles*
Peter: Yeah, he has great taste in music. He picked us over those other guys, and they were pretty good!
Mike: Let's get goin'. We have to get to the castle in less than an hour and with all our instruments.
Peter: Why don't we just imagine ourselves transportation?
Micky: I want the MonkeeMobile!
Emma: Not a bad idea, Mick, but it's going to have to be modified a bit.
Peter: Yeah, these people don't seem to have cars.
Micky: *grins* I'm your man!
Emma: (Closes her eyes) Ok, you guys know what to do. Think "Monkeemobile!"
*Micky thinks so hard, his face scrunches up. Lauren peeks at him.*
Mike: It's worked every other time we've tried it. (Mike closes his eyes)
Emma: (Opens her eyes and peeks out the back window of the shop) It's here...sort of. (She indicates a very large red-and-white carriage pulled by two dark-red horses with white manes and an upholstered interior. An engine protrudes from the front, much like the actual Monkeemobile.)
Mike: (Shrugs) Close enough.
Micky: Whoa...
Peter: It's nicer than Black Beauty and the Falcon, anyway!
(They drag their instruments outside to admire the bright red carriage-car.)
Lauren: Not bad at all.
Mike: (Runs his fingers over the side of the carriage) It even has our decal on it.
Peter: (Nudges one white wheel with his toe) And the wheels aren't rusty!
Micky: I wonder what happened to all the parts that were taken out and off of it.
Lauren: They're either floating in limbo or in the fourth dimension.
Mike: Maybe they're just back at the pad.
Micky: I hope the return trip will put it back together the way it was.
Peter: (Puts his guitar in the back) Well, what are we waiting for, guys? Let's go! (Tries to lift the piano, but doesn't get far.)
Lauren: You gotta lift with your knees, Peter.
Davy: Petah, Petah, Petah. (Goes to his friend) You've got to establish a rhythm, Petah. (Starts moving his legs up and down) Like this. You can just pick it up and move. You'll 'urt your back that way!
Lauren: *covers her face* Aw, geez...
Peter: Ok! (Bends down as far as his knees will go and picks up the piano quite easily. He slides it in the back of the Monkeecarriage and gives Davy and Lauren one of his big, city-lighting grins) Well, how was that?
Lauren: Well, I'll be snookered...and I was!
Emma: (Raises her eyebrows) Um, not bad, Peter.
Davy: (Mouth drops open) Um, very good for a beginner.
Peter: Thanks, guys!
Micky: It's that TK thing, man.
Emma: If Mike can shoot laser bolts or Davy gets larger than 5'3, I'm leaving.
Lauren: *pokes Micky in the chest* Don't even think about turning invisible!
Mike: Yeah, we don't need to go losin' you in a crowd. (Climbs in the carriage.) Well, are you all comin', or are you just going to stand there and stare at the car all day? (Makes a face) Carriage. I ain't used to this fantasy stuff!
Micky: We know, Mike. *climbs in the middle section* You can drive, Mike. *Lauren hops in next to Micky.*
(Emma climbs in the passenger's side seat next to Mike. Peter and Davy claim the back next the equipment. Mike flicks the reins and drives the Monkeecarriage onto the main street. This part of the town is very pleasant and old-fashioned, full of nice, attractive homes and businesses and shopkeepers selling everything from hot dogs to carpets to souveniers. Peter buys a pennant and a hot dog.)
Davy: (Grabs the hot dog) Petah, why did you buy that? You don't know where it's been!
Peter: I'm hungry! I haven't eaten since that jar of blackberry jam I had in the Falcon on the way here!
Mike: Eat later, concentrate on the gig now.
MickyL That reminds me. *listens to his stomach growl* I'm running on empty myself.
Emma: Maybe we ought to stop and get something to eat, Mike. It HAS been a while.
Mike: We don't have the time to eat in. (Stops by a red restaurant with a golden arch on a large wooden sign and pulls up to the side of the building, where a woman sits in a red and gold fairy-tale version of a fast-food uniform.)
Fast-Food Worker: Welcome to McDonovan's. May I take your order?
Lauren: *mutters* Freaky.
Mike: (Looks over his shoulder at the others) What'll you guys have?
Emma: (Makes a face) Chicken sandwich. I'm not a big McDonovan's fan.
Lauren: Six-piece chicken nuggets with honey.
Davy: Just a salad, please.
Micky: One of everything!
Peter: A salad and a vanilla milkshake!
(Mike repeats the order. The worker goes back in for a second, then comes back with a linen sack.)
Fast Food Worker: Thank you for eating at McDonovan's. Have a nice day!
(Mike pulls out of the restaurant and hands the bag to the various hungry musicians and writers.)
Emma: (Checks her chicken sandwich) I prefer Burger King, but this will do.
Peter: Oh, boy! (Digs into his salad, getting dressing all over Davy, who's opening his salad.)
