Everyone ready for a musical lunch? ;)

Mike: Right now, I don't care HOW musical it is. I just wanna eat.

Micky: Ditto that.

Davy: Wot do you mean by that?

(We open on the road again. The MonkeeMobile pulls into a small roadside diner.)

Mike: Thank god. I was just about to die of thirst. The cooler is almost empty. (Looks at Mick) Which reminds me, the next time we get into somethin' resemblin' a town, we need to restock the cooler.

Micky: Gladly.

(The boys get quite a surprise when they walk straight into a concert. A group of men in lederhosen and shorts play a sprightly polka tune.)

Mike: I never thought I'd say this about guys playin' polka, but they ain' t bad.

Micky: *nods his head in tune to the music* I like them!

Waitress: (As the guys take a table close to the polka band) What'll it be, boys?

Mike: Your largest glass of iced tea.

Davy: Make that two.

Micky: I'll have a large Pepsi.

Mike: (As the band goes into their next song) What's with the free concert?

Waitress: (Shrugs) Some polka band on their way to a concert in Sacramento. They asked us if they could rehearse while they eat, and since we ain't usually busy at this time of day and they seem to be pretty good, we didn't have a problem with it. Not to mention (indicates a full apron pocket) they're good tippers.

Mike: (As the song ends) Well, this sure beats a tinny jukebox. Not everyone can claim to get a free concert with their meal.

Polka Musician 1: (A huge, round man with a thick mustache and curly brown hair looks over at the guys; in a German accent) Look, Polka Kings! We drag in audience!

Mike: (Grins) Yeah, hi there. You guys are pretty good, for polka players.

Polka Musician 1: Ahh, and you are famous Monkees! My boys and I (indicates his band) have seen all your specials! You are really brilliant.

Mike: You're somethin' else yourself. You were really heatin' things up over there.

Micky: Yeah! We were about ready to break out the ice.

Polka Musician 1: (Shoves Mike; shoves him too hard and he almost ends up on the floor) Oh, go on!

Mike: (As he gets back on his chair and the waitress brings their drinks) No, really. Could we hear another one?

Polka Musician 1: Why, we'd LOVE to! We'd always play for fellow musicians! (The launch into another number as the waitress takes their orders)

(We launch into "Beer Barrel Polka" as the Polka Kings move around the room. Some of the other patrons even start dancing! A few of the waitresses and bus boys dance, too. Cooks and fry people can be seen bobbing in time to the music in the back kitchen.)

(The guys listen as the waitress brings their food. Mike has a large hamburger, fries, a pickle, and a small cole slaw in a plastic cup.)

*Micky has a double cheeseburger and onion rings. Davy has a large chef salad with dressing on the side.*

(Two of the musicians encourage Davy and Micky to get up and dance with everyone else!)

*The guys shrug at each other, then get up and join the dancing.*

(Mike shakes his head. He wants to finish his hamburger!)

(The waitresses who aren't busy dance with each other or with some of the Polka Kings. Other customers get up and dance, too. Two young ladies dance with Micky and Davy. Two waitresses bring the Polka Kings their orders as the music winds down. The girls smile and thank the guys for the dance and re-join their friends. The guys join Mike.)

Mike: (As he finishes his burger) Have a good time, boys?

Micky: Just eat your food, Mike.

Mike: (As the lead Polka King almost literally dives into his mountains of meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and creamed spinach) Hey, you guys are really... (Eyes widen as the man gobbles the huge pile of food) ...somethin'.

Polka Musician #1: You can call me Oswald. Oswald Der Hossepheffer. (Between bites) This is very, very good!

Davy: They way you're eating reminds me of someone. *glances at Micky*

Oswald: (Grins at Micky, who is also gobbling his hamburger) You are very good, but you are not round?

Mike: Not yet.

Micky: Hey!?

Oswald: I wish I had your ability. When I eat well (pats his round tummy) it goes straight here, and I have hard time with the oomp-pah-pah.

Mike: We keep trying to tell Micky that. ;)

Micky: Yeah, well, I haven't had a hard time with the oomp-pah-pah... if you know what I mean.

Oswald: (This time, he slaps Micky on the back) I knew I liked you Monkees! You really are as funny in real life as on your TV shows!

Davy: It's usually just 'im. *jerks a thumb at Micky*

Oswald: Where are you going to, anyway?

Mike: Well, we were gonna go see the second largest house made out of mud today, then find a hotel...

Micky: And I wanna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota at some point, too.

Davy: And 'ow about the biggest sink 'ole in the south?

Oswald: Oh no no, we are friends now! I insist you come to our concert in Sacramento! We could get you backstage passes!

Mike: Well, it'll throw us off schedule, but...

Micky: We really didn't have a schedule in the first place.

Oswald: Vunderful! I will tell boys you'll be joining us in Sacramento. Is it just the three of you, or do you have anyone with you? Families, bodyguards, directors...

Mike: Nahh, it's just the three of us, our junk, and my car. We left all of that in LA.

Oswald: You are alone? Are you on tour?

Mike: Nahh, just needed to get away from it all.

