Mike: (As they pass several dark-looking novelty shops and another large candy store, Douglass Fudge.) What happened to those plans, anyway?
Emma: I still have them. (Pulls them out of her fringed bag) I stuck them in here when we were on the Giant Ferris Wheel. (Returns them to the bag) And they will stay here until someone tells me otherwise.
Lauren: Are we almost there? Mick's getting kinda heavy.
Mike: Yeah Mick, I think you're finally gaining weight.
Micky: *Mutters* Shut up...
Emma: (Points to a small pizza parlor between a dark-looking novelty shop and a t-shirt shop. A large, rickety-looking white, red, and green sign saying "Pizza" hangs above a counter where a neon "99 cent slices" sign glows and several young people bustle about, making and warming up pizza) There it is! (Herds the entire group into the small building and to a series of hard, red plastic booths in the very back)
(Emma plops down on the very last booth. Mike slides in next to her.)
Peter: (As he sits on the other side) Are you feeling better, Micky? You don't look as pale.
Lauren: Finally! *Pushes Micky over and sits next to him*
(Davy squeezes in next to Mike.)
Micky: *Waves a hand* Just lemme take a little nap. *Plops his head on the table on his arms*
Peter: Wow, I didn't know ferris wheels and roller coasters could take so much out of a person!
Lauren: Bright Boy kept munching on the goodies he bought, or should I say I bought.
Emma: I thought he imagined them all back to the pad!
Mike: Not all of them, obviously.
Lauren: He snuck one. I saw it. *Smirks, then makes a face* Ow! Hey Mick, no pinching when you're supposed to be dozing!
Davy: Well, that's what he jolly well gets for overeating before riding a roller coaster!
Mike: Micky, cool it.
Davy: I think he's safer sleeping.
*Micky looks up, sticks his tongue out, and goes back to trying to nap.*
Emma: (Takes out the plans) These plans call for demolition and the building of high rises, condos, and a large gourmet mall in the blocks between Burke and Oak Avenues on Pacific and Atlantic, along with most of Surf and Alantic Avenues in North Wildwood. (Slams her fist on the table) Damn, that's where most of the Doo-Woppers are in North Wildwood!
Peter: Doo-Woppers?
Micky: *Pulls his head up* Whoa, who rocked the boat?
Emma: (Sighs) I forgot, you guys don't know the local lingo. "Doo-Woppers" are a Wildwood Islands name for the hotels built in the 50s and 60s. A lot of them have been demolished already, and locals are trying to fight to save the rest, but it's not easy. Many hotel owners consider it more lucrative to sell their property to condo developers who want to attract wealthy Manhattanites and Philadelphians.
Mike: You mean the boxy hotels with the big neon signs? (Shrugs) Look like ordinary hotels to me.
Emma: (Shrugs) A few years ago, people started to come down here just to look at the hotels. The powers that be in Wildwood thought they could reconstruct the whole town around the Doo-Wop theme, just like Cape May did around their Victorian bed-and-breakfasts. (Emma sighs) Wildwood is a different town, though. It hasn't worked entirely like people thought it would. (Sighs) I'm not really worried for myself. I could move back in with my folks in North Cape May, though it would be a bit of a tight fit, with my sister's son due in August. It's my neighbors I'm worried about. Most of them are low-to-practically-no income Hispanics and blacks. Some don't even speak English, and I'll bet a lot of them have nowhere else in America they could go if they lose their homes.
Lauren: And that just completely sucks.
Waiter: (He's a young kid with a spiky hairdo and a goofy grin) Hey, guys, I'll take your orders. (Wicked smile) What'll it be, a shoehorn?
Mike: (Glares at him) We'll just have six Cokes, please. (He shrugs and walks off)
Micky: Regular comedian, that kid. *Leans back*
Davy: (Grins, watching the two attractive female pizza bakers at the counter) Yeah, reminds me of someone I know. ;)
*Micky shoots back a pained grin and crosses his arms.*
Mike: (Tries to cross his arms but hits Davy, who glares and rubs his chest) Is this just a Wildwood thing, or is it happening all over the area?