Micky: *sticks his head in the bag and pulls out one wrapped item* Appetizer...
Lauren: *groans* Watch out for Davy and his salad! Remember what happened when you guys first met!
Davy: (Makes a face) How could I forget? (Gets very far away from Micky and Lauren)
Mike: (In between bites of Big Mac) Appetizer? Micky, that's a Quarter pounder!
Micky: *With his mouth full* And?
Emma: Micky, don't get the secret sauce all over the upholstry. You'll never get that out of white leather.
Mike: Lauren, watch the honey. We don't need to be makin' the carriage or the instruments sticky.
Lauren: No problemo, Mike!
Micky: Wouldn't it come out when it gets changed back into a real car? *finishes the burger* Next! *Reaches for his next wrapped item.*
(Mike pulls into a long line of carriages and carts of various sizes leading up to a large castle. It somewhat resembles the one in the clouds, but larger and in much better shape. Dark red and gold banners hang everywhere.)
Emma: (Makes a face as she polishes off her chicken sandwich) Great. I hate traffic!
Lauren: Is it rush hour?
Mike: No, it's gettin' pretty close to the coronation.
Lauren: *shrugs* Same difference.
*Micky moves on to his next food item*
Peter: (As he slurps his milkshake) Wow, all these people are going to come see us rescue the Knights and save the kingdom!
Davy: (Turning as green as his salad as he watches Micky) Mick, 'ow can you eat all that bloody, greasy food?
Mike: I'm hip, but that's just plain gross!
Micky: *again with his mouth full* I'm a growing boy!
Mike: And if you're not careful, you're going to grow outwards instead of upwards.
Lauren: With his energy level?
Mike: The grease might make him break out.
Davy: Grease does that to me! That's why I got a salad!
Lauren: *runs two fingers over Micky's cheek* Still smooth.
Emma: (Grins) I don't break out, either.
(Davy sticks his tongue out at Emma, who grins with a mouthful of chicken sandwich.)
Micky: *swallows* The scar's on the other one. *starts on his next item*
Mike: (As he manipulates the Monkeecarriage through the crowded streets) Why didn't you just start your own restaurant, Mick?
Lauren: It wouldn't be profitable.
Peter: (Chuckles between slurps of milkshake) Yeah, he'd just eat all the food.
Emma: (Giggles) It's amazing how many Micky-eats-like-a-pig jokes we can come up with. ;)
Micky: *finishes of the nuggets as if they were popcorn* I'll bet you have more, too.
Emma: (Grins) Probably.
Micky: *grins evilly* Next! *pulls out yet another item*
(They finally get close to the palace. The guards stand at the ready, checking everyone's credentials.)
Guard: (To Mike as he stops the carriage) State your name and business, sir.
Mike: (Nods at the equipment) We're the band Alakazam hired for the coronation, sir. We're the Monkees. (Everyone waves; Micky continues to down fries with the other hand) We have our papers right here. (Mike hands the guard the scroll from the music-shop owner.)
Guard: (Reads the scroll and hands it back to Mike) The Monkees, eh? Odd name for a group of muscians, but if that's what Lord Alakazam wishes for tonight, so be it. (Sighs and gestures to main gate) You may proceed.
Peter: (As he finishes off the last of his shake) I wonder how the Warrioresses are doing?
Emma: Not to mention the demons. I hope Alakazam hasn't been too hard on them.
Davy: (Wrinkes his nose as Micky starts in on a hot fudge sundae) Take it easy, mate! It's not going to run away from you!
Micky: You never know, Dave!
Mike: Yeah, this is a fantasy. I wouldn't be surprised if it just jumped up and ran down the street.
Micky: Don't give it ideas!
(Micky's sundae suddely grows eyes and little legs and arms, pulls out of Micky's hands, jumps out of the carriage, and runs down the street, squeaking the whole time. Emma bursts into laughter.)
Micky: Now see what you did? *folds his arms over his chest*
Peter: (Watches it run) I've never seen ice cream move so fast!
Lauren: That was lovely.
Emma: (Composes herself long enough to burst out) I thought it was cute! (Goes back to laughing)
Mike: It's not like you don't have more!
Micky: *holds the bag upsidedown* That was the last of it.
Davy: (Hands Micky the last of his salad) 'ere, you can have the rest of mine, mate. After that last demonstration, I don't think I'm 'ungry anymore. *Micky glares at the salad, then shrugs and plows into it.*
(Mike pulls the Monkeecarriage alongside a door with a wooden sign above it that says "Ye Entertainers' Entrance.")
Lauren: Think this is where we go in? *smirks*
Mike: (Stops the carriage) Offhand, I'd say so.
Davy: Well, I don't see any buisnesspeople or tailors walking in.
(The six climb out of the Monkeecarriage and unload the instruments.)