Micky: We just wanted a little vacation.

Oswald: Just vunderful! How I'd love to get on a vacation and see the world! Paris, London, Toronto, the North Pole... (Sighs) But, we must make money before we can vacate. (He waves over the waitress and asks for the dessert menu)

Mike: (As the waitress picks up their plates) You guys want dessert?

Micky: You have to ask?

Davy: I'm all set.

Mike: Curly is the only one who wants dessert. I'll just have coffee.

Micky: Ice cream sundae with hot fudge, whipped cream, nuts, and cherries.

Waitress: Sure. (She leaves as two more waitresses arrive. One waitress hands out slices of pie and cake to the other Polka Kings. Oswald has two waitresses giving him five desserts)

Mike: (Raises an eyebrow) Couldn't decide?

Oswald: Sometimes, I am in a cake mood, and sometimes, I want pastry. Today, I feel I am in both moods.

Mike: (As the waitress brings Micky his sundae) Where are you guys playing in Sacramento?

Oswald: The 29th Annual Polka and Bratwurst Festival. (Sighs) We've played the Festival for six years. Good music, good brats, good beer, good women...what more could any Polka man want in this world? (he sighs again, then digs in)

Mike: I'll take the beer. Mick'll eat the rest.

(The waitress brings back their check. Mike fishes out money. As Oswald inspects their check, Mike grins and turns to the other guys. There's a "rhubarb, rhubarb" exchange - Micky through mouthfuls of ice cream - and Mike turns to Oswald.)

Mike: Hey Os man, we're gonna do somethin' nice for you, since you guys seem to be a little short-up on cash. We're gonna pay for your lunch.

Oswald: Oh no, that is not necessary...

Mike: Nahh, we insist. You just offered to let us in your concert, right? What's buddies for?

Oswald: (Leans over and hugs a startled Mike) This is good! This is very good! You are good people! (He grins) For that, we must have you join us! We could play number, or do a dance!

Mike: Ooof! (Between Oswald's thick arms) Um, Ossie, if you'd let me get a little air here...

Oswald: (Lets Mike go; he's breathing hard) Oh, I am so sorry! I am just happy!

Mike: (Mutters as the waitress brings them the Polka Kings' check) Remind me never to get him angry, then.

Micky: Here, I'll take that check.

(The waitress hands Micky the check as she takes his sundae bowl.)

*Micky turns the check around and reads it. His eyes widen and his jaw drops.*

Mike: What is it, Mick?

*Micky moves his mouth, but words don't come out.*

Mike: Mick, what is it? (He takes the check...and blanches) Oh my GOD. What did they eat, a whole cow?

Oswald: (Pats Mike on the shoulder) You are ok, Herr Nesmith?

Mike: Uh yeah. Couldn't be better. (Mutters as Oswald leaves) I've been RICHER...

(The Polka Kings gather their instruments. Mike turns to the guys.)

Mike: Ok, everyone has to contribute. Pay up. (He throws money on the table)

*Micky and Davy both throw money as well.*

(Cut to the road. The guys are in Ursula, following the Polka Kings' massive bus. The bus is colored red, green, and yellow with German-esque floral designs and the words "Polka Kings" in fancy script.)

Ursula: Why are we going to Sacramento again? I didn't think any of you were big polka fans.

Mike: Because these are nice guys, and they gave us free tickets. (Grins) And there's gonna be beer there.

Micky: Do we need any other reason?

Ursula: Michael, didn't you say you had an itinerary for this trip?

Mike: Yeah, but beer and a free polka concert beats the hell out of the second largest house made out of mud in the US.

Micky: We'll still get to visit the biggest sink hole in the south, though, right?

Mike: Uh, we'll see how far we get before we run out of cash. Some of these hotels ain't as cheap as I thought, and Silver Gulch and treating the Polka Kings really took a bite out of our budget, too.

Ursula: Not to mention I am going to need some gas soon.

Mike: No Urse, we won't forget to feed you.

Davy: We wouldn't dare.

Mike: We'll figure somethin' out. Worst comes to worst, we'll wire the girls for money.

Ursula: And admit you didn't plan as well as you thought?

Mike: I planned just fine! I didn't know we were gonna pay for the second largest stomach on the planet after Mick!

Micky: *half-grin* Still the king!

Mike: Urse, I have it all under control.

Ursula: We'll see, Michael.

(Cut to the road again. The MonkeeMobile passes a sign that says "Sacramento exit - 4 miles." Cut to another shot of Mike following the bus into the exit. Fade into a large park in Sacramento. We see a shot of the MonkeeMobile and the bus in a full parking lot before we cut to the Fair. Mike walks through with a beer and a sausage and sauerkraut sandwich, a bag on his arm.)

Mike: Wonder where the guys are? The concert will be startin' in ten minutes!

*As Mike passes by one of the rides, he hears two very loud and very familiar screams of joy.*

Mike: Man, I hope they didn't eat first! Guys! (He follows the screams to the til-a-whirl and stands by the fence as it spins by. Yes, Micky and Davy are in one of the cars, grinning and screaming and laughing.)