Emma: (Shrugs) The only things they're building in North Cape May and the Villas, as far as I know, are single-family houses and the occasional beach house. I haven't the faintest about Cape May, thought they did demolish the historic Christian Admiral Hotel to build condos about ten years ago. (Thinks hard) They demolished the old High School in Middle Township...(eyes widen as the guy brings them drinks)...shit! If these plans really do go through, they'll demolish the high school and a middle school! I'm less than a block from them. I can see the high school from my apartment's balcony! The high school is another historic building. It went up in 1915!
Lauren: Oh, good grief!
Peter: Oh no!
Emma: (Eyes get even wider) And The Nile is less than a block from the high school...
Mike: That's crazy!
Lauren: There's gotta be something we can do!
Davy: Well, first of all, we've gotta keep these plans away from Zeckenbush.
Waiter: (Comes back with a pad) You guys ready to order?
Mike: Mick, you up for pizza?
Micky: *gives Mike a look* I think I'll watch you guys. I might be up to it, but I don't think my stomach is.
Waiter: (Grins at Micky) So, what killed you, the Sea Serpent, the Great White, or the Great Nor'Easter?
Davy: (Grins) The Sea Serpent and his overgrown stomach.
Micky: Thanks, Dave. *glares at him*
(Mike orders two large pizzas with mushrooms and cheese and pepperoni on one half for the entire crew. The waiter walks away smirking.)
Peter: What's the Great Nor'Easter?
Emma: (Giggles) If you guys have been watching the horizon, you may have seen a group of bright pink, steel loops. That's the Nor'Easter, also known as "the pinkest thing on the boardwalk." It's on Morey's, the last pier on the boards with rides of any consequence.
Micky: It's pink? *His eyebrows arch*
Emma: (Grins) Extremely pink.
Mike: That's what that was? I thought I was hallucinatin'.
Lauren: I thought it was an early sunset...
Micky: And guys ride that thing?
Peter: Why is a roller coaster pink?
Emma: (To Peter) God only knows. I guess the Morey family wanted it to stand out.
Micky: It's pink! *rolls his eyes*
*Lauren snickers.*
Emma: Don't worry, Mick. There's other stuff down that way...the Giant Slide, the Condor, the Flitzer, Gateway 26...
Mike: Gateway 26 is a weird name for a ride.
Emma: (As the waiter arrives with two pizzas, hot pepper, oregano, garlic, and grated cheese) Gateway 26 is the largest, coolest (grins at Mike) and cheapest arcade on the boards.
Micky: Right up your alley, Mike.
Emma: It's right across from Morey's. All the cranes and games only cost 25 cents, and there's a ton of awesome slot games and skee ball machines and prizes to win.
Mike: I just don't want to see our rent money for next month get eaten by slot machines, like when we were in Vegas. You all do remember having to take care of Babbitt's lawn for three months to pay, don't you?
*Micky sinks down in the seat.*
(Peter remembers having to pull weeds, and accidentally pulling out prize flowers...and poison ivy, leaving all four guys scratching themselves for a month.)
Peter: I don't want to do that again! I honestly thought that poison ivy was regular ivy!
(Davy remembers trying to mow the lawn...only to be chased by the huge lawn mower.)
Davy: And I've had enough problems without that lawn mower trying to mow ME again!
Micky: The weedwhacker attacked me!
Mike: And I got swiss-cheesed by the damn roses. Those things should be labeled lethal weapons!
Emma: (Smirks) I'll remember not to send you guys when Mom needs help with her yard.
Lauren: *Nods* So much for asking you guys to help my dad with our yard. *Smirks*
(Everyone but Micky digs into the pizza and soda, happily munching away.)
Mike: (Between bites of cheese) Well, guys, what ARE we going to do about the plans?
Davy: (Pulls a mushroom off his pizza and sticks it in his mouth) How about we just have fun and cross that bridge when we get there?
Mike: (Slurps his Coke) And let them kill us?
Davy: I don't think they want to kill us, Mike. We have the plans. The ball is in our court, or (smirks) the plans are in our bag.
Lauren: And who says we have to let them?
Emma: (As she finishes off her pepperoni) Right! Next time they try anything funny, we'll know what to look for.
*Micky picks a piece of pepperoni off Lauren's slice. She glares at him.*
Micky: Just testing the waters. *holds his hands up*
Davy: (Finishes a second mushroom slice) All I'm saying is, we're here to have fun. Why not have fun and worry about Zeckenbush later? We gave that jerk the slip!
