You guys ready to go? ;)

Mike: Wha?

Davy: 'Uh?

*Micky snores.*

(We open with a wide shot of the camera showing dawn on the desert just outside of the hotel. The blinking neon light that annoyed the guys finally blinks off, and we hear the sounds of insects and birds chirping. As the sun comes up, we follow a ray as it filters through one particular window in the hotel...which happens to be the guys' window, of course.)

(Mike lays on the wrong end of his bed, one leg visible under the covers and his head under the pillow.)

*Micky still lays on the floor, but his legs are propped up on the end of Davy's bed. Davy's eyes snap open, the ray of sunlight right on his face. He puts his hands up to shield his face.*

(Mike mumbles in his sleep.)

*Micky snores loudly. Davy tries pulling the pillow over his head, but continues to toss and turn.*

(Mike finally drops his pillow onto Micky's head. We don't see much of Mike's head under his thick hair. He does some tossing and turning himself before finally opening one eye.)

Mike: (Mutters) It's early. It's too God-damn early.

Davy: *groans* You're telling me. Can't we do ANYTHING about 'IM? *motions to Micky*

Mike: If we strangled him, Lauren would strangle US.

Davy: I didn't mean anything life-threatening. I DO know the consequences.

(Mike grins wickedly. He picks up the clock alarm from his bed and puts it right next to Micky's ear.)

*Davy grins as well.*

Mike: If we have to suffer, so does he. Wakey wakey, sweetheart. (The alarm goes off. Mike finally gets up on his elbow as Mickey jumps a mile.)

*Micky gets all jumbled in his blankets. He eventually sits up, one blanket still over his head. He slowly pulls it away to reveal that he's scowling.*

Mike: Mornin', Mick. Sleep well?

Micky: I was, until that rude awakening.

Mike: Well, Dave and I were already up and the alarm was about to go off anyway. Time to get crackin', boys. We need to pick up the continental breakfast on the way out and hit the road.

Micky: Can't function without food...

Davy: Tell us something we don't know, Mick.

(Cut to outside, a bit later. The sun is now over the horizon. The guys, dressed and carrying coffee, donuts, and danishes, jump in Ursula.)

Ursula: Good morning, boys. How was your sleep last night? Isn't the desert just lovely?

Mike: It would be lovelier if there were fewer animals in it.

Ursula: Be careful with your breakfasts. I just had my upholstery cleaned a few days ago.

Micky: Don't worry, Urse!

Davy: Famous last words there, Mick.

Ursula: What's on your schedules today, gentlemen?

Mike: We're gonna head over to a little ghost town in Nevada, Silver Gulch. It's supposed to be a recreation of a real old-time western town, just like "Gunsmoke" or somethin'.

Micky: Should be fun.

Ursula: Sounds rather touristy to me.

Mike: We're supposed to be tourists, Urse.

Ursula: Boys, you don't have your handlers with you, and you are NOT protected. You might want to take precautions.

Micky: We're going to a ghost town! What could possibly happen?

Mike: Ok, if everyone's close to finished, we're gonna get goin' now.

Ursula: Very well, boys. (Sighs as "Papa Gene's Blues" begins and we drive off into the desert morning. We get a stock shot of the guys on the highway again before Mike pulls under a sign that says "Silver Gulch, Population 165 and 4 Sidewinders". Mike parks Ursula in a dirt parking lot as all three guys climb out, wearing cowboy hats. Mike, of course, also wears his boots. Mike manages to duck away, but several teenagers and children crowd around Micky and Davy, wanting autographs.)

(Mike wanders over to a cowboy roping session. He steps in to show them how it's REALLY done in Texas.)

*Micky slips away from the autograph hunters, leaving Davy behind.*

(Mike and Micky head over to the saloon. An amiable-looking "sheriff" in a fancy cowboy outfit greets them. Mike shakes his hand, but he's rolling his eyes.)

(The sheriff points at the huge, grumpy-looking bartender and shakes his finger. No annoying the bartender! He gets ornery when he's annoyed. Mike rolls his eyes again when he walks off. The little Sheriff takes his play-acting a bit seriously, doesn't he?)

(Mike grins and pounds on the bar. Hey, we want our drinks! The bartender ignores him.)

*Micky joins Mike. He grabs the towel from the bar and throws it at the bartender, hitting him in the back of his head.*

(Mike grins and yells a few more unkind comments.)

(The bartender finally turns around...and shoots a gun right at the guys, much to the shock of the guys and the patrons at the bar!)

*The guys quickly duck below the bar. We see their fingers grasp the bar, then they both slowly peek over the top of it, wide-eyed.*

Mike: (Looks over his shoulder at the gawking crowd; over the music) It's ok, folks, we're all right. They were blanks. (Mike turns to the bartender) Uh, could we have two drinks, sir?

(Mike and Micky walk across the street as "Papa Gene's Blues" winds down. They both sip cold drinks out of Styrofoam cups.)

Mike: Man, this place serves lousy coffee. They have a lousy sheriff, too. He was wearin' sneakers!

Micky: Yeah, even I was a better sheriff! (Grins) The iced tea is better.

(Davy finally joins them...with several lipstick marks on his cheek and a rumpled shirt. He now carries his hat.)

Mike: Looks like someone was busy.

Davy: I couldn't disappoint my public, no mattah 'ow 'ard I kept trying to run away.

Mike: Davy, may I remind you that all three of us are married, and all of our wives are capable of causing bodily harm if they figure out we've been within a hundred yards of other women?

Davy: Why do you think I was trying to run away? I know Daph would easily and readily rip me 'ead off if she found out!

