Everyone ready for the trip?

Mike: Yeah.

Peter: I really don't think me going is a good idea...

Micky: I'm ready!

Davy: Do we 'ave to be in the same car as Mick?

Micky: I heard that.

(We open in front of the Montgomery House's "garage," which is a rather large building that looks like it may have been a former cook house or servant's quarters. Peter is working on a GTO; Micky and Davy are with him.)

Peter: I wish I could go with you guys. Really, I do. But I'm working on starting my new band, and just having left the group, it might be a little awkward.

Micky: A little awkward? I think any potential for bloodshed is worse than a little awkward. *Davy elbows him hard* Ooof!

Peter: I hope you have a good time. How long will you be gone?

Davy: Until we can't stand being around Mick any longah.

Micky: Funny.

Peter: (Laughs) I miss you two. You're better than "Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein."

Micky: Thank you. That is truly an honor. *tips an imaginary hat*

Davy: *rolls his eyes* Yeah, and it's all because of 'im. *jerks a thumb at Micky*

Peter: (Laughs again) You two are really something else.

Davy: Thanks, mate. *checks his watch* We'd bettah get going.

Peter: (Nods) Yeah, Valerie should be home soon with Jordan.

(None of the boys see a long, tall, slender shadow prowling around the side of the Montgomery House.)

Peter: (Smiles) Well, I hope you guys have a great trip! Tell the girls and kids I say "hi," and don't kill each other or Mike while you're out there, ok?

Micky: *snaps his fingers* Darn!

Davy: We will, and we won't.

Peter: Thanks! (They head out...not noticing the shadow and flash of red that saunters into the garage as they leave.)

Soft, Deep Female Voice: (Too deep and purring to be recognizable) Hello, Peter. I need you.

Peter: Valerie, is that... (he looks up...and his eyes widen into pure shock) You!

(Cut from Peter to the front of the Pad. Mike loads the MonkeeMobile as Lauren's purple Chevy Bel Air parks next to the curb. Katie runs out first, carrying a small suitcase. Emma follows with a diaper bag and Robbie on her hip.)

Emma: Lauren, thanks for having the kids and me over your house while Mike's gone. It'll be a nice vacation for us, too, and we'll be able to keep a better eye on each other.

Lauren: Any time, Em. With you and the kids at the house, it'll feel like Mick's around.

Mike: Yeah, and there will be more of you just in case there's any trouble.

Emma: What about you guys?

Mike: Darlin', we'll be fine. We're making sure we avoid certain spots in Arizona, not to mention Vegas.

Davy: I'll make sure of that.

Ursula: And besides, I'm with them. I'll make sure they don't do anything too embarrassing.

Mike: (Throws in a cooler) That should be everythin'. You boys set?

Micky: *tosses in a duffle bag; it lands with a thud* Ready!

Davy: Mick, you got a dead body in that thing or something?

Micky: No, I don't. It's just my stuff. That's all. *smiles innocently*

Lauren: *mutters* Yeah right.

Mike: Micky, just how much of your house did you load in there? (Frowns) You didn't try to bring your chemistry set, did you?

Ursula: (Mutters) I hope not. I don't particularly want to be blown to bits.

Micky: *still smiling* No, I didn't.

Mike: (Sighs) We'll find out on the road. Ok, my good men, jump in and we'll be off!

*Micky literally jumps in. Davy climbs in normally.*

(Cut to a shot of the LA Freeway as "Tomorrow's Gonna Be Another Day" begins. The car barrels down the highway, then turns onto a quieter stretch of desert highway. Mike opens the top all the way, letting the wind whip through his wavy black hair.)

*Micky holds out a kite and lets it up a few feet.*

*Davy shakes his head and settles back, feet resting hanging over the side.*

(Suddenly, there's a pop over the music. The car stops. Mike leans over the side of the car and silently groans and points out a blown front tire.)

*Micky's kite crashes on his head. Davy laughs. Micky removes the fallen kite and makes a face at Davy. He turns, leaning over Davy, to rummage through his duffle bag. He produces a jack and spare tire from the bag.*

(Mike raises his eyebrows but simply sighs. Come on guys, let's get the tires.)

(They go around the front. Micky jacks up the car and Mike pulls the tire off. Ursula almost seems to wince on her monitor.)

*Davy offers an apology and attempts to divert her attention from the tire changing process.*

(Mike tries to put the new tire on the rim, but it stubbornly refuses to get on.)

*Micky holds up an index finger, then goes to rummage in his bag again. He reappears with a long-handled tool that he uses to slip the tire on effortlessly.*

(Mike nods, takes the tool, and tries to get the tire to slip on. Mike shoves and shoves...and finally shoves TOO hard, pushing the tire off the rim and down the road!)