Peter: Well, I want to win more stuffed animals!
Mike: (Hands Micky a slice of plain cheese) Here, Mick. See if your poor, abused stomach can handle this.
Micky: *Takes the piece* You're so sympathetic, Mike. *Rakes a bite*
Lauren: *Sighs* Good, he won't eat mine now. *Grins*
Mike: (Grins) Lauren, that's the idea.
Lauren: Thanks, Mike. *munches happily*
Emma: (Grabs another slice of mushroom) Lauren, didn't you say you wanted to win Mick a stuffed animal? (Smirks up at Mike) Maybe I could win you a nice Shrek or a stuffed crab.
Lauren: Yeah, I did. I still want to, since he couldn't win one for me.
*Micky folds his slice in half and whips it up, catching it in his mouth.*
Mike: Oh, ha ha, Emma. I'll have you know I haven't slept with a stuffed animal since I was five.
Davy: (Picks another mushroom and eats it) I'm impressed, Mick. Not bad for someone who looked greener than moon cheese about ten minutes ago.
Micky: *With a mouthful* What can I say? I recover quickly.
Emma: What's wrong with stuffed animals? I've got a whole zoo on my bed!
Lauren: And I've got a zoo and a half all around my house.
Emma: (Winks at Micky) Maybe you can win Lauren a Love-a-Lot Bear. She likes them.
Micky: *With another mouthful* Sure!
(Waiter brings them the check as they finish up.)
Mike: (Wipes his hands on a napkin) Well, everyone ready?
Peter: (Gnawing on a crust) Yeah!
*Micky stuffs the rest of his in his mouth and nods.*
Davy: (Watches the two girls behind the counter) Yeah...
Lauren: Earth to Davy...
Mike: (Elbows Davy) Dave, cool it. Your girl-chasing has gotten us into nothing but trouble since we walked on the boardwalk. Stick with us from here on in, ok?
Davy: (Makes a face at Mike) Yes, Da!
Emma: (Shakes her head) I agree with Mike, Davy. You follow girls blindly. It's always how you guys get in trouble!
Lauren: Don't get smart, boy, or he'll take ya to the woodshed!
Davy: Since when have my...attentions...to a girl gotten us into trouble?
Peter: Well, there was the time with Fern...
Mike: And the hillbilly who tried to marry you...
Micky: *Swallows* Only every time you go after a girl, that's all.
Lauren: You're batting a thousand.
Emma: (Thinks) The time that Middle Eastern princess tried to marry you...and the time you dressed as a girl for that rock-a-thon thing...
Davy: (Waves his hand) I can't help it if some girls find me attractive, and the thing with Fern was some crazy stage mum's doing, not mine!
Mike: You didn't have to agree to sing with her. (He and Emma get up and take the check to the front counter)
Davy: And I HATED the rock-a-thon thing! It was dishonest, not to mention embarrassing!
Peter: (Grins) I thought you looked cute!
Micky: I did, too.
Lauren: The bone was a bit much.
Davy: (As everyone else gets up and joins Mike and Emma outside) Why, whenever we need someone to dress as a girl, is it always me? (Points at Peter) He even dreamed me in drag!
Emma: (Grins) Dave, you just look the part.
Lauren: Besides, you've seen Micky in drag. *Shudders*
Peter: I don't like wearing dresses.
Micky: I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not.
Lauren: Well, okay, I did like Goldilocks. *Winks at Micky*
(Emma bursts into giggles.)
Mike: Hey, you weren't the chaperone at that one party!
Davy: Yeah, because I was the one doing the courting.
Micky: I only became the chaperone because you guys left me behind to wake her up!
Emma: Chaperone? (Frowns) Why couldn't Peter be the chaperone? He's the oldest.
Mike: You're lucky the General ended up liking Mrs. W!
Peter: The General didn't believe I was the oldest. He thought Mike was the oldest.
*Micky pouts, crossing his arms.*
Emma: (Grins wickedly at Mike) I don't think Mike was that bad in drag, at least in Peter's dream.
Mike: How would you feel if your best friend tried to marry you?
Peter: (As the group starts down the boardwalk again) You were already married!
Emma: (Grins and grabs Mike's sunglasses) Hey, Lauren, let's play "Texan Monkee In the Middle!"