Mike: Why don't we head over to the Indian Camp near the edge of town? I'm sure you wanna connect with your ancestors, Mick.

Micky: Now you're talking!

(The three guys walk down the street, ignoring people who stop and stare at them, sometimes pointing. They walk out of Silver Gulch and across a dusty path where a Conestoga Wagon is preparing to take a group of people over to the Indian Camp. The guys join the wagon riders, and we get a tracking shot of the Wagon riding over to the camp. Cut to another shot of it pulling into a dusty circle of tepees a mile or so away from the main town. People in Indian costume, a few riding horses, go about their business.)

Girl Guide: (As everyone gets off the wagon) You're in luck! They're just about to begin. The Chief's daughter is getting married to a high-ranking warrior, and they've allowed non-Tribes people to witness the ceremony. A lucky few may even get to wear headdresses and join the dance, and there's even a special dance for children!

Mike: (Looks at Micky) You're gonna wanna be in that dance, ain't ya?

Micky: You'd better believe it!

(The guys join the other tourists at the Ceremonial Dance Circle in the middle of the tepees as "Mommy and Daddy" begins. Little by little, Indians in a riot of colorful beads, feathers, leather, and semi-precious stones and metals go into an intricate, complicated celebratory dance. Mike watches, intrigued. He saw similar dances in Oklahoma and enjoyed them. The shots of the crowd shows that the other tourists are just as interested.)

(A dancer who looks female finally comes out, and the chief brings her and another elaborately dressed couple together and waves his long stick with the gourd hanging on the end over them. The tribe goes wild again, dancing even more amazingly than before.)

(The chief finally throws his arms out to the crowd. Do they have any volunteers to join the Friendship Dances? )

*Micky waves both arms, grinning widely. "Pick me, pick me!*

(The chief appears to ignore him for a few minutes before finally grabbing his arm and pulling him into the crowd. A brave plops a headdress on his head, and they show him and the three other people they selected some simpler moves before going into their dance again.)

(Mike whips out a camera and takes pictures for Lauren and the kids. They'll LOVE to see Daddy dressed as an Indian.)

*Davy nods. And they'll love to blackmail Micky with those pictures!*

(The adults' dance finally finishes, and the Chief gently calls to the parents in the crowd. It's time for the kids to do their dance. Micky joins the guys as the kids do a shorter, far less intricate number...but the two boys and little girl seem to be just as happy to wear smaller headdresses and bead necklaces!)

(The Chief gives Micky and the other three tourists real hand-crafted bead necklaces for being good sports.)

(Mike grins. The kids get small children's drums. Katie and Little Mick would LOVE those.)

(We get another shot of the Conestoga Wagons rolling back into town as the song ends.)

Mike: Well, that was pretty interestin'. I went to a few reservations in Oklahoma that were pretty cool, but that was good, too.

Micky: That was great, man...

Mike: Yeah, the Chief seemed to really like you, Mick. (Looks at his watch) We have time before we have to head out, so why don't we head over to the Gift Shop to buy a few souvenirs for the families? I'd love to see if they had more of those Indian drums for Katie, and Em's the only one in the family without a cowboy hat.

Micky: And I have to get Lauren some key chains for her collection, not to mention picking up something for the kiddies.

Davy: And a little something for yourself.

Micky: You got it.

(The guys head into the General Store, which of course is really Silver Gulch's gift shop. The large store has western-y items like tack and tools on the walls, but the items that are really for sale are on shelves around the store. Mike goes through stacks of T-shirts.)

*Within minutes, Micky appears with his arms loaded with souvenirs.*

(Mike grins at a red woman's cowboy hat with a yellow sunburst buckle. Perfect for Emma. He brings it over, along with T-shirts for himself and his family, a little drum for Katie, and a wooden rattle for Robbie.)

*Micky holds a half-dozen plastic bags filled with souvenirs.*

Mike: (He has two bags) Micky, may I remind you that, even with an extra backseat, we still only have so much room in the car?

Micky: You worry too much. These won't take up that much room.

Mike: Yeah, but Mick, this is only our first stop! We're going to be seeing a theme park, major cities, national parks! We'll be buyin' stuff there, too!

Micky: There will be plenty of room.

Davy: *joins them with his single bag of souvenirs* All set, mates. Let’s 'ead out. *sees Micky's bag* Mick, will you evah learn?

Micky: *considers* No, I don't think I will. *grins* Let’s get going!

Mike: (Nods and sighs) Right, but let's get some ground rules in. From here on in, try to limit it to two bags of souvenirs or less per spot, ok Mick?

Micky: Alright, alright. *mutters* Killjoy.

Mike: (Ignores Micky) Good. Let's get some lunch. I'm starving, and I'm sure we could find some place on the road that's cheaper than the Saloon or the Harvey House Inn, and with better food, too.

(The three guys head for Ursula. Mike slides behind the wheel as Micky stows their souvenirs in the trunk.)

Ursula: Did you enjoy your time in Silver Gulch? (Her monitor shows a grinning face) I don't see any bullet holes. Good. That means there were no encounters with local bandits or angry Indians out for revenge.

Mike: Actually, Mick and I did have a close encounter with a bartender who don't take teasin' well, but it turned out to be just play actin'.

Ursula: Ready to leave? Where to next?

Mike: To the first diner we see. We gotta eat somethin' that's a lot cheaper than tourist trap food.

Micky: And hopefully better tasting.

Ursula: Right, then. Off we go, Guardians! (And they do head off as the camera rests on the "Silver Gulch" sign and they head for the highway again.)