Everyone ready for a nice night's sleep?

Mike: Um...no.

Micky: Huh?

Lauren: Good grief. :P

(We open in the hotel room. Lauren watches TV, a book open on her lap. The door to the bedrooms are closed. Suddenly, there's a knock at the door.)

Mike: (Behind the door) Open up, we can't find our key, damn it!

Lauren: *Groans* I'm coming!

(Lauren barely gets out of the way when three bodies fall into the room. The tallest gets to his feet first.)

Mike: (Brushes himself off) I meant to do that.

Lauren: Guys...

Al: You said that when you tripped getting out of the elevator.

Mike: Well, I did. (Leans against the couch) Well, darlin', how was your...whoa! (Falls onto the couch)

*Micky giggles, pointing at Mike.*

Lauren: I can't believe you guys got plastered!

Mike: I ain't plastered. I don' get plastered. I just... (rolls onto the floor and lands face-first) Ow.

Emma: (She emerges from one of the bedrooms, wearing pajamas and yawning) Guys, what's going on? It's 2 in the morning, and we have to meet the other contestants for breakfast and orientation tomorrow.

Al: I never liked breakfast very much. *Goes to sit down, but misses the chair and ends up on the floor*

*Micky giggles again.*

Mike: (Gets on his elbow and looks up at his wife) Darlin', you're lookin' real pretty tonight.

Emma: Don't give me that. I can smell your breath from over here. How much did you idiots have to drink at the lounge?

Al: Six beers...each.

*Micky tries to count to six on one hand and keeps running out of fingers.*

Mike: Now, darlin', that ain't a nice thing to say... (He tries to get up) Um, I think I'm stuck...

Emma: I'm not helping you. You can stay down there for the rest of the weekend, for all I care.

Mike: Em, you're woundin' me here.

Emma: I would if they allowed shotguns in the hotel.

Lauren: And you guys had to drag Al into your drinking spree, too.

Mike: Who dragged him? That last margarita was his idea!

Al: I don't remember being dragged. If I was, my butt would be sore.

Emma: Just for that, he can help you up. And you know, I don't think getting a judge drunk will help my chances of winning.

(Al leans over to try to help Mike up...but they both end up on the floor, tangled in each other.)

Mike: Let's agree to stop meetin' like this.

*Micky giggles again.*

Al: Good idea.

Emma: This is ridiculous.

Mike: You wanna see ridiculous? You should see the size of the beer Al had around midnight.

Al: That was my favorite.

Mike: I envied you.

Lauren: This is pathetic.

Mike: I think that one waitress was givin' you the eye. (They both manage to haul each other to their feet...and land together next to Lauren on the couch again.) Have you ever noticed how really soft this couch is?

Lauren: Careful about rocking the boat, guys!

Al: This is soft! My room don't have a nice soft couch like this.

Mike: They musta given you one of the bad rooms.

Al: Broom closet.

*Micky flops into one of the chairs. He flings his legs over the back of the chair.*

Mike: You met any nice brooms yet?

Al: Nah, they were too busy sweeping each other off their feet.

*Micky giggles again.*

Mike: Not bad. (He manages to sit upright) Hey, maybe we could check out the refrigerator now!

Emma: Oh no, you don't. That stuff costs an arm and a leg!

Al: Oooh yeah, I'm starving!

Mike: Aw, come on, Em, it ain't like the Bake Off won't pay for it!

Emma: You three are drunk enough!

Al: If we were drunk, would I be able to do this? *Taps the tip of Mike's nose. Micky giggles again.*

Mike: Or this? (Touches the tip of Al's nose with his tongue)

Lauren: Eww.

Emma: Micky, what is with you? Did someone mute you?

Micky: "Mute" is such a funny word. *Giggles again.*

Lauren: Mick is beyond drunk. :P

Emma: Should I even ask what he had? Lauren, smell his breath.

Lauren: *Makes a face* No way.

Mike: I don't remember what he had! (Looks at Al) Do you remember what Mick had, Al?

Al: What DIDN'T he have?

Mike: He had...uh...stuff.

Lauren: Oh brother.

Al: Bother! It's "oh bother." You know, like Winnie The Pooh?

*Micky giggles again.*

Lauren: *Turns to Emma* This is annoying.

Emma: Can't you guys just pass out in front of the TV or something?

Mike: What, did the TV have a good time tonight, too?

Emma: I am getting a headache.

Lauren: Me too.

Al: What'd you girls have to drink?

Emma: Soda, iced tea, and water bottles we bought in one of the shops downstairs.

Mike: That's no fun! You girls should have more fun!

Emma: Some of us are here for a baking competition, not to drink themselves to death.

Lauren: And for some of us, alcohol is not the best idea.

Emma: I don't handle it well, and neither does Lauren.

Mike: Well, lah-dee-dah! (He goes over to the fridge) How do you open this thing?

Al: Lift the handle.

Mike: Oh. Ain't science somethin'? (He lifts the handle...or tries to) Darn it. It's jammed.

Al: *Joins Mike* Let me do it. *He lifts the handle, but the door still doesn't open* What the... *Jerks on the handle...and falls over.*

Mike: They glued the door shut!

Lauren: Stupid. *Turns the handle and opens the door.*

Mike: Thanks, darlin'! (He leans into the refrigerator) Wow, look at all this stuff! (Pulls out a bottle) I think this is the good stuff!

Emma: Didn't you guys have enough already?

Al: *Pulls out his own bottle* No.

Mike: (Holds out his bottle; shows it to Al) What does this one say?

Al: Eessenneg...uh...

Lauren: *Sighs* It's upside-down.

Mike: It is? (Stares at it) I didn't notice.

Al: Here. *Takes his glasses off and puts them on Mike upside-down.*

Mike: Uh, thanks. (Stares at the bottle) It's rum...I think.

*Al puts his glasses back on, still upside-down.*

Emma: (Rolls her eyes) This is crazy. I'm going to go to bed. Baby, you can join me when you can stand upright and not throw up. (She returns to her bedroom.)

Mike: (Calls to his wife) Spoilsport!

(A raspberry is distinctly heard from the bedroom.)

Lauren: I'm outta here, too. Just try to not make a shambles of the place, okay guys?

Mike: We wouldn't do that? There isn't enough room! (He's trying to open the bottle)

Micky: *As Lauren heads into her bedroom* Night, babe!

Al: You're doing it wrong, Mike. *Pulls on the bottle. When he can't get it, he sticks a foot into Mike's gut and pulls again.*

Mike: Oomph! (He pushes Al's foot away) Can't you find somewhere else to put your big feet?

Al: I'm trying to help you open the bottle!

Mike: Stick your foot against the couch or somethin'!

Al: Hold the bottle and I'll pull.

(Mike does so. Al pulls, and after several moments of grunting and growling, they manage to get the bottle open.)

Mike: Thanks, man. (Sniffs) Ahhh...good shit.

Mike: You want anythin', Mick?

*Al manages to easily open his bottle. He takes a loooooong slug from it.*

Micky: *Looks at them, upside down* How'd you guys get on the ceiling?

Mike: I dunno. It's a gift, I guess.

(Mike slugs his own bottle back, then leans into the refrigerator.)

Mike: Wonder what else there is in here?

Al: *Leans over Mike, looking in over him; points at something* What's that in the back?

Mike: It's, um... (pulls it out) candy bar. Snickers.

Al: Gimme. *Grabs the candy bar and fights to get the wrapper off.*

Mike: Hey! Mine! (He grabs it.)

Al: I saw it first! *Grabs it back.*

Mike: Jerk. (He looks back in) Here's a Mars bar. (He pulls his out and hugs it) And it's all mine. (Pulls out two more bars) Hey Mick, want Milky Way or Hershey's Milk Chocolate?

Micky: *Puts his hands up* Milky Way!

Mike: Catch! (Tosses it across the room to him)

*Despite being drunk, Micky catches the candy bar easily. He rips the wrapper open and chows down.*

Mike: This is good. No wonder the girls are always goin' crazy over chocolate. (He leans over, his Mars bar finished) We should do somethin' to celebrate good chocolate.

Al: How about a toast?

Mike: No, I mean go out or somethin'. There's gotta be somethin' open in the hotel, maybe a litter diner or a coffee shop.

Micky: Coffee! *Tries to get up, but only manages to fall out of the chair*

Mike: Let me help you up. (He tries, but just falls over Micky.) We must stop meetin' like this.

*Micky grins and kisses Mike's forehead.*

Mike: I didn't know you cared, Micky. (He pushes Micky's forehead away)

Al: Awwwe!

Mike: I ain't Lauren, Mick. Go kiss her if you wanna do some kissin'. (He shakily gets to his feet.)

*Micky just shrugs and falls over, trying to get up.*

Mike: Hey Al, do you know if there's an all-night coffee shop 'round here?

Al: Yeah, there is. Already found it. I can't operate without coffee.

Mike: Good. We'll go there. I don't feel like sleepin'. How 'bout you guys?

Micky: *Finally jumps up* Nope! Nope! Nope!

Al: Me either.

Mike: Let's go. (He turns, fumbling) Where in the heck is that door again?

Al: *Stops next to Mike, almost falling over him; points ahead of them* That way.

Mike: Right. (He heads to the door...and walks right into it) Darn. Who forgot to open the door?

Micky: *Giggles again* You did.

Mike: Oh. Yeah. (He opens the door...and then closes it on Micky and Alton)

*Micky and Al pull away simultaneously. The put their noses back as they should be.*

Micky: Ow, my nose!

Mike: (Pokes his head in) Are you boys comin', or what? ;)

Al: We're comin', we're comin'.

(Mike pops back out. The other two manage to open the door and get out of the room with little incident.)

(Cut to a coffee shop that looks pretty much like the coffee shop set from "The Monkees, the Witch, and the Demon." One bored-looking young man wipes the counter. Two other men sit in the room, both of them leaning over cups of coffee and not looking much more awake.)

Mike: (Sniffs and grins) Ahh, fresh brew.

Al: Now that is a pleasant smell.

Mike: (Goes over to the counter) Three really tall coffees, my good man.

Cashier: (Shrugs) Sure. Cream, sugar?

Mike: I think you're pretty sweet too.

Cashier: Uh, no. (Looks up at the other two) How about you guys?

Micky: Dump it in.

Al: None.

Cashier: Uh, yeah. Two black coffees, one with cream and sugar. For here, or to go.

Mike: (Looks at Alton and Micky) Are we here?

Micky: *Pats himself all over* I think I'm here.

Al: *Shakes his head* I'm not here.

Cashier: Ok, for here. I don't think you guys could go anywhere else.

Mike: I could go to Tahiti if I really wanted to.

Al: Hawaii was nice...

Micky: Where IS 'anywhere else?'

Cashier: How about that table right over there? (Points to the table near the door, the furthest from him.)

Mike: Yeah. That table's pretty.

Micky: Last one there's a rotten egg!

*Micky and Al nearly stumble over each other trying to get to the table.*

(Mike rolls his eyes. He walks over to the table and sits down with dignity...at least until he misses the booths all together. He finally slides in, still holding his head up high...and his rear end.)

Mike: Ow. That floor is really hard.

*Micky and Al hit the table at the same time...literally. Micky slams into the seat, while Al rams into the table itself.*

Mike: Nice, guys. Graceful. (Shakes his head and calls the cashier) Hey mister, I think this table's alive! It tried to eat my friends!

Cashier: Sober up, why don't you, buddy?

Mike: Same to 'ya! (Mutters) Kids. Don't know a carnivorous table when they see 'em...

*Micky slides into the booth first, then Al, who's still holding his side where he hit the table.*

Mike: You ok, Al? Did anything come off?

Al: Gonna have a nice bruise there, but I'll survive.

Micky: *Sings* I will survive...

(Mike sings along with Micky.)

*Al shrugs and joins in singing as well.*

(The cashier comes up to them with their drinks.)

Cashier: Here you go, guys. (Mutters as he leaves; they're still singing) Weirdos.

Big Man at Counter: (Growls) Hey, could you jerks keep it down? I'm tryin' to have a drink here!

Mike: (Shakes his head) Nahh.

Micky: Don't wanna!

Big Man at Counter: I'm warnin' ya guys, if you don't be quiet, I'll make ya!

Al: I'm shaking. You guys shaking?

Mike: Yeah, I'm shakin'. (Stands up to show that he isn't.)

Micky: Me, too!

Big Man at Counter: (The other guy joins him) These guys are drunker than skunks. I think we could take 'em on.

Al: *Gets up, with Micky behind* I'd like to see you try!

Big Man at the Counter: You asked for it, pal. (He hits Al right across the room)

Mike: That does it. (He hits the big man over the counter!)

Cashier: (Eyes widen; he grabs the phone by the desk) Hello, night security? I'd like to report a fight...

Micky: *Clocks the Big Man's buddy in the gut* That wasn't very nice of your friend!

*Al is pulling himself up from where he landed in one of the booths.*

Big Man #2: You guys hit like girls! (He grabs Micky and throws him over the counter and into the rack of bagels)

Mike: Hey, pal! Come here! (He knees him in the sensitive parts; the second big guy doubles over)

Micky: *Pops up from over the counter and shoves a bagel into the man's mouth* You look hungry!

(The man is distracted enough that Mike and Al are able to throw him into one of the tables.)

Mike: (Dusts his hands off) Guess we showed them.

Al: Not bad.

Mike: I'm impressed, men.

(A group of men in police uniforms hurry in as the two big men get to their feet. The cashier runs over to them.)

Cashier: Those are the guys who started the brawl! They're drunk as skunks! They attacked two of the customers and made a mess of this place!

Mike: (Eyes widen; they're very sober now) Shit.

Micky: They started it! *Points* He hit Al first!

Cashier: You guys were being annoying jerks!

Mike: No we weren't!

Al: Not on purpose...

Security Guard #1: Ok. Why don't we take you guys to the office, and we'll get things settled there?

Mike: But... (They lead all five men out of the coffee shop. We fade out as the cashier starts to right his bagel counter, shaking his head)