(As the ride stops, Mike waves to them.)

*They wave back, until they end up with their backs to Mike.*

(Mike rolls his eyes as the ride comes to a complete stop.)

Mike: If they both puke all over me, I'll wallop them.

*Micky and Davy climb out of the ride and start running toward Mike, weaving into each other, still laughing.*

Mike: I hope you two didn't have beer and sausage before you went on that.

Micky: *holding himself and Davy up* Nahhh, we learned that the hard way the last time. But boy, that ride sure builds up an appetite!

Davy: Ain't that the truth, mate!

Mike: Well, the concert is gonna start in a few minutes. We'll get you some sausage sandwiches or funnel cake on the way over.

Micky: Sounds good to me.

Davy: Let’s go!

(Cut to a large orchestra shell near the center of the park. Mike leads the guys to a door on the side of the shell.)

Mike: Ossie said he gave us backstage passes. I hope he don't mind you guys are still eatin'.

Micky: *eating a sausage sandwich* I doubt he'll mind. HE might even still be eating, who knows?

Davy: *munching on funnel cake* Mick's right. Besides music, Ossie's favorite pastime is eating.

(Oswald meets them backstage. He has his accordion and a very big grin.)

Oswald: I am so glad to see you! We have had good idea! How would you like to join in one number. It is audience join-in. Everyone will dance, so you will not look too silly.

Mike: I don't like the sound of that.

Micky: I'll do it!

Davy: Mick, you'll do just about anything.

Micky: *nods* I know.

Oswald: It will be fun! You'll dance the latest Polka sensation!

Mike: Now I really ain't too sure.

Oswald: You will like it! It is fun. Let's go! (He leads the guys behind the curtains. Cut to much later, during the concert. The crowd is dancing to one of the polka tunes we heard Oswald and the Polka Kings play earlier. Oswald steps up as the song finishes.)

Oswald: (As they bow to the applause, Oswald as well as he can with an accordion around his neck) We glad you like so! But now, we have great surprise. Today, we run into a famous rock-and-roll group. They are such nice boys, they will help us introduce America's newest dance crazy! Here they are, from TV to the polka barrel, the Monkees!

(The Polka Kings launch into "Chicken Dance" as Davy and Micky strut on stage. We hear Mike yell "Forget it!" over the music.)

*Micky and Davy wave to the crowd, then start doing the motions in time to the music.*

(Soon, everyone in the audience is strutting and moving, too. Oswald tries to join in, but it's not easy to dance with an accordion.)

*In between the sets, Micky grabs hold of Mike and drags him on stage.*

(Mike makes a face, but he does finally join in. His dancing is rather awkward, though.)

(People are really getting into the dance. They're even clucking at the right time!)

*As the music speeds up, Micky keeps up and Davy tries hard to, but Mike misses some of the motions and gives up.*

(Oswald tries to get Mike to join back in again, but he shakes his head. Dancin' just ain't his thing.)

(Oswald hands his accordion over to another Polka King and joins Micky and Davy instead!)

(Mike shrugs and takes a guitar instead. He's better at playing fast than dancing fast.)

(The shenanigans onstage are cut with scenes of various chickens - some animated, some real stock footage of chickens.)

(Oswald puts his hands around Micky and Davy as the song ends and Mike joins them.)

Oswald: Aren't they good, folks? Let's give a big hand to our good friends, The Monkees!

*Micky and Davy bow, hamming it up as usual.*

Mike: Thanks, folks. I gotta hand it to you polka fans, you sure know how to party! (Grabs Davy and Micky) Don't mind these guys. They think they're still in the mud with the prize boars.

Oswald: (As the boys go offstage) Wait until the end of our concert! I must get photos with you! (He grins) Wait until all my family in Milwaukee and in Zurich hear about this! I danced with the Monkees onstage!

Mike: Glad to oblige, Ossie. Just next time, warn us about the chicken thing.

Oswald: You must be so proud! You introduced latest Polka craze to California people!

Mike: Uh, yeah, somethin' like that.

Micky: We introduced a craze!

*Davy rolls his eyes, but he's grinning.*

Oswald: Wait, I must do solo on this number. I will join you soon.

(Oswald returns to the stage. Mike shakes his head, grinning.)

Mike: The girls are never going to believe this. Ossie's one cool guy.

Davy: That 'e certainly is.

Mike: (Sighs) Maybe we'd better skip the hotel tomorrow night. We'll stay with Ossie and the Kings because we promised them we would, but tomorrow, we find the nearest National Park and rough it.

(Oswald runs back in, grinning.)

Oswald: Oh my! It is so good, they want more! Encore!

Micky: I'm up for it!

Davy: *nods* Me, too.

Mike: I'll just grab a guitar again.

Oswald: Come on, before they bite apart the stage! :D (He pulls the guys back out to the anxiously waiting crowd) Here they are, folks! You wanted more? You'll get more! Here's the Monkees, with more "Chicken Dance!"

(We fade out on the lines of people dancing "Chicken Dance" while Davy and Micky strut and cackle onstage and Mike plays along, shaking his head and grinning.)