Lauren: *Chuckles* Sure!
Mike: HEY! EMMA! (Tries to grab them as the sail through the air, but they miss Lauren and end up in Micky's arms...which begins the next romp, to the tune of "The Door Into Summer.")
Emma: (They finally regroup, panting and sweaty but happy, in front of a narrow-but-long building. A huge turquoise, white, and red sign with "Gateway 26" in old-fashioned lettering wraps around the building, including the Koher Brothers stand and small snack stand on one side. Several cranes stand outside the dark sliding doors. Another pier with concessions and rides is across from it.) Well, gang, this is Gateway, the finest arcade on the Wildwood Islands. :D Lauren: Micky, would you let me try to win you something? Emma: Don't worry, there's plenty of cranes for everyone! Micky: But, babe, I want to win you something! *Lauren rolls her eyes.* Mike: I don't trust those cranes. No one can win anything out of those! Lauren: Yes, you can. I've won several things from crane machines. Emma: As have I. (Walks into the arcade. The room is long and narrow. The center is filled with slot games, wheel games, and video poker and blackjack. The sides are lined with cranes and a long counter and shelves filled with all kinds of toys, books, electronics, and small prizes.) *Micky's jaw drops.* Emma: There's more. (Points to another room separated by several coin machines and a ticket booth) There's most of the video games and the photo booths. The pinball games, more cranes, and the skee ball games are in the room in the back. Micky: *sings* Heaven, I'm in Heaven... Peter: (Jaw also drops - Mike puts it back up) Wow! Look at all this! (Runs to a crane filled with little Sponge-Bobs, Patrick Stars, and pineapples) Hey, look, here's more of my sponge friend! Emma: (Goes to the crane next to Peter, which is filled with little pastel-colored bears with hearts, flowers, and clouds on their stomachs) I want another Care Bear! My Cheer Bear is lonely. Mike: Man, this place is somethin' else! (Wanders into the next room) Davy: (Notices several girls behind the counter) Yeah... Micky: It's all so wonderful! I can't decide where to start! Emma: I'm going to play the pinball machines in the back. That's where the skee-ball is, too. (Walks off. Mike walks up to the other side of the room, where there's a raised area filled with video poker and blackjack games.) (Davy wanders around, looking for girls. The place is mostly empty, as it's not that late in the day.) Peter: I want to try the slot machines! You guys wouldn't let me in Las Vegas! (Goes to the nearest machine and plunks in a quarter) *Micky begins to wander around, looking at the crane machines. Lauren follows, a curious look crossing her face.* (Peter's machine suddenly makes a dinging noise and gold and silver plastic tokens start to pour out by the dozens.) Peter: (Wails) Miiiiiiccchhhhaeellll, I think I broke the bank! Lauren: *Stops to gawk* Peter! (Cut to brief scene from "Monkees on the Wheel" of guys breaking piggy bank) *Micky stops at a crane and drops a quarter in.* Peter: (Grabs a big plastic cup on the machine and scoops tokens in) I guess "Magic Fingers" are contageous! Lauren: Good job, Pete! *Applauds, then looks around* Okay, where did Micky disappear to? Peter: (Points at Micky) He's trying to get one of those cute pink-and-blue bears with the hearts and flowers on their tummies! Lauren: Hmmm... *goes to another of the cranes and tries her luck* Peter: (Goes to the Sponge-Bob crane but comes up empty) Oh! I guess I don't have "Magic Fingers" after all! Lauren: *Cheers* I got one! *Turns away from the machine, holding a light brown bear with curly fur* *Micky's moved onto a different machine, still empty-handed.* Mike: (Comes back) Man, Mick, how did you get as far as you did on "Ms. Pac Man?" I played the one here and couldn't get past the first round! Those damn ghosts were everywhere! Micky: *Concentrating with his tongue sticking out* Tell you later, Mike... Emma: (Comes back with a handful of strips of pink tickets) I rock at skee ball. I've only been playing it since I could pick up the balls. How's everyone doing here? Peter: I broke the bank! I didn't mean to, it just happened! (Thrusts his bucket of tokens into Mike's hands) Micky: *Cries out* I still haven't won! *Thumps his forehead on the glass casing.