*Micky slaps his forehead. Why does Mike always have to do things HIS way?*

(Mike and Micky chase the tire down the road, passing Davy, who chats with Ursula.)

(Mike jumps for the tire, but he just ends up landing on his stomach in the middle of the road.)

*Micky opts for the easier method and concentrates on the tire, making it stop rolling and tip over. He gathers the tire and returns to the Monkeemobile with it.*

(The boys get the tire back on as the music ends.)

Ursula: Is it finished?

Mike: Yeah, it's on.

Micky: Good as new, Urse.

Ursula: Thank you. You don't know how nasty it feels to have a blown tire.

Mike: (Looks at his watch) We'd better get moving. It's gonna be gettin' dark soon.

Ursula: I suggest you pull into the nearest town to find a place to sleep for the nights. Desert roads can be dangerous after dark.

Mike: Nahh Urse, we're all night owls. We're good for another thousand miles or so.

Micky: I could go all night! Matter-a fact, can I drive now?

Mike: Sure. What the hell. Urse is right that we do need to get out of the desert by nightfall, but I think we should be safe for a while. (Opens the door for Micky) Your cab, sir.

Micky: *nods* Thank you, my good man! *slids in behind the wheel*

Davy: Think I'll stick to the back. Safah there.

Mike: Oh good, that means I get shotgun. (Climbs in next to Mick)

Ursula: According to my navigational controls, we should be nearing a small city on the central border of Nevada and California shortly. They should have a hotel.

Mike: Urse, what did I say? We'll be fine.

Micky: Yeah, Urse. Besides, I'm driving! You know me! I can go all night!

*Davy snorts, snickering and not at all trying to contain himself.*

Ursula: (Sighs) If you say so, gentlemen. Just try to be careful on the road.

Mike: Urse, we're all experienced drivers. Stop worryin'. You sound like Em.

(The car begins again as the sky darkens. We get a couple of shots of the guys on the road again as Micky pulls off a ramp that leads into the city Ursula mentioned. It's pitch dark as "Pillow Time" begins. The camera moves into the car and pans across the three occupants. Ursula's monitor shows "sleep mode." Micky, Mike, and Davy are all sound asleep...Micky behind the wheel.)

*The Monkeemobile weaves a bit. Micky's hands slip from the wheel.*

*The car really starts to weave more violently, rocking its passengers back and forth. Eventually, the side of Micky's head thumps against the driver's door, jarring him awake. Micky screams as he sees the car is headed for the ditch parallel to the road and grabs for the steering wheel. He cranks the wheel in the opposite direction and straightens out, heaving a huge sigh of relief.*

(The MonkeeMobile swings into the parking lot of a small motor hotel. Micky directs it into a parking space as Mike and Davy jolt awake.)

Mike: (As the music ends) Wha...huh...

Micky: *a nervous, innocent smile* We're here!

Davy: Good... *yawns* I can go back to sleep...

(Ursula just groans.)

(Cut to total darkness. A rectangle of light opens into the screen, followed by a "Would someone turn on the light?" Micky flips a switch, and we get a good look at your basic cheap 70s hotel room, with a small TV, two small drawers, two beds, a fold-out cot, two tables, two ugly lamps, and one large, slightly cracked mirror. Mike dumps his big suitcase on one bed.)

Mike: Ok, let's call it to see who gets the cot and who gets the bed tonight.

Micky: *dumps his duffle bag and nods* Sounds fair.

Davy: Just watch the early fingahs.

(The guys shoot fingers. Mick gets the low finger.)

Mike: Looks like you get the cot tonight, buddy.

Micky: *groans* Oh man...

Davy: *claps Micky's shoulder* Enjoy, mate.

Mike: Ok Mick, you set the cot up while we get our stuff together. (He pulls out an alarm clock) We want to get an early start tomorrow if we want to make our itinerary. There's a non-devil-owned ghost town I'd love to see, and don’t forget the Mighty World park, and...

*Micky unfolds the cot, only for the catch to let go and the cot closes up, trapping Micky. He groans and pushes from the inside.*

*Davy doubles over laughing.*

Mike: How's the cot comin', Mick? (Turns around and grins) That well, huh? Want some help?

Micky: *as he fights with it* No, I got... *the cot snaps closed again* a problem. Yes, I need help.

Mike: Don't worry. Thing ain't so hard. I've slept on dozens of them. (He unfolds the cot, shoving it hard...but it closes again) Maybe the catch is loose.

Micky: Great. Meanwhile, it's having a Micky-snack! *loudly* Get me OUTTA this thing!

Davy: *still snickering* You should've moved when Mike got it open!

Mike: I'll get it. Geez, if you want somethin' done RIGHT... (He pulls the cot open, only to have it close on HIM) Ouch! Man, what's WITH this damn thing?

Micky: *makes a face* Maybe we should've offered it a peace offering first. Haven't they FED the darn thing lately?

Mike: (Struggles) Get us OUTTA here!

(The guys struggle a few minutes more before the cot finally bursts open, and Micky and Mike roll out.)

Micky: *props himself on his arms and glares at the cot, wide-eyed* That's it. I am NOT sleeping on that thing! It'll eat me alive!

Mike: (Sets the cot against the wall) Fine. We all have sleeping bags. You can have the floor.

(Mike struggles to open a window, finally getting it after shoving a stick under it.)

*Micky pulls his sleeping bag from his duffle bag.*

Davy: *eyes Micky's duffle bag* What else do you 'ave in there?

Micky: *slight grin* Wouldn't you like to know?

Mike: As long as you have what you need and it won't blow us or anything else to hell and gone, I don't care what he has in there.

(Mike goes into the bathroom to change...and runs right back out again.)

Micky: That was quick.

Mike: Oh merciful heavens, I just saw a spider the size of a small DOG in there!

Davy: *eyes widen; gulps* I guess we won't be peeing anytime soon.

Micky: Well... *rummages in the duffle bag again*

Davy: Mick, I sweah if you produce a toilet from that thing...

Micky: No, no... *straightens, holding a spray can with the word "RAID" on it* Ta da!

Mike: I won't ask why you have that, but please use it!

Micky: On my way... *heads into the bathroom carefully, the door closing after him; after a few seconds, he screams, and a loud and long spraying sound is heard. Then it's quiet*

Davy: I 'ope 'e didn't spray 'imself in the face.

Mike: (Pops his head in the bathroom) Hey Mick, you ok?

*Micky is plastered against the nearest wall, eyes wide, arm extended, with spray can still in hand. His hand slowly descends, his eyes roll up, and he slumps to the floor in a faint.*

Mike: (Goes to his side) My god! Mick! Mick, are you ok?

Davy: *pokes his head in, sees Micky, then turns to Mike* You remembah 'e's afraid of spidahs, right?

Mike: I should have taken the can and done it myself. Mick, man, wake up! Davy, get some water!

Davy: Right! *grabs a cup and fills it; makes a dash over to them and manages to get the water to them on the first try*

Micky: *eyes flutter* Few more minutes, mom...

Mike: Aw geez Mick, I ain't your Mom! You ok?

Micky: *gives his head a shake, then finally focuses on Mike* I...shoulda believed you about the size of that damn spider. *winces* I hate spiders... ever since that damn mechanical one.

Mike: Well, did ya get him?

Micky: *eyes the dead arachnid across the room from them* Got him...dead.

Davy: *glances over; shudders* Yuck! Did that thing get radiation treatment or something?

Mike: Must be the spider that bit Peter Parker. (Turns to the guys) I hope we can all get some shut-eye after that. (He climbs into bed, hooks up his clock, and pulls the cover over his head) Night, guys.

Davy: *climbs into his bed, but gives Micky a look before settling back* You gonna be okay down there?

Micky: As long as there's nothing else that's eight-legged around, I'll be fine.

*Davy shrugs and settles back. Micky plops down and rummages in his duffle bag again. He pulls out a pillow and ear muffs. He settles in.*

("Don't Call On Me" begins as the guys settle down...or try to. A blinking neon light from the hotel outside blinks on and off, shining right in Mike's face. He finally pulls the shade over the window, then flops back down in the bed in a huff.)

*Davy rolls around on his bed non-stop, trying to get comfortable. His arm dangles over the side, brushing against Micky's side. Micky, who was asleep, awakes and jumps in fear of another spider.*

(Mike makes a face at Davy rolling around and Micky screaming and turns his back on both.)

(We hear orgasmic male-and-female moans over the music. Mike does some groaning of his own and pulls his pillow over his head. The screaming and moaning just gets louder.)

(Mike finally moves to the other side of the bed, hoping to avoid the noise, when we hear the burst of a late-night TV talk show from the OTHER room.)

*Mike snatches Micky's ear muffs and settles back, smirking.*

(There's another noisy scream. Mike tries to scrunch further into the covers.)

*Micky presses a stephascope to the wall and munches on popcorn with his free hand.*

(Mike rolls his eyes. Come on Mick, that's private. He just ducks under the covers again. He tries to ignore the sounds from both sides and counsels Mick to get some shut-eye. They have a long trip ahead of them.)

*Micky finishes his popcorn and shrugs, settling back down. Davy's already snoring lightly.*

(The music ends with a shot of all three boys asleep in the dark, Mick's loud snores almost, but not quite, drowning out the screams from next door. The camera pulls out to get a lovely parting glimpse of the hotel, the desert night, and the blinking neon sign.)