* Mike: Peter, this is groovy! (Points to the counters, where Davy is attempting to chat up the girls) You can win all kinds of groovy stuff! Lauren: *Walks over to Micky and taps him on the arm* Hey, Mick? *Holds out the bear as he turns* Emma: I guess the "Magic Fingers" thing IS contageous. *Micky takes the bear and hugs it to his chest.* Peter: Awwww, that's nice of you, Lauren! Mike: Hey, Mick, you got any twins livin' in Maine in a cave, eatin' honey and raisin' their young? Lauren: *Shrugs* It's just the way I am. *smiles* Emma: (Puts her arms around Lauren as they walk to the counter) And I should know! Micky: *Still hugging the bear* No I don't, Mike. Emma: Lauren's given me all kinds of great stuff! Lauren: *blushes* Aw... Emma: (As Peter plunks down his tokens and she forks over her tickets) You've got a good woman here, Mick, one of the best. Hold onto her. ;) Micky: Sometimes I think she's too good for me. *Smiles* Lauren: Aw, you're getting me all gushy here! Davy: (To the girl behind the counter, a freckled dirty blonde of medium height and weight) So, when are you free tonight, luv? Girl: (Shrugs) Sorry, shorty, you're cute and everything, but I can't look at it that way. (Dumps Peter's tokens into an electronic scale) Besides, we just met two minutes ago. Mike: (To himself) Shot out of the saddle again! Davy: (Sighs, to himself) This just is NOT my night... Micky: *Walks up next to Lauren* Face it, Davy, you'll just have to be content to be dateless for one little night. Girl: (Pulls out a pen and paper, counting everything up) Ok, all together, you have one thousand, four hundred and sixty-nine points. You can use it now or (pulls out a check-like piece of paper) save it for a later time. Peter: (Eyeing the toys behind the wall) Can we use it now? Emma: Of course! (Pats Peter on the shoulder) And you use it all, Pete. You deserve it. You made most of it. (The group inspect the items on the shelves as Peter tries to choose what to take, except for Mike, who wanders around aimlessly in the main room.) Lauren: So much to choose from! Peter: Let's see, should I take another yellow sponge doll, or those beads, or that nice platter with the birds and the Indian on it, or... Mike: (Eyes widen and runs back to the group) Peter, just take the doll! (Points to several men in suits asking the boys who give out quarters questions) I think we've been spotted! Peter: (Gasps) Yikes! (Throws the paper at the girl) I want the yellow sponge toy, please! (Girl hands him a large Sponge-Bob doll with bendable arms as the others file out of Gateway 26, pursued by the men in suits.) Davy: (As the group runs across the way to Morey's Pier, trying to lose themselves in the crowds, he spots a familar face standing forlornly at the Curly's Fries concession) Mary Louise! What are you doing here? (Points at the men in suits) Shouldn't you be with them? Mary Louise: Davy, Zeckenbush is my boss. I'm an architecture student at Columbia University in New York. He promised to cover my college tuition if I would design his new high rises and do a few favors for him. Davy: Was I one of those favors? Mary Louise: (Hangs her head) At first. (Smirks) Although you could have kept your hands off my rear when we were in the Giant Ferris Wheel. Davy: Why? It's such a nice rear! Micky: Nice, Dave. *Smirks* Mike: (Points at the men in suits, who are making their way around the crowds coming out of Morey's and Gateway 26, only to be blocked by a nasal "Watch the tram car, please!" as a bright yellow and blue tram bearing the words "Sightseer" block their way) Reminice about old times later, guys, run now! Emma: (Grins as they hurry into Morey's) I never thought I'd say this, but...saved by the tram cars! Lauren: *Chuckles* Who'da thunk it? (The men in suits' stumbling about launches us into another romp, "This Just Doesn't Seem to Be My Day." The men chase the kids over, around, across, and down every ride on the pier. They pop out in dark rides, only to be scared by the group in masks. They pursue Davy and Mary Louise, who allude them by pretending to be a kissing couple on a bench...which turns real, of course, and lasts throughout the video.) (Mike and Emma squirt them with guns from the water gun game.) (Micky and Lauren get on the Nor'Easter...and while they come off smiling and happy, the goons come off green.) (Peter gets to the top of the Giant Slide, and when the goons finally bumble their way to the top, they see another Peter already at the